[Week 4] 11. lyricalpriest(0-0) vs 12. MC4Sight(0-0) vs 13. Muti(0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Sep 13, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,203
    [​IMG]

    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    NASTY- LyRiKaLxLoRd
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    test
  3. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    like dude on 8 mile kinda said.. "Ima go first bitch!"

    good luck too my opponents heres a lil story about when i died and went to hell i was dead for 20 minutes these are a brief account of what happened

    ------------20 MINUTES IN HELL FEELS LIKE AN ETERNITY-----------------

    [​IMG]

    I been banging and slangin, claimin, and hangin, dangerous mayhem all-uh-my life//
    sold crack to parents, turned kids to crack,i sowed all of-them strife, shoulda been murked, im the reason
    for the social break down in my neighborhood, bc of all the work//
    i put the strap in teenagers hands told em to put in work.. showed em how to slap
    they bitches, put em on the track, and mack they bitches.. just to stack they riches//
    vicious life style in the tac there isnt, anything else but to sell crack and pimp shit//
    thats the mentality im givin, these children suffocating them of any future in business//

    *huh*

    i hit the block pocket full of rocks hand on my glock, duckin cops, lookin for a joog to get got//
    spotted a fiend from round tha way, whistled him back down to say, i got that double up if u down to pay//
    he pulled his knife out started stabbing me grabbing me began to straddle me, before i could reach for my
    piece i became a casualty//

    everything got dark,i could see a spark of light and a voice tellin me-to-depart,
    thats when i felt a flutter in my heart, i wanted to plead my case but didnt know where to start, at that moment
    my life flashed before my eyes, its like i could remember the good times but what was more vivid, was the negative,
    its like i could remember all the lies i spoke, and all the blunts i smoked, and all the sluts i choked, and all the laws i broke.//

    it felt as if those inequities vengfully began formin themselves around me u couldnt measure these shackles, a tough life too tackle, then
    all i could see was an apple, it had two bites from it, it smelt like an asshole//

    i heard a voice of a serpant sayin, "its not worth the praying" At the time i didnt know exactly what it was conveying//
    it began tellin me, "you where one of my best generals, an ill-indivdual, u gave me so many souls, and u didnt even know"//
    at that moment it felt as if my soul froze, i could hear the voices of passed friends but couldnt see 'em,
    sounded as if they were right beside me but i couldnt reach em, they were all screaming, pleading for a moment with out pain,
    i couldnt reason, what was going on in this dream, i wasnt dreaming..its like growing without change..//
    could it be, i had this thought forming inside of me mentally but refused to believe,
    then the serpants voice spoke:"how predictable of u, im despicable of u, even when u where on earth doing all my biddings u still wouldnt see the truth..
    u sold kids to slavery puttin rocks in there pockets glocks in their hands, now theyre my children of the damned..
    u even made their parents turn away from them without a helping hand and no plans its no wonder they became my victims to
    devour"
    , i felt as if i been here for hours, so i replied,"where am i?" the serpant whispered in my ear "why? ur in my lair,
    the lair of the worm, u'll be here for the rest of eternity, certainly, u heard of me right?"
    then i felt as if i got burned to the 3rd degree,
    i could see spiders with human faces begining to circle me,
    i could sense their hatred towards me, and it was hurting me, i became thirsty, but their wasnt even a squirt for me//
    i could hear them cursing me, assuring me, i should take this personally,
    i passed out from the excrushiating terror, and awoke in the emergency...

    *we got a pulse, we got a pulse, dr. we got a pulse*

    *he's coming too, dr. can i get a shot of morphine stat*

    my eyes began to open blinded by the bright lights, nurse tellin me, "u sure put up one helluva fight, u been deceased for twenty minutes,
    u need too take it easy..//
    your lucky to be alive sir believe me.. ur all over the t.v.//
    some talk about a crack head attacking a member of the h.t.c., u dont look like a gang member, ur a handsome young man, u should be
    in school achieving a degree instead of wasting ur life in the streets, god has a plan for you young man, god has a huge plan, do u believe
    in god? ah well that isnt my business, what is important is u take it easy close your eyes, im going to give u a shot of morphine
    for the pain, we are going to keep you on a resperator for a while until your strong again..



    i realized i went to hell, i realized god spared me, i realized i have a purpose... save the streets..teach the youth.. build up our society..
    ..thats all that matters..

    (based on true events)


    [​IMG]
    test
  4. MC4SiGHT

    MC4SiGHT JOE COMMiSSO

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,838
    check i'll be posting tonight.
    test
  5. Muti

    Muti I just write

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2002
    Messages:
    756
    How I Love

    Sharp arrows busting beautiful red hearts.
    My love could never be measuerd on a pie chart.
    Angelic wings float around the throne of my passion..
    Even with in the heavenly skies my dearest would be everlasting.
    I'm one call away with positive thoughts for your memory banks.
    There's no need to repay me, unless with a simple thanks.
    Warmth from my sweet kisses, a soft sensual feeling.
    Not to mention no prevention with in our sexual healing.
    I love beyond the puffy clouds where the sun rays pass through.
    The love that's to the end of time, when a marriage is true.
    Birds chirp, blessing us with the ballards of song.
    As our trails of honey, we continue walking along.
    Holding hands even when our age is beyond the newleywed stage.
    no longer steering you free, like birds from a cage.
    our connection is deep, penetrating the soul
    even if we decide to let go we can't its beyond our control.
    We pray for continuous grace, to keep smiles on our face
    Where my love for you is impossible to replace.
    Some may think of Cupid, a valetine's reference.
    I just think of true love, love with a Godly presence.
    and thats where i begin, the truth beyond men.
    one who beared all and died for our sin.
    He only spoke of kindness, stress the importance of living right.
    But we as people could not see the love right before out sight.
    People say I have a big heart, and theres not a doubt in that.
    when I give my all to someone, trust in all the facts.
    so you ask how I love? as i look above to the sky.
    I love like God who sent his own son for us to die.

    Death Of Jesus
    test
  6. MC4SiGHT

    MC4SiGHT JOE COMMiSSO

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,838
    Nobody's Perfect.

    [​IMG]

    She's in another world.
    she's in another land.
    talking to.....
    nobody. Nobody at all....”

    and there she was sitting on the park bench, heart wrenched.
    and where she was a fitting target, she played the part meant.
    it was her special department, her social compartment.
    hidden halfway between her apartment & an alien starship.
    Once upon a time starts it. Bossy toddler throwing her juice.
    Become the teenage mom preparing for terrible two's.
    that was back in 92. before he was torn from womb.
    Smiling on her face, you could the taste the doom.
    SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
    WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!
    not a fucking clue.....
    shoo-in for minimum wage, free government cake.
    too lazy to to take the time of day herself & bake.
    the take..take..take...approach..never...giveback.
    be happy with the big mac, take ya ass back.
    to ya room, Now she twenty-two whoopin ass....
    quick to grab paddles just a little bit too fast.
    She's whispering to herself again.
    telling herself again.... “she love's herself again.
    too bad herself is a friendless manic bent.
    a mind indented – but doesn't seem to mind it.
    YET,

    She's in another world.
    she's in another land.
    talking to.....
    nobody. Nobody at all....”

    and there she wallowed on the park bench.
    a hollow shell – nobody knows where her heart went?
    Or where she parked it. Parked on that park bench.
    Just another victim of hardship.
    just another victim of "failure to work your hardest!"
    ___life's a bitch, this one just didn't die....
    YET,
    she's sitting on a park bench....
    inside an insane asylum....
    -
    ---
    -
    & when she stabbed his heart with the fork,
    she screamed to the ceiling.....
    god loves ugly. god loves ugly.
    GOD LOVES UGLY.
    whispering
    she said:
    i know he loves me.”

    She's in another world.
    she's in another land.
    talking to.....
    nobody. Nobody at all....”
    test
  7. ShogunCrosse

    ShogunCrosse The Fuckin' Good Guy...

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2010
    Messages:
    765
    Lyricalpriest: You had some good multis and great structure, but the rhymes felt rushed...The storylines direction was good...I liked the ending...You came back from death, but more importantly from hell

    Muti: Very short, especially for the topic..I began thinkin it was all about how you love, then was confused to see "death of jesus" at the end as if it was a sub-topic...You did have some great vocab, but could have better structured it with your rhyme placement. I thought I was reading a love-card from hallmark...but in that aspect, it was alright...

    Mc4sight: I could tell you've done this before. You had a great rhyme scheme. I loved the structure, even right down to which words you chose to put in bold, italics, and which ones you underlined. It gave it a stronger presence due to that editing. It had nice vocab, and the story was beautifully told based off the pic used; with a mix of technical, emotional, and a bit of poetic touch of imagery.

    Vote: MC4SIGHT...I gotta give this to the one who seems like a storytellin' veteran
    test
  8. Scrolls-Oracle of Omen

    Scrolls-Oracle of Omen *DBS*--*A.B.C*

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2001
    Messages:
    13,721
    Lp...u got skills man. Take Ur time though...spend more time on Ur complete verse. Story was aight...lyrics were great. To me Jus seemed story was kinda all over the place. But take Ur time bro..forreal.

    Muti...story was decent, love Ur layout though...flow was good but wording coulda been better. Overall man it wasn't bad for Ur first week back...shake that dust off. Lol.

    4sight...nice man. Feeling this a lot bro. Flow was good, story itself was nasty. I'm liking the ending a lot man. Good shit. Can't wait to read u next week.

    Vote...mc4sight
    Posted via Mobile Device
    test
  9. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    ok wow 2 verses, here goes..

    LP- this was pretty good, it had a real freestyle feel to it, mainly cause the line length, made it not flow so smooth, so whilst reading I had this off the top freestyle feel. For a topical battle - umm not quite right. I found it hard to follow tbh. I guess your formatting needs to be re-worked. I'd say in such a way the reader can instantly grasp the flow you intended it to be read to. as far as writing ability, it was pretty damn good, its apparent that you got the ideas of multies. I just think they could've been placed better maybe. So that took away from it a little. but it wasn't bad by any means. I just think you need a little practice. good work though.

    Muti- This was good!, It had a real poetry inspiration to it I felt. which I thought was great . your use of wording was real nice. I liked the Pie chart line, made me smirk. a Tad simple on the mechanics side of things. which I think, with your wording and vocab, would really add that finished polish to your verses. you told a good story with this verse, nice short lines which could flow well, all you needed was a few patterns and combos of words placed right to add to the complexity. good verse though. well done.

    MC4SiGHT - excellent verse here. I really enjoyed reading this from start to finish. your little hook worked awesome too. it really gave a shine to this already good verse. icing on the cake. I think you wrote a great story, giving that real genuine feel for the girl like, ahh man life is fucked up sometime. You really captured that essence with your verse. which really nailed it for you this round. subtle but very crucial part to writing. very nice verse this week bro.


    Vote - MC4SiGHT
    test
  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    LP - This was a good story imo. I thought it was well developed. You have a lot of potential as a story writer, you just need to hone some things. I liked the rhyming but felt like the '//' at the end of your lines took away from your rhyme scheme here even though the internal rhyming was solid. The flow was good. For being new to the league and being a battle head, this was a good piece and i think that with a more experience in the topical league, you will find that your other writing will improve as well. Nice verse kid....P.S Social Studies by Bizzy Bone really brought this verse to life for me

    Fave line -
    "my life flashed before my eyes, its like i could remember the good times but what was more vivid, was the negative,
    its like i could remember all the lies i spoke, and all the blunts i smoked, and all the sluts i choked, and all the laws i broke.//


    Multi - I enjoyed this. It really had a poetic vibe to it. I can see we really have a good array of poetic heads in this league and i love it! Now, your verse had a nice good flow with good rhymes and nice emotion. You do what i do when it comes to lack of depth but i still enjoyed this. Next, i think you should add more imagery to this. With poetic verses, imagery is everything and you had a good start to it. Nicely done friend. See Me Shine by Bone Thugs brought this to life for me..

    Fave line -
    "Some may think of Cupid, a valetine's reference.
    I just think of true love, love with a Godly presence.
    and thats where i begin, the truth beyond men.
    one who beared all and died for our sin."

    MC4Sight - Impressive verse here. I enjoyed the story in this. Very in depth and had a lot of excellent rhyming. Everything flowed nicely and i could really tell that you have been doing this for a while now. Everything was well told and the story was easy to follow. It is good to see something from you because i have heard you were good. now i have proof. "Mama's just a lil girl" by tupac inspired this for me

    Fave line -
    "Once upon a time starts it. Bossy toddler throwing her juice.
    Become the teenage mom preparing for terrible two's.
    that was back in 92. before he was torn from womb.
    Smiling on her face, you could the taste the doom."

    Overall a very interesting matchup. All three writers have different styles. Now i believe that LP has the most potential for growth out of the three. I think MC4Sight wrote the best verse here for reason stated above. Keep improving guys!!

    V/ MC4Sight
    test
  11. Muti

    Muti I just write

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2002
    Messages:
    756
    test
  12. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,203
    priest - i know you're pretty new at this. jus by this first verse i can tell you have some real talent. theres just a few things you need to work on mechanically. first off, the story was pretty sick. i liked the direction. it was a fresh concept. the story was well developed. had the moral at the ending. dont change a thing from your story telling aspect. the only problem i have is the way you structured it. some lines were insanely long and that made it confusing. sometimes you can say more by saying less, know what im saying? try to shorten your lines up for future verses. but other than that dont change shit lol. it takes practice, so stick with it homie. nice drop

    Muti - good direction. i liked the way you used the topic. wasnt the traditional way most writers would approach that. i agree with everyone who said you have a very poetic vibe to your verses. i want to say you've been in the league before but i cant remember for sure. i thought your rhymes were pretty simple though. maybe something for you to work on in the future, but other than that this was a cool verse. keep it up

    4sight - glad to see youre back in the league man. when i saw you signed in i was like oh shit, we're rolling now. this story was dope as fuck. you had a lot of emotion and intensity in this. the rhymes were sick, and the repetition of the "shes in another world/another land..." really helped push the point across. overall this was a sick fuckin verse

    vote- 4Sight. you all did your thing, you just ran into a savage this week lol
    test
  13. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    Ahh three different schools of kung fu...


    Lp - Honestly the vocab had me rolling my eyes a bit at first like , here we go, but as the story went on I was like ok ok, then into the final stretch, yeah!

    You knew where you were going and although it wasn't my choice of vehicle the ride was just a bit bumpy but I enjoyed the trip and the destination was Disney Land.

    I am uplifted by such and ending. Lol.. now whether the character was deserving, it's not for me to judge eh.


    Muti - I am a student of economy in words in movement. I grow towards the light too. I just felt good reading some of your lines.

    For a topical it was from the heart and had truth. You could have have really shown us more rooms though and let us inside even deeper.

    Topicals usually have difficulty being interperted and understood.

    Maybe you could have shown how you love giving us visuals of, the love you display towards family, towards your chosen craft, too what makes you feel alive etc.. welcome back!

    Mc - Format dope. Also you hit on some tough social points that need to be examined and pose questions for readers to chew on even after they are done eating the meal you prepared.

    Storywise strong enough skeleton to hold it all up. I'm not really a fan of choruses but they were placed well. Vocab was smart and you comment.

    Man she stuck a fork in him and said he loves me. That's dirty.


    Vote - MC

    LP 2nd and Muti close 3rd
    test
  14. Murderous Keys

    Murderous Keys All's well that ends

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2010
    Messages:
    3,450
    LP - Your Vocab Was Simple, Maybe To Simple..If You Could Integrate Vocab and Mayde a Different Ste up Style You could be one of The Elite Here. You Have Nice Multi's and Decent Flow and Good Story Tellin'. Again i Only Suggest You Sharpen Up On Your Vocab and Structore of Your verses. But i Enjoyed Your Story, Well Done.

    (Fave Lines)
    i heard a voice of a serpant sayin, "its not worth the praying" At the time i didnt know exactly what it was conveying//
    it began tellin me, "you where one of my best generals, an ill-indivdual, u gave me so many souls, and u didnt even know"//
    at that moment it felt as if my soul froze, i could hear the voices of passed friends but couldnt see 'em,
    sounded as if they were right beside me but i couldnt reach em, they were all screaming, pleading for a moment with out pain,
    i couldnt reason, what was going on in this dream, i wasnt dreaming..its like growing without change..//
    could it be, i had this thought forming inside of me mentally but refused to believe,

    Good Flow, Multis, Imagry To The Story, Again Well Done.


    Multi - I Enoyed The Way you Told This Story With A Poetic Feel To It, It Had A Good Flow and Well Use Of Multi's and I Felt The Emotion Come Through, I Just Felt It Might Of Been Too Simple, Yes It Had The Emotion Just The Emotion Didn't Run Deep. You Have A Great Structure and Voice In Your Verses I Can See You Goin' Deep As A Contender If You Just Get More In Depth With Your Stories. This Had A Lot Of Potential To be A Great Verse.

    (Fav Lines)
    our connection is deep, penetrating the soul
    even if we decide to let go we can't its beyond our control.
    We pray for continuous grace, to keep smiles on our face
    Where my love for you is impossible to replace.
    Some may think of Cupid, a valetine's reference.
    I just think of true love, love with a Godly presence.

    Very Nice Flow, Simple Multis, Emotion..Just Had The Feel Of A Grade School Poem At Times. But None The Less Good Verse.

    4Sight- Excellent Verse, It Had That "Pro" Feeling To It, Like You've Been Waiting Short Stories For Decades. It Had All The Right Elements For A Great Verse. Flow Was Nice, Vocab Was There, Story Was on Track, Imagry Was Consistant, A lot Of creativity. Awesome Job. I Loved how You Stuctured Your Verse Together, Added The Hook. Nice Job Bro. Good To See You Back.

    I Enjoyed each One Of Your Guys's Verses, Thanks For The Good Reads

    Vote - 4Sight (1st)
    LP (2nd)
    Multi (3rd)

    Close Between 2nd and 3rd. Multi's Was Just Little To Short and Simple At Times, But Good Job Guys, Thanks
    test
  15. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,203
    4Sight wins 7-0. 3-0 after vote deductions
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)