[Week 39] [Champ] C. IAmBent(7-2) vs 2. ShadowWarriorfs(25-12)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, May 23, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
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    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
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    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

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    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    test
  3. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Topic: “Distant Lovers”
    The Truth about the Nephalem

    All she ever wanted was to be loved and cherished
    By prince charming, a man who wouldn’t just hug then perish
    Past relationships have shown her that she was their curses
    Physically insulted, confidence believed that she deserved this
    Yet I saw the beauty, she was breath taking behind her walls
    Which she built for protection hoping no one could see her flaws
    I noticed the perfection as she harped on the pain and depression
    So day after day I watched from the shadows, feeding my obsession
    Waiting for the moment to show her how amazing I thought she was
    I wondered how she would react, I hoped she wouldn’t cause a buzz?

    It was November 17th, her birthday, she sat alone at Panera Bread
    I walked in slowly, ordered my food, confidence hanging by a thread
    She hadn’t noticed me as she slowly sipped her soup in peace
    I finally sat down at her table hoping my nervousness would cease
    She looked up and I froze, her blue eyes felt like knives in my chest
    I struggled to say hi but she abruptly left like she was tired of a test
    “Wait!” I yelled as she stopped and turned. “I think you are beautiful.”
    She was puzzled; mouth stuttering like she was on mute before
    I explained to her what I had observed while she began to smile
    But she wasn’t completely convinced, old habits kept her in denial
    Slowly she started to see what I saw, shedding her insecurities
    Cleansed with a new life, basking in her God given purities
    As the weeks progressed, she began to fall for my charm
    She felt safe within my arms, knowing I would never cause her harm
    Years later, we decided it was time to take things more serious
    But something was wrong; I had become lightheaded, delirious
    She could feel the distress as I assured her that I was fine
    I couldn’t tell her the truth, my mind would be gone in due time
    Unsure about it’s accuracy but I knew I wouldn’t last long
    She continued to smile despite not knowing when I’d be gone

    One day she knocked at my door, there was no answer
    Fear began to set in, immediately she thought of cancer
    She knew I was keeping a secret so she began to panic
    Kicking and scratching at the door becoming frantic
    She eventually turned the knob, unlocked, she sprints inside
    Searching my rooms investigating where any hints derived
    While cloaked I watched in tears, she slowed in respiration
    “Where are you?!?!” she screamed in desperation
    But I had already returned to my heavenly palace seat
    She began to question whether my intentions lied on fallacy
    But she started to remember when we last kissed
    Locked within ecstasy, knowing nothing else exists
    So she slouched against the wall, notes in hand
    Waiting for my return, tear coats in shame

    [​IMG]


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  5. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    gonna need ext please..??. work is killer
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  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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  7. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

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    "... he must have courage..."

    Topic: "Father's Day"

    [​IMG]
    August 8. Childhood.

    The dark night's bright flames hid my cursed face,
    Crimson-awash, witnessed the loss of my birthplace,
    Rubble and ashes, father's corpse gutted with gashes,
    My sisters and I, chained to a train, smuggled with lashes,
    Only tears streak cheeks,... each a trail in the darkness
    Of the soot round lips,.... bleating wails on his carcass,
    Uncouth Jin troops assail us with hardships,... their harshness
    Redoubled when I struggled, flailed but regardless,
    A young girl's strength is a vapor to trained men..
    But as I flew from a wild crow to a "tamed" hen,
    I remained bent on the vengeance poured for me
    Like the warm green tea I sip slowly every morning...

    August 8. Marriage to H. Shizhong

    My years as courtesan were discordant sands,
    In an enormous glass pouring faster than water thru porous hands,
    I stand with a chorus, sang as the surest Huang,
    Bright as flames! The night remains idyllic in my thoughts,
    For my songs strung the harp in the heart of Shizhong,
    A Song warrior with rich dreams and high carriage
    He proposed, we were betrothed, hopes of a bright marriage
    Almost dashed by the dragon wrath of my procuress
    Whose abuse was stamped on my past like the documents
    Marking me as property, but his love offered me
    A chance at freedom to dance at his drum's softer beat..
    Often he would talk to me, my poetry seemed medical,
    Spiritual, prophetical, inspired him to be a general!
    He reveled in the glory and I bubbled in the hum
    Of his kettle-pulsing story like the rumble of the drum..

    August 8. The Fall Of J. Wuzhu

    As the sun set over the lake, shadows over his face
    Deepened as he pondered over his fate, sober in state,
    We contemplate of any hope for escape... I know we're too late,
    to hope for the aid of Song forces, we need more strong horses,
    Or Jin's men will easily crush our wronged corpses

    With this dismay, I listened, played the drum to calm him down
    Then, in this way, I sit and say such words I thought profound:
    .."for a man to fight... he must have courage.."
    I told him of my past and the vengeance this would furnish
    And how the only hope in my heart was to, before death,
    Witness the Jin become crushed! 'Twas a sore debt
    I was owed, So I told him, and I hammered my drum..
    Which sparked him to run and yell from the pit of his lungs:
    Come at once! We will make our stand against these rats
    We discussed, and set archers up across leaved paths
    With hidden arrows ablaze, they awaited with bated breath
    As the first ship on the lake lured Jin to their death,
    The enemy, sensing weakness, plunged deep into our retreat
    But it was up to ME on Golden Peak to pound the drum beat
    Which would signal archery to launch the sudden bombardment!

    BOOM! My husband fought fierce along his first squadron
    BOOM BOOM! Suck the Jin into the deep weeds and forest
    Where the enormous trees hid the majority of our forces
    BOOM BOOM BOOM! Flaming rain, Phoenix talons!
    Slashing across faces and forcing horses unbalanced!
    Aimed at the ships too, which lit up like the small village
    Of thatched roofs my family called home until pillaged....
    I Beat the DRUM for every drop of blood my father bled
    And the sound pounded fear down till the Jin robbers fled!
    Outnumbered two to one but with this drum we rang on through..

    All this.. acccording to the legend of Liang Hongyu..
    test
  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    shad- Nice opening few bars...really set the piece in a good direction:

    All she ever wanted was to be loved and cherished
    By prince charming, a man who would’t just hug then perish
    Past relationships have shown her that she was their curses


    Learned a lot of her there. Especially the last line, that told me how this might end....but I was shocked because you didn't add any suspenseful twist or shocks. The verse kinda just flickered out and it was done. In thist sense, I thought it was rushed and the story line ....well it ran out of line.

    The man sees her. They fall in love. But true to hear cruse the man is gone. She is crushed. The end. lOL

    Rhymes read well, story did too. Good pacing but I think you feel short and forgot to add the meat and potatoes to an otherwise brothy soup.

    Bent- When I don't understand the time or place or even he tback drop of a story I tend to be a little confused. I was lost as to the proper context of this story...but ignoring that I thought it had a lot of heart.

    What really treated this read was toward the end when she was banging her drum along side the fighting ...that was a great picture man. Good job.

    That said, the last stanza was hot the frist two were kinda filler and boring to the overall story ...for me at least. But on the second read I got it.

    Good verse


    For more completeness

    V. Bent
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  9. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Shadow- the Nephalem part is lost on me. not sure what that is about. but, that aside, i both liked and disliked this. i was a bit confused. for some reason my initial reaction was that the male was supposed to be an angel of some kind who was watching over her and wanted to help her gain confidence in herself. the cancer line through me. i thought his death was kind of abrupt and could have been more developed. aside from that i really enjoyed the idea of this story. the part in the resturant gave me a very vivid image. well written from a mechanic stand point. good job.

    Bent- what i love about your verses is you always have the most creative ideas going off the topics. when i looked at the topics this week, i saw that pic and immediately skipped over it, knowing that i wouldnt be able to come up with something using that. and something to go along with your creativity is your rhyme schemes. one of the top i've seen in this league. two things i always enjoy when reading your verses. that being said, this week, i really couldnt get into this verse. i kept having to start over cuz my interest kept drifting. not that it wasnt well written, it just wasnt my cup of tea, i guess.

    vote- while i thought his verse had flaws, shadow's kept my interest, so he gets my vote.
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  10. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    shadow- i had mixed feelings about this one... on the first read, i wasn't really feeling it too much.. just couldn't get into it. on the second read, i thought it was great. now after a third read, i'm feeling a bit of both.. my question is, why couldn't he tell her what was going on? haha.. it read well, some rhymes were great, some weren't as much..

    Bent- props on adding in history to your verse. i got that it was snapshots of a girls life, but i was a little confused at first when the second stanza began, but i got what was happening pretty soon after. the last stanza really put together the first two for me.. first back a feel for the womans background and history with the Jin, second gave a background of her history with her husband..

    for me, this one would have to go to Bent.. both were great, but his verse was just more creative, and the way he laid out the story was pretty clever..

    v- Bent
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  11. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    Shadow, You had a very good poetic verse this week. Definitely a step up from other weeks Shadow. People are saying they have mixed feelings about this one, but I absolutely love this one. Great job. Good mechanics, goods imagery, and good story.

    Bent, I don't know what Coup was talking about you tell us what the story is about when you say "Liang Hongyu". So there is a backdrop. And I think you build a nice story and give great imagery. I love this one.


    Tough choice but I vote for Bent

    And if Bent's verse counts as not being late then my vote counts....I can't sit around and wait for someone to post mid-day Sunday and run to my computer and vote. So keep that in mind Mods!
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  12. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    Shaddowwarriorfs: You actually did BETTER this week then week's before, your story had better plot placement, better rhyme delivery, and better creativity. you left some un-open end's tho left me wondering. like, was the lady dead? or what exactly happened to ol'boy.. lot of unclosed gaps to this story.. but the emotion was there. good art..

    IamBent: Jesus fucking shit balls!!! how do u do that? this story REALLT struck my interest since i have done lot's of studies on Asian History, asian culture is by far the most intriguing complex and prolific of all cultures to me.. personally. as for structure and plot and rhyme.. impeccable... I thoroughly LOVED this story..

    I was rooting for shad this week im not gonna lie.

    but IAMBENT ROBBED THIS WEEKS MATCH with a superior story


    VOW so far

    vote iambent
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  13. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    Bent 4 - shadow 1
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  14. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

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    A young girl's strength is a vapor to trained men..
    But as I flew from a wild crow to a "tamed" hen,
    I remained bent on the vengeance poured for me
    Like the warm green tea I sip slowly every morning...


    Wordplay, metaphors, foreshadowing, character profile, imagery.. potent lines man, that's how you do.

    Alright... Shadow, so understated with your delivery, smooth operator.

    She hadn’t noticed me as she slowly sipped her soup in peace
    I finally sat down at her table hoping my nervousness would cease


    I'm not sure who Neph is or how it pertains to the story, I surmise its some angel type that came to earth to love a woman for a time but ultimately had to return.

    There really isn't anything weak in your verse, except for lack of details to make that final ending pop. The writing is fluid and the details are strong. Nailed the picture with the verse you wrote.

    VOTE - Bent. Everything Shadow did but more.

    Okay, especially after reading Bent's verse you can see the difference. Bent's story builds... it grows.. it crescendos and explodes!! that's a rare treat, to be carried along on a ride and become part of the action.

    that was the difference.

    Both know their way around crafting a story, they just have different technique and styles.

    Edge goes to bent for story development, successfully executing a verse with higher degree of difficulty how he dramatically flipped that picture.

    Shadow put in good work too and his verse had merits.
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  15. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Bent wins 5-1. 5-0 after deductions
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