[Week 36] C. Memento(5-0) vs 2. Got Life? (3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Dec 6, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest



    WEEK 36



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    38,468
    booooshaaaaa

    votes here
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  3. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    thanks schnukums.
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  4. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    This is an ode to the irony you'd find in your dreams,
    A notion of lives we lead as we try to succeed,
    The ocean, the rising peaks crash as soon as we see,
    The pain inherent in the truth of the scene...

    ...I was never really rich, but content with my gifts,
    A smile on my face, if you mentioned my kid,
    Syd, short for Sydney, my favorite city,
    Simply put, reading kiddie books to her was a sacred gimme,
    She, loved the water, we would fish, and we'd swim,
    I'd give her kisses for every single fish she reeled in,
    But man, if you saw her submerged in the water,
    You'd witness gold flow when the currents were harsher,
    I remember the first time at Lake Pristine,
    We were swimming off the docks in the wakes of kings,
    She was young, still hadn't made sixteen,
    But immortality was apparent when she and the waves careened,
    From the distance, the faintest scream,
    Pierced like a needle through the day's mystique,
    A lonely little boy had fallen off of the dock,
    The type of little boy that needs to be watched round the clock,
    But Syd reacted, she dove with no fear,
    Swam there as fast as her soul could go bear,
    Tears down his eyes, water down his pipe,
    He choked out a thank you and went on about his life,
    It was then that I knew my support was needed,
    To help her achieve the goals that she's dreamin'...

    ...I sold my car, downgraded a bit,
    Sold my mom's jewelry, to pay for the trip,
    She slept on the trip down, missed out on sights,
    But she needed her rest to win this crown tonight,
    It was national try-out, Olympics, she crooned,
    A trip to Florida, for her, a trip to the moon,
    Anything to help my beauty reach what she wants,
    I'd rather be broke than see her unspeakably lost,
    We arrived at the motel, the best my money could touch,
    But with my daughter there, the scene was lovely enough,
    If you could see the smile, her gaze,
    It was like seeing a supernova, sitting but a mile away,
    The shoreline was a hop and a skip,
    She asked, "Hey Pops, wanna swim?" "No, priorities Syd!"
    "It's just a quick dip, I'll be back soon,
    Just sign in, I'll bring my phone, just tell me the room,"
    "Ok, but be careful, try-outs are only hours away,"
    "It's my life's dream dad, you don't need to pound in my brain..."

    ...And that was the last time I saw her alive,
    She hadn't eaten anything in the car for the drive,
    The twisting aches tortured her limbs,
    And the undertow came rushing so it forced her to give,
    She sank to the bottom of a prodigy's floor,
    They found her body blue, washed up on the shore,
    I wanted to die too, but I lasted a while,
    Barely surviving off the memory of that last loving smile...


    [​IMG]
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  5. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    38,468
    [​IMG]

    He carries a solid block of cement rock,
    On a silent eve; a child of God!
    Stripped from the waist up, semi-odd in his stance
    He embarks… on a spiritual walk
    A modern dance; thrusting dust across his pants
    To show his dedication to the heavenly spirit of creation
    He suffers torment as time goes on, losing coordination

    Vision blurs
    Such a crude evaluation, from which this mission was spurred
    Dripping sweat, he rests upon the rock that rips his flesh
    Looks for God in the sky, while he tries to catch his breath

    Tears roll off his face
    But moisture clings… to his skin
    He imagines the residues of sin
    Blood-soaked angel’s wings…
    Man’s soul’s mangled whims…
    The tangled limbs of a mutilated tree of life

    His destination rests in the distance of his sight,
    Hopeless to motivate him; as it confirms his plight
    All his days and his nights have been long forgotten
    But the struggles of the moment proceed to haunt him
    Experiences come together in a blending design
    Where time is at a standstill, each minute reclined
    The night breeze sends chills to his spine
    Towing Mother Nature’s line…
    As winds grow… stronger, his limbs slow
    Eyes brimmed with angst, lacking strength in his slim form
    But having this hope, and this belief to trigger, he grips more
    Time and energy
    A vibe that readily
    Strikes a steady stream of courage, so he mentally diverges…
    Mentally, his person has been physically converted
    Spiritually he’s nervous, the tips of his fingers sweat
    The grip of his trigger gets… tighter… his goal: picturesque,
    As he visualizes the accomplishment
    He can do it, he knows it; He’s supposed to go through it
    His doubts face his admonishment
    Longing this victory in self-discipline, confidence melts into him
    This child looks to the Heavens and listens in
    Hears time ticking, then… winces in pain, but ditches it
    He staggers, dragging the slag of rock with him
    With a miraculous tug of oxygen, he hoists the slate atop his head
    And marches on…

    Reaches a tiding river, where his reflection’s revealed
    He drops the block from the docks with a reckoning shrill
    The water splashes high into the air, crashing over him
    It refreshes the soul within this kid who knows his sin
    He prays to the Father, asking him to clean his slate
    It drifts to the bottom of the lake
    But he has faith
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  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    GL? - impressive showing here. I loved the development of the story and how you tied it in with the dolphins picture. The flow was great and the rhymes were nicely used. I don't really have anything that you need to improve on this week except to stop complaining about everything you faggot. You can write to anything, it's not like you're some neophyte writer who has no imagination. nicely done


    fave line -
    "She was young, still hadn't made sixteen,
    But immortality was apparent when she and the waves careened,
    From the distance, the faintest scream,
    Pierced like a needle through the day's mystique,"

    Memento - Another impressive verse. This, IMO, was the best verse i've read from you since you've been in this league. The flow was good, the rhymes were stellar and the story was nice and creative especially with the picture you chose. I was shocked at how well you utilized the picture. A nice well-written verse. Bravo

    fave line -
    "Strikes a steady stream of courage, so he mentally diverges…
    Mentally, his person has been physically converted
    Spiritually he’s nervous, the tips of his fingers sweat
    The grip of his trigger gets… tighter… his goal: picturesque,"

    Overall a superb battle to read. Both writers wrote to their tops very well. After reading GL?'s verse i was sure he'd take this but once i read Memento's verse, i had to re-evaluate that. GL had a good story but developed it with excellence while Memento and a excellent story and developed it well. This was a tough decision but i'm going to have to give the nod to Memento here. He took a nice, different approach to difficult picture and used it superbly, while GL used a pretty commonly used picture and wrote an awesome story. The difference to me is the difficulty of the topic used since they were even in every other area....like it or hate it..that how i decided

    Vote - Memento
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  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
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  8. Xiej

    Xiej Old Head

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2004
    Messages:
    74
    This decision is tough.

    GL, The mechanics of this story were sound, I can't really complain about anything besides how well the piece related to the topic. A nice, easy, clean read all the way thru, hittin it everytime it was expected. Halfway into the verse, I knew what the ending was, a lil predictable. Good read and very enjoyable.

    Momento, another well written piece. Very clean and very sound, however, I had to read it twice to fully understand what exactly the piece was about, then I looked harder at the topic and saw more after reading your piece the first time. Reread it, and wow, had a lot deeper meaning the second time thru. I'd say the only thing that really needed work in this was the structure or flow, cuz it was a bit difficult at first. that first read it just didnt seem like it hit as hard as the second. Overall tho, very well written

    Close match, but my vote has to goto Momento
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  9. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    383
    GL, dopeness
    what i liked was that it had emotion, it built solidly, and had some poetic references to the past, and the wordplay was tight
    i do think you've had some talent come out a bit in your shorter rhyme scheme, that is very cool, and id like to see you combine the two styles


    If you could see the smile, her gaze,
    It was like seeing a supernova, sitting but a mile away,

    "It's my life's dream dad, you don't need to pound in my brain..."

    Tears down his eyes, water down his pipe,
    He choked out a thank you and went on about his life,


    dang, the last verse was definitely foreshadowed by the tone, which was perfect, i dont like that drastic shit that has no kind of build up or foreshadowing, and you did it nicely

    one of my fav pieces here ive read period. Sometimes people get too damn complex with it instead of making it feel real like this..

    Memento
    He carries a solid block of cement rock,
    On a silent eve; a child of God!
    Stripped from the waist up, semi-odd in his stance
    He embarks… on a spiritual walk
    *love the imgagery in the first and third line, love the hurt forced exclamation which comes with people yelling for their God (I do this at least lol)

    Tears roll off his face
    But moisture clings… to his skin
    He imagines the residues of sin
    Blood-soaked angel’s wings…
    Man’s soul’s mangled whims…
    The tangled limbs of a mutilated tree of life
    *loved how you flipped the line from skin to sin, and then came back again with whims, and tied it in nicely with a nice longer line. It felt really good and natural..

    Vision blurs
    Such a crude evaluation, from which this mission was spurred
    Dripping sweat, he rests upon the rock[​IMG] that rips his flesh
    Looks for God in the sky, while he tries to catch his breath
    I liked the imagery and the build up, while he tries to catch his breath, somewhat subtle though, maybe an adverb for catching breath right there i would have liked.

    The night breeze sends chills to his spine
    Towing Mother Nature’s line…
    *You are non stop hitting. I didn't think there was any way to beat GL's verse but.. we will see.

    But having this hope, and this belief to trigger, he grips more
    *love the clarity here.

    Strikes a steady stream of courage, so he mentally diverges…
    Mentally, his person has been physically converted
    Spiritually he’s nervous, the tips of his fingers sweat
    *great. I thought you were going to do another ervous rhyme but you didnt and i was thankful for the fingers sweat ending, again, it is flawless.

    His doubts face his admonishment
    Longing this victory in self-discipline, confidence melts into him
    *lol you are flipping words like my girlfriend wraps presents.. ;). nice

    I'm really at a loss so I'm gonna have to read both again. I know GL's is more touching and deep, but Memento gives a seemingly perfect of exactly what is going on in this child's head. For the emotion it lacks, it makes up in truth, and accuracy; a different kind of deepness. Upon second reading, GL, had a very touching piece for me personally, espeically on this night, and Memento, who gets my vote, however, despite missing something more tangible, hit a huge rock within me, and still has me pondering, still.


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  10. The_K3

    The_K3 ^Secksi^

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    29,265
    undecided with this one unfortunately
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