[Week 35] [Championship] C. Memento(4-0) vs 2. iCon(4-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Dec 1, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest



    WEEK 35



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. iCon.

    iCon. Eat a dick, Ren.

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    Checking in!

    Good look brosef...


    Links shall go here:

    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
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  3. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
    Messages:
    38,468
    A dullen corpse at the feet of a gutless
    Cold machine; bludgeoned...
    And beaten, dust distorts the
    Scene - Who runs this retreat?
    This has to be the old factory, which
    Made ornaments to catch dreams with
    Wish... to hear nothing; a calm air
    Of deciet, no plugging my ears to cover
    The screams... pulling at my senses
    To explain this innate wickedness
    Indicative of intrinsic moral risk
    A coral mist dispenses, boisterous
    In its appeal to the human senses
    Clipping away at my nostrils, incentive
    To light incense and... rid the stench
    Who owns up to the sins committed?
    I see visions of tilted windows
    Crooked minds are guilty within this
    Worldview... building a burden of pain
    To hurt you... loss of life and sanctity
    Lying dormant, dead and still, rancidly
    Dressed scantily... in her own death
    She was never admitted her soul to rest
    But she was cold and stressed
    Her body often sold for sex
    When I was given the go I pressed
    A button that took her mortal breath
    It wasn't easy, still... a fulfilling offer
    I go a long way for a million dollars
    Made a rich man's dreams come true
    It doesn't matter what it means to you
    I've had my heart and soul ripped out
    This girl left me with nothing but doubts
    I pulled a switch, made something of her
    As her blood dripped between gears
    Her bones twisted, and screams pierced
    After beating her body breathless, my client
    Reamed her fiercely
    In the midst of her silence
    Handed me a briefcase and a business card
    Our next appointment's in his yard


    If you hit the button, one random person dies, and you receive a million dollars.​
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  4. iCon.

    iCon. Eat a dick, Ren.

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    Monster In The Mirror

    I feel like Im digging a hole,
    In the pitiful hope of uniting with my miserable soul.
    When given a goal I can work hard to achieve it,
    And right now that spark is what's needed, my heart is defeated...
    I garnered the pieces and shards you secreted,
    In the relationships dark patches where you grew harder to be with.
    A part of me secretly yearns for your touch,
    Yet I've learned to distrust every word you corrupt.
    I preferred to be loved, you preferred to mistreat me,
    And the vows we erred on repeating became a turbulent treaty.
    You searched for the easy way out when the debts piled,
    And left me with nothin' but solicitor fees and a deft smile.
    I wept while you packed up your bags & I'm man enough to admit it,
    You're only waiting for breaking point to snap when you're pushed to the limit.
    You stood for a minute on the porch and glanced back in my eyes,
    Before mouthing the words 'I'm sorry this happened. Goodbye...'

    Under the natural light I watched as you walked away,
    With my thoughts contained behind a mask that hid my wrought dismay.
    If fortune favors the brave then that explains my misfortune,
    I placed an importance on love and always wavered on caution,
    But we were consenting adults who should have taken precautions,
    Sadly the relationships dynamic changed with abortion..
    My face had contorted in fear just thinking of the task at hand,
    As we'd previously visited the hospital to have the scans.
    Infact I sat alone that night consumed with guilt,
    The room was filled with an eerie silence that pursues me still.
    And tears duly fill up inside my ducts when times are tough,
    They fall in giant floods so often even Noah just might give up.
    I tried adjusting to the ebb and flow but loss of control,Meant the stormy seas we built our bridges on swallowed me whole.
    I was often afloat but barely keeping my head above the water,
    After diving in head first still believing I could have caught her..

    It was utter torture, I was an emotional wreck,
    Washed up on an ocean of debt and prone to neglect.The cold and the wet crashing tides passed me by,
    Rushing over me as thoughts raced in the back of my mind.
    I was snatched by the tide and carried to sea,
    My disparaging screams fading gradually to harrowing pleas.
    It took all I had within me to battle against the rising currents,
    And fight off the stygian void before I would plummet.
    The guts churned inside my stomach as my body was tossed around,
    And a black sea washed me down until I stopped and drowned.
    I lost the sound in my ears, and became disorientated,By the swirling atramentous void formed from your hatred.
    I felt drawn to a faceless conclusion based on our union,
    And soaked right through to the moral fibres making me human.
    Before reaching the heinous conclusion we weren't meant to be,
    And it felt like I'd learnt to breathe & surge beneath the purging sea..

    You'd give me the third degree in countless respects,
    I was the fish out of water, out of luck, and out of its depth.
    Somewhere down in the fresh water, staring out of the goldfish bowl,
    Where respect is king and every occupant fights to hold his own.
    I can't console my woes with the titbits that you feed me,
    And it's not that Im avaricious or greedy, just an admittance I'm needy.
    You've hit me completely for six, and now I'm swimming around,
    Feeling like I've lost my damn mind tryna figure this out..
    So if you're listening now, every memory we shared owned or fostered,
    I've buried along with my insecurites beneath Davey Jones's locker.
    I saw the way you'd hold you posture as you stayed to bitch and vent,
    Not reflected within the waters, but within a mirror framed with discontent.
    Which became the instrument of your downfall in the sheen that gleamed
    Allowing me to see clearer than I had ever thought previously..
    We agreed I was a changed man, and I considered it true,
    When you said I'd changed for the worse -
    Not realising the monster in the mirror was... YOU.
    test
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Memento - The rhyming in this piece was very good however i had issue withs you not finishing lines on the same line. The inconsistent way you put breaks in between lines got kind of frustrating for me, especially when you got away from it mid-way through ya verse. When u did get away from this, your verse really gelled. I thought the flow was good but not great due to the line thing. The story was good as well but i was hoping for more depth. This was a good verse, not much of a story tho. Still a good read.

    fave line -
    "To explain this innate wickedness
    Indicative of intrinsic moral risk
    A coral mist dispenses, boisterous
    In its appeal to the human senses"

    iCon - first off, what is those characters in between and after words...that is annoying as hell. Cleaning that up next time will be much appreciated. I thought there were times when u used words like 'What's' and felt it would sound better if you said 'What is' instead. little things like that can do a verse more justice, imo. I thought that there were lines i thought you could break down or make shorter to help the flow for example
    could very easily be turned into
    ^^sounds much better IMO and keeps the flow intact

    Also, i think you should proof read your verse before posting because it is very difficult to follow your verse when two lines are combined into one, weird symbols are present, etc. Still you story was nice and had good development and a good concept to it. The delivery was just off due to the earlier mentions. Good verse nonetheless.

    fave line -
    "You'd give me the third degree in countless respects,
    I was the fish out of water, out of luck, and out of its depth.
    Somewhere down in the fresh water, staring out of the goldfish bowl,
    Where respect is king and every occupant fights to hold his own."

    Overall, this match-up had alot of potential of being really even and good. I felt that both writers wrote under their level of skill this week but i think Memento gave a more consistent verse and displayed superior writing skills here. iCon could've won this if he had proof-read his verse.

    Vote Memento
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  6. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2003
    Messages:
    8,857
    Vote - iCon

    Obviously an alias of some sort. I won't indulge in who it is just yet, but just a far superior writer overall, especially mechanic wise. This is almost a perfect portrayal of being able to flow without shortening your lines to the point that you're sacrificing your content. Good story. Progressed rather smoothy and the build up towards the ending was good. The substance was creative making it entertaining, especially since it was so long. Memento had a cool verse, but there were a couple of lines that I just felt like you were getting your lyrical jawn on. Didn't feel like your verse had any emotion. Pretty good verse I just believe that iCon went all out and succeeded.
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  7. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
    Messages:
    38,468
    test
  8. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
    Messages:
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    ps don't vote on my battle he was late, i prefer to save a blemishing on my record for somebody more deserving.
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  9. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2003
    Messages:
    8,857
    Lol, wow really?
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  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Seriously Memento? I'll let T.a.C decide on this
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  11. iCon.

    iCon. Eat a dick, Ren.

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    LOL surely you should have said something before the first vote came in? you cant just decide to DQ me when a vote doesnt go your way
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  12. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    nothin we can do. memento gets the no-show win
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  13. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Nique and myself will get 10 points for breaking down these verses nonetheless
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  14. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    thats fair.

    if someone gives both feedback give them 10 points, but memento gets the no-show win.
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  15. iCon.

    iCon. Eat a dick, Ren.

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    is it too late for me to request an extension be granted mods?

    forcing me to noshow in a champ match i've shown for is pretty damn harsh
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  16. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    383
    damn. rematch. that was fire. i might post feedback later. i definitely will if I get any.

    let me know if you want feed or a vote memento
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  17. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
    Messages:
    38,468
    if EVERBODY votes on ALL battles this week, i'll allow the votes in. not including no shows like warsaw deluxe who didn't post shit.
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  18. iCon.

    iCon. Eat a dick, Ren.

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    :(
    Posted via Mobile Device
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