[Week 34] [Championship] C. -Atreyu-(6-0) vs 2. Memento(3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Nov 23, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest



    WEEK 34



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2003
    Messages:
    6,284
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  3. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
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    38,468
    i actually dozed off and didn't get a verse done. just seeing this post about an ext now so thought i'd post this to make it clear that i intend to show.


    edit:

    lol @

    [Week 34]... 11-28-2009 11:38 AM ShadowWarriorfs U BETTER SHOW U WHORE!!!
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  4. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
    Messages:
    38,468
    He's more deranged than the man with a hook for a hand

    Explored every nook and cranny, never took for granted
    The brand he established with pictures in the Book of Chan
    But he forsook the land, he took a stand and rooked his clan
    It was a crooked plan, he sealed the deal with a look, but man
    How such an evil grin didn't reveal his sin evokes feelings
    Sensitivity about the wills of demons, their whole schemas
    Emptiness: It seeps in the tilled precints of soul deceivers
    And readily creeps upon the bill of reason to goad the heathen
    On a road to meaning there's no hope, no growth but dreaming
    Life comes to being; into fruition with an instantaneous vision
    Out of the dust, from the very dirt of the ground that we walk on
    Like a snapshot we lock on to whichever 'reality' we stop on
    This is the downfall of the human race, when we assume our grace
    Leaving a putrid taste so strong the universe must fumigate
    We're grooming waste as the new estate of a superfluous space

    Captured images of his men after he injured them with intent
    A sinner could repent, but this man's visage was too intense
    So proud of himself for concocting his own creed of cruelty
    His body bleeds his eulogy, now dead set between soil and seeds
    In scenes of toil he fiends for focus, see his clan fought back
    With a boiling sheen of hocus pocus, but if you want raw facts
    You'll have to retrieve the photos from between weeds and lotuses

    [​IMG]
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  5. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2003
    Messages:
    6,284
    "I knew the day would come since infancy,it was planned
    Stitched by hands omnipotent blueprints to expand
    That of which is trenched inside of all sides of me
    Surprisingly,Everyday unlocks a new knowledge variety
    In packages,And I can feel the end is getting closer
    Each breath,each quarter inch moves me frigidly closer
    The brink of what I know to expect is morose and suspect
    The more of what is exposed and what I think I know is complex...
    ly explicit and overpowering,even though its the battery that powers me
    but to think it would devour me...bothers me honestly
    The holy scripture speaks of its meek love of course
    and how it keeps me fertile in order not to scorch
    or even parched,it sends waves to balance my equilibrium
    ashes amongst the darkness nutrient rich at minimum
    for milleniums,this has been the way upon the front line
    when its my time and I finally meet 'Shine', Ill be fine
    Many near death experiences describe this cleanliness
    A vivid bliss of God and red proportioned discs
    The death of me will bring darkness opposite glooms
    I can feel 'Shine' even though I have not proper proof
    so it must be truth,as true as I feel sore swamped and floored
    I know whats coming,but how do I prepare for what ive never seen before
    I Suppose,the truth is exposed when before extermination
    I focus on making it past my germination" ,wrote the Priest
    paint brush ink signed Hanshi finely lined and creased
    this is where he deceased,left hand stands over note
    right hand grabs brush stands over quote
    head folded in the middle this is not a riddle
    His whole life was littered with interference and crippled
    Scribbles he seen through,he never fathomed a power
    would give him the wisdom to see inside a flower
    the universe within a verse disperses quarks
    blasting the pathway towards the origins core
    that the seed is the beggining of life,and strife
    occurs when death is conceptualized the problem lies
    for when the seed dies,a flower blooms on the frontline
    the first sight of another life,spawned from the same ties
    The light is the God the human seeks the death thats feared
    The seed becomes a flower,but not in fear.
    [​IMG]
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  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Memento - Yea u better show u jerk! now, your verse was nicely written and had a great showcase of rhymes. The only issue i had was it seemed as though you spent more time on making your piece rhyme then actually developing a story. This, in some case, isn't a problem but making it a habit, could be a problem. Still, your verse flowed nicely and was enjoyable with a nice use of the picture.

    fave line -
    "Captured images of his men after he injured them with intent
    A sinner could repent, but this man's visage was too intense
    So proud of himself for concocting his own creed of cruelty
    His body bleeds his eulogy, now dead set between soil and seeds"

    Atreyu - This verse was good. It was nicely written and had a good use rhymes and imagery. The only issue i had on this was that it seemed to drag on. I couldn't figure out why. I liked your rhyming but i think you did what Memento did with the spending too much time on rhyming then just writing a story. Still a good story

    fave line -
    "for milleniums,this has been the way upon the front line
    when its my time and I finally meet 'Shine', Ill be fine
    Many near death experiences describe this cleanliness
    A vivid bliss of God and red proportioned discs"

    Overall a good match-up and i enjoyed both verse but this came down to which was more enjoyable. I believe that both writers could've done better with their delivery but i feel the Memento had the slightly more enjoyable verse. Good job guys
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  7. MordridDeschain

    MordridDeschain New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2009
    Messages:
    33
    A.. okay.. this had a poetic feel to it.. at first when I began I thought you were writing about a man going on about the mysterys of death.. then it became clear you were talking about a flow.. some good flow and rhymes.. some weak poly sylabic ones.. it kind of got boring to me however.. it was sound and had good emotional content as well as craft.. but kind of seemed to long

    M.. The rhyme schemes and flow on this were really good.. def better than atreyu's.. to me multis and flow are what makes a piece readable.. but content wise I felt like you could have been more direct.. maybe make a few more points/explore a few more concepts with this piece.. the craft was very fine though

    vote-memento.. superior writing skill.. not that atreyu came poorly..
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  8. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    mem - I don't know what these two faggots are hyping you up about, but this was cookie cutter rhyming with a really dull rhyme scheme on exhibit with no real consistency in flow or anything that made me want to keep reading with the exception that it was short. The story didn't have much to offer and it wasn't very engaging nor did I find the level of writing to be anything special. You're better then this...don't write trash like that....

    atreyu - breaking up your lines mid word is a no no son, don't do silly shit like that, especially with a ... which is commonly understood as a pause. The imagery in the piece was top notch though and I found your flow to be far smoother.

    vote = Atreyu.
    test
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