[Week 33] [Championship] 1. ShadowWarriorfs(15-12) vs 2. -Atreyu-(5-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Nov 16, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest



    WEEK 33



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,689
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  3. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

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    6,284
    ext.gonna be out tonight,not sure when ill get back,will be up by tomorow night for shure though peace.
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  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    60,689
    OK i'll post a little later as well...mine will be up tomorrow by noon...u have til mid-nite tomorrow night

    boy i lack motivation today...been swamped with work..gl

    [​IMG]

    Darkness Beauty:

    They’re foul, stench worse than waste in their bowel
    I want them dead, embed in the crust of emptiness
    Bliss escapes me, breast lactates nectar to entice
    Life as I materialize into their darkest vice
    Eyes bright, skin becomes pale, light has left
    Clothed in a black lace, barely covering my chest
    Dark hair flows pass my hips, lips seduce the rest
    I’m the twilight temptress, obsessed with darkness
    Blurred visions my retina corrected, mind recollects it
    Epileptics now directed towards me, in retrospect
    Struggles have set you back sister, their future left you vex
    With complex atmosphere, watch fear appear
    In the ear of the children attempting to steer clear
    My venom in their tears, leaving them absent minded
    Obstacles rewind it as they remain optically blinded
    Rinsed from confinement as my new assignment
    Blackens the world, forget where your eyes went
    I harvest on their carcass decaying in the apartment
    Departed with a suicide note and a sharp pen
    Talks about walking through streets of tar pits
    Heartless, neck broken with sweat still in the armpits
    Now he’s harmless, along with his wife and teen
    Scarlet screams end rapidly with a knife in her spleen
    Lips spit rabidly, adamantly angry, sanity left gradually
    While energy depletes, their entity seeps into my grasp
    Laughs spill into the air, Sister I am superior at last


    Angelic Beauty:
    Your mind is evil, flesh unappealing and feeble
    My mirror image but body glows with no equal
    The prequel with no weakness to pray on the people
    Your actions are shameful and time has become ample
    An example needs to be made of your pitiful sample
    Grown tired of your lies, eyes now spark with hate
    Beyond what your decrepit mind could articulate
    Hand stretches out, resurrecting the ones you killed
    Blood spilled senselessly, deaths left you thrilled
    Still, I desire peace, I will stop at nothing to attain it
    Restrain the people who contain it yet refrain from it
    I appear bring cancers, which is the only answer
    To the refusal to repent and adhere to my goal
    Watch as their flesh coughs up their soul
    Let’s become one sister, and regain control

    [​IMG]

    Two beings are one, chanting "death must be shown"
    As the aura begins to peel the flesh from their bone
    Feeling our appearance change into something morbid
    Calling forth minions with my initials on their forehead
    Darkness begins to reign, air smells the same minus this
    Hunger for pain, as i inhale their spirit into my sinuses
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  5. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

    Joined:
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    6,284
    " You might find a dream you might find a lie
    I found a lie the day thAt you were born to my aunts surprise
    And please believe I knew before I looked into your eyes
    Cousin, you were full of lies,lies...lies!But I
    A little pizza pocket with marinara behind my ears
    Never wudve expected this treachery in years
    What happened to the "two musketeers",Cousin?
    The fat spiked back smash Koopa patroL crushers?
    Motherfucker,reminsce on the childhood we spent
    the mozzarella ball fights in the kitchen n shit
    when we worked at Mama Mias pizzeria
    I shoudve known ur character by what I caught do with Maria
    you knew I liked her and it wasnt mystery...
    No wonder she told me to tAke time with the deliveries
    and for years miserably,we didnt talk,u were stuck to thoughts
    but i realized it wasnt you,it was THEM from the START
    Thats why I let u come work for the plumbing company
    but who knew youde be scheming to take her from me...
    Just because you smashed A dragon and plucked her from hell
    she mustve forgot thAt I was there as well,brick break fist smash shells
    i did it all as well but i still caught you two...slippin
    but i realize it isnt you,it was always the women..
    So here is your gift for fucking the bitch...Yoshi
    I got her in bondage at Bowsers tower come get'r homie"
    -Luigi

    IGN:Super Mario Bros. Redemption/Second Qrtr 2010 for Wii​
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  6. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

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    6,284
    Im on my way from Vegas typing on my phone so i cant post the pic but its the Mario one
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  7. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

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  8. Soull

    Soull New Member

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    506
    Shadow - First off, always try to make sure you first line is completely flawless, otherwise it can throw the reader off, starting the verse with two words that dont rhyme (bowel/emptiness) is not a good move, you cant rely on internal rhymes for 1 line, otherwise its 2 lines. Overall the second half was a lot better than the first half, there were a few mistakes, for example it would be vexed, not vex etc. Apart from that though, you had some really nice rhyme schemes and multies throughout the piece, and it was an enjoyable read.

    Atreyu - This was quite cool, nothing groundbreaking with the topic, especially with this weeks other verses, but good none the less. The mechanics were sound and the low was good, not much else I can say about it because it was pretty short.

    Overall - They both had their flaws, but I think Atreyus verse was a bit too underdeveloped to take the win, and Shadow had some pretty nice rhymes.

    Vote - Shadow
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  9. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    383
    Dark hair flows pass my hips
    *This was good imagery

    Blurred visions my retina corrected
    *A bit choppy I think here and in a few other parts

    Lmao damn this sounds personal homie. And now that I see the topic, it is really funny. I'm usually not moved by funny things, probably because people screw the joke up by having to talk about harsh craziness, but this was good and real valid.

    I appear bring cancers, which is the only answer
    To the refusal to repent and adhere to my goal
    Watch as their flesh coughs up their soul
    Let’s become one sister, and regain control
    *felt slowed down here a bit

    Obstacles rewind it as they remain optically blinded
    Rinsed from confinement as my new assignment
    Blackens the world, forget where your eyes went
    I harvest on their carcass decaying in the apartment
    Departed with a suicide note and a sharp pen
    Talks about walking through streets of tar pits
    Heartless, neck broken with sweat still in the armpits
    *this was fantastic

    Cousin, you were full of lies,lies...lies!But I
    *ah this was full of emotion.

    Ok Shadow took it on the mechanics. Atreyu took it on a unique topic. As far as execution and development, I call it even. I hate you both for making it close. The reason I'm having trouble is because Atreyu you could have went a little longer with it, and Shadow, the topic, Angelic vs. Darkness, but there wasn't much story, it was just the character profile. It was cool, but I honestly wanted a lot more. Damnit. Also, I read a lot of fantasy, so to me I read this stuff everyday, from the best writers, and you really will have to have some good uniqueness or a really cool new metaphor to get me on this. Also two pictures seems like you are trying too hard on the visual appeal.

    Vote Atreyu. The metaphors, humor once I figured out what it was, and how it relates to the struggle, was quite good. I just wish it was a little longer which made it hard for me.

    A little pizza pocket with marinara behind my ears
    *lol.
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  10. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
    Messages:
    38,468
    I'm surprised I laughed at Shadow's verse more than Atreyu's.

    I have an odd sense of humour. lol


    Shadow -

    liked this bit here

    "With complex atmosphere, watch fear appear
    In the ear of the children attempting to steer clear
    My venom in their tears, leaving them absent minded
    Obstacles rewind it as they remain optically blinded
    Rinsed from confinement as my new assignment
    Blackens the world, forget where your eyes went"

    Atreyu -

    I don't think anyone can top this line though

    "A little pizza pocket with marinara behind my ears"


    Anyway, Shadow's verse seemed like a switch-up from the usual. I was turned off by some of the big rhymes probably because they weren't consistent enough for me to sort of... feel the flow. But I can't take away from everything. I thought the Darkness Beauty part was pretty cool I wasn't really feeling the other parts as much.


    Honestly... I was looking forward to see some of these Mario ones. Atreyu typed his verse up on his phone so imagine that. I think he had fun with his verse, and it shows because I had fun reading it.

    I think he crushed Shadow like a koopa. lol nah, but.... Shadow had some boringness to his verse this week and I can't vote for him. Atreyu had a solid showing here. I think if Shadow didn't break up his piece the way he did and basically continued from where he left off on the Darkness Beauty bit I would probably end up voting for him. But the way he did that it just seemed lacking creativity into how to blend things together more, specifically the Darkness/Angelic thing.

    I actually don't like voting against Shadow here because I think he could have topped Atreyu's verse.

    Vote Atreyu

    and fuck any shadow voters who think this has anything to do with me possibly getting a championship match.

    and if bringing it up makes me seem guilty to anyone, fuck them too.
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