[Week 32] [Contender] 3. Fairydance2000(8-2) vs 4. ShadowWarriorfs(21-9)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Apr 4, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008


    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.


    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
  2. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Mar 10, 2004
    in gl shadow
  3. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Mar 10, 2004


    I passed by a man down on his luck.
    Begging for $1 or anything you have got.
    Mother looks at me, she said in a quiet voice,
    DON’T look at him, He made his choice.
    I looked at my mother with her nose in the air.
    Marching off. Not even pretending to care.
    My thoughts wandering as we walked away,
    What was his storey that put him here today?
    This man was too young to be here like this.
    Needing your help. To escape from his apparent abyss.
    Watching others as they pass him by.
    “Not a hand out. Just a hand up.” Was his catch cry.
    But still no one stopped, they just walk even fast.
    Smiling and talking as they reach the arms of their pastor.
    We all get seated and the preaching begins.
    Telling us about Jesus and how he died for our sins.
    While I listened to every word that he read.
    The man in the street was trapped in my head.
    Puzzled as to why he was not here with us.
    But god knows best. In him we must trust.
    The plate is passed and filled to the brim.
    But still my thoughts are thinking of him,
    The man on the street with nowhere to go.
    Alone and cold in the falling snow.
    I hold my $1 tight in my fist.
    I have better plans for it. It won’t be missed.
    Finely finished, I’m first out the door.
    To find the man I saw before.
    He was still there. Still all alone.
    I gave him my $1 so he could call home.
    I placed the coin in his cold blue hand.
    He didn’t respond, I didn’t understand.
  4. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Mar 10, 2004
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004


    I began to hunch over, pain becoming intense
    Like stabs of a knife, attempting to relax with incense
    Dropping to my knees I beg God for relief
    Blaming him for this pain with utter disbelief
    Still I try to sleep, hoping rest will make it pass
    But that was wishful thinking, car keys within my grasp
    I struggle to breathe, quickly I force myself to exhale
    Dehydration sets in as my throat starts to taste stale
    I stumbled to my car, key barely in the ignition
    A sharp pain causes me to scream without permission
    Arriving at the hospital as nurses met me at the door
    Gently placing in a wheelchair as my water broke on the floor
    At that moment, I could feel the pain becoming severe
    I barely made it to the room before the doctors appeared
    He spread my legs and I felt like I was being violated
    Shoving his fingers in, saying I was 9 centimeters dilated
    They began prepping me as they fed me ice chips
    For balance, I placed my hands next to my hips
    The doctor told me that it was now time to deliver
    My screams echoed as my body begins to shiver
    I pushed with all my strength as I felt my skin stretch
    I felt her coming, her body covered in a slimy clear etch
    “Again.” He said as I caught my breath. “I can see the head”
    I watched through a mirror, fearing that my baby was dead
    Sheer will power kept me pushing, body physically exhausted
    Finally they pulled it out, silence, as I thought I had lost it
    They cut the cord; her eyes opened at a quarter passed seven
    Her cries sounded like angels playing harps in mid heaven
    They cleaned her up and wrapped her in a warm cloth
    Finally they handed her to me, her hair was so soft
    Seven and a half pounds of beautiful baby lay quietly in my arm
    I was speechless; nothing else mattered more than my new lucky charm
    “Alexis,” I whispered as she snuggled close to my breast
    “I love you.” I placed her in her bassinet, hoping get rest
    “What a long day.” I thought, “I am truly blessed“
  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Jun 19, 2009
    Honestly, both verses were not hard to get through, they both read well. About the same technicalities.

    Both were glossed over IMO, like the surface was just scratched and the ideas were not explored with any intimacy. Just a point by point, a to b talk. Not slamming this at all though, just what I thought.

    Fairy- You saw a less well off person and after church you gave. Bless your heart.

    Shadow- you had a baby..lol, bless your heart

    Looking at the two I have to give this to shadow for more depth when compared to Fairy. Though I felt both were rushed, as shadow said of his, not sure about fairy. Not bad, not bad.


    I always say don't tell it, show it. This is not easy to convey in writing, or words. It's a feeling. anyhow, boom goes the dynamite.

    Good battle guys.
  7. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

    Mar 16, 2011
    Wow such warm fuzzy verses.. these two and Riot's are just so magical.

    Fairy - I really liked this verse, the directness of it, the smoother rhyme format, the foreshadowing, and the child's lack of understanding playing to OUR full realization of the sad homeless man's demise, great use of color too.

    shadow - Nice verse here, I like how descriptive it was and really solid flow up until the end, I think if you had incorporated the egg idea a bit more I would have been more pleased, but i think I can see a bit where you are going.

    Vote-Fairy I think you picked an excellent topic to really show off your storytelling skills and the verse was just concise and really showed off what you can do better than Shadow's this time.
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
  9. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Oct 25, 2002
    This piece was driven by emotion.. The emotion was so strong that me as the reader could feel and remember the innocence that you hold at that age.. And thats the thing you showed through well developing the story as it unfolds that you can personally envision the steps of the child from how corrupt the world is.. All up strong verse fairy..

    dude this is the first time that i can remember that you step outside the character.. usually your main character i can see relates to you as the writer.. But this time the whole thing i could see through really strong description the main character as her own person.. Well done you have to do that more often.. All up story was straight forward but it was written well..

    vote = fairydance2000

    I think as far as technical aspects such as structure and vocab shadow took this out but in the way of drawing the reader in it goes to fairy which in the end makes for a better read.. Shadow keep stepping outside yourself with those character because it makes for a really good read.. Awesome match guys and good luck
  10. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008
    Fairy: Short, sweet and to the point. my favorite type of stories to read. lmao. anyway, this was a very good, emotional story. the beginning, where the adult tells the child its their own fault. i've been in that position going to the city with an aunt. throughout the middle i almost forgot the story was about a child. i didnt remember until the part about not understanding why he wasnt responding. tbh, reminded me of the scene in big daddy where adam sandler was taking the kid to mcdonalds and there was the bum on the corner the kid kept talking to. anyway, this was a very good story. my interest was held all the way through and the ending was good. story flowed well, was easy to read. the only real problem i had was that the rhymes were pretty simple, but overall good job.

    Shadow: like fairy's, this was short and to the point. the story had nice imagery, and was very descriptive. i liked how the beginning didnt give away what was going on. it wasnt until the water broke part where i realized what this verse was about. fearing the baby could come out with problems seemed like a very realistic fear a parent would have. i was also expecting a twist like that as i was getting near the end. the flow was nice. i also thought the rhymes were pretty basic in this verse. but thats really the only gripe i have.

    jesus christ this is a tough battle to call. i thought both of you had similar verses. uplifting/entertaining stories, nice flow, with somewhat basic rhyme schemes. in the end though im going to give this one to fairy.
  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008
    Fairy wins 3-0
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