[Week 3] nom(1-1) vs the omega man(1-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 30, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
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    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
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    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

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    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
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  3. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2003
    Messages:
    614
    [​IMG]
    Life is a struggle especially when you're forced to kill.



    The Adult

    these little tadpoles swim and infest the community pool
    and dry it up until nothings left except a valley of ligule
    as the oldest sibling at the dinner table I'd ask to be rudely excused
    it was so pitiful, it became a nightly ritual
    for the bambinos with tomato sauce smiles and spaghetti noodle residuals
    was enough to make me feverish with a hot head
    and now, as I plow through fields of mop heads
    their effluvium makes my survival instinct want to quit and drop dead
    because I revive that night in my mind and suffer what the cop said
    "How can you hate them? They're so cute," the bitch in uniform asked
    I dreaded this moment, I had many in the past
    where my listeners showed flabbergast when I'd attempt to remove masks
    therefore, that night with the officer, I knew it would be a task
    so I asked for my cigarettes, "I left them on the dash"



    "I leered at it from a distance in disgust
    its figure embossed against the skyline of citrus dusk
    it emerged as the sole bearer of my human distrust
    I observed it 'til it climbed back in its shell of trust
    a mollusk it had become, and although I could not see
    the rememberance of my younger brothers reminded me
    of my hatred for this free prince in its chariot thinkin sly of me
    I tried to be...content....but the adrenaline inside of me
    had me sprinting towards a finish line I had not fathomed yet
    I grabbed the mother, hands on each shoulder very passionate
    flipped her like an acrobat, she soared back and cracked
    her head on my boot, as I drop kicked her mid-air, like hacky sack
    a sharp pain embraced my left shoulder
    i began to face the case and stretch over
    but I was smashed in my face by a perplexed boulder
    I came to and I was on loose cement
    and I noticed the man holding the female, a true gent
    although heart warming, I had to finish the story
    besides the kissing and hugging was gettin annoying
    I leapt to my feet and pulled a tool out my pocket
    my hammer with socket, loaded the nails began to cock it
    thunder rolled, and families dispersed
    two more claps rang out with sudden bursts
    the giant king and his queen had met their defeat
    lying there decapitated bleeding concrete on the street
    I breathed heavily and focused on the prince under its veil of deciet
    content, it licked it's lollipop appearing so sweet
    not a care, selfishness, a sorceror prince weilding its power
    I snagged its sceptor, and tasted it....sour"




    The Child

    We are Cattle

    Who are these fathers of Gods, Titans with no beginning?
    they smile at me with simple grinning
    my head is spinning on a merry-go-round of faceless faces
    I have a hatred that my heart embraces
    the Gods who plague us keep us in their checkered spaces
    herd us, and make us fat with nourishment of delectable graces
    they outnumber us, 2 to 1, boasting with their strong legs
    fill me with disgust as they carry us like raw eggs
    I know there's an ultimate plan, but they won't let me know
    For I'd rebel and hurl this pacifier if only I could let it go
    For me, hope was lost for many moon sets
    'til I met Him, the one who slayed my soubrette
    listen as I tell the story, he might save you next


    A'hem....


    It was a normal day of slavery and getting fat
    I trekked through a landscape of swingsets hoping to interact
    but the crowd was slim, no one of interest on the jungle gym
    so I climbed back into my mobile cage and cuddled in
    my evil daemon, slinder with thin hair shot sun in my face
    as she lifted the veil and buckled me in place
    reached in with a colorful wand and allowed me to taste
    these spells of earthly desires nothing could replace
    I was filled with her magic, blinded in fantasy
    my subconsious was pleading, "Why?! Why won't you answer me?"
    But I couldn't, she was a skilled enchantress
    against my will I wilt in trances
    then BAM! BAM! BAM! I felt a boisterous shockwave engulf
    shook my loft, and then I saw my soubrette perform a summersault
    another burly figure although comforting in his stature
    approached me as though nothing was the matter
    pried the circular tool of seduction from my clasped palms
    and walk away into the horizon with no crass qualms
    He liberated me, and defeated the diabolist with ease
    our savior, annointed Hercules, we will be free!




    [youtube]1K1qEBCnsDA[/youtube]
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  4. nom is not dull

    nom is not dull swings! misses.

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2011
    Messages:
    390
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  5. nom is not dull

    nom is not dull swings! misses.

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2011
    Messages:
    390
    I stayed in the hospital after hours
    ‘til the angels passed as flowers

    Picked their petals. Pressed petals
    To hardback chairs where guests settle

    With their heads cupped as decoration
    For the times where getting late is

    Not a problem nor an issue
    And bags make the warning visual

    For the cleaners sipping coffee
    Black no sugar. Swallow softly

    As those breathing in the waiting room
    By those who still can’t face the news

    That’s pencilled like a shopping list
    Milk and sugar not a wish

    Mixed with pennies the goldfish taste
    Copper tainted framed with faith

    That isn’t lost under halogen lights
    That dull the mood and damage the fight

    Which is never lost with percentage chances
    Wall clocks viewed with relentless glances

    As eyelids fight under the metronome
    Hope that only heaven knows

    Won’t last as doors open and close
    Electronic safety catches soften the blow

    And provide background music
    For counting bruises

    And adding half moons to palms
    That are soon to scar

    Blossom to roses. Shed their skin
    To replace shoulder blades as reddened wings.

    "We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it's forever." -Carl Sagan
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  6. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    14,147
    Omega - I dont know if its my mood or what but I didnt like it. The language wasn't true to the narrators - the wording was pretty bad all around and the rhymes were forced. The story was jumbled and filled with metaphors that weren't related t one another and jumbled. The thing that makes it worse is that you spent more than 64 lines to say everything you did when in reality you didnt need as many lines as you used. I think there is a lot of room for improvement with this one and i didnt enjoy much. Practice more cohesive writing.

    Nom - interesting poem. i have no idea what some of it's about. Grammatically some of these lines confused me, and if i connect one to start and end with another it wont flow into the third sometimes. Changing the order in which I perceive them as a correlating sentence or message changes the meaning of everything. In the end there is a giant mess in the middle between the bags that're warning visuals, the cleaners, down to the halogen lights. I liked the imagery and setting of a hospital waiting room/ER and the feelings those images evoked from me but I can't connect with the entire premise of the verse and it bugs me.

    overall - This battle was between two verses that had more cons than pro's for me. I feel that Omega had a clearer concept but the method in which he described everything was jumbled. Whereas I felt the overall concept of Nom's verse was hidden but I liked what he did. Nom's verse made me think more and try to figure it out. Had I had more time right now i'd probably be studying every word of Nom's verse trying to make sense of it, because as a poem - it intrigued and engaged me to some degree; Whereas Omega's verse didnt do much for me.

    Nom
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  7. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    31,406
    the omega man ~ I enjoyed the fact that you decided to make a two way interpretation of this piece from different perspectives, which tied up the story very well together. The only thing that perhaps " bothered" me a bit was the "flipped her like an acrobat" ~ felt like that line was used too many times before. Overall quite vivid imagery and creative rhymes.

    ^^Those parts were absolutely amazing.



    nom is not dull ~ If I understood it correctly (to my interpretation), your piece starts as a person being pronounced dead, whilst loved ones expect the bad news, but the dead body transforms into an "angel" like being to pass on. But I could be wrong. :)scared:) Overall it was cohesive and had interesting rhyming.

    ^^The last verse beautifully completed the piece.

    Both of you had strong pieces, yet both have chosen different topics.

    Vote ~ the omega man.
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  8. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    Omega:
    Very amusing dude.. I like the flip from the mature point of view to the innocent point of view.. I think the childs perspective stanza was written a lot stronger in the way of structure and wording.. I think what you need to work on is shorten the lines maybe get a syllable count around 12-15 max and just play with that for awhile.. Cool story very lol worthy..

    Nom:
    Deep imagery dude, strange structure but it suited the poetic style you were going for.. TBH this verse was bland in the way of the story side of things like you got ¼ way through and was like you know fuck it this will do.. Anywhoot your vocab as always was strong as was your dope description..

    Vote = The Omega Man

    I went with Omega purely for a completely tale in my mind.. GL guys..
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  9. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Omega- I have spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out what you meant.two people were decapitated by gunshots, one kid had his sour candy stolen by a man.. and he was happy about it.
    someone may have been hit by a car as well. or inside of a car when it got hit, with his mother, possibly. the beginning suggests a community pool.
    I am confused. Entertaining wordplay, rhyme schemes were definitely there.. I enjoyed the third stanza the most. As a whole it was creative.. you worded most things cleverly.
    If you'd like to PM me a short version of what was going on, I would appreciate it.

    Nom: Although I'm not sure exactly what you meant all the way through.. I know someone died and the imagery of the hospital waiting room was very strong.

    it was either a patient who dies, or a janitor at a hospital. or a funeral worker.but I enjoyed it and it was an easy read that could have probably been of either of the three, which isn't exactly a bad thing. I did make some sense of it . this description of the waiting room was good.. and it was an easy read.
    That isn’t lost under halogen lights
    That dull the mood and damage the fight

    Which is never lost with percentage chances
    Wall clocks viewed with relentless glances

    As eyelids fight under the metronome
    Hope that only heaven knows


    Interesting style, it hints at either a funeral or a hospital.
    someone definitely died or works near a hospital waiting room.
    I like it though, your good at setting the mood with word usage.

    Win- nom I think it was meant to be ambiguous. either a funeral parlor worker, an er waiting room attendant or an inanimate object at a hospital.. or a distanced description of one. there is death, and the mood set it up. I felt a distinct separation from the ailing of the people in the waiting room. Never really thought about it, but I do look at the clock way too often when I'm in there. near coherence, imagery, and simple yet powerful bars for the win.
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  10. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    14,243
    wow this was a great match to read.

    omega - fantastic writers voice in this. I think the flow didn't move as smoothly as I would have liked but overall this was well written. Your vocab is your strong point I feel. Because it sets up everything else in your story. Descriptive and imaginative. very nice verse this week dude.


    nom - this was very different from what I'm used to seeing with you. very poetic. Normally I like the short bars and format in which you wrote it. however this week not so much. I think your verse lacked the description that omegas verse had. Which I think is what hurt you this week. I think you should kept your usual witty topical style this week. Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed your verse this week your multies were tight as usual, however I feel that against omega and his vocab, you really needed your decriptive narraration to your story this week. great verse, but I don't think it was enough this week sorry bro.


    v/Omega
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  11. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,517
    omega - i really dont know how to decypher this without sounding like a dick, but i didnt like your verse. heres why. your rhyme scheme was all over the place, you would rhyme triplets of bars and it really threw me off when i was reading as far as pacing and natural flow. try to stick to rhyming in couplets, whether you use the same rhyme scheme for 2-4-6, keep it even. once you break it off into odd numbers, it comes across as choppy. as for the content, i dont have anything bad to say about it. your mechanics of the verse just kept preventing me from keeping focus. by the time i got to cattle, i was a bit confused just cause i had to keep rereading.

    nom:

    before i started to read your verse, i assumed you had a wide open field to take the W, but your verse didnt steal the show for me. your couplets seemed very laxidasical. it didnt seem much effort was put into your verse, and seemed last minute. maybe it wasnt, but it came across that way. your message didnt hard for me and the scheme of the way it was broke down was very basic.


    vote - omega, for putting forth a stronger effort
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  12. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Omega


    I found your verse kind of hard to understand the 1st time i read it
    weather that is down to me just been a dumbass, im not sure lol, it
    did however make a little bit more sense to me when i read it the
    2nd time, still kinda cryptic in places but i think i got the gist
    of it in the end, the flow was decent for the most part, couple of
    forced rhymes here n there but nothing major in my opinion, nice
    job on the 2 perspectives. Also some nice Imagery throw in here & there


    it was so pitiful, it became a nightly ritual
    for the bambinos with tomato sauce smiles and spaghetti noodle residuals


    2nd line seemed kinda stretched but painted a nice picture of a baby.


    Who are these fathers of Gods, Titans with no beginning?
    they smile at me with simple grinning
    my head is spinning on a merry-go-round of faceless faces
    I have a hatred that my heart embraces


    Nice



    Nom

    A very poetic piece here on your part, which if im been honest its obviosuly
    not the best ive seen you write but by no means was it not worthy. I wish
    you had of wrote more and delved into the story a lot more than you did, weather
    this is because you did not have enough time or simply because you felt you
    did enough, i do not know. The piece moved very beautifuly but it did not
    really seem to be going anywhere, just mainly a discription of events going
    on around the ward, at least thats the impression i got.

    For the cleaners sipping coffee
    Black no sugar. Swallow softly


    That isn’t lost under halogen lights
    That dull the mood and damage the fight



    couple of examples that really caught my eye and developed the mood nicely.



    overall im struggling to pick a winner, both pieces won in there own right
    and altho i have to say, ive seen beter from both of you. Its so hard to
    choose between totally diff takes and styles. For imagery and poeticness
    noms verse defo stands forward, but in terms of story and perspectives id say
    omegas. On the whole im going to go for the verse which i think edged it just.


    Vote - Omega
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  13. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Omega up 0 to -3
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  14. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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