[Week 3] Defcon_5(0-0) vs Katch Phraze(0-0) vs T.a.C(0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 30, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. Defcon_5

    Defcon_5 Relax and take notes

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    oooh a minaj lol i'm going 30 at the minimum 50 max
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  3. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    shitty but fuck it...




    When I met you, you we’re broken
    Hopeless, empty, wasted, a spent token
    In a soda machine that wasn’t stocked
    Forever gone, just so fuckin’ lost

    You got used and tossed away
    By a dude who can’t stop to say
    He wants to stay together
    He’s lost in space forever
    To haunt and waste this treasure
    Until it rots away whenever
    But you’re hooked, you can feel it
    Constantly being reeled in
    Consciously you see the wheel spin
    Honestly, I know you want to heal him
    Realness, I don’t know how to convince
    You to give up dealing with his dumb shit
    I’m the shoulder you cry on, the ear to listen
    Your safety blanket when your fear has risen
    The one you joke to, the one you run to
    The one to hug you, the one who loves you
    The one who has next to no chance
    Its clear that you don’t want romance
    You want a prick to hurt you, be abusive
    An allusive douche with no clue of being exclusive

    You call my phone in the middle of the night
    After a shithole of a fight
    After he fiddles up a lie
    About the little slut he tried
    To keep a secret from you for life
    You say you’re done, committing suicide
    That’s right, this shit all concludes tonight
    A fuckin gun is glued in tight
    In your grip, on the balcony about to jump over
    After 20 minutes, I get you to come over
    We talk, I convince you of somethin’ fast
    You tell me tomorrow you’re gonna dump his ass
    I give you the bed as I crash on the couch
    The next morning I see that you’re already out
    I have a text from you, reading it with doubt
    I see you say, you and him are gonna work shit out

    Replying with the same thing I have forever
    Realizing you’ll never get your act together
    I hope you’re happy being a piece of ass forever
    And when he breaks you, I wont put you back together
    Whatever, I woulda treated you like crystal
    Now that’s smashed and youre out of shots from this pistol
    Clearly you’d rather be this dude’s cup
    But I’m done emptying myself trying to fill you up


    [​IMG]
    test
  4. Defcon_5

    Defcon_5 Relax and take notes

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    [​IMG]

    "Reflections in the Mirror"​
    who am i..i'm so lost or am i just eluding my identity
    a lack of symmetry..one side hardened the other standing in serenity
    while malice and joy are entering trying to get the best of me
    i'm fighting a losing battle against somethings that i will never be
    the confusion is never settling it's taken over everything
    this is the role of my life with no directors cuts or editing
    the angel and the demon with no proverbial meaning
    always going through the same changes like the earth n it's seasons
    what do i do..where do i turn..what is the path that is perfect
    there's no flipping back pages here after they've gathered a verdict

    on one hand there the steadfast stern version of me
    stone faced a pure warrior Patten would lucky to meet
    rugged demeanor still looks like he never rushes a clean up
    convictions made of stone so he has no love for a dreamer
    u'd think he's meaner than he is but u see he has to live
    attacks other with a life structure that he never had in his
    a poor soul with good intentions on the level of regal
    but the way he portrays it seems weird to the regular people
    the pros and the cons..the pride in me's grown
    it's hard but i still love to have this side of me shown

    then there's the more natural, and way more appealing
    side of me that stays in tune with the way people are feeling
    the go with the wind, goodness flowing within
    seems like he stuffed God and the Holy Ghost in his skin
    sort of a yes man the best man to have for bad decisions
    he listens but cares more bout the fact that he has attention
    the great friend..mr. positive on any situation
    outgoing but somehow he still lives with limitations
    he's a people person..the pride in me's grown
    a bit timid but i still love to have this side of me shown

    who i am is lost in translation, one a fan favorite
    the other speaks a strange language with no one to translate it
    both appeal to me, but which one is really me
    when i speak for myself i rattle and break my tranquility
    identity crisis? no it's more like my identity's lifeless
    the struggle has given way to the internal entity's rising
    the person i want to be..greatness i want to achieve
    i want to believe but i'm held back by something in me
    so i walk like i'm me, i like to give the impression
    still i'm haunted..always confused by the mirror's reflection
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  5. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    Defcon - There was some rhyming hiccups that bothered me in the first stanza specifically. i kinda stopped paying too much attention to the neatness of rhymes afterwards but check this out -
    "a lack of symmetry..one side hardened the other standing in serenity
    while malice and joy are entering"

    change that to - "a lack of symmetry..one side hardened the other standing in serenity
    while joy and malice are entering"
    and you keep the multi...its stuff like this that makes me wonder how much attentiveness you had when writing your verse, you know? Also that whole entering/serenity/never me scheme was kind of bland after u dropped the "standing" half of the multi and it distracted from the diction of your piece. The rest of your piece read well enough with a few hiccups that I attribute to poor wording. In terms of your take one the topic I think you took a straightforward approach here and it was done well. You had a nice set up and closing with body stanza's that showed the internal conflict. I suppose when it came to the good and the bad things it would have been more engaging if you described what kind of things paint you a yes man, or things that make you seem cold - i mean specific examples not vague descriptions like you already gave.

    TaC - I liked the concept a lot...Let me be more specific - what you did in the last 4(or so) lines I liked a lot - I feel that if you had extended that metaphor out throughout the entire verse then you could of had an amazing verse. I think what the downfall of this piece is, is two things. The first is the short lines really constrict your ability to give good details - and a verse that needs to be emotive and frustrating and borderline hateful (from passion) needs to have good details. The second is that you focused entirely too much on telling the story and not enough about connecting it to the topic. The story is old and played, all you can do is make it as fresh as possible and you do that by connecting it to your topic as much as you possibly can. I think you should focus less on make lines short and flowy and more on the details and overall layout of your verse.

    Overall - I think this match could go either way. There are very promising characteristics of TaC's verse that, with the right amount of elbow grease, can make him a very dangerous opponent. Defcon, in my humble opinion, is pretty rusty and even with that said wrote a verse that was pretty spot on to his topic. Respectfully, he could have done more with it but what he did was adequate. I can't think of a singular defining characteristic quality in Defcon's verse that made it a standout verse, but at the same time I dont have much bad to say about it, whereas I think TaC's verse needs a little more tuning overall.

    Defcon
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  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,692
    T.a.C - Throughout this, it sounded more like you wanted to focus more on the rhyming and with how short you lines were, it took away from the story in places. The rhyming was good and so was the flow. I know you probably didn't have too much time to do this. Still, i did enjoy it despite not really having much substance to it. Good work



    Defcon - In the early parts of this, i thought the words was a bit off is two of your lines, The first line, 'am i lost' would have fit better. Also, i'm not a fan of words like 'there's' when you can just say there is. It feels more natural that way with this particular word. Still, i loved the rest of this, The imagery was solid and the flow was smooth. I was surprise at this, not that you showed :p, but with how used the topic. Nicely done here


    My vote goes to Defcon, he's story just had more to it. T.a.C. just has to take his time next time. Good work guys
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  7. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    TAC:
    This is unusual from you an emotional type of fallen love letter.. lol.. I enjoyed this piece your writing style wasn’t as strong in the way of vocab and rhymes but the story itself held its own.. Nice metaphors throughout and you got your point across with a dope ending.. I think this piece was rather solid..

    “Constantly being reeled in
    Consciously you see the wheel spin
    Honestly, I know you want to heal him”
    ^
    I really liked these bars

    Def:
    You went sooo unbelievable deep into your charters development.. Each line was sad but with such soothing neaunce about it.. You left the me as the reader torn as the character is about his own internal feelings.. Strong delivery and all in all a great piece of writing..

    “attacks other with a life structure that he never had in his”
    ^
    Dope

    “identity crisis? no it's more like my identity's lifeless”
    ^
    That line right there sealed it for me.. WOAH

    Vote = Defcon 5

    Nice match up but I was drawn into the complete up and down emotions of Defs character.. Great match GL guys..
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  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    4,096
    tac - smooth flow, easy read and clear message. the first 1/3 of the written was a choppy flow, made the whole piece read fast. Could be bad or good depending on the reader, I did not mind the quick steps. This was direct and to the point and it hints of honesty and resentment at the same time.

    I liked this line

    You say you’re done, committing suicide
    That’s right, this shit all concludes tonight


    I really don't know what needs to be improved on, because this was a 100% topical complete. You could have made stark statements that planted more images but I have really nothing to say...Great picture tie in.


    Def - I see how you tied the picture in with the topic. the faded creature represents everything you described about him, and more. I noticed the meat of this verse was just describing, and describing. You did that great, but at the same time we did not really get anywhere. It's sad that it's like that for the character but as a reader I wanted to see what was on the horizon. You did not have to develop it to hard but a hint of better things could have been the ticket...

    V -tac

    similar topics here really. Take externalizes his thoughts to a girl he's putting on a pedestal, and def is internalizing his own misunderstandings...tac closes his topic successfully and I liked that more...

    Great battle.
    test
  9. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
    27,822
    seen flaws on both verses.... one too simplistic and brief... the other going on and on like a run-on sentence... u have two different portrayals... one straight to the point... one brief and straightup line for line... something TAC did that aroused my interests more.... but DEF showed some impression with his piece... tho i felt you lingered on with the topic describing more than what needed.... im one to skim and read quick.... in this sense...

    the imagery sie goes to defcon... but the simplicity/ease of readability goes to TAC...

    in the end... the one verse that was to the point and at the same time descriptive was what determined the vote...and in this...

    despite the flaws in mechanics ... i vote TAC .....

    THANKS.
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  10. aourglace

    aourglace New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2002
    Messages:
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    Hey SO SORRY guys! I thought I was too late for week three & was waiting for week four! PLease don't give me the no show loss, And just start me fresh for next week. MY bad. I'm going to edit this with a vote later...

    peace.
    test
  11. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    good grief.. this was both t.a.c. and def's introductory verses and..

    -Tac- wow bro, your structure and flow and wording is sparkling clean, story telling mechanics are calculated and precise, nothing about this verse needs critic ..how man times do we hear about these abusive relationships and these moron's are to weak to get outta of it?! ya easily identifiable verse convincing and believable. the only problem is, you could got more fancy with the rhymes, or more twisty wit the scripts bc:

    -def- i hope this isn't a fluke and your really in this rstl to show us your fuckin savage verse-ability ahaha.. ok i know you got gripes from your rhymes but imo, although maybe 2-3 lines were worded horrendously I am a fan of slant rhymes and i encourage people to use them especially if it means a fresh break from the same mat was in the back packin a gat actin a rat just yad yada yda.. so in that case I say your rhymes were better then t.a.c.s wording wasn't but rhymes were. as for the story, wow brow I'm amazed at how well you contrasted the confusion and realities of your character, at a few points i felt like you were telling me about my self..
    that said and it's pretty obvious my vote goes too...

    DefCON 5
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  12. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    this was pretty close.

    Tac - you had nice lines throughout. nice snappy lines which kept things moving nicely. you hinted a really nice metaphors but didn't completely go all the way with it. that was my one gripe this week with your verse. like pent up mentioned how you killed it with the last 4 lines and had you stuck with that metaphorical way of riding the whole story I think you'd have had an outstanding verse. Great verse but it lacked a little in that sense. still a really good verse though.


    def - sparkling flow in this. your verse moved along really nicely with your word choice and mechanics. I think you told the story well without totally overdoing the vocab which is a huge dislike for me in the league. I see it alot where the writer will overkill a verse with vocab and whatnot. I think witht he rust shaken off you could be a top writer in this league for sure. well done this week excellent verse.

    bother writers brought us great verses but I have to go with defcon_5 this week for a more polished verse.


    v/Defcon_5
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  13. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    T.A.C

    Nice story here, I wasnt sure what way the main narrater saw her,
    I.e weather he deep down wanted to be with her, or weather he might
    of saw this woman as a kinda sister figure and cared for her in
    a kinda brotherly fashion, anyway i didnt find the story itself
    anything special, but it was what it was, a decent verse which
    flowed well and all in all made for a decent read. It was very
    fast paced which was good but also kinda seemed repetative in
    parts.

    You got used and tossed away
    By a dude who can’t stop to say
    He wants to stay together
    He’s lost in space forever
    To haunt and waste this treasure
    Until it rots away whenever
    But you’re hooked, you can feel it
    Constantly being reeled in
    Consciously you see the wheel spin
    Honestly, I know you want to heal him


    I wasnt too keen on the lost in space line, it flowed nicely
    but just kinda thought you could of found a better way to describe 'lost' better.


    Defcon 5

    Another nice piece here, good use of vocab and imagrey, a few things
    bothered me, like how you spelt you as 'u' and 'u'ed', i can easy overlook
    that tho as that would be nit picking, the flow was nice
    and steady altho a few times, stumbled but on the whole i enjoy how discriptive
    i found your verse to be, nice job


    rugged demeanor still looks like he never rushes a clean up
    convictions made of stone so he has no love for a dreamer
    u'd think he's meaner than he is but u see he has to live
    attacks other with a life structure that he never had in his
    a poor soul with good intentions on the level of regal
    but the way he portrays it seems weird to the regular people


    Really liked that segiment


    Overall, it was a decent match up, but imo My vote is going to defcon
    All in all i found his verse to be my perferred of the two, good job guys


    Vote - Defcon 5
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  14. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2000
    Messages:
    16,814
    this was close as all hell...

    i really liked the progression inntacs verse, and the ending, the concept on the closer was dope as all hell... the negatives was... a,... you NEVER start off a verse saying it is shitty... NEVER... your down day may triumph someones good day, and when you start off a verse that way, subconsciously i go into it looking for the mistakes instead of trying to read your verse... 2, your lines were pretty short but despite that you kept a consistant flow

    what defcon lacked in progression... (comparitively) he picked up in imagery and a dope rhyme scheme... the (story)b was unique, and i would not have taken tht approach to the topic...

    for some reason i really liked this

    the confusion is never settling it's taken over everything
    this is the role of my life with no directors cuts or editing

    sooo it comes down to progression vs imagery and rhyme scheme, and i vote

    defcon

    for the more original take on the topic

    tac your ending almost had me though... fuckin close battle
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  15. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Defcon wins 1 to - 4
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  16. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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