[Week 3] Coup d'etat(1-1) vs Lyricalpriest(1-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 30, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
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    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
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  2. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    Yay.. I get some competition this week. I hope i can answer the call
    test
  3. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Hello priesthood. You're a new animal this season. Let's get to work.
    test
  4. Coup d Mobile

    Coup d Mobile Up is down, down is up

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    I need an extension
    test
  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    lol i was just asking for an extension my damn self.. just got my daughter a few hours ago :)
    test
  6. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    Topic: We Are Cattle.......

    These were the last thought's before I got caught
    Shot: engaging in a peaceful revolution against cops
    and corrupt politicians called S.T.O.P.
    (speaking truth opposing politics)

    I won't follow like the cattle
    ....I'm more like the catalyst
    absorbed inside of a battle
    Minds torn
    from freedom like an activist
    captive of the maddening capitalist'

    Mission:

    Occupy The RSTL......

    get the message out to the masses
    Question's and doubts quip the fascist
    endless nights of restless fights
    endowed with, ground taking tactics
    We're a "broken people", stricken with sadness
    addict's to our bastard habits...
    God bless us every one
    Shattered Nation's .. Depending on Loaded Guns
    we throw our son's into the open slums
    this is more then a statement, as it's already begun
    and it's too late to reverse this.
    we have to move forward
    We've become a Earth that thrives off perversion
    and fiends for war
    I close my eyes to find inside my mind sympathy for dying life
    only to open them to homicide and suicide, reality, undenying-strife
    all in which that's been normalized to Form-a-Logic
    more known as Ordered Knowledge contorted or demolished
    I've become the Shadow Warrior
    ..........going against the T.a.C.tics of Congress..
    Fed with a Call to Duty and the right to bear Tools for Killing
    instead of building schools its prisons.. you can not fool the children

    God save us ...everyone.... from the burning flame of a thousand suns
    from the sins of our hand and our tongue, transgressions against the young
    sinister ministers is what we've become.. monetize life by the gun
    how do we escape or explain The Sins of the father?
    Or The daughters hand given unto a slavery truly a "matrimonial martyr"
    Or the Mother that, Murders Her innocent fetus
    she doesn't consider it Human.. I bet she thinks she's a genius..
    We are Victims of an Eternal Wake of devastation.
    indoctrinated into hate and paternal separation.
    Behind Empty Walls Are Desolate Dying from anticipation
    awaiting to be emancipated from the concentration camps called Intoxication
    Survival of the fittest: war is a form of evolution
    denial of admittance of the "normal level" Humans..
    but they deserve salvation implored by elocution.
    How Do I awake from this Nightmarish and deplorable revolution
    where only the Elite find amenity within the infidels cordial retribution
    Indefinite Imprisonment of course that's their only resolution....
    we are merely cattle.. a stock for the devilish consumers..

    As My Eyes Open I notice I'm standing at my soap box
    gathering my thoughts all within moments before I'm thrown off
    Over-spoken: the truth get's treated like its the infidel spirit..
    Armed Militia storm the stage while subduing those that hear it..
    Revolution's like a wild storm I'm tryna Commandeer it
    But the more I get a grip the more chaotic it begets
    the more twisted politicians and media get mixed
    the more poverty and uncertainty human being's get left..

    social defects are a result from mental cultivation neglect
    the Coup D'tat has a strict influence it wants to direct
    it want's us to kill our self's with lack of respect
    before I got to speak this reason of truth
    I'm accused of treason b/c I say government's the root
    and when I die my message will be misconstrued
    I'll be painted a rebel, renegade, who's mind was astute
    but still a slave to the institute: a animal, a grade of food.
    against our own self and government for our lives we will battle
    and await the blade of the butcher for slaughter, for "we are cattle."
    test
  7. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    She's a spaghetti monster drinking the kool-aid
    With Bambi eyes, lost. Twisted up, soul slain
    Her mind burns alkaline, inside a carnival box
    She's confetti, back stage in a chemical shock
    Her door seals. Sparks ignite the mental shade
    A kingdom has come, and only prophecy remains
    She stands against the concussion, a triumph
    Her insight now externalizes this rush of silence

    To her,

    It's no secret, a great King will soon be fallen
    She fills up on this dream, dusted in by pollen
    She's covered in flowers, trying to disguise
    The aroma that scents out a garden of lies

    She sees,

    Seven rich men trying to fight a homeless sea lion
    Convinced it swims in waters that bleed from Zion

    She sees ten wild whores jumping into a pigpen
    Attacking the slop to preform traditions of men

    She sees two mothers nursing a new born prophet
    Soft breasts giving suck to mouth, milking profits

    She sees him all grown with his crown of thorns
    And he bows to the crowd with threats and scorns
    He held true now, she felt his fingers on her lips
    She said nothing, until she seen his eyes twitch
    While the kingdom played on to its next note
    She reached around and grabbed his throat
    And if he dies there will a tear stained line
    On the King in his robe of crimson swine
    Choked out, her ways and heroism flaunted
    By drug or thoughts of a life she always wanted
    Of fresh fields over acres of doom, begotten rites
    Eclipsed by the pyramids and echoes of sunlight

    ***

    Alone she stares at the majesty before her
    Dreaming and scheming of what's above her
    Alone in the grave of her sisters around her
    She drinks the kool aid again, below God







    [​IMG]
    test
  8. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
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    16,814
    wo... im suprised...

    l pree came with some views i agree with...

    where only the Elite find amenity within the infidels cordial retribution

    24 syllable lines are hard to spit even for twista

    but overall i liked it... your kind of preaching to the choir here, but your vocab was strong, and you did have some stretched lines like a shown you above... try to stay between 12-16 syllables per line to make the flow more reasonable

    'coup... im assuming you were a glass of poison to kill a king... i did see the jesus reference in it as well...

    i liked...

    Seven rich men trying to fight a homeless sea lion
    Convinced it swims in waters that bleed from Zion

    She sees ten wild whores jumping into a pigpen
    Attacking the slop to preform traditions of men

    She sees two mothers nursing a new born prophet
    Soft breasts giving suck to mouth, milking profits

    great imagery there...the only fault i have with this was its almost too airy... trying to decipher through your metaphors to get to the root of the story and at the end, after reading it twice, i was still searching for the storys purpose....

    even though i predicted coup, im going with l priest...

    i can see the effort he put into his piece, and i can relate to it more...
    test
  9. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA GymArt

    Joined:
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    31,439
    lyricalpriest ~ For the lack of a better term, it seems that with this piece you've paid homage to many of RSTL's great writers, and you did so by incorporating them as parts of your political outlook bouquet, as well as giving a smooth story behind the concept of chosen topic. If this was posted in another area, it would leave out space for a serious and perhaps even fruitful discussion. It's also interesting you started off with being resigned to categorizing yourself as cattle, yet at the end embraced it in a way.

    ^^those would be the parts that stood out the most, at least to me.

    Coup d'état ~ Your metaphors read like something out of the movie "Beautiful mind", where it takes a special person to crack it. Your piece reads extremely poetic, extremely shockingly imaginative, well thought out, and much like LP, you've also chosen a topic that's closest to you in terms of personal interest. It's innocence of truth lost within a thin line between fog and clarity.

    ^^Most impressive parts.


    Vote ~ lyricalpriest.
    test
  10. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,154
    LP:
    Straight up im not big on the whole topical thing.. With that said you murdered this mother fucker.. A constant battering of fast paced smoothly written views.. This was put together structure wise sensational.. Strong vocab and you definitely got your point across.. You are turning into quit a cool little writer LP..

    “All in which that's been normalized to Form-a-Logic
    more known as Ordered Knowledge contorted or demolished”
    ^
    Awesome

    Coup:
    Your intro was tight as fuck dude.. Seriously truly wonderful imagery.. Poetic as always with killer vocab you definitely paint a pretty picture.. Your metaphors come on very heavy so it is easy to get lost in them.. But my main quam is that it was too short up against a brutal piece like LP’s you definitely need more time to work a solid story in, sure your character development along with your landscape displayed where all A grade you still need room to tell a stronger story..

    “It's no secret, a great King will soon be fallen
    She fills up on this dream, dusted in by pollen
    She's covered in flowers, trying to disguise
    The aroma that scents out a garden of lies”
    ^
    That stanza right there blew my mind..

    Vote = Lyrical Priest

    This was a struggle for me because I rarely see a topical done well but I think LP nailed it.. If coup had a stronger story line up against LP’s topical I would have easily gone the other way but as it stands LP hit a home run on this one.. Great match up guys and GL
    test
  11. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Messages:
    1,177
    my entire vote was just lost. I'm going to summarize it. bah.

    LP- was impressed with the name references that still worked in with the point of your piece. this was very good. and the soap box line killed me. especially when you got serious right after it. that was good.. fucking with my emotions. It looks like you spent a lot of time on this. I know it would have taken me much longer then a week. overall
    But the more I get a grip the more chaotic it begets
    the more twisted politicians and media get mixed
    the more poverty and uncertainty human being's get left..
    ... :( why does that have to be true..

    complaints: none. killed it. like Galatea said, it could be the opener of a good thread.

    Coup- the way you write is seriously therapeutic. i get lost in it.
    both in the sense I'm reading without a care about anything else in the world, and, I don't understand!! I read it hmm.. at least 10 times. and I gathered subtle hints of how G sum'd it up but couldn't have given one. It just had a feeling to it, and I enjoyed the read. Especially the last stanza. It made me feel a little guilty though. but that's what good writing should do, inspire emotion.. you always do and make sure and let me know next time you throw something up or write anything you'll share. I have a couple of yours saved on my phone. ill put it that way.

    Win- LP . You did a very good job on this one. The progression from beginning to middle was good, but I did feel like it ended abruptly, perhaps because of the syllable count. CK keeps pointing that out to people, and I'm going to blatantly repeat it because I do it naturally after freestyling for so long I know I have to keep it short sometimes, it makes the longer parts have more of a hard impact. keep it in mind. I know we're not on beats, but a good point made in a very long sentence is sometimes looked over. After going through it a few times, I commend you for your acknowledgement and acceptance of our situation in the slaughterhouse.
    test
  12. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    LP:

    this was dope to read, at times it flew over my head as i didnt really know what the fuck you were talking about. but overall i was tracking, i like the spin, i like the name drop incorporation. this was creative and well written. the strongest thing i take from this verse is the buttery flow, rhyme scheme didnt stick out, which is good and bad-i wasn't like "this is bananas" but also i wasnt like "this is too simple". dope verse.

    Coup:

    this was also a good read. i dont agree with some of your word usage, like speghetti right off the bad. not sure why, it just conveys the wrong image for some reason. the flow was on point, somewhere around the middle i feel you kind of tapered off and was rambling just a bit, beyond that i have complaints whatsoever with your verse. its a shame so many people have to take a loss this week, everyone came with the fire this week, and if you do take this loss, your record will be very deceiving of your talent.

    vote - LP, more engaging verse.
    test
  13. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    this was a really good battle. I think this was much closer than the votes would indicate.

    LP- really different style from you, which I'm realy glad to see you break from the song style verses you used to drop back when I used to be in the league. you've became quite the poetical writer which was good to see in this piece with many good strong points of view throughout your verse. your vocab is quite strong, and it wasn't overdone in this piece here. great drop.

    coup- a really strong verse from you as well.. I find your piece was a real nice easy read I thought it flowed great and the opening was the catcher for me. I liked how you worded it :) I wouldve liked to see a stronger rhyme scheme, maybe a few multies to give your writing a little stronger swagger, but it wasn't 100% neccesary to complete this piece. well done.

    I hate to pic because I feel they bother were tight. but I enjoyed coups flow and overall writing this week

    V/ Coup
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  14. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    LP up 5 -1
    test
  15. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    test
  16. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    I voted on all but nom and omega.

    good match lp
    test
  17. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    test
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