[Week 29] [Contender] 3. Kuja(2-1) vs 4. Fairydance2000(6-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Mar 14, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Here, good luck Fairy
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  3. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    284
    in thank you, good luck to you too
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  4. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
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    Romantic get away


    Along time ago in a small country place
    I stayed in a cottage, how my heart it did race
    All seemed so nice by the soft light of day,
    Nestled in a pine wood. A romantic get away
    Over 100 years old. Antiques all over
    Open fire, your desire. Just you and your lover
    By day we stroll around the grounds so green and so vast
    Roots from the pine trees push up through the grass
    Not a house or a person anywhere to be seen
    Like a snap shot straight from the silver screen
    Slowly the sun starts to drift out of sight
    What was once so beautiful is now preparing for night
    The tree tops have vanished completely from view
    Shadows they cast are distorted as the moon light forces through
    The open fire is crackling with the occasional roar
    Cozy and safe we make love there on the floor
    At this point I would like to point out that I didn’t drink booze
    I didn’t do drugs, seen where that gets you; I won’t walk in those shoes
    So nothing more than the lustful rush and the satisfied calm
    We lay together in the certain trust. That I would know no harm
    We check all around and locked everything tight
    Then went off to bed and settled in for the night
    About 3am I feel a cold hand on my head
    Then holding my arms flat to the bed
    Pressure was place on my chest where I lay
    Pinned to the spot I can’t get away
    The weight increases at a frightening rate
    Unable to scream or retaliate
    Cold breaths all over me steam like mist fill the room
    I was growing cold with a knowing of our impending doom
    A thud on our wall startled my man
    He flew out of that bed and grabbed hold my hand
    Reach for his knife that’s never far away
    Still unable to move I stayed where I lay
    The room just got colder, as I seemed to brake free
    My man wasn’t a genius he had no Dr’s degree
    In a heartbeat he had grabbed the torch and ran out the door
    Leaving me and my shit alone here once more
    The pressure in the room made my ears pop
    Blood ran down my neck. Drop after drop`
    I gather my senses prepare for flight or fight
    I feel really dizzy something’s not right
    I hear the car start I run though the trees
    Tripping over the roots fall to my knees
    Surrounded by shadows, I could hear their voice
    Tell me I was now theirs, that I had no choice
    Engulfed by the blackness that pulled me back to the room
    Every things spinning filled with dread and gloom
    I see my own body drench in my blood
    Door slammed behind me with a tremendous thud
    Startled and dazed, feeling quite a wreck
    Looking down at the knife that stands erect in my neck
    I was not alone trapped on this earthly plain.
    Souls that had passed still linger and remain
    We will not hurt you I hear them say.
    We wanted to warn you to stay away.
    This is not the place it was made out to be,
    This is now your forever, your eternity.


    [​IMG]
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  5. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Weeping Angel



    'I promise to find you my love,
    you are my souls desire
    You give my life meaning
    & warm my heart with fire..
    Residing in my dreams,
    in the place filled with trees
    I need to find you..
    You must help me please'



    I stand at the edge of reason, the breeze all around
    As the trees above me sway gently to a ghostly sound
    My heart skips a beat as all my senses try and retreat
    My mind screaming that theres no shame to admit defeat
    I must remain calm, that letter was definitely my writing
    But the fact I have no recollection is what I find frightening
    Left before right, I enter the forest with all my might
    & after a few minutes of walking, darkness devours my sight
    I stand & stare, my senses alert, my mind sends warning
    Isnt this just madness not to venture until morning..
    Guided by the moonlight my legs take on a mind of there own
    ..For what feels like hours but never once feeling alone
    Then I hear it, a melody of sweetness, there in the distance
    All my anxiety diffusing breaching my walls of resistance
    I listen, taking in my surroundings the moonlight glistens
    & the excitement inside me rises as my breathing quickens
    I start to run, in the sweet melody my mind takes solace
    My whole body unwillingly loses control like a broken promise
    I must locate the musics source, my legs will survive
    As each step closer I get my whole body feels alive
    The trees seem to close in as if to control my pace
    Forcing me to make haste as each branch lasarates my face
    Until at last my body halts reaching the end of my flight
    For in the centre of the darkness, shines a suffering light
    A thousand thoughts trying to force logic, my mind retorts
    All else remains oblivous to my eyes, except the source
    I have arrived, one fragment of me remains trying to sway me
    Urging me to turn around and run, this is fucking crazy
    But my will power fails, im a prisoner to my own curiousity
    Dispite my feelings deep down inside creating animosity
    The melody halts, the light is fading theres no mistake
    As the once white light shimmers, wait, its taking shape
    The last of the light bends & swirls, whats it creating?
    Amougst the silence all alone I hear my heart pulsating
    A sudden flash of light erupts, lasting only mere seconds
    Now out of nowhere there stands a woman who beakons
    A woman of beauty & elegance, a woman of pure devine
    Such beutiful eyes, a woman who could steal the suns shine
    In a trance my body heads towards her, abandening choice
    Longing to hold her up close, longing to hear her voice
    I wrap my arms around her in embrace, I try to kiss her
    She turns her mouth towards my ear & starts to whisper
    'Im sorry my child, you heard my call, ill make this fast
    For I am no ones, but enslaved here to perform my task'
    Everything turns cold, her words invoked my loathing
    For this angel turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing
    I fall to my knees, all life draining, every orrafice bleeding
    Such trickery brought me here to remain forever sleeping
    But now my mind becomes clear, now this evil forest can sleep
    Until feeding time arrives again, now im the angel that weeps

    [​IMG]
    test
  6. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    284
    test
  7. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Will edit with votes.
    test
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Fairy - The imagery was good and the flow was really good. I liked that you went into detail this week. It really helped you tell your story better. I really enjoyed how you ended this. The amount of despair, regret, disappointment was realistic. This was impressive and one of your better work. Good job here.


    Fave Line -
    "Not a house or a person anywhere to be seen
    Like a snap shot straight from the silver screen
    Slowly the sun starts to drift out of sight
    What was once so beautiful is now preparing for night"


    Kuja - I loved how you started this. It was smooth, solid imagery and good rhymes. You improved this week and it's clear to me that you are getting a lot better. The only real problem i had with this story was the wording at times was a bit weird. For example, "As each step closer I get my whole body feels alive" read very weird to me and would sound better worded differently. There were a few lines like this. Overall a really good story.

    Fave line -
    "Then I hear it, a melody of sweetness, there in the distance
    All my anxiety diffusing breaching my walls of resistance
    I listen, taking in my surroundings the moonlight glistens
    & the excitement inside me rises as my breathing quickens"



    Overall a good matchup. Both writers wrote to the same topic which made things interesting. I connected more with Fairy's story though mainly because it was easier to understand. By that i mean Kuja's wording hurt him here. Once he clears this up, he will champ the league :)


    V/ Fairy
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  9. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,154
    fairy:
    With such dark topics you still manage to make something beautiful shine through.. From start to end this was entertaining and the end revelation matched the picture with such power.. You continue to kill it every week and hope you continue to do so.. Nice drop.

    kuja:
    at first i was like ok he is continuing on with fairies verse and then by the end it was just like you plagiarized her piece with less power and direction.. I think if you took a different path to be more original you would have put up more of a fight.. but anywhot tight match.. gl

    vote = fairydance
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  10. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2001
    Messages:
    12,505
    Fairy - Overall Your best verse I've read from you. You usualy narrate stories so well from begining to end, but normally you lack depth to your stories, lack of details which takes away from the realistic view of a story, This week was just opposite, you came with a well told story that I was connected to throughout emotionally. The details and imgry were spot on, again and all the emotion built into it just gave it that 7.5 verse to a 9, wording was wonderful and poetic and again the realism of it was great. Wonderful job.

    Kuja - this was a good verse as well, the begining unfolded perfectly, but then became somewhat predictable and more disjointed specially with the wording, it seemed off at times and unlike fairy's your verse didn't have the power of emotion and depth, but agaiin...this was a good verse, one of your better ones and I can tell you are improving week in week out, well done.

    Overall Fairy had the better of the verses, her verse had more depth, better wording, emotion and detail imgry. good match up guys.

    Vote _ fairy.
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  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Fairy up 3 to -4
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  12. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    FD-

    Your rhyme scheme is simple effective and descriptive. At first I thought the story was a bit blocky with its unfolding. But you move fluidly through the story and there are sufficient details. You also do a good job with the pacing of the story and keep me going forward. I was a little confused though, did her lover stab her in the neck? Because he reached for the knife that was always nearby.. Nothing too flashy but a nice read, it displayed a quickening of the action and a climax and then appropriate resolution. You are fundamentally strong, just would like to see flex the rhyme patterns some, be sublime or intricate in your story rendering. I enjoyed the small things, like how the cottage had antiques over 100 years old.

    Kuja-

    I enjoy how you tell the story as events are happening to the character, but you used I and My too much for me. Like first person third person narrative lol. Rhymes are decent they switch up from time to time to keep it from getting insipid. Some wordplay in the verse.

    Then I hear it, a melody of sweetness, there in the distance
    All my anxiety diffusing breaching my walls of resistance

    I enjoy passages like this. Detailed, connects me to the character, I can empathize.

    The melody halts, the light is fading theres no mistake
    As the once white light shimmers, wait, its taking shape
    The last of the light bends & swirls, whats it creating?

    Again this puts me in the characters mood and thoughts in an engaging way.

    Vote - FD
    Yes this was close. Kuja had the edge in that I felt more in character. Like I was there with him walking in the forest, hearing the music, forcing my legs to move, beholding this angel. I also thought the ending twist was somewhat cliche but also a little clever. Because now he is the Angel. FD has a great writers voice and imagery, detail, story control, polish, satisfying ending. Good work to both.
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  13. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    76,201
    Fairy wins 4 to -4
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