[Week 29] [Champ] C. Cereal_Killer(6-2) vs 2. Lyricalpriest(2-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Mar 14, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

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    ----------------------------------------------------------------

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    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    test
  3. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    i hear cereal get's pretty soggy in hell...
    test
  4. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    An Earth Ambient
    ..

    [​IMG]
    ..
    Beneath this fungi lies a lime green Meshmen
    This tiny bright eyed fellow is currently resting
    Digesting a melon whilst the sun rays caress him
    He remains mellow as his belly keeps stretching
    Canvas by name he is least portrayed for his hurrying
    Though his friend Easel is lethal with encouragement
    And right now if they’re late there will be a punishment
    As we all know knowledge is the soul’s way of flourishing
    Class starts in a split instant so they need to leave now
    With the distance between dreams Easel must reach out
    “To paint a perfect picture the teacher needs our attendance
    And I don’t mean to offend but her words will be our sentence”

    “She does have a mean tongue but have you seen the sun
    that beams on us, we can’t retreat or run from the reach of fun
    to completely shun the love which beats a drum in peace for us”

    So precarious, a touched Easel clutches with trust to leave the brush
    When push comes to shove the water hole holds all holy
    Unfolding on top of a rock, Canvas and Easel keep molding
    A life of leisure; No pressure in pleasure as they dip in the drink
    To think the same chemical they feel made the big bang exist
    Love for one’s self and the playground that nature provided
    Supplying chit chat this rouged riff raff decide to swan dive in
    Back flips and acting with passion they nearly run out of wind
    Relaxed and damp as an amber drifts and sparks like a flint
    Caution morphs their cortex as they clamper to the shore
    Unaware of their poor neighbours chanting for support
    A dance to remember, the first sight of Armageddon
    No wisdom could attain the mental images of this prison
    They witness families burn whole homes destroyed
    Flames swallowing flames as insane as the noise
    Canvas runs into help whilst Easel holds him back
    When a flash of wildfire collapsed both in their tracks
    Dug in the dirt Canvas lies underneath Easel
    With E’s frame burnt, unable to move and in a fetal
    Position, Canvas listens for any signs of life left
    But this Meshmen is about to breathe his last breath
    Canvas is empty but still he refuses to just die
    As he captures what we would call our will to survive
    Tying vines around Easel he drags him to the forests end
    “My closest friend, I can’t stand without you for the future to be promising”
    In each other’s arms they both watch the blazing sorrow
    And know now that they will have to face today’s tomorrow
    ..​
    test
  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    i haven't had time to attempt composing a story.. CeeKay is u coo with an extension?
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  6. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    yeh dude..

    votes:
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  7. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    Fatal "Secret Affair"


    [​IMG]
    12 years we went through hell dear!
    we both couldn't relate on nothin'!
    well here is where the end nears..
    I won't hesitate, & I swear I'm not Bluffin'
    introduced to eachother when we were adolescent
    over the years we tied a noose to eacthother
    and lost all innocence
    your first seed, wasn't mine but I raised her anyway
    our first seed together began to : "weave the time"
    we would keep in mind til'we fade away..
    funny how in time, we realize OUR plan's don't tend to
    be the way..

    The amount of Skeletons we hide ...
    is too much to put in the closet.
    we don't talk, we shout! even the neighbors here our fight's
    we are toxic together, I'm just being honest
    maybe I'm trippin', maybe like my father I'm too bold
    maybe dove's cry, and thug's cry maybe trust lies
    and love dies.... i don't wanna be like my father..
    that foo' cold!..

    It's Funny how.. woman act Funny Style.. towards the end of the break
    they expect: "break up's to make-up's" then wake up swimmin in lakes
    "man got 10 year's in prison" end up doing life for tryna escape.
    but you don't gotta get funny in the face, we civilized in this place
    plus i don't wanna catch a case.

    I'm just tryna say, stop lying to my face! I seen you with him walkin
    in the rain, hop in his car and drive off array.
    who are you tryna play? By the way. He's married, how many houses
    are you tryna break? What's that? is it something your tryna say?
    oh i'll listen later, it's your turn to hear me out so it'll hafta wait
    for now i'll keep this gag in your mouth and this rag over your face!
    the kid's are at there uncles house it's just me and you today.
    baby.. I don't feel right neither evil voices in my head telling
    me to feel like ether! homicidal urges make me wanna kill like reaper!
    I see you squirmin i bet that you mad baby.. Why did you fuck him?
    him and his wife just had a baby!
    plus you work together, at the same highschool as ya kids
    if that ain't fucked up, I don't know what iS!!
    you one sick perverted miserable bitch!
    you betray me baby, you belong dead in a ditch!
    I know if i leave you, then you gone take half my money
    you already fucked up our daughter's life now you act like a druggy
    they say a woman's scorn ain't nothing nice, they forgot to add that its ugly
    now im contemplating taking your whole life because you took half of it from me

    pause....

    click, click... *Gun Shot* Body drops.. *sniff sniff* *gun shot* now no nobody
    talks...
    test
  8. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    284
    CK
    I really enjoyed reading this story, it made me smile from start to finish.
    The imagery was wonderful and the story was sweet and creative.
    Your rhymes are very slick. And appropriate.
    Your flow was spot on, loved it!

    Lyricalpriest
    Well told story. Nice rhymes from start to finish smooth through the most.
    Imagery was strong and clear. It had a very nice beat.
    The flow followed through nicely.


    Vote: CK
    test
  9. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    CK win's GOOD JOB BRO!

    I sign out
    test
  10. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
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    7,040
    This was a good match overall, it was very close. You both told your storys clearly and creatively with good rhymes. I edged it to CK, LP had better rhyme schmes but I enjoyed his actual story more.

    Vote: Cereal_Killer
    test
  11. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2001
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    12,505
    Will drop mt breakdown and reasons tomorrow, but...

    Vote - LP.


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  12. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2001
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    12,505
    CK - Well written story, it had great imagry and vocab was great, Flow was spot on and the story it-self was unique, but I really couldn't get into it. To me it was a happy verse but really didn't have the emotion or realism. The basic elements again were spot on, but again I couldn't get into the story and enjoy it like others did.

    LP - one of your best verses I've read from you, to me it came acorss so real and very connected, wording was good, flow was good and wirtten very well. I enjoyed it throughly, well done.


    It's Funny how.. woman act Funny Style.. towards the end of the break
    they expect: "break up's to make-up's" then wake up swimmin in lakes
    "man got 10 year's in prison" end up doing life for tryna escape.
    but you don't gotta get funny in the face, we civilized in this place
    plus i don't wanna catch a case.

    Nice.

    vote LP.
    test
  13. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    CK - impressive imagery here. You painted a great picture here and really kept my interest. The rhymes were good and the flow was solid but more than that, the story was developed nicely. You progressed the story at a good pace and things came naturally. Good work here.


    LP - I actually liked this. The story was really good. The flow was good and all. the rhymes were good as well. I wanted, however you to develop the story more. You spoke about how you didn't want to be like your father. I wanted details here. Give me something here, i was curious here. Still, the emotion in this was nice. I was pretty impressed here. Good work here


    V/ CK - his story was more polished than LP's but LP had a solid story and verse was pretty good. LP needs to work out some of the kinks and give more detail where people want it and less where people don't need it.
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  14. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    CK up 1 to -3
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  15. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

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    Apr 5, 2002
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    12,377
    Ck -

    What an interesting opening set of words. I like the cadence where the natural pauses in the flow are...

    Canvas by name he is least portrayed for his hurrying
    Though his friend Easel is lethal with encouragement

    The wording is a little awkward, but the rhymes smooth and descriptive. Especially that lethal with encouragement part heh. I know some people like that.

    As we all know knowledge is the soul’s way of flourishing
    Hrm is it? More like anguishing heh.

    Supplying chit chat this rouged riff raff decide to swan dive in
    Back flips and acting with passion they nearly run out of wind

    Dancing with words man and imagery

    Many creative rhyme patterns and colorful words and descriptions, such as the meshman eating a melon and his belly stretching lol.
    Now I didn't understand the concept of them having to get to class and being punished if they didn't? I guess since they decided to stay because of the sun beckoning to fun.. and then Armegeddon came? So maybe they could have helped prevent that, by painting the picture perfect, but they decided to play instead and the world ended. Lol harsh indeed. So was the teacher the maker? Piece had flair and the hint of sublime felt crunched at the end but I enjoyed the crafsmanship and clever rhymes.

    Lp-

    The amount of Skeletons we hide ...
    is too much to put in the closet.
    we don't talk, we shout! even the neighbors here our fight's
    we are toxic together, I'm just being honest
    maybe I'm trippin', maybe like my father I'm too bold
    maybe dove's cry, and thug's cry maybe trust lies
    and love dies.... i don't wanna be like my father..
    that foo' cold!..


    This is like...cliche phrases combined with song lyrics that used a lot of words to say not much. It's distant and general. What are the skeletons? He don't want to be like his daddy because he's cold? Dig deeper bro.

    It's Funny how.. woman act Funny Style.. towards the end of the break
    they expect: "break up's to make-up's" then wake up swimmin in lakes
    "man got 10 year's in prison" end up doing life for tryna escape.
    but you don't gotta get funny in the face, we civilized in this place
    plus i don't wanna catch a case.

    Ah this is cool. Mang got 10 years in prison ending up doing life for tryna escape. Gully and clever.

    Now this format of storytelling could work but I feel you used to many played phrases and lacked creativity. If you gonna used a common twist/theme/punch you need to come from a different angle, be more intricate something. Rhyme wise it was ok, story was meh... although I do think that emotion came out.


    Vote Ck
    test
  16. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    CK wins 2 to -3
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