[Week 28] [Champ] C. Cereal_Killer(5-2) vs 2. ShadowWarriorfs(19-7)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Mar 7, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match and labeling the CHAMP and CONTENDER respectively!!!
    •Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.


    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
  2. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Oct 25, 2002
    TOPIC: The apocalypse is upon us and you are the world’s only hope for survival

    We were warned of the torment in our war torn world
    Still we fought for our fortune and scored forged pearls
    Fakes and frauds morph the pain like morphine in veins
    It courses and tames the more important to change
    Their way in living, equal to all as people do fall
    Communist promises creep as they crawl
    With a key to our door
    Off the deep end for sure as we bleed near a morgue
    Seesaw with thoughts
    Ls life worth living at all
    So we keep giving it more until we’re driven to scorn
    If you had your chance to dance with the devil before
    His cancer had critically carried our corpse
    Would you do it
    Kill a baby on the day it was born

    I was once upper-class, born rich with a vision
    Now I just dig in a re-educational prison
    My decision to move to China as a doctor exists
    As a major importance to this apocalypse
    I delivered Satan himself into the arms of the world
    Now my guts curdles and swirls so much that I hurl
    I Curl up in a ball and then get beaten bloody
    Blue bruises from abuse move my talent to rusty
    Even my fellow workers don’t trust me from cutting
    The umbilical cord to the root of all evil, baby bunting
    No love, clutching at straws as Hu Jinato explores
    Other ways of torture to deform what we all call
    Freedom of speech, you see to speak tongue in cheek
    Would leave you numb, weak at the knees or deceased
    Jinato has captured and manipulated the UN with ease
    Controlling media once the internet security got seized
    We’re chained to a belief that death will come quick
    Yet every time I slit my wrist I get revived and stitched
    To survive these pits I exist in a plateau of pain
    As I campaign with wits to try an extinguish this flame
    Yet it still burns bright from propaganda and mind control
    In hindsight I hold the reason your soul is engulfed
    And that’s why I fight hard, months and months behind bars
    Because I’d know you’d do the same to change the scars
    Rearrange the stars seems more likely but I keep trying
    Working my arse of waiting for the right timing
    In the kitchen is my position as I cook meals
    For the fallen who feel nothing left in this ordeal
    I have become a master chef with rice and flower
    Still not forgetting about my chance to dance with this coward
    Finally Jinato wants to erect a new water plant in our camp
    He wants to come down in person so he can release his plans
    On the day of his arrival people drop to their knees in fear
    I whisper in the ear of slave what he needs to hear
    “I can end this all, be ready to evacuate”
    As I cook up a storm for Hu with some sulfate
    Choking and breathing heavy his guards look for a medic
    Unable to find one in time so I jump in ready
    I grab the kit off the wall and tell them I’m a doctor
    I pull out a syringe with adrenaline and peel back his cloths proper
    It all look official, my plan is about to unfold with chills
    As I let enough air in the syringe to bring Hu to a stand still
    I press down the pump with a gun barrel at my temple
    I watch him gasp for air before I feel the wrath of a riffle
    You can bring someone into this world unaware what might exist
    But you still will beat yourself to death
    Because hindsight’s a bitch
  3. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
    i need 24 hrs


    Here is my confession; murder has become my compulsive obsession
    Aggression fueling my attacks with deepened grunts to possessed them
    The twisted progress shuns the development that my mind has begun
    They try to run but my eyes watched through the barrel of my gun
    It was their peril that was fun but in the end, just another victim
    Cheryl said it was a symptom of schizophrenia that caused me to pick them
    “These people are sheltered from reality not me, I wasn’t the sick one”
    My chilling words melted her as I decided that she needed to face it
    As she tries to erased it, she shivered in fear knowing I could taste it
    In the bushes I remained faceless, stalking Cheryl like a serial rapist
    Blood pumping through my oasis as I follow her into several places
    Slowly increasing my paces as I cover her screams and abduct her
    Hands cover her eyes to obstruct her vision as she begs me not to fuck her
    But she was the sucker for judging me, starting to struggle then fight me
    Which excites me, leaning my neck into her mouth waiting for her to bite me
    I tightened my grip around her neck as I rip off her panties and penetrate
    Her virginity disintegrates as she loses her will to fight or facilitate
    I harshen my thrusts, grunting as her breast quickly swing until I bust
    She lay there without a fuss, dead inside while leaking my creamy pus

    I regain my composure and realized I needed to finish the job
    It was over for her, she turned away as if she refused to sob
    I could feel her heart throb as I grabbed her by her ponytail
    Her head jolts back as she falls and is pierced by a long nail
    She struggles for air and falls deeper so I could hear her flesh tear
    Her eyes blank out as she prays for survival, hoping I would care
    But all I did was stare, placing her inside a darkened chamber
    A furnace to incinerate her flesh so no one could name her
    As I turn up the heat, her prayers turn into an agonizing scream
    Constantly on repeat until her lungs evaporate into the airs steam
    I watched until her body turned to ashes then I left the scene
    Still without a face, attitude demonic and morally unclean
    As I traveling upstream searching for someone else to trick
    Remembering my words to Cheryl and I was wrong, I am sick…


  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
  5. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Oct 25, 2002
  6. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Mar 10, 2004

    Your Rhymes were nice and relevant
    The Flow was smooth and didn’t wonder
    Imagery was very clear. Keeping me interested from start to finish
    I liked your Story. It was strong and entertaining
    Wording was simple but clear. This made for an easy read.

    A very intelligent verse. Smooth through the whole thing.
    Nice rhymes. Fitted well
    A very strong story. With a nice even flow.
    I like your use of the English language.
    Strong imagery from start to finish.

    Guys I hate to do this, you have made this a great champ battle.
    So hard to choose. Shadows wording was more familiar. This didn’t take away from the verse to the coterie this made it an easier and enjoyable read.
    CK’s was intense and powerful but lack some of the imagery that shadows had, because of his wording.
    I have said it before it’s hard to call. For every + one has over the other, there is equal –‘s so all I can say is, CK your use of words is amazing. Shadow wonderful imagery. Brilliant match!
    Vote: Shadow
  7. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Apr 18, 2001
    great battle fuck!

    CK had the edge on this with vocab and flow imo. Where Shadow brought some really wicked imagery with his choice of words.. as with Fairies comments, its so hard to pick because each of you displayed some great writing ability, Shadow I think your flow lacked a little in this because your lines were so descriptive that it lost its swagger, so it didn't read as smoothe as CK's did. I think Shadow you easily are the most improved writer in the league. CK, great verse, I really enjoyed the way this read. You're vocab and word placement was great, you had alot of great lines and your multies were original and clever. Overall great battle fellas, but I have to pick a winner.

    v - CK (sorry shadow, you had a great verse as well)
  8. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Feb 5, 2001
    WOW... Both came excellent.

    CK, your story was complex, maybe too complex. Your wording and choice of vocabulary was high level, but I think it hindered on the detail and imagery of your story, you set the tone of the story beautifully with the depth of the story and how it was worded, but I feel you lacked in imagery substance. But this was a wonderful read. (Although I didn't like the choice in the font color, it makes it seem you are trying to make up for something and in your case, there's no need)

    Shadow - Kind of opposite of CK's, you went down the path of a simple yet entertaining story, simple yet very effective vocabulary and what you lacked in creativity in the concept of a story you made up in painting a picture with a full page imagery, not only was the read and narrative smooth it was presented as if a blind person could imagine the story. Also, it was worded well along with the flow was on point. I would suggest that the only thing you could work on is concept with stories, not saying you're typical, but you're on the boarder of thinking and or creating one tier inside the box concepts, anyway like CK well done.

    This is a really tough one to call, but I do think their is a winner and I do think although CK lacked in imagery, his story, Vocab, word placement and flow more than made up for it.

    Both excellent verses, but

    MVGT - CK.

    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
  9. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Apr 5, 2002

    If you had your chance to dance with the devil before
    His cancer had critically carried our corpse
    Would you do it
    Kill a baby on the day it was born

    MMM... Great set up into the story, posing one of those provoking questions with a liquid flow wordplay and imagery.

    The rest of the story is well crafted, polished. Yet it feels filling with little movement in the story and without depth.

    I would like to have maybe seen, the doctor punishing himself more, with memories of atrocities that Hu inflicted, like snapshots that he sees while he is biding his time, instead of just 'he was beaten and bruised' etc.

    These moments would have brought more vividness to the story and drawn me in more. It was a solid piece with good start and ending but not that much scenery.

    Shadow -

    Flow is alright, rhymes are basic, but you have details and the story unfolds in action segment. Some of your words aren't correctly used.

    "I tightened my grip around her neck as I rip off her panties and penetrate
    Her virginity disintegrates as she loses her will to fight or facilitate."

    Why would she want to facilitate her own rape?

    And who was Cheryl? Why did she think the main character had schizo. Although you gave a good account of a moment, and had burst of narration with a limited intro, I just feel like there was not enough story.

    Vote - CK

    Ok so Ck was lacking in vivid imagery of stuff happening real time and Shadow had that, but there wasn't enough build up or background, just felt like I was dropped in the middle of a story and then it was over.

    So story wise I say it was slightly edged by Ck, Shadow had imagery details narration, but then CK had the overall more skillful showing, flow, vocab, story arc and then climax.
  10. HeartCloaker

    HeartCloaker Winter is coming

    Aug 17, 2010
    I wasn't feeling this. Who keeps adrenaline shots on their walls? I'd turn into an adrenaline junkie and never have to jump off shit if people did that. Him coming around to announce something you already know about a water plant is weird too. And what moral can be taken from the story? Don't ever do anything ever because it might make the world horrible? It felt like you were trying to deliver that as a moral. I wouldn't lose a minute of sleep to guilt if I delivered Satan.


    I could feel her heart throb as I grabbed her by her ponytail
    ^Favorite line
    And I could feel your morals thought as you rapped your phony tail. A fine moral it was too, don't judge people or they'll stalk you and you'll get your virginity raped away. And the end when he starts to judge himself leaves the reader wanting to know more. Does he hate himself? Does he love himself? How will upstream adventures go?

    V/ Shadow
  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008
    CK wins 3 to 2
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