[Week 27] [Championship] C. Born Deaf(6-0) vs 2. Pent uP(3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Oct 5, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest



    WEEK 27



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. MC4SiGHT

    MC4SiGHT JOE COMMiSSO

    Joined:
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    1,838
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  3. Born Deaf

    Born Deaf DIED HEARING

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    102
    acid for narcissist's

    the first time i saw it, i didn't know what it was…
    …the last time i saw it, i didn't know what it was...
    a blissful buzz of an eyeballs indulgence…
    …a fistful cause of my slime ball abundance….

    a hippity hop there I flop legs flocked over the edge of my twin bed…
    …a pin head with a thin neck, narrow body, stomach beer-fed…
    beside an argument waiting to happen, you can call her my girlfriend…
    …you ever sit back and wonder what'd you do if the world ends?…
    i have…
    …over & over & over again, thrashing my brains like fucking parasites…
    i roll that pair of dice mentally, i know paradise will reach me eventually…
    …it's got to, in this dream I have it's sent to me, i know it's intentionally…
    imagination tempts me, sad i might not even make it to equal a century…
    …unless I live one hundred three sixty fives, i'll be lucky to be alive..
    i'm too mean-reclusive, fight-inducing, pushing bee's up out the hive…
    …by bee's i mean my girlfriends, you ever wonder how the world ends?
    oh wait.. I already asked that, i'm one baskets weave over curled bends…
    …but fuck it. i guess all depends on how the beans blend….
    & well….
    i like my joe average, i drink a cup every day with minimal damage…
    …sip mental refreshment, throw a vest on & join the rest who manage…
    a manic who happens to panic after snacking on suzy q's & Zanax..
    …i love breakfast, me and suzy & joe, all readied for me to cram in…
    damn guess even girlfriends are useful, at least every now & than…
    …haha, wow even I make myself laugh every now & again…
    but it's cool, she cutes, she's sexy, she's thin, plus she let me in…
    …no doorbell, just compliment how the whore smells & begin…
    it's a win-win, my kinda situation, even when I'm frequently pacing…
    …wait… where am I going, why is my kitchen shaking?
    body ache-less, plush, limp, & weightless, am I fainting….?
    …colors fading, forming circles vibrating, pupils painting…
    yellows, blacks, & greens passion bleeds upon my placid screen…
    …simple, serene…spinning around me like a washing machine…
    washing me out of reality, the white splashes me…
    …kind of a border between whats happening & calories…
    black crumbs, cream on my weak cheeks, & blood drips…
    …tryna figure out where the fuck my tongue is?…
    that dumb bitch, what kinda web have I got myself spun in…
    …humming cause I can't talk, blinking cause I can't see…
    woah how'd i end up in my pantry, mouth stuffed with panties…
    …i feel delightful, hands cuffed but i know my baby got the keys…
    i'll just stand here till i feel she's on her knees…
    …wasn't long till she began to please, regular dick tease…
    she gave it a kiss, kiss, a lick, lick, than i felt a snip, snip…
    …oh shit, SHIT!! THAT'S MY DICK BITCH!!!!…
    sick thing is...it feels mildly sensational…and warm…
    …the gush swarms, as I melt into the floor…
    i'm stuck, fucked in a color-burst versus a whore…
    …wishing i didn't see these damn circles anymore…
    and than she closed the door.

    the first time i saw it, i didn't know what it was…
    …the last time i saw it, i didn't know what it was...
    a blissful buzz of an eyeballs indulgence…
    …a fistful cause of my slime ball abundance…
    .







    TOPIC :

    [​IMG]
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  4. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    Yesterday VS. Tomorrow

    There's space and there's time; both blinding gapes
    You're quite innate if you think there's time in space;
    on the other side of fate is our defining race
    with no space in time for us to try and wait
    to find a great anecdote for our faulty worlds.
    Our planet floats in tandem rows with all the blurs
    the galaxy has to see in its appalling girth -
    revolving around dimensions in our Multiverse.

    everyone guesses what happens after death; what about before life
    To be forthright: living can't possibly seem more bright
    - This worlds a shit stain on a bums jean's war stripes
    Pealed, torn, wiped, and heading to a sea shore's tide
    up stream toward light where it'll evaporate
    in a gaseous state that the clouds stash away
    while they mass create continual dabs of rain
    to be recycled back to earth on a Saturday.
    when you're half awake; blurry eyed and late for work
    staring out the window - embracing earth.
    Watching the first chloroplast break the dirt -
    awaiting backyards to fill with tasty herbs.
    You see a face emerge; distant and over the fence
    noticeable to the home owners own sense
    but nonthreatening - so you're content.
    He's no soldier or threat - and you don't owe more than rent
    Its a quarter to ten and you're blinded by fright
    by the insight given from your Mayan device -
    upgraded into the digital times of our life -
    and if you're late again you'll be crying tonight.
    The excitement is ripe and you run to the bus
    where you find, in a fight, the grungiest musk
    from hungry old bums, as they struggle and cuss -
    both in despair over a pear - a couple of nuts
    Months turn to mush - that molecule multiplied.
    - a seed to a stem which freely ascends, but all with time.
    stem to a leaf - tentatively crawls through skies
    until it bore fruit for you to haul inside.
    The bum arrives with a quick hop of the fence.
    Without caution or sense you might stop and protest
    he picks at your garden; choosing which crops look the best
    He sees you and sprints after he robs your harvest
    your thoughts acknowledge its a quarter to ten
    so you hit the bus stop; composure is tense
    when you catch that bum laying over the bench.
    About to pummel him when you hit a moment of zen
    - He's homeless and spent - but uplifted in mood
    You see water drops roll and drip from the food
    one catches his lip and in a sip is consumed
    that molecule fills him; while he's cringing at you
    you come home to find him taking a shit on your stoop
    you chase him away yelling; and then give it a scoop
    bring it into the bathroom to get rid of the poo
    but stop to look at it as if it consists of your fruits.

    There's space and there's time; both blinding gapes,
    There's space in your stomach; until the time you ate.
    on the other side of fate is our defining race
    with no space in time for us to try and wait
    to find a great anecdote for our faulty worlds.
    Our planet floats in tandem rows with all the blurs
    the galaxy has to see in its appalling girth -
    While we're mere molecules in a Multiverse
    traveling through space after lunch appointments -
    All the Mayans predicted was the the subtle voyage
    and scale of time to clutch end points with.
    Starting when food bloomed and was plucked as choice pick
    for the digestive tracks and taste buds enjoyment.
    Ending when it'd turn to shit and they'd flush their toilet.
    
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  5. Born Deaf

    Born Deaf DIED HEARING

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    102
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  6. profit55

    profit55 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2007
    Messages:
    91
    honestly didnt understand either one too much...but from what i did get

    pent up made me imagine a rabbit and the devil at the same time lol....

    born deaf didnt really make me imagine anything...

    so my vote is based on who stirred my imagination....

    vote - pent up
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  7. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    ^ that vote is not going to be counted until you elaborate on it more. it was far too short
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  8. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209


    Born Deaf:

    Nice drop this week, crazy story, but the structure and your writers voice really worked with the storyline. The random off kilter inner dialogue was dope for me, those three lines about your penis being cut off, was a little ehh for me, not the subject matter but the way in which it was worded seemed out of place a bit. But, overall it kept me entertained and wanting to read from start to finish. Nice drop:

    Highlight:

    "by bee's i mean my girlfriends, you ever wonder how the world ends?
    oh wait.. I already asked that, i'm one baskets weave over curled bends…
    …but fuck it. i guess all depends on how the beans blend….
    & well….
    i like my joe average, i drink a cup every day with minimal damage…
    …sip mental refreshment, throw a vest on & join the rest who manage…"



    Pent uP:

    Nice drop here as well, your storyline was really metaphorical and interesting. I dug it. The flow was definitely on point, and it made for a really good read. I thought the piece was really strong, then the last little couplet in italics, those last three lines sort of killed it for me. But overall very dope drop.


    Highlight:

    "- This worlds a shit stain on a bums jean's war stripes
    Pealed, torn, wiped, and heading to a sea shore's tide
    up stream toward light where it'll evaporate
    in a gaseous state that the clouds stash away
    while they mass create continual dabs of rain
    to be recycled back to earth on a Saturday.
    when you're half awake; blurry eyed and late for work
    staring out the window - embracing earth.
    Watching the first chloroplast break the dirt -
    awaiting backyards to fill with tasty herbs."


    This was a very dope battle, Battle Of the Week for sure. You both came strong.

    VOTE = Pent uP

    Each competitor had their ehh moments for me, but both shined for 99% of their pieces, and killed it. Pent just came a little harder this week, for me, and that story was nice.


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  9. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    lol @ prof's .. um .. honesty .. These were both abstract pieces but both written with style and personality .. I enjoyed both verses for very similar reasons which makes the vote a tough one to cast .. Pent's was more metaphorical but made a bit more sense in the overall feel of the verse .. Born had more fluidity to his writing though and was my prefered style in this match-up .. but as I pick up on these best points from my p.o.v, I feel the other isnt far off in those aspects .. they both commanded attention to follow and take something from .. As much as I slightly prefered 4Sight's writing I felt Pent's content more and I think that's where I'm justifying my vote for Pent uP ..
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  10. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2004
    Messages:
    6,700
    Vote - Born Deaf

    BD - ok I didnt really get where you was going with it, and it didnt make sense at all
    but you were going for that at least I assume. BUt damn you went from A to B to C back to A to then jump to Z, it was confusing as fuck but the mechanics made it readable. And I didnt hate it so I guess you did a pretty good job.

    Pent - I liked how you worded this piece and I liked what you were trying to say.
    The overall piece was nice and the flow you had made it easy to read away, but the end
    just didnt do it for me.

    Both yall did a abstract piece and honestly I didnt really get what the fuck
    the whole thing was about for both of yall but I liked it
    pure on how you wrote it, so in the end its back to who I enjoyed reading more
    and that was Born Deaf so he gets my vote
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  11. Abn0rmal

    Abn0rmal Legend.txt

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    913
    Urizen hit me on AIM - Abz Is King
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  12. Link Gash

    Link Gash that ninja

    Joined:
    May 8, 2009
    Messages:
    60,937
    Vote - Born Deaf

    I just think his verse transcended with me a whole lot more, the storytelling was of a higher standard than his more vague but metaphorical approach. Also when reading back over the past few weeks, this has grown almost formulaic of Pent. Each verse has been open-ended, leaving the reader to interpret it as they like rather than offering closure or finality. It's been the same thing the past four weeks pretty much, and again when I looked at also his rhyme and syllable count it didnt stack up to that of last weeks or beyonds efforts. I just think that lack of creativity and trying something different cost him here, he went for the safe option, he stuck with what he knew had worked in the past, and refused to shift out of his comfort zone. Born Deaf had slight faults right throughout his verse, nothing too major, but it does affect his writing at times. I think for the majority it worked though, I liked the story he brought to the table, while not all that original I did feel he did good with a bad topic. The syntax was good, I enjoyed the couplet near the beginning of his verse where he used some repetition. That was cool. I just thought Born brought something different to the battle and showed another side to him and what he can do, while Pent continued down the same trodden path he has been doing for a few weeks now and couldnt really keep my interest. No idea why this match has so few votes, THIS IS THE CHAMP MATCH PEOPLE!

    Vote - Born Deaf
    Posted via Mobile Device
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  13. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Unfortunately Link..i don't your vote will count since i think Nasty said a while back that u must be in the league to have your vote count...but i'll likely slide u 5 points for your nice breakdown of this verse..

    Profit..ur vote wont be counted unless u edit it and add to it

    BD - Interesting use of the picture here. I thought your verse was well-written and i loved the rhyming here. You flow was consistent and i liked how you developed the story although i liked how you started your story but i didn't like how you finished it. I thought it didn't seem about right to me, if that makes sense. Still an excellent verse..nicely done

    Fav line -
    "a hippity hop there I flop legs flocked over the edge of my twin bed…
    …a pin head with a thin neck, narrow body, stomach beer-fed…
    beside an argument waiting to happen, you can call her my girlfriend…
    …you ever sit back and wonder what'd you do if the world ends?…"
    ^^excellent


    Pent uP- lol @ the poo thing. I thought your verse excelled in rhyming. You have a real chemistry with rhyming and i flowed off of this verse. Your flow was great and your story was unique and enjoyable. I thought mid-way through your story seemed a bit dragged but you still had a solid verse

    fave line -
    "There's space and there's time; both blinding gapes
    You're quite innate if you think there's time in space;
    on the other side of fate is our defining race
    with no space in time for us to try and wait"
    ^^:eek:


    overall a even match up..I'm not sure who is the better man here..It pretty much comes down to which story i enjoyed more so i gave my vote to Pent uP. His story just was a little bit more enjoyable to me..BOTW here
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  14. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    first, @ shadow. Link's vote is allowed. Former Champs are allowed to vote. I know who is on that alias, and hes definitely a former champ, haha.

    now, for the breakdown

    BD- Mechanically sound. I liked the flow. I liked it from a lyrical standpoint. But i too, found the story a bit confusing. It was entertaining, just seemed kind of off the wall. Not sure how it tied into the pic. What i got from it, it was pretty straight forward. the guy seemed to have a sort of pessimistic outlook on life. from thinking about the end of the world, to saying how it didnt take much to fuck his "whore" of a girlfriend. im assuming from the title he was on acid. then, out of nowhere he is stuffed in a pantry, while she cuts his dick off. not sure if i missed something in it, but thats what i got. im assuming the circles are supposed to be him tripping. actually, now that i think about it the story did make some sense, its supposed to be an acid trip.

    pent- really mad this a tough one to choose from. another dope verse, as expected. like shadow said, it did seem to drag on, sort of, in there. it was a very poetic verse. i liked the concept of someone who catches a homeless person taking food from their garden one day, then the next day they are shitting on the persons porch. to me it seemed to be metaphoric for someone who will take from you when in need, then shit on you after. much like BD's verse, i liked it from a mechanical standpoint. A lot of good rhymes in there. good verse

    vote- pent, by a slim margin. good battle guys.
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  15. Born Deaf

    Born Deaf DIED HEARING

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    102
    To breakdown my verse he was drugged by his gf with acid in his coffee and she kills him in a torturous way because she grew sick of his narscistic ways. The circles represented the blur in between what was happening to him. He was killed during an acid trip.
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  16. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    14,147
    caine VS urizen - caine
    Shadow VS Luci - Shadow
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