[Week 27] [Champ] C. Fairydance2000(5-0) vs 2. Cereal_Killer(4-2)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Feb 28, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 se
    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    White Elephant
    ..
    This expression is relevant to my most valuable possession
    Compressing the freshest essence in a bottle and then process them
    Since preschool lessons I have invested this selected obsession
    Erected and worshiped the rhythm existing in my nervous system
    As a person blistered by worthless wishes I pursue perfection
    On route to depression, infested and bruised but used to rejection
    Amused indirectly by the views of the fallen few who inspect me
    You can keep crawling through the walls I grew and I’ll keep disinfecting
    Injecting subject matter so subtle that your bubble will burst
    Before you immerge from the trouble that’s birthed, your rebuttals now burnt
    You’re touched by the hurt yet you dig deeper until you’re smothered with words
    Shuttered and turned from a hurricane of one’s shame that’s covered their worth
    It’s a curse that you curse in frustration while I wait with high patience
    Usually I just write my life in rhymes to deal with you sly agents
    Faceless, dying to get inside my mind to supply propaganda
    You’re sloppy.. dancing on dimes, wasting my time like I got no answer
    It’s cancerous to the point your rancid exploits now need a cure
    My mentality is pure, creative and bathing in my blood with your lure
    See the catch is in real time you reel me in with your passion
    Then act in a fashion so callous I’m challenged by your infraction
    A neo fascists and I’m just that fish left thrashing in your trash bin
    Wall Street crashing, a jumper hitting the floor before burning to ashes
    Immersed in gases from the fumes extracting off your bile duct
    You must believe I’m spineless runt as I let the anger pile up
    My organ was organized now the more I open the more I orphan
    The price I pay is perpetual pain that’s placed next to precautions
    A White Elephant is something you can’t rid but costs too much to keep it
    With fine elegance you have beaten my mind so much that I now speak it
    Confined inside I’m seething, dreaming that our time is no longer needed
    So you continue feeding me lines of pride to stop me from leaving
    I lay naked, strip to the bone though you still ask me to bare some more
    Well fuck it I’ll tear the cord
    With an abrasive saw
    Now you can Share My Thoughts
    ..

    [​IMG]
    ..​
    test
  3. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    284
    [​IMG]


    DEEP INSIDE

    The internet is the window to my soul.
    Holding mystery much like a black hole
    Something as simple as a flick of the switch.
    Gets my heart thumping, body twitch
    I sit all alone on those cold weary nights.
    Chat rooms seem to spark my light
    There I am Simone, this is my alias!
    Hoping to meet my own Julio Iglesias
    Chat back and forth banter a bit.
    Talking for hours we mostly talk shit
    With words so aliquant and so slick,
    He types like a wizard the elusions are thick
    This is how it went night after night,
    Getting each other off in the monitors light
    The invisible force that pulled me to him,
    Veins pumping blood he is under my skin
    Letters scrambled together in just the right way.
    Tender and touching with all he would say
    Time was passing at an astronomical rate.
    He is the one I knew it was fate
    This is the man I would give my heart to.
    He told me he shared the same point of view
    No one in this world could tear us apart; you have my respect and encapsulated my heart
    Though we have never met face to face. I long for that time, I yearn your embrace
    The anticipation is killing me. I can’t wait anymore. It feels like infinity. I need to be sure
    We arrange to rendezvous in a quaint little village
    Where neither of us would be unfair disadvantage
    The meeting goes well he is just like I imagine.
    I had something on my mind it was quite a distraction
    I promise to follow you every place that you go,
    Be your best friend. know what you know
    I will forever more be at your side,
    Protecting you from your own useless pride
    I know you will love me for all that I am; I know you will love me though I am a man
    I would like you to call me Linda Rae, I need you to love me, I am willing to pay
    His only responce was,” just fuck off wont ya;” when I said I wanted my own DICKGINA
    test
  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    ck- holy. fuck. flow. so rancid that it was a twist in of itself and you spared any question at the end of the verse by claiming these were his thoughts. I like how they were sawed out of his head. Champ worthy showing on the real. bet


    fairy- smooth, quirky and a good recount. sorta like shads verse but ...hmmm when compared to ck's, this verse really can not hold a candle to it. No disrespect to yas, but this was a bit bare,though it was a well thought out and well written verse. Flow was good, pacing good and story was not a bore to read through like most of shads verses.


    v- ck
    test
  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    YIKES!!!

    Cereal= holy fuck, your story is written so fluidly. the rhyme scheme is magnificent, some of the concept's were amazing, some were bland, but for the most part, your really nailed it with the delivery and structure.. man i can't help but to compliment your word choice.. it made your verse hold so much force.

    Fairy= god damn, that's some fucked up twist @ the end.. that was very cleverly delivered.. word choice, wasn't as eloquent** as C's and i think u held minor grammar flaw's, structure was damn near immaculate, story-line was developed and your only mistake's were the power of word choice, and the neglect of end rhyme precision, and mastery..

    vote-C's
    test
  6. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    test
  7. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    284
    test
  8. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Ck - Very nice drop here the flow was near perfect
    & the lines complimented each other beautifully.
    Some fantastic descriptive writing came into play
    which i loved & the whole verse itself was well worth
    the few times i read through.

    It’s cancerous to the point your rancid exploits now need a cure
    My mentality is pure, creative and bathing in my blood with your lure


    Brilliant.


    Fairy - I have to be honest so please dont take it personaly.
    Ive read a few of your verses in recent weeks & i was pretty
    much surprised this week. The flow was decent & yea i guess
    the story was ok too but on the whole i just didnt find
    myself been drawn in to it that much. I get the impression
    that you could of done far better, but weather this is the
    case i do not know. I hate having to pick a better verse
    because in the end we all try week in week out.


    Chat back and forth banter a bit.
    Talking for hours we mostly talk shit
    With words so aliquant and so slick,
    He types like a wizard the elusions are thick


    These lines stood out for me the most.

    On the whole my vote goes to Ck, nice showing to both.

    Vote - CK
    test
  9. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2001
    Messages:
    12,505
    CK - Well Done, Very nice read. Flow was fluid, the story was fluid. Great Imagrey, Great Vocab, Great Word Placement, Overall for a short read this was great. The story itself was beautiful, Love every word of it. WOW.

    FD - This was unique and at the same time normal, which I enjoyed. I thought the story devolped great begining to end. But it wasn't a wow verse, It had it moments of being great but then fall back on track of being an avergae peice compaerd to CK's. Again, good verse, but CK brought heat this week.

    Vote CK, Overall a WONDERFUL verse.
    test
  10. HeartCloaker

    HeartCloaker Winter is coming

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2010
    Messages:
    221
    CK

    "Since preschool lessons I have invested this selected obsession
    Erected and worshiped the rhythm existing in my nervous system"

    I liked the imagery I got from that where you're tapping his fingers or foot or whatever to a rhythm subconsciously because the rhythm is in your nerves not your head. Like the rhythm is really embedded in you. Makes me interpret the other person in your story as being the hip-hop community, but I'm not sure if that's what you were going for.

    "Well fuck it I’ll tear the cord
    With an abrasive saw
    Now you can Share My Thoughts"

    I didn't really get what you meant by "the cord". Only things which come to mind are the spinal cord which isn't torn in the picture and a mic cord which doesn't make sense given the third line there.

    Fairy

    "The internet is the window to my soul."

    Lets hope your soul likes you then, it's voting.

    "He types like a wizard the elusions are thick"

    This line made me laugh. I got an image of a Gandolf dude typing at you.

    I liked how the rate time was passing kept increasing, first hours then nights then just an astronomical rate.

    I don't get why you first say the meeting goes well but then show us that he's not interested in you at all. The ending wasn't that good imo. You promising to know what he knows annoys me, as does

    "His only responce was,” just fuck off wont ya;” when I said I wanted my own DICKGINA"

    Not because I'm against dickgina's, (Fucking dickgina's, how do they work?) but because I'd assume the story teller would tell the most important parts of the story and you seem more concerned that he doesn't care that you want a dickgina than that he doesn't want you. I get that you seem to be in denial about him not wanting you, but I'm still not feeling that ending line. No offense.

    V/CK
    test
  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,692
    CK - This was impressive and truly a Championship caliber story. I enjoyed everything with this. The flow was on point, the rhymes were impressive and the imagery was great. This had a very smooth poetic read to it that was emotional and captivating. I was impressed. Probably your best work of recent weeks.


    Fave line -
    "You’re touched by the hurt yet you dig deeper until you’re smothered with words
    Shuttered and turned from a hurricane of one’s shame that’s covered their worth
    It’s a curse that you curse in frustration while I wait with high patience
    Usually I just write my life in rhymes to deal with you sly agents"


    Fairy - I thought this story had so much potential here. The flow and the rhymes were solid and impressive. The problem i had with this was when compared to CK's you had to do something more with your story. You told it well but you missed the details that we, the reader, like to see. You being a female could really titillate us. You seem to have the imagination and your background in poetry could really have tied us to the character emotionally. Still i enjoyed this because it was similar to mine :-D.


    Fave line -
    "I sit all alone on those cold weary nights.
    Chat rooms seem to spark my light
    There I am Simone, this is my alias!
    Hoping to meet my own Julio Iglesias"


    Overall a nice battle to read. Both writers came from different ends of the spectrum as CK took a more complex take while Fairy was simpler. Fairy had the better potential story in my opinion but CK really delievered here. Impressive battle


    V/ CK
    test
  12. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    Ck-

    Flow is blistering from the jump off. Man I can spit it out loud and it has me grooving my head back and forth.

    Compressing the freshest essence in a bottle and then process them

    As a person blistered by worthless wishes I pursue perfection
    On route to depression, infested and bruised but used to rejection

    This I hits to me, because you are showing me something about the character and revealing details... but, there are some spots that feel a bit muddled and like jive talk

    My organ was organized now the more I open the more I orphan

    You also have some sick lines in how you relate your imagery with writers devices like alliteration.

    The price I pay is perpetual pain that’s placed next to precautions.

    I understand everything you did there.

    The ending and that picture, dope move. Killer Closer.


    FD-

    The rhyme scheme isn't intricate but it's effective. I dig the writers voice, straightforward and descriptive.

    With words so aliquant and so slick,
    He types like a wizard the elusions are thick
    This is how it went night after night,
    Getting each other off in the monitors light

    You say things in a simple manner but with craftsmanship. I truly enjoyed reading the story. Now the story isn't all that original neither the twist, but there is something about the way you write...

    He is the one I knew it was fate
    This is the man I would give my heart to.
    He told me he shared the same point of view

    that may not seem like anything special. but from a story development standpoint, it's so polished. It emphasizes that moment in the story and sets up what is to come after and doesn't need to be flashy about it. I think you told your story better


    Vote - CK

    This was tough for me to judge and definitely a good Champ Match up

    The voting for me would be like 55% - 45%

    Flow and creativity and depth of story goes to CK, but FD narration and imagery was more effective, and actual story telling.

    I also think Ck was able to do some more sophisticated things in his verse, with wordplay and alliteration etc.
    test
  13. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    76,208
    CK wins 6 to -1
    test
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