[Week 27] 7. Kuja(0-1) vs 8. Riot(15-7)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Feb 28, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    ed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    checking in...good luck
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  3. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Well, it seems that even the mods don't follow the rules .

    tac's vote, cigmas vote, and shads vote simply do not count. CK and I tied. the champ is a three way.

    TaC voted on my battle and he was not signed in. According to the rules a champ must vote on at least three matches. He did not. Thus his vote don't count and I win even if Cigma's and Shad's counted.


    Shadow, what is it that you have against me ?


    ---

    It's been a good trip you all. Unless this issue is fixed, and me in the champ match at a record of 11-3 I will simply just focus all my writings on a book I'm working on and never step foot again around these parts. Ya, I know, cool story bro. Yall just lost a great talent and name for this league.

    Good luck in all your future endeavors, keep writing all.
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  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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  5. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
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    404
    Here . but what is happening ?
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  6. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    ^ little mix up. dont worry, you'll have an opponent, Kuja
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  7. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
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    Checking in.

    And tac I'm not o-o


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...

    fixed
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  8. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

    Joined:
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    I Didn't want to no/show so here something quick, I'll be at it 100 % next week.


    Company's bust, mortgage isn’t paid eviction is due
    Mom's with the postman, cause she was pissed off at you
    Left alone with the child, bags packed heading for town
    Urgent need of an excuse, to stop his head getting down

    "Damn, what the fuck am i goona tell this kid..."

    Get your coat son, pack away your book to read
    Looking at what I have left, everything she took I need..
    "Come’on kev, time for a father son trip on the train"
    "Fuck sake" the strap on my bag jus ripped again
    Ten past twelve stepping into the London underground
    Rain pours, son clung to my leg from that thunderous sound
    No fun is around, multi aged prostitutes placed on steps
    Ashamed to hold my son here, wished to erase n forget
    Finding a doorway, gently laying out kev's sleeping bag
    "Why are we here?" Didn't want to sleep cause he's sad
    "Son were out camping"... I feel we been lost for weeks
    Where are we? only heroin needles lay across the streets
    No-one'll stop to speak, surrounded by long bearded men
    Only just got confidence, now sons filled with fears again
    Like "nights approaching" my "son starts to gently drift off"
    Realizing the sun'll be up soon, staring at my wrist watch...

    *looking around the next morning*

    Awake all night, quietly watching the sun slowly rise
    Hearing screaming in the distance, man i know them cry's
    Running over to see a young kid rolling around in pain
    Grabbing hold of his stomach, making that sound again
    Removing his hand, spotting blood seeping from wounds
    Stripped of his clothes, jaw broke isn’t speaking too soon
    Girlfriend explains he was attacked for his shoe's n coat
    She was once attacked by homeless kids, n the bruises spoke
    Sirens run Grab my son's arm an swiftly fled the scene
    Confusion strikes, don’t know where i am, where my head has been
    In thirty years id never before seen such life on the streets
    .....Reminiscing of times about the wife, when we'd meet
    Walking along the street, spotting a tiny one star hostel
    What did we have to lose? already so far we'd lost all
    Setting my son down on a mattress clearly infested with fleas
    Tears dropping down my eye' "this really the best it can be"?
    Never forget my night on the streets, broken jaws for some
    The sad thing is, I can’t help but fear we have more to come
    Staring down at Kevin, excited about tomorrows "camping trip"
    One day he'll find I’m lying... just hope he's understanding it

    Topic: Derailed Tracks.


    .
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  9. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
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    404
    The Child Inside.


    Everything has become meaningless, my cell shallow & pale
    Longing to escape this reality, this frail bodied jail..
    Eaten by my frustration as all my efforts fall short
    Longing to reside on the outside, the old man retorts
    Time is becoming distant, maybe its time to realise
    That the world outside will never be graced by my eyes
    Every once in a while I glance a sight of my jailer
    An old man rotting with hate, each time looking paler
    & it hurts inside, the mere fact I have to hide..
    Couldnt there be a way for us both to surely coinside
    The darkness looms, soon to consume my shallow room
    Each step taken, becoming one step closer to my doom
    My existance is fadeing, my extierer walls are flaking
    My life has become a race in which old age is over taking
    I remain nothing but dorment, suffering bitter torment
    Sitting around waiting inside, softly choosing my moment
    Maybe in the next life ill once again rule, feel my strife
    Maybe if i concerntrate this old fool may stick in the knife
    Set me free, I long to run amougst gods creation with glee
    & the world to look at this rotting demon & instead see me
    All this wasted energy I keep but outside hes so weak..
    When he brings my memories forward all the cunt does is weep
    Cant he see I still reside inside, I never went away
    But when the moment comes knocking, I cant go out to play
    Instead I exist, stay & manifest deep in the mind
    Going over & over all the motionless that exists inside
    Today i saw the reflection, the mirrored deception
    The prisoner deep within does not bare such complextion
    & yet gets judged so, im going insane, im all alone
    Prone to think for myself becoming an entity going solo
    I bare no strings to pull, no longer the puppet master
    No matter how hard I try this vessel never gets faster..
    My pleas for release rebound upon a deaf ear..
    Ignored eternaly it seems, filling him up with fear
    But for what reason? Before I was trapped I came in handy
    I only wish to run around freely & maybe eat some candy
    Hear my melody, set me loose & make your life well again
    I know im the child within & that im ages worse enemy
    Your making a huge mistake, I cant & wont ever be tamed
    For all your childish acts, your too old for me to blame
    You will be labeled insane & like me will live trapped
    & purged into an existance in which you never come back
    But dont worry about me old man, im forever waiting
    My 2nd wind is near & in that theres no mistaking..
    Time is running out, soon between us there will be nothin
    & ill have my revenge when we both meet in the coffin.

    Forever As One See You Soon.

    [​IMG]

    edited to add the pic .
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  10. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

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    7,040
    Riot:
    I liked this kind of story, and you do it well. The minimilistic yet effective discription is good, you use few words to decribe things but every line helps paint a picture in the readers mind. The story itself was solid as well which is obviesly the most important thing.

    Kuja:
    I wasn't feeling this. The flow and rhyming wa sspot on, but the story wasn't presented well.

    "I only wish to run around freely & maybe eat some candy
    Hear my melody, set me loose & make your life well again
    I know im the child within & that im ages worse enemy
    Your making a huge mistake, I cant & wont ever be tamed
    For all your childish acts, your too old for me to blame
    You will be labeled insane & like me will live trapped
    & purged into an existance in which you never come back
    But dont worry about me old man, im forever waiting
    My 2nd wind is near & in that theres no mistaking..
    Time is running out, soon between us there will be nothin
    & ill have my revenge when we both meet in the coffin."

    Around there it got a lot better, if it was like this for the whole thing you might have won, but I felt that for most of the verse you didn't play to the child part of the story enough.

    Vote: Lil Riot
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  11. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    14,243
    This was a good battle...

    MK - great flow and structure. the pace and cadence of the opening lines had me enjoying this right away. you had some really descriptive lines too that made me think..

    "..Get your coat son, pack away your book to read
    Looking at what I have left, everything she took I need.."

    great 2 bars there. set the pace..


    Kuja - really great work here as well! great flow and vocab to your story, however on the technical side, things were a tad lacking. some internal rhymes and a few multies would have been an immense addition to your story. great work here though..

    This battle was good but imho I felt Riot struck a tad harder which imo, allowed him to tell a better story overall..

    v/ Riot
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  12. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Joined:
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    Riot,
    Very nice verse .easy to read from start to finish
    Smooth flow all the way through, I like the story. All the lines were clear and strong.
    The imagery was very clear. And powerful.
    Story line followed through. I enjoy this piece very much. Nice job

    Kuja

    Lovely piece very well written, I enjoyed reading it from start to finish, the imagery was powerful
    It drew me in and took me for the stories ride.
    The rhymes are smooth, and it all flowed nicely.
    None of it seemed forced or rushed. I read this one more than once, NOT because I didn’t understand, but simply because I enjoyed it.
    Nice work

    This is the toughest one I have had to vote for, there is normally a clear stand out for me that makes it an easy decision but here I will be splitting hairs, both flow, story, rhymes. Were very equal,
    So it comes down to personal preference sooooooo close wish I didn’t have to choose.


    VOTE: kuja
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  13. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    wow, close battle indeed.

    Roit- I like the set up and the tone of the story, Created with some strong lines. Flow was great and pacing was good. I felt though, that the story was rushed and underdeveloped a little bit. Somewhat confusing, but I did get it the first read however. There was some story elements that could have been padded in there to make this complete I strongly felt. Otherwise, well written on the real

    Kuja- impressive dude. I like the thoughts of this guys prison angle. Each line seriously moved well and you were not stuck saying the same things over and over, each line moved with good dramatic pacing and I was enjoying this a lot the first time through.

    Also the flow was hot man.


    this is a close one, but if you look at kujas verse, you can see he developed in the right places and finished his verse up


    v- kuja
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  14. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    Riot:
    Dude your writing is so nice and i know you where just thrown into this match and couldn't fully prepare for it but i still go with originality.. And this was will smiths movie pursuit of happyness all the way.. so you delivered the story well and it had the emotion in there but really the whole re-telling a movie thing i just couldn't look past it.. Nice drop like i said your writing is viscous..

    kuja:
    Awesome that killer inner child just waiting to break out and fuck shit up.. I think you captured this perfectly with high quality description and a lot of strong emotion.. I really got into this character of a vengeful/trapped youth inside of you.. Really this was well written and portrayed top notch skill..

    vote = kuja

    It was more original plus he delved into his character deeper.. good luck guys
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  15. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    wow.. next time i won't read the votes before hand, almost got swayed there for a minute

    Kuja-
    The RSTL is really getting better, with great writer's like you and many other's..(not so many more tbh) your flow, was vicious, story line original, satisfying and entertaining. great concept play, where your describing the inner-child within, fantastic, metaphor's and poetic tones as well.

    "For all your childish acts, your too old for me to blame
    You will be labeled insane & like me will live trapped
    & purged into an existance in which you never come back
    But dont worry about me old man, im forever waiting
    My 2nd wind is near & in that theres no mistaking.."


    Murder=
    Holy fuck bro, hol-y fuck, you beasted the topic, flow was on point, a few area's got a bit repetitive with your word choice, but the part that stuck out most was the concept of the story, almost got persuaded by C's comment "And this was will smiths movie pursuit of happiness all the way.. " but, regardless, how many time's we gonna tell stories and they won't bear similar resemblances @ one point or another.
    i expected to hear your typical, abcdef, adcbf, type rhyme delivery, as usual, but it seemed you took more attention on the freshness of the schemes, and the rhythm was strong.

    Kuja, well performance, sorry... but RIOT was the clear winner here..

    vote=riot

    "Awake all night, quietly watching the sun slowly rise
    Hearing screaming in the distance, man i know them cry's
    Running over to see a young kid rolling around in pain
    Grabbing hold of his stomach, making that sound again
    Removing his hand, spotting blood seeping from wounds
    Stripped of his clothes, jaw broke isn’t speaking too soon
    Girlfriend explains he was attacked for his shoe's n coat
    She was once attacked by homeless kids, n the bruises spoke"
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  16. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

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    404
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  17. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

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  18. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Riot - For a quick key, this was written very well. I thought the flow and rhymes were solid but i really enjoyed the progression of the story. It didn't seem rush at all. I loved how you used this topic. Great story man...not your best from wording standpoint but still a solid drop.

    Fave Line -
    "Girlfriend explains he was attacked for his shoe's n coat
    She was once attacked by homeless kids, n the bruises spoke
    Sirens run Grab my son's arm an swiftly fled the scene
    Confusion strikes, don’t know where i am, where my head has been"


    Kuja - The story was nice. It wasn't as original as i had hoped but still nice. The imagery was good and it read smoothly despite you spelling errors. The story was good to read but it wasn't really my thing. I get the whole inner demon thing but i wanted something a bit more or some kind of twist. Still a good read..

    fave line -
    "& it hurts inside, the mere fact I have to hide..
    Couldnt there be a way for us both to surely coinside
    The darkness looms, soon to consume my shallow room
    Each step taken, becoming one step closer to my doom"


    Overall a cool matchup. Both writer did well here but i have to give this to Riot. His story was just more entertaining to me...Good work guys

    V/ Riot
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  19. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

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    Vote - Kuja


    Another close battle here to me.

    Riot, as far as lyrical narration of a story it was fundamentally sound. Nothing too special about the verse, although it did have flashes of emotion and decent imagery. I like how you able to capture the father and what he was going through having to live like that raising his son. So despite not being extremely, polished you were still able to do that, props.

    Now Kuja took a different approach. Whereas Riot was story telling, Kuja was sort of doing topical commentary.

    With this type of format, you really have to be on point and not mince words because then its obvious where people just fill in lines because they don't really say anything. This didn't happen here. Although there was fat, Kuja did enough for me, to make you ponder about how we battle our inner child and what a toll it takes on life. It was sort of a twist but not really because you could see where it was going, but still having the Inner Child being a prisoner to the Old man was creative, thinking about his escape or revenge and with the closing... good job tying it together.


    Very solid drops from both!
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  20. HeartCloaker

    HeartCloaker Winter is coming

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    I might have called Riot's setting with the long bearded homeless men and the heroin needle streets stereotypical if his main character wasn't a homeless man with a son. He saved himself with that.

    Kuja's story didn't really provoke any emotional response from me, and I'd expect a story on that topic to either try and make me sad or try to make me scared. To me it didn't seem to be a horror story or a tragedy, more of a "Here's what's going on, doesn't it suck?"

    Vote/ Riot
    test
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