[Week 26] [Championship] C. Born Deaf(5-0) vs 2. Cereal_Killer(4-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Sep 28, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest



    WEEK 26



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
    test
  2. Born Deaf

    Born Deaf DIED HEARING

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    102
    Check. Good luck CK!
    test
  3. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    test
  4. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    Thrust Through The Flames
    ..
    [​IMG]
    ..
    In the afterglow of tones exposed from the flute for stars
    I am born a thorn less rose of hope, the daughter of Jupiter
    Taught to support the routine scars of a solders path, I laugh
    Unmasked and uncertain as this task was a boulder cast and carved
    On glass shoulders that must portage or harness the harshest mark
    The fastest charging to embark between the most darkest paths
    Our past once serine now extreme force as no remorse is seen
    For the ghosts of Eden are provoked and seething within our seas
    With prestige it's me they see these Gods on an odd mission to free
    Our controlled decision, on a holy vision with wits to bleed
    Out the demons beneath a planet that can't fathom it's peace
    ..

    At ease I kneel down in trust their blade's not for sacrifice
    I bleed as I’m thrown and thrust through the flames of the afterlife
    I'm masked in fright but my blastered sight shines through gutted hell
    As my owl of wisdom with precision guides this just rebel
    With lust I fell but I clutch to help for the God's to bring me back
    Once my goal is complete and I defeat the rogues in their tracks
    I grope to my shank with hope in this tact as I peal past vines
    When I’m sealed in light, I sigh as I hold tight to my shield to fight
    Fueled with might as these fiends deem that they're ready to duel for life
    Pools of blood hug leaves as I swung in reach of my ruling plight
    Their drooling mouths spit out the flesh of others I have worshiped
    Swinging from my armor, bad karma I stop to laugh exerted
    Hurting, I puncture lungs churning guts from young stunted grunts
    Turning gore burning raw set for war, my cutlass is now blunt
    I tear through flesh no fear at best I jet, clear over the hill
    Spilt intestines line the steps to the dark king that I’ve came to kill
    I heal my wounds with the sap from trees, no time for a nap I head
    Then track and heave my berate soul through the gates of the deceased
    With fate I ease past sculptured bone where vultures hung by their host
    Alone and spun amongst cultures colonized by the fallen ghosts
    The dead end throne of slaughter, I let them know I came to play
    In a horrid place where you don’t pray unless you're after prey
    The master breaks down steps of flesh killing all who had retreated
    My heart beats to a pulse of a victim who’s been defeated
    I clench to my blade, insane to the pure beauty in my reach
    His flowing golden locks deceive me and all that I believe
    He strokes my cheek with fluent grace as I’m stunned by his nuance
    He penetrates me with his member I lie stunned by his movement
    He withdraws and what stands before is a beast of great proportions
    Morphing his psychical frame into a boy I once aborted
    Caution so haunting he speaks of change leaving my brain now dormant
    Why would I force him to this cesspool to rule with pain and torment
    I’m stained with importance hording the playing cards I am dealt
    No excuse I could ruse would explain the shame that we both felt
    ..
    So a battle of wits now pitter patters on my mind of seclusion
    To kill my son twice in one life or become a slave to his music
    I’m sorry your majesty I yelp before crying where I knelt
    It’s better to serve in heaven then to stay and reign in hell
    My owl swoop’s his eyes as my blade flies across the kingdom
    Before it lands I’ve caught it again to thrust at his shinbones
    I bust his nose as he falls, breaking his dome yelling at me to halt
    I turn a blind eye to his lies and start to mash this bloody pulp
    His body contorts ‘to a fetus with a young face like mine
    I bow down and cry as my soul is lift through odd space and time
    My acts are unspeakable as I sit and watch weather pour
    I’m a queen in heaven but my pride has stopped forever more
    ..
    The End
    ..
    test
  5. Born Deaf

    Born Deaf DIED HEARING

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    102
    the treehouse.

    [​IMG]

    he was a spit-shiner, grit-grinder, one fine-tuner working son of a bitch….
    …he was the tune to it's pitch, finely pinched, refined with a vibrant stitch…
    sewn in beautiful colors, smothered upon siamese twists, an identical twitch…
    …mind hitched inside a confinement designed with sticks & twigs….
    affixed with bits, of mixing flips of stories we seem to believe we did…
    …imagination oh funny thing, fixated upon this funny swing, i laugh not…
    fuck these demons, underneath the willows i dreamt of grabbing the matchbox…
    …and burn baby burn, burn baby burn. GET ME OUT THESE PADLOCKS…
    i'm mad hot, my head's tea-kettling, etching in propane adrenaline…
    …pedaling atop fires bursting, in a fickle flickering furnace forever red….
    eternities burn for those who never learn, the land of the forever dead…
    …eyes pushed out the skull forming horns, blistering & bled…
    a bloody mess in this passageway of scumbags infinitely distressed…
    …unblessed, i spy a monster, a brimstone, all bones impostor…
    soulless doctor that'll fix you a sickness, that'll stop your clockwork…
    …so please daddy no!
    don't make me go, little luther's papa scares me, he's evilly awkward…
    …everything seems out of place, daddy, somethings not proper…
    all we ever do is play in the branches, inside a willows mansion…
    …& the willow tree doesn't mind it, their just the beams that bind it…
    but the shadows behind, i always see them climbing, reaching at me…
    …till they inch so close I scream don't snatch me, bad tree. BAD TREE…
    so daddy, come on don't make me, luther's dad will spank me…
    …remove my clothes & paint me, as he tell's me he once met piccasso…
    scratched his iris's, gave him a paintbrush, & handed his canvas a poncho…
    …like staring through broken glass past a place where rain cannot go…
    scorching until no end, the fork in the bend where dead ends can't not grow…
    please daddy no! don't make me go!
    ...
    .....
    ........
    .....
    .
    ..shit kid, are you sniffing glue, you seem a bit unglued no pun intended…
    you telling me your buddies dad raped you in front of his own descendent..
    …you failed to mention, what was your friends fathers name again?..
    Mister Lucifer, oh i gotcha, so your playmates daddy is the devil?
    …luther makes you play in hells treehouse, & pretends its his temple?…
    well okay. okayyyyyy…
    …i'ma get you something, you can have two a day, it'll make luther go away…
    possibly display a taste of the truth, a luxury to tooth…
    …if you muster pass the mustard gas as i sputter past your cluttered mask….
    you fucking fag, how dare you question dad, or the portraits I dab…
    …i have the power to create fate, & flame on till armageddon…
    see son, i'm the fuck ups in your brains begging for excedrin…
    …call me pops or mr six, six, six. melt the tape off a broken crucifix…
    i fused with sticks a house of doom for you to live…
    …you stupid shit, i give you the gift of sick images to breed my spawn…
    my pawn, my little boy, mingle in the joy of evil of an offsprings lawn…
    …on top the willow branches I knew you could find your inner satin….
    so you can follow in your fathers footsteps as one of hells creations…
    …swing the necks off the weepers wooden reaches…
    a son is only what his father teaches.
    ..…..
    ..…
    .
    .
    THE END
    test
  6. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209


    CK:

    Your piece started off real slow, and boring for me in the beginning, and I was kind of reading just to get through it. But, my did it pick up towards the middle of the second section. The flow really tightened up, and the imagery and plot began to show itself and it became a thousand times more interesting for me and I wanted to keep reading. I think the initial sections of your piece were too straight forward and just a description of the photo.

    Highlights:

    "So a battle of wits now pitter patters on my mind of seclusion
    To kill my son twice in one life or become a slave to his music
    I’m sorry your majesty I yelp before crying where I knelt
    It’s better to serve in heaven then to stay and reign in hell"


    This was crazy, I totally dug the story it was a rather original piece, in regards to the second half.


    Born Deaf:

    Nice drop. Your flow and structure commands interest from the reader, at least in my case. I dug the story, and it really kept me interested from beginning to end.

    Highlights:

    "all we ever do is play in the branches, inside a willows mansion…
    …& the willow tree doesn't mind it, their just the beams that bind it…
    but the shadows behind, i always see them climbing, reaching at me…
    …till they inch so close I scream don't snatch me, bad tree. BAD TREE…
    so daddy, come on don't make me, luther's dad will spank me…
    …remove my clothes & paint me, as he tell's me he once met piccasso…
    scratched his iris's, gave him a paintbrush, & handed his canvas a poncho…
    …like staring through broken glass past a place where rain cannot go…
    scorching until no end, the fork in the bend where dead ends can't not grow…"


    Vote = Born Deaf solely based on a more consistent storyline, which results in a more interesting read, and the vote.

    Very close battle gents!!

    test
  7. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    CK - A solid verse again from you. You had all the mechanic needed to contend for the title. Your flow was good, your rhymes were nice and you told a good story with lots imagery. I thought your story was a little dry tho. Not sure why but it just didn't catch me like all your other ones do. Still a solid showing from you...great work!

    fave line -
    "He strokes my cheek with fluent grace as I’m stunned by his nuance
    He penetrates me with his member I lie stunned by his movement
    He withdraws and what stands before is a beast of great proportions
    Morphing his psychical frame into a boy I once aborted"

    BD - another great verse from you, You had great use of rhymes, especially the internals. You always seem to have an interesting structure but this weeks wasn't bad at all lol. Overall you had a great consistent verse...i was soo intrigued by this story in comparison to your other story but i did like this. Good verse

    Overall a great battle, both of you guys had great mechanics and are pretty evenly matched. I enjoyed both stories but i think i liked BD's story slightly more. It was just more entertaining from my standpoint...good battle guys...very good

    fave line
    test
  8. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2004
    Messages:
    6,700
    CK - ok honestly I dont know what it was but I just couldnt get into this piece
    I mean it just seemed like each line was a scattered sentence
    I dont know if you just went over my head, or what
    but I just couldnt enjoy reading this piece, the word play and mechanics were
    nice tho but I just couldnt enjoy it

    BD - I liked this piece, I thought the beginning was strong and it
    kinda went down the more I read, but you didnt go down to a point where I couldnt enjoy reading it.
    I liked where it went and I liked the ending, seriously this is sum I could have written concept wise.

    so my vote is BD cus he just gave me a story that I could enjoy more, with a concept I could relate with better
    test
  9. Born Deaf

    Born Deaf DIED HEARING

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    102
    test
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