[WEEK 24]*CHAMPIONSHIP* C. ErykahCaine 7-0 vs 2. nO gOoD! 7-2

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by xX_NASTY_Xx, Sep 14, 2009.

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  1. xX_NASTY_Xx

    xX_NASTY_Xx Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 24



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    check.

    good luck ErykahCaine.

    votes:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-storytelling-topical-league/1177129-week-24-contendership-3-shadowwarriorfs-9-9-vs-4-born-deaf-2-0-vs-5-atreyu-4-1-a.html#post1065789763

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-storytelling-topical-league/1177131-week-24-8-t-c-2-1-vs-9-cereal_killer-2-1-a.html#post1065789757

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-storytelling-topical-league/1177132-week-24-10-profit55-0-2-vs-11-soull-0-0-a.html#post1065789772

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-storytelling-topical-league/1177130-week-24-6-ace-prophet-9-7-vs-7-lucifa-7-5-a.html#post1065790048

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-storytelling-topical-league/1177133-week-24-12-pent-up-0-0-vs-13-rocket-0-0-a.html#post1065790100
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  3. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209
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  4. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    You go to church for the first time in a long time.. you sit down to have people pray for you and the demon inside of you show its self.

    What happens next?

    ---------------------------------
    Listen along while you read - SoundClick artist: Dove Dozer - Dove Dozer, new school, positive vibes.

    I added a pitch change to the voice of the priest.. he sounds mean, lol.

    ----------------------------

    I awoke this Sunday morning compelled to seek the lord.
    I've took the hard route; no doubt I roll in the weakest ford
    pickup truck, it looks as rough as some do.
    As I arrived at the church, I headed for the front pew,
    The priest starts to speak, the lessons begin.
    Suddenly I'm feelin weak, dripping sweat from my chin.
    I twist, turn and writhe, my back is crackin' loud.
    A demon exits my side in the form of the blackest cloud.

    It says, "I'm here to claim the sick, the weak, and feeble,
    There's NO way this church is gonna rid the streets of evil.
    See this man? He's done wrong, I know he fell quickly.
    So it's my turn to step in, he's goin to hell with me."
    people at the service cried and stood in shock.
    One man, who was nervous, tried but couldn't talk.
    This was the authentic sighting of a poltergeist,
    It appeared quick as lightening, but was cold as ice.

    A priest stepped in and started speaking in tongues
    "O seet wekt in mend lotted meathen min fongs,
    You’re weak in spirit, demon you have no place here!
    This is a man of god, and you can bet he’s faced fear.
    He’s overcome his obstacles, done the impossible,
    It’s probable the house of the lord, will topple you.
    We’ll start at the streets; banish the mark of the beast.
    The word of god will cut you, like a shark and his teeth."

    I got up, the demon vanished, god’s light was flashing in
    the church, But I had a feeling that he'd be back again.
    Everyone was gathered, the expression was on their face
    that they had just learned.... a lesson from my disgrace.
    The priest said “I think its time we talked and you confess
    your sins because it seems that a lot is on your chest."
    I said "that’s right, I've had to battle the beast in my youth"
    "Fair enough, let’s talk about it, have a seat in my booth"

    on with the service, people praised the holy one.
    Knowing that the demon wouldn't slay his only son.
    As it carried on, disrupted from the chitter chatter.
    These people seemed to fear me, but it didn't matter.
    I was coming clean now, it was hard to speak it
    I was telling this father about my darkest secret
    "I doubt I'll ever reach the pearly heavenly gates,
    I committed my first murder early Seventy Eight.

    Now it's Ninety-One, and I've foiled the smartest cops,
    with every single murder, blood boils. It’s hard to stop.
    I'm sick in the head, and I'm fucked in the brain.
    So witness the dread, and say I'm nuts and insane.
    I can't kill anymore, it’s consuming my life.
    I almost wanna get caught, and end this movement of fright.
    Thanks for listening father, I feel you’ve left me calmer."
    "It’s my pleasure, my child. I'll see you soon Jeffrey Dahmer
    ."
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  5. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209
    My internet has been down, if it is cool with you I can post within the next two hours
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  6. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    yep yep no prob at all
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  7. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209


    I risked my life to write the board, “Forgive”, that is all time permits
    I resist the fright, to recite a verse I’ve previously penned
    To spray paint the words fifty feet above the highway signing
    You may say the chore really reeks of a love, loved blindly
    Honestly, the script is a means to advertise for a lost mind see
    Honda’s, Jeeps, Buicks, race down memory lane, and I’m hitch hiking
    You’re my vehicles to recollection. Do you recognize the handwriting?
    I am finding, you rush thoughts, and the multi’s are first to go
    Followed closely by the title and of course the plot is slow,
    Dispose of the heartbreaking conclusion, rhyme scheme of a novel
    & suddenly this becomes one piece you’ve never read, or ogled
    As if one by one, each memory you use to harbor, caught a train
    Decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain
    To a little fishing village, no smog, or planes in the sky
    See, now you have the time, to rekindle names you kissed goodbye
    Phone numbers in lost purses, equations that packed their bags
    Even now as you memorize my lines, another fact catches a cab
    It’s not on the tip of your tongue, whatever you struggle remembering,
    It’s not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen
    It’s floated away down a mythical river, you learned in 4th grade
    Who’s name begins with A, as for the rest, you draw a blank
    Well on it’s way to oblivion, where it will join those
    Pointers on how to ride a bicycle and do the back stroke
    No wonder we all post here in the middle of the night
    Check the deadlines for our battles, need extension to write
    & No wonder your thoughts have drifted in from the window to your head
    Out of this last minute story I wrote off the top of my head
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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,692
    No Good - excellent verse! it was a great creative and imaginative read. the flow was on point and the vocab was great. Nice use of internal rhyming as well. I loved the way you took this story and you kept me interested in this story from start to finish. I thought the best parts about your verse were the descriptive words and nice imagery. It painted a nice picture and delivered on soo many levels. nicely done sir...not sure what you can do to improve...perhaps go into more detail with the demons mind state, perhaps give the demon more of a personality. have the reader torn between good and evil. just a suggestion...it in no way affective your verse..just thought it could be a good thing to try in the future..nicely done

    fave line -
    "It says, "I'm here to claim the sick, the weak, and feeble,
    There's NO way this church is gonna rid the streets of evil.
    See this man? He's done wrong, I know he fell quickly.
    So it's my turn to step in, he's goin to hell with me."


    ErykahCaine - wow...nicely done....reading this i thought this was intended to insult/criticize the reader. nicely told, i was actually shocked how well you were able to write a verse without going into soo much detail. You had lines in this verse that were soo well put together it almost chilled me....you certainly have a way with words and your nature, yet lyrical Charisma followed from this piece. The only thing i can probably say to improve this verse is to perhaps use more imagery....wow at this

    fave line -
    "You may say the chore really reeks of a love, loved blindly
    Honestly, the script is a means to advertise for a lost mind see
    Honda’s, Jeeps, Buicks, race down memory lane, and I’m hitch hiking
    You’re my vehicles to recollection. Do you recognize the handwriting?"
    ^^holy f*ck at that last line

    Wow at how this battle was...I read No Good verse and immediately thought he would take this with ease and after reading Erykah i was soo sure. No Good your verse told a great story while she(i hope ur a female lol) took a different approach and seemed to let loose, almost as if she was letting something off her chest...Both verses were great and excellent to read...this was a very hard battle for me to decide but I gave my vote to No Good...his story was just more entertaining for me....nicely done guys and wow..
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  9. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    NG: i already told you what i thought about the verse the other day. i really liked this story. the entire thing had a nice flow all the way through. the imagery was good, and the rhyme schemes were nice. also the audio to go along with it was a nice touch. and the twist at the end of the story was sick. didnt see it coming. going to be a tough verse to beat

    EC: A good verse as we've came to expect. like shadow said, i thought this was going to be insulting towards the reader/the league. lyrically, it was dope. the flow was nice. not exactly sure which topic it was, lol. but overall, nice showing.


    tough battle to choose from. Erykah had a dope drop. but i was feeling no good's story more, with that twist at the end. so im going to have to go with NG.
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  10. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    NG has this one for me .. EC dropped a nice verse but the content seemed 'too' personal and kinda went over my head as to its purpose .. sorta had a feel that it was meant for someone in particular whilst being obscure enough to allow others/us read .. I'm not sure whether it's a cop out or bow out verse cos as nicely as it was written, the verse didnt really show a competitive side .. Maybe I'm way off the mark but it had a white flag air to it for my take on the piece .. This of course is in contrast to NG's more focussed approach to writing a story to entertain the masses .. Pretty one sided in that sense .. but for me, it's the vital sense when it comes to a vote .. Great writing displayed by both but NG's content gives him the win here ..
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  11. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    NG:
    Gotta say the audio for this made it what it was. Because as far as a written the flow to me reading it was rather bland, no offense cause you killed it on audio but lyrically it needed to be tighter. The story itself was sweet with a nice twist. Some nice rhymes and some nice vocab. All in all not a bad piece.

    EC:
    Strong vocab for the first 3 quarters with some really nice metaphors for life passing by. Good mechanics but as far as the story goes there wasn’t much there E. It was leading up to something grand then just fell off in the last couple of lines.. Not a bad verse but just didn’t climax that strong.


    Vote = no good

    For the more compelling story. Pz n gl u2
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  12. Born Deaf

    Born Deaf DIED HEARING

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    102
    nO gOoD! - Fantastic storytelling, this flowed so well from line to line well being full of descriptions at the same time. You had a great buildup that kept me interested and an intriguing story. Everything was solid, my only complaint was the twist. It wasn't that it didn't fit the story, it just felt cliche to me like it's been done before. I think twists are hard to pull off, i call the sixth sense syndrome ha, but overall the story and content itself was great.

    ErykahCaine - I really liked this, i've always enjoyed your writing and this is no different. Your metaphors are tastefully, & creatively done. I was kinda of wondering where this verse was going but it all came together. You made posting verses on a rap board sound poetic, and I'm a sucker for the poetic add in's in verses, or verses that read like poetry.

    "As if one by one, each memory you use to harbor, caught a train
    Decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain
    To a little fishing village, no smog, or planes in the sky
    See, now you have the time, to rekindle names you kissed goodbye"

    those four lines really stood out to me. So overall your verse read great, was poetic, and good writing but the storyline kinda of bored me and didn't pull me in like NG's did.

    VOTE - NG, I feel his buildup and overall story was better even though I didn't care for the twist his story was more full I think. Close battle though, both of you did great. Good luck to both! [moomoo]
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  13. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    506
    Breakdown

    NG - This was dope man, you had short bars which kept the flow on point, and you had some pretty solid mechanics overall with some nice multies, especially in the finisher to round it off. Content wise I enjoyed the story a lot, while the twist was cliche, I can honestly say I wasnt expecting it which was good. The only critisicm I have is that the story seemed to kinda move forward quite quickly, I thought the demon would put up more of a fight haha. But yeah, I really enjoyed this, was a cool topic.

    EC - This was a really creative, and I thought you did it in a clever and inspiring way. Although it did seem a tad rushed as a concept because there wasnt that much development as far as the content goes, but nevertheless this was good. The only major downside to this verse I have to say was the flow, it would have bin perfect but it was just a few spots where the ends didnt really rhyme, like blank and grade or some really loose slant rhymes.. it kinda felt like walking along and then the ground suddenly dissapeared. But that is the only bad thing ive got to say about this verse, so well done, it was a dope drop!

    Overall - This had been really close, you guys were even in almost every area, but I think NG got it for consistency and plot deveolpment. Good battle people.

    Vote - No Good
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  14. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    Haha, dope battle-

    NG- Man, I really liked this. The flow was spot on. I liked how the story developed too. What I really liked was there wasn't really a whole lot that seemed to happen, but you described everything so well that it made it seem like more things were happening. Know where I'm coming from? Makes shit more dope in my opinion cuz I've always liked descriptions better than stories, haha. Real nice shit though

    EC- I really liked your verse too. The whole idea was pretty sick and the flow was nice. The one thing I'm gonna kinda gripe about is that some rhymes seemed a little forced to me. Novel and ogled is an example I'll bring up. And some others at the beginning of your verse too. Outside of that though, I really liked it. I'm looking forward to reading more from you.

    My vote is gonna go to NG, but I thought both came real nicely. Good championship match battle to read

    Vote- NG
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