[WEEK 23] CHAMPIONSHIP C. ErykahCaine 6-0 vs 2. Lucifa 7-4

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by xX_NASTY_Xx, Sep 8, 2009.

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  1. xX_NASTY_Xx

    xX_NASTY_Xx Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 22



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209
    in..really looking forward to this...g'luck. :)

    VOTES HERE:
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  3. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209


    "Rearview Eyes"

    "Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. "
    But for me, it’s the opposite extreme, I long for mortality, it can’t come too soon
    Strange yearning to be, no more than optics in a jar with each coming of the moon
    For the holes the bullets failed to fill, to cave in or bleed dry
    For my foes I’m fueling their flare to kill, I crave to meet them in due time
    For now I’m stuck, only to wait a while and listen, unable to cry
    Forced to reminiscing, to the flute of my whole existence
    Rehearsed by the sorrows, the hollows, I forever will hear it

    The California sun shine’s alive in this heart belonging to me
    The shallow waters of my blood line are songs in the breeze
    I am sitting calm in my Caprice, waiting for my turn to die
    Resenting all of creation, except for the churning of time
    Each morning I rise, second hands nudge me closer to the end
    Secondhand gloves of the condemned grip forearms of a friend
    They bore arms on the strip, and that boy in my car last weekend
    Was sure alarmed when the clips, deployed in abdominal cavity
    Miniature lead driven bombs soar, all instantly ravaged spleen
    The deadliest men, never before saw the extent of anatomical agony
    My star & prodigal cash machine, eclipsed with astronomical savagery
    As it seems, I’m lucky to be present in the present, with a little faith
    The Evidence will be erased, from the seams of seats, & memories that take shape
    In the dead of night, as I recall how his body sagged away
    Blood crisped lips, flame-bright, and his poor hands cold as clay
    Oh, I’ve thought and I’ve thought of him each and every day, as I wait….

    A pistol unsheathed, shot rings round and round the world
    A pitiful defeat, a warrior lays, caught nine when death hurled
    I wish to shock the sunlit skies, when he falls, with my wide woeful eyes
    Eyes that could smile at death, red in veins turns cobalt, I
    Pace concrete, pray he saw the awful hands of doom betray
    Not the one holding the weight, but the one holding his weight
    In front of a shamed face, dodging the rounds that sprayed
    Pray, for eyes to appear from the back of his gory face
    So he can see me, his dreams, and his glories pass away
    In the burly frame, that walks away, the true canvas of a coward and disgrace
    Why, was I attached to the back of a man lacking balls for all time?
    Witnessed a bulk of the crimes, but yours is the only face that I recognize
    That night, I prayed you’d question his friendship, finally realize
    And when he dry snitched the last time, you’d drink in the answers I’d provide
    Those mahogany stones would outgrow their moss, you’d blink in surprise
    I’d be the window into this man’s shelter of lies, but hells sweltering heat
    Blew smoke in your retinas, and I too feeble to learn to speak
    The remorse I have birthed, was aborted with help from a shrink
    Lady Luck & Father Time separated just for a blink
    Then the shooters came, mother earth named you bastard in a wink

    And now that's that. There is nothing more that I can say or do.
    Others have traded life before; I’ve pleaded and been refused
    Your dying eyes, are a fragile visitor .I touch your cheeks You bruise
    Against me, I was a shore rocking off of you.
    You break from me so I’d choose the only way, you’ll walk out of that door
    hand you off, trembling, to the devil, .Go child for my sin and nothing more.
    When you thumb rides on the hand of the devil, be prepared to lose your soul
    So when death is behind the wheel, and pulls alongside you on the road
    Unless you’d like to drop your baggage, make amends and pay your toll
    rearview eyes, like mine, know "Love comes unseen; we only see it go"


    -The Eyes Behind Marion “Suge” Knight
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  4. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    signing in .. not even seen topics yet but will try to get my verse in asap ..
    Votes- tac vs no good / born deaf vs atreyu
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  5. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    God gives and forgives, humans get and forget.

    Or do they?


    he sat on the bench..with failure his stench
    ..head in a spin as nothing made sense..
    emotional turmoil twists his soul like a wrench
    neck muscles bent..he's overly tense
    from events uncontrolable..he felt inconsolable
    second guessing how easy his case had been solvable
    ...
    [3 Weeks Earlier]
    ...
    sat at his desk as steam arose from his coffee
    half eaten bagel rests on top of his copy
    of the morning paper he hadn't even scoped
    his interest wasn't there with his spirits broke
    the want to read more bad news had stopped
    weighed down by years of it, being a cop
    the post trolley rolled by his desk, squeaking
    a parcel landed, labelled, FAO Det. Lee Singh
    opened it to find it was a video cassette
    he walked over to the VCR and pressed eject
    inserts the tape and hits the play button
    it was black and grainy..then all of a sudden
    ...
    "Kaitlin! My dear Kaitlin. Surely my eyes are mistaken?"
    strangely regretting that he'd put the tape in
    then a distorted voice came through the speaker
    #mmm..isn't she beautiful?..maybe I'll keep her
    or maybe you can save her..Detective Singh#

    he was overwhelmed with his head in a spin
    watching as Kaitlin's eyes rolled back and forth
    desperatley looking for clues as to the source
    #I know what you're thinking Detective
    put revenge to one side and put things into perspective
    you need to find her before you seek me
    or maybe vice versa? your clue is on your TV#

    ...
    the tape played on but the image didn't change
    a photo of a crash scene, it seemed so strange
    but Lee knew the scene that stared in his face
    the aftermath caused from an old police chase
    where he was the pursuing officer of a DWI
    he ran to the PC to pull up the criminal file
    one Mrs. Mary Malone..deceased in 2006
    he pulled up her husbands address, details and pics
    in true Lone Ranger fashion he headed out alone
    pulled up outside the home of one Fred Malone
    ran up and burst through the door without warning
    saw Fred sitting in the dark, still obviously mourning
    "Mr Malone! Where the fuck is Kaitlin? Tell me now!"
    "I don't know where she is, so tell me how
    am I meant to tell you something I do not know?
    But I do have something you should see before you go"

    Fred stood up and walked over to his TV set
    turned it on and inserted his own tape cassette
    ...
    #Hello Detective Singh, it seems that you guessed wrong
    unluckily I'm afraid for your error, your wife's now gone.
    She is dead, just like Mary Malone is, because of you.
    Consider this my suicide note, also because of you.
    You thought it was so simple and assumed the worse,
    of a man who, because of your actions, would avenge his hurt.
    You didn't think beyond the obvious and made this mistake,
    now Fred can see you share his pain. Consider it fate.
    Who am I? I was driving the train on that fateful day!
    Maybe you don't get why I acted in such a hateful way,
    but for 2 years I've been unable to sleep at night
    flashbacks of the crash whenever I turn out the light.
    I killed Fred's wife, accidently and regretfully
    and I offer my apology, solemnly and respectfully.
    I make my peace by sacrificing Kaitlin in return,
    Detective Lee Singh can now feel that paining burn.
    Remember Detective, you did this, it's all on you
    and I hope this memory haunts your dreams to.
    *CLICK...CLAP*#

    ...
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  6. profit55

    profit55 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2007
    Messages:
    91
    Then the shooters came, mother earth named you bastard in a wink
    ^ fav line from caine

    I killed Fred's wife, accidently and regretfully
    and I offer my apology, solemnly and respectfully.
    ^fav line from loose

    ok...i feel that lucifa was more structured but i liked caine's verse more...just caught my attention more....i like the whole detective thing that loose did but it just didn't move me....

    vote-caine...

    good battle....

    peace...
    test
  7. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,245
    ok ok ok..

    ErykahCaine - I felt your lines were way too long, I would find this really difficult to flow to a beat, and I find your verse reads more like a novel than a musical piece or something of the hip hop nature. poetic yes, but I feel this league should stay strong to the rap/emcee type verses to honest. Therefore each time I come across a verse which has bars really long such as this, I feel somewhat disheartened to continue reading, just because I find it hard to hold my attention thoughout the entire verse. a storytelling league yes, but rapmusic type verses. sorry such a long winded explanation for my dislike for such long bars, but I felt its required after being a little rude the other day. otherwise your story was great. your writers voice is outstanding and the verse was well thought out, and really creative. good work.


    Lucifa - I see an improvement in your verses mechanically. The rhyme scheme has improved ten fold. Your story was also well told, and your writers voice was very nice in this, flow, topic, the whole works was working for me this time around. very well done. I got right into your story from the get go. great job this week.

    v - lucifa
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  8. xX_NASTY_Xx

    xX_NASTY_Xx Guest

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  9. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2003
    Messages:
    6,284
    EC-The structure wasnt that on point nor was the flow but the vivid vocab was the highlight of your verse.A lot of metaphorical meanings as well.I would not have understood it to be a story until I found out it was Suge Knight.Your writing is very good and each line delivers brain food.It read more like an open mic piece,but as it progressed it led into a vivid story.

    Luc-This story was decent and somewhat cliche/SAW'ish howevr you made it work.I couldnt catch on to the flow.Some parts were off but overall it was a good showing of penmaship.

    Close battle but I give this EC,the writing was just a notch higher than Lucs.
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