[Week 21] [Championship] C. .:Pain:.(13-4) vs 2. ErykahCaine(4-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Aug 25, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 21



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
    test
  2. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209
    test
  3. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209





    A wise man once said, “Death may be the greatest of all human blessings”
    My, what a crock of shit, he wasn’t from where I’m from, I’m guessing
    It was not dying, we all died drowned in depths of tears cried
    It was not dying, we had died a thousand deaths inside
    In the routine crashes, open books riddled with holes
    Called up the papers, news crews, wrote home to our folks,
    Death toll rates rose, along with suit sales, and Sunday hats
    But it seems we died on the wrong page of the almanac,
    Scattered on Mother Earths calloused feet and almond back
    Butterfly dreams, diving in and out of cells and felony moans
    We have too much luggage for this earthly plane, no carry on
    We blazed to carry on, wrapped our woes in bible quotes & we
    Are faded off lines of entities we never hoped or seek
    We died like our enemies, dogs, soldiers and our fathers
    All we see’s divisions of these hogs, holsters and alters
    We never outlive our mothers, and grandma’s are non existent
    Children having children, beat them to learn the rhythm, shit
    Our deaths are different, if we died, there’s no accident just
    Chalk it up as a manufacturers slip, crack in the hammer man
    Those damn police guns are known to spray off rounds at random &
    We take each bullet in as if it was one of our bones
    Take the wounds as conversation starters, proudly shown
    We read our mail, count our pennies, cook and clean
    But we’re in cells, counts for petty crooks and things
    We turned our hells into hooks you sing, act out scenes
    In cities we had learned about in school, living dreams
    Until satin sheets turned to Stanton concrete and we
    Lay among the people we killed in verses, but never seen
    When we make it, and pass, they give us a BET special
    When we make it past 25, give them a fucking medal

    When you see a man, woman and child at the park, applaud hard
    Fuck thugs, when you see a black man in a suit, be on guard
    Because there ain’t shit more threatening then accomplished thought
    A seed allowed to grow into a profitable crop

    "Here are the maps", check all the burned cities
    And if death is a blessing, tell the fucker to come get me
    But the night I died I dreamed that I was dead, flying
    And the cities said to me "Why are you dying?
    We are satisfied, if you are, but tell us why”
    “Why on this lawn, in front of this white house, do you die?”

    I said “because apparently cameras don‘t come to our stoop”
    Our house is the one place the GPS just cannot compute
    So I’m here, one black man in office, and one in the coffin
    And as we stare eyelid to eyelid, I’ll make this country honest
    My ashes won’t be swept under the rug
    I’ll seep into the floor boards and reemerge in the mud
    And when humanity is purged, I’ll provide the huts
    Shelter for those who know dying is not enough

    If you want your blessings, stop blaming the man & be one
    I’m sick with the sham “I can’t be one, if I don’t see one”
    If you own a mirror, stare into the eyes, that peer back
    Or put a mustache on your mother and imitate that
    Genitals don’t determine your sex, just how you have it
    Skin tone don’t determine your steps, just how rough the path is








    test
  4. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    10,367
    "The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress." -- Charles Kettering


    The Man That Saved The World (From Being Saved)

    He was intelligent, a well of wit, sharp as a tack,
    Yet stupid decisions were a part of his past,
    A genius with a tangled tongue, trapped in circumstance,
    Became a learn-ed man when he tapped the serpant's plans,
    And ate from the tree of knowledge, tasted of grief and promise,
    Staring at discoveries waiting to be abolished,
    Great things, the makings of a genius prophet,
    Made things seem stained sanguine by demon logic,
    Like maybe he could stifle the blood,
    Flooding the fields where nothing is real except rifles and guns,
    He never prayed to Isis' son,
    Instead he cried to the sun, and tried to harness all its life to become,
    He would leave his home for a taste of his right,
    To be free and to roam anywhere that he liked,
    Getting there in the night, plenty scared of the mights,
    And maybes of changing, many paired him with light,
    By the way he illuminated shadows with thoughts,
    That most barely had reached with the candle they brought,
    But even he could barely see the full discovery,
    The rammifications of tastin' a bull's company,
    The power to bring light and heat to the rest of the world,
    But it was pain as the present unfurled,
    Like a lesson on girls, discover one and you'll love,
    Or you'll die from the pride it uncovers in blood,
    It was the fates who decided the world's most intelligent man,
    Would kill the world by development's hand,
    He didn't have the heart to tell us we're damned,
    But he knew it, he was smart, but wasn't melted in sand,
    So his thoughts weren't clear, but they're glass to me,
    If you read all his quotes and his blasphemies,
    About catastrophe, about the path we lead,
    About the past, the disasters, the cash and greed,
    And all the madness he sees in the planet he saves,
    And destroys simultaneously, while standing in shame,
    He made a change that'll alter the earth forever,
    He tithed himself, that's how he worked towards heaven...

    ...His name was Albert, progression, his field,
    Benefiting war without weapons of steel,
    The world hates change, but this has dichotomy,
    Constantly debated, hated and loved by prodigies,
    The change was to save the souls of the weak,
    By taking those who would seek to make a home for the grief,
    He killed many millions, and saved many more,
    But we're yet to settle the fate's petty score,
    The world keeps spinning towards the tool of our doom,
    Blood pools in the room full of fools in a gloom,
    They keep using his moon to create waves of the dead,
    As we lose all his truths to put some grain in our bread,
    He gave us the blueprint to save and destroy,
    But boys will be boys, and we'll play with our toys,
    The discovery he found had him waltzing with princes,
    But even he seemed to lament how he altered existance...

    [​IMG]

    “I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out in a war fought with the atomic bomb. Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.”
    -Albert Einstein​
    test
  5. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    Erykah: the final sentiment wrapped the verse up well. Pain: some rhymes felt forced (especially the 'oom' lines) but overall the content was pretty cool. Vote = Pain. Both flowed well n shit but I enjoyed Pains verse a bit more.
    Posted via Mobile Device
    test
  6. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209
    test
  7. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,154
    Ek:
    I enjoyed reading this piece. The rhythm was smooth and well structured. Your writer’s voice was the spine of this verse and it propelled the whole piece line for line. Very decent drop E, hope to read more from you know I’m back.

    Pain:
    Also a good read. I think this had more minor gripes that bothered me such as inappropriate language; genius prophet and melted in sands – they just didn’t work for me. Rhyme structure wasn’t as smooth as E’s and there was a lot of single syllable rhymes. Though I did like this bar..

    Like a lesson on girls, discover one and you'll love,
    Or you'll die from the pride it uncovers in blood,

    I appreciated the original concept of this piece and I think that that is what stood out the most.

    Vote = EyrkahCaine

    Though E’s piece was less creative, it was a smoother read imo.

    Gl to you both.. nice battle
    test
  8. Text

    Text Dot Dash

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2003
    Messages:
    299
    Aight im in a rush so ill edit this tonight or tomorrow when i can get online and add my reasons but for now


    Vote - ErykahCaine
    test
  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Pain - Great verse...i thought it was well written...excellent vocab, nice flow and a great use to imagery...The only thing i wasn't too thrilled about was the topic..it just wasn't entertaining to me...not sure why tho....wasn't my cup of tea...nice verse still

    fave line -

    "Great things, the makings of a genius prophet,
    Made things seem stained sanguine by demon logic,
    Like maybe he could stifle the blood,
    Flooding the fields where nothing is real except rifles and guns,"


    Erykah Canine- nicely written..i loved this piece...it was deep and although long, it kept me entertained...the flow was great and the rhymes were good..nicely done

    fave line -
    "If you own a mirror, stare into the eyes, that peer back
    Or put a mustache on your mother and imitate that
    Genitals don’t determine your sex, just how you have it
    Skin tone don’t determine your steps, just how rough the path is"

    Overall a nice and even battle...my vote goes to Erykah....i just like his/her story better...nicely done guys
    test
  10. Betty*Beretta

    Betty*Beretta New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2003
    Messages:
    1,209
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)