[Week 20][Champ] C. TheInkwell(9-2) vs 2. Patrown(1-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, May 29, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    test
  2. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    good luck Ink. Would you like to pick my topic, and I'll pick yours?
    If so, choose mine in your response and I will edit it in.
    I resolved an issue today by giving a threat to my fam a final warning and offering him a ride to work. So I won't have to be sittin by the door waitin to flex on someone.. if all goes well. Either way, I'm doing multiple first 4's till i hear from you.
    Pretend I'm iambent. I want your soul. check.
    test
  3. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    test
  4. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    you've only made it easier on me friend.best of luck to you.

    You've been chosen to murder your lifelong mentor by the leader of a group of assassins you are both a part of

    Edit: requesting extension
    test
  5. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    Topic as decided by Pat: You've been chosen to murder your lifelong mentor by the leader of a group of assassins you are both a part of:

    Master Kim sips his tea, with a calm that he’s passed on to me
    This is the room where he adopted me, saved me from the Japanese
    Samurais that claimed many lives, just outside, we buried my parents
    A burial with proper rituals, the kind I alone couldn’t manage
    “Come drink tea with me, my child” I nod and sit like a vulture
    I bow as he pours me a cup with both hands, an honorable gesture
    “Maste-“ he interrupts “my mind is made up, any talk will be wasted”
    “I know why you’re here… Will you slay me with the blade I have crafted?”
    “Master, you taught me that the country is not to be surrendered”
    “So why now… do you entertain the harbingers of danger?”
    “The general makes Guhboosans, submersible ships plated with steel”
    “The war is in our favor, why abandon the freedom we fought to feel?”

    He gets up with both hands on his sword, “I owe you no answer”
    “Get up, Yunho, fight for the justice that you are chasing after”
    I hop back, a thumb dislodges my blade, my right hand on the hilt
    “Fight well, Master…” I hold back tears “We will share our last meal…”
    He gazes at me like a proud father, before drawing his blade and charging forth
    I mirror his movements, Yin and Yang exchanging selves with sibling swords
    I attack, he steps back, Master and student in a warrior’s chess match
    Blades shimmering against the fire, a rainbow of history, as they clash
    With each slash, a memory of the sweat and chaffed palms that I wore
    Daily, as he trained me in the gentle poetry of the sword
    My blade, born of his hands, strokes his scarred leather coverings
    Blood paints the floor like calligraphy, he clutches his skins open seams
    “Finish me…” The gash ran across his arm and drained its use
    I drove the steel through his chest, clean, just like he trained me to
    He chokes out blood and smiles “always fight with a peaceful heart”
    And slowly descends onto the ground, eyes losing the brilliance of the stars
    “Thank you, Master…”
    test
  6. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    You are a fitness instructor recording the successor of the P90x series.

    in an instant i changed
    never again the same
    shame claims pride
    kids games ingrained explain why
    the names exclaimed in my sleep
    bring surges of dreams recurring
    endured so much, blown up seams
    ensuring stress, no pureness left
    thrown up meals luring death
    im sure it's a test, grew enough to heal old wounds
    revealed bold new methods, now my chosen weapon
    against pee ninety ex oppression

    hard to digest when my investments in the test phase
    as our studies continue i'm fit in the best ways
    testies play cricket
    heart's at war with my chest plate
    neck shaped like a bridge brace
    in the ring taking pathetic hits happily
    genetic tricks the strings of my master piece
    but my limbs aren't peaceful after usage

    deceitful losses hadn't caused many bruises
    i paused before losing and smelled fear
    became hell, tears welled in swelling
    changing places of facial features, a raging creature
    deranged, from strange recent biproducts of training
    or the placement in lockers hanging
    sensory depraving each memory enslaving my soul
    ingrained in enemy framing for obtaining payroll
    test
  7. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Ink - This was a solid little story that had good pace to it. The imagery was solid but i thought the story was a bit bland because there wasn't much to it to keep me entertained. It wasn't bad but not your usual level which is probably because you are saving your really good stuff for the tournament next week :-D. Still the mechanics were all solid just wasn't feeling the story from an entertainment aspect.


    Pat - How many times are you going to edit this lol. I thought this started out kinda dull mainly because there really wasn't much substance for me in the opening bars. However, as it progress, it began to open up a little and given the topic, i think you were pretty limited on what you could really do here. Still the flow was pretty good but i didn't like the wording in places. "hard to digest when my nvestments in the test phase" this line read very awkwardly to me and there were a couple of other places that felt like this. Still a decent verse to finish the season off. I look forward to your real fire next week.


    V/ Ink for having a better constructed verse
    test
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Ink wins
    test
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