[Week 2] nO gOoD!(0-1) vs 5 Starre(0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 23, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

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  2. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    checking in. I hope you show up.


    Alternate?


    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-storytelling-topical-league/1312717-week-2-breathless-0-1-vs-insanevillian-0-1-a.html#post1069312110

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-storytelling-topical-league/1312721-week-2-coup-detat-1-0-vs-j-keeper-1-0-a.html#post1069312137




    :)
    test
  3. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    Since the dawn of time, people had thought his kind
    were the evilest of evil, with a demonic mind.
    But that wasn't the case, he was kindest you'd meet
    yet the villagers wanted to see him die in the street.
    He lived up in the cave, on top of the hill in the village.
    The people always thought he was plotting to kill them and pillage.
    they wanted to see him dead, bludgeoned with stones,
    and placed atop a mass grave with hundreds of bones.
    some of the homes were guarded by men with swords and torches
    windows covered with boards, as six horses stormed in
    the men would shout to everyone, "run for cover and hide,
    we're out to kill a monster, so kids and mothers inside!"
    they thought he was pure evil, knives used as toothpicks
    living in a dungeon, obliged to be ruthless.
    Years passed, and while still thought of as black and vile,
    a bastard child, this poor creature couldn't crack a smile.
    He did nothing wrong, just lived his life in peace,
    hoping that the sun would set to give a night of sleep,
    but when he closed his eyes, his dreams were deep as wells
    hearing people yell "god, send this beast to hell!"
    till one morning he woke, to the sight he thought was a curse
    he peeked to see the villagers had dug a spot in the earth
    The town guards stormed his home, drug him to the street alive
    it was pitiful how they treated him as he shrieked and cried
    they whipped him till his back was raw, dripped blood in the dirt
    committing the most hienous crime, right in front of the church..
    It was the sixth day of september, called the day of defeat,
    now known as a holiday, the day of slaying a beast.
    they'd sit at the table and feast, think of how they plotted his death.
    little did they know, soon they'd be lost in regret
    they killed the childrens hero.....

    who would've thought it was shrek.



    You're a 'monster', and all the villagers keep trying to kill you, but you're a pacifist...
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  4. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    Justice was served hey nom? Lol
    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    NG- easy read. no hiccups at all. Though there is a lot missing here to make this a dope verse and it's not the rhymes. They were good enough for me.

    OK, so basically you are just telling us how to think about the monster/sherik and just telling us that the villagers went at him hard for some reason...I assume because he's just a monster ?

    Since the dawn of time, people had thought his kind
    were the evilest of evil, with a demonic mind.


    That's cool bro. But show me.

    But that wasn't the case, he was kindest you'd meet
    yet the villagers wanted to see him die in the street.


    That's cool bro. Why though ?

    He lived up in the cave, on top of the hill in the village.
    The people always thought he was plotting to kill them and pillage.



    That's cool bro. Why did they think that ?

    they wanted to see him dead, bludgeoned with stones,
    and placed atop a mass grave with hundreds of bones.


    That's cool bro. Why though ?

    they thought he was pure evil, knives used as toothpicks
    living in a dungeon, obliged to be ruthless.


    That's cool bro. Why they think that ? Why be obliged ?

    till one morning he woke, to the sight he thought was a curse
    he peeked to see the villagers had dug a spot in the earth
    The town guards stormed his home, drug him to the street alive
    it was pitiful how they treated him as he shrieked and cried
    they whipped him till his back was raw, dripped blood in the dirt
    committing the most hienous crime, right in front of the church..
    It was the sixth day of september, called the day of defeat,
    now known as a holiday, the day of slaying a beast.
    they'd sit at the table and feast, think of how they plotted his death.
    little did they know, soon they'd be lost in regret
    they killed the childrens hero.....


    Not a bad ending but your build had already disengaged me and I did not care at this point about the childhood favorite, sherik at all.


    Don't tell us, show us.


    Like I said though this was smooth but so underdeveloped.
    test
  6. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA GymArt

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    nO gOoD! : An enjoyable read with technically sophisticated rhymes, that touched and extracted the idea of that the true monsters are the ones who follow blindly, without stopping to re-asses another's position of living in pain. The only thing I'd wish for your piece is to be a bit longer with perhaps a more detailed imagery description.

    ^^That would be the most interesting segment, since I find it brilliant that you've incorporated the specified location with timing and added children to the mix. However the last line made me think of a disguised sarcasm.
    test
  7. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    NG wins via no show
    test
  8. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    NG wins by no show
    test
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