[Week 17] [Championship] C. Coup d'etat(6-0) vs 2. ShadowWarriorfs(10-5)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Dec 20, 2010.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
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    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
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    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

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    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    check, good luck
    test
  3. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    60,689
    test
  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    I left Michigan no more worse for the Florida glare
    I was sore, of course, sorta from its boredom stares
    I had two quarters in my pocket and five dimes stacked in the back
    one dollar to my name and the high times calling again to ask
    If I was serious about my life this time, to leave it all behind
    these romanticized mechanics and the free spirt themes of mine
    about the things I did, my standing ovation antics- dreams of fancy
    free wheels spinning up stream, floating forever by means of dancing

    And karma had always told me that my time would somberly come
    now she dropped hints that it was my life throwing down under some
    how I was no longer the young teacher in a large universe
    or the kid that once impeached her, becoming her leader first
    I remembered me; a crisp point of light in the night sky
    the December wish of death, the mighty white Knight of lies
    being once the notes, and the recapitulation of the Clemson Blood
    the symphony of destruction, composed in a unison becoming undone
    how my heart was the harborer of failure on the cross roads of thorns
    and I walked forward, for I was hailed by hell in winters sorrow storms

    Older now, at the age of twenty nine, looking back only to wake and weep
    at the quarter century of times I pleaded, allowing the cheap talk to speak
    for me, all my faults tasted a shitty sandwich, stale but sea salted
    exhausting young minds to fail the youth at all cost; for no reason I did
    and how when you're young you never grow up, never slow down
    even now I hung back for some lever to show up- though I drowned

    I remember I observed all with sick receptiveness
    quick to deal half truths again, a clue to its synthesis
    I lied to those who helped me, denied those who did not
    became a sure shot dealer in a legion of sly nonchalant
    I sold out my future to hollow short term advantages
    life in the movement now, for later was total suffrage

    But today, I realized what I had and what I didn't
    It wasn't the crimson sun with golden fields reminiscent
    or the dream of ten white fences and cotton clouds, painted
    on life in some picture perfect time forgotten, too complacent
    Today did not care if I had the chance to correct the past
    it gave up what I had cast called in retrospect at last

    What I have now is lifes lesson and only that
    the daily struggle that questions a lonely chance
    luck, that I taught myself honesty by dividing the subtractions in my life
    I caught the fever and the spices to attract a second chance, twice
    and my Ancestors came in a dream, suddenly, humbly what I now mean
    What does what mean ? As Grandfather bows to Father accordingly
    and Grandfather says listen to harmony, a developmental stanza
    balancing unanimously, our noisy minority

    And forever on
    I knew what it meant
    to be a man
    test
  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]


    I slowly brushed her hair to prepare for Aspen
    Tossing the extras from the bristles into my trash bin
    Abby sat between my legs, head rested on my thigh
    Excited about her makeover, she had a twinkle in her eye
    My profession was a beautician so Abby looked extra special
    “Do I look beautiful mommy?” She looked like a heavenly vessel
    “Yes baby, you look like a snow angel.” Her smile was bright
    She wore a baby blue fur coat and her hair was almost white
    Abby wanted a picture taken, like a model from a magazine
    She begged me and I accepted, I couldn’t let her be mad at me
    Yet her demeanor had changed, she was no longer smiling
    She looked spooked by the shadows like they would defile me
    I turned around “nothing, this must be her new pose.”
    I peered into the lens, “was there something she knows”
    I figured I was over thinking this so I snapped the picture
    I would never forget her image, as Abby became a fixture
    We entered the house and began to prepare our supper
    Michael was working late, probably out with a secret lover
    I tell Abby his job keeps him from coming home most nights
    Still she hears the commotions and the constant fights
    After reading Horton Hear a Who, Abby said she missed us
    I suppose I understood, after all it was almost Christmas
    I kissed her forehead, showered then fell swiftly asleep
    I didn’t even dream, I barely heard my alarm’s beep

    “Get up and go rescue her.” suddenly this whisper was all I heard
    I questioned my intuition and wondered what was inferred
    I made my way into Abby’s room as a chill filled the air
    Her window was open but my daughter was not there
    I felt trapped within a nightmare as I searched the room
    I stumbled around and found a note of her impending doom
    Demanding 3 million dollars or they would mail me her corpse
    “What will I do?” I muttered, my hand of forced
    The police arrived and performed their investigation
    Slouched in sorrow, refusing to be questioned at a police station
    Hours passed as I felt hopeless, confused in this trap
    Heart restrained and throbbing as if Santa had it gift-wrapped
    Sobbing turbulently as my teardrops stain the paper
    Screaming, “Jesus Christ, why did they have to take her?!?!”
    Pleading and praying that they haven’t raped her
    My emotions become chaotic as I walk around in a cycle
    Starting to wonder if this had anything to do with Michael
    He kept his employer a secret for almost a year
    There must be a connection as intuition whispers in my ear
    The police knocked at the door, there was news they had learned
    My husband was involved; this was all they would confirm
    “Where is Abby?” I begged as I fell desperately at their feet
    Their faces said everything, pale in complexion and still lost
    I petitioned them to search harder and find her at all cost
    Attitude not optimistic, her survival next to none
    Left in solitude, I remain perplexed and stunned
    As I hold her picture pressed against my breast
    Struggling to stand, eyes beginning to lose rest
    Michael enters the house, his head held in shame
    He refused to look up as if he was part of this game
    He said that this world was filled with greed and wealth
    He begged them for the prestige, for his daughter’s health
    But things went wrong when Abby fought them off
    They shot her twice in the temple screaming, "he went soft”
    Abby began to fall; her blue eyes became dull, skin ices
    Her hair stained with blood, as she lay there lifeless
    He walked toward me removing a gun from his belt
    He apologized incessantly and pulled the trigger, it felt
    Like my world was crumbling, my body felt inert
    The gun falls as I wonder if the bullet would hurt
    I missed Abby, swallowing the barrel almost squeezing the trigger
    “Mommy…” as I noticed a beautiful yet immature figured

    To Be Continued….
    test
  7. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    24,097
    first of, i want to let both writers know, that both verse's were amazing in their own respect. it was a hard decision. but i had to make it.
    coup-coup has a way with words. he tends to paint beautiful poetic imagery with vocabulary that at times, can be a bit awkward. his lyrical cadence show's signs of consistency, but i don't see the level of difficulty being perplexing. story wise coup has a well formulated approach, in this story he tell's a chronological recount, from a first person perspective, which interestingly he is very persuasive and has the ability to make the story seem realistic. and dramatic. i can't say the read was absolutely fluid, because a lot of the narration,the rhyme seemed too predictable. or how do i say, it was obvious that the writer was emphasizing his ability to rhyme, but the connection of imagery was hard to interperate.. ie: "I left Michigan no more worse for the Florida glare
    I was sore, of course, sorta from its boredom stares
    I had two quarters in my pocket and five dimes stacked in the back
    one dollar to my name and the high times calling again to ask"- i had to re-read that before i could understand it, could be just me, a minor mistake if anything. story was well developed and delivered appropriately.

    shaddow-as for the story let me to start with my gripe as it is fresh in my mind.Didn't appreciate the end. as for the whole story its self. it was a intricate and creative narration from a mothers first person perspective the build up was intense and imaginable. drawing on emotion, and suspense. captivating the readers this week with a tragic drama. the flow, and delivery. (cadence) was developing through out and the punches were placed appropriately exposing your ability too rhyme and tell a story.
    "Excited about her makeover, she had a twinkle in her eye
    My profession was a beautician so Abby looked extra special
    “Do I look beautiful mommy?” She looked like a heavenly vessel
    “Yes baby, you look like a snow angel.” Her smile was bright
    She wore a baby blue fur coat and her hair was almost white
    Abby wanted a picture taken, like a model from a magazine"
    for example right there..

    the vote for this one has to go to the writers ability to properly describe his narration in a crowd appropriate comprehensive manner.

    vote-shaddow

    although i hate his ending and for that matter the vote should probly go to coup.
    so i vote tie.

    vote-tie

    need a rematch the winner doesn't resonate vividly enough for me here..
    test
  8. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    vote-coup

    fuller story.. more complete.


    liked shad's writing better tho, easier and more comfortable to read. no offense coup, maybe im not the crowd that your story would resonate the most for.
    test
  9. ikon211

    ikon211 Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2010
    Messages:
    143
    Wow ummm..... TIE lol, Both coup and shad are great and this match was close!!! But...

    Coup- Damn holms since u got here you been on a winning streak! (Just my luck I've been on the antonym of the "win streak" lol). Yo the flow and rhymes are ILL! Now the part I hate voting on is saying things I don't like; cuz we all give everything in our verses but... the story to me was ok compared to Shadows. And no disrespect it was good, the character broke, leaving everything behind and getting rid of people/things in his life that didn’t need to be there, while at the same time learned what it meant to be a man equaled a good story! And Good Job!

    Shadow-This was a good story. Like Lp said I liked how it was told from a mothers point of view, when Abby went missing that was a nice play of suspense along with the mothers intuition and waking up to check on her daughter... But I have one question; this line here: "They shot her twice in the temple screaming, "he went soft” who shot Abby? LMAO! I followed this entire verse but I just fell off here. I could only think the police shot her but that don't sound right to me lol, Good Job overall!

    My Vote... ME IKON!! jkjk

    V/ Shad- He had a better story overall (Imagery, suspense, flow etc.) this was a close match both competitors should be proud! GOOD MATCH!
    test
  10. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Coup - man, i dont know, for some reason i found this verse hard to stay with. it iddnt hold my interest. i'd start reading and next thing i know im starring out the window day dreaming. but i eventually got over my ADD and finished it. i really liked how you opened it. the rhymes in the first stanza were nice. the imagery in the 5th stanza was pretty dope. very descriptive, could almost see a visual of that place. overall man, i jus didnt think this was the best i've seen from you. dont get me wrong, this in no way was bad, it just wasnt up to your usual level, imo

    shadow - remember when i said i dropped verse of the week? yeah, i lied. this right here was verse of the fuckin week. holy shit. i read the beginning and i was thinking, okay, wheres he going with this. the build up was amazing and what really helped you sell this verse was how realistic it was. theres always stories on the news about a parent walking into their kids room, seeing the window open and the kids not there. loved the Aspen/trash bin rhymed at the beginning. really drew me into this verse. the build up was great, the scene transitions were smooth, and i actually enjoyed the ending. great verse

    vote - shadow
    test
  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    shadow wins 2-1
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