[Week 13] C. WordZperfect(6-1) vs 2. MC Guttso(10-2) (VOTE!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Jun 29, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 13



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
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  3. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    839
    haha good luck homie
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  4. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    You're in the attic one day, and find a mysterious book. You open it up and are horrified with what you see. What is it?

    Spring is here what a panic,
    with things to clean in this dust ridden attic.
    Just very ecstatic that I’ve been given the task to clear the master’s palace.
    Seen as a bastard that’s callous, but I bask in his cheer it’s so charismatic.
    I erratically dance on these contrasting ballasts.
    With a passion for cleaning under this moody moon,
    think I’ve betrayed his trust in this wooden booth.
    Feels like I’m doing things that I shouldn’t do,
    I decide to play and take a look in this hidden room,
    found a frayed book named “Forbidden Truths”.
    Heart booms as I turn from a servant to sleuth,
    it’s a doomed manifesto by a serpent of crude.
    Included a long list of masterful murders
    wrong and twisted he does it on purpose,
    strong thoughts on how life is just worthless:

    "Human beings are arranged to breed and deceive,
    thrown into these deranged streets and its disease,
    this feat so to speak is wildly evil,
    toxic campaigns for brainwashing mindless people.
    Timeless prequels of unrelenting emotional destruction.
    The cycle of genocidal torture.
    The promotional seductions,
    preached by spiteful scorchers with devotional constructions.
    Enough to make man turn perverse and demented,
    immersed in society and in our curse we accept it,
    natural improprieties lead to worsened genetics,
    I emphasise sobriety,
    It’s time for me to burn the pathetic."


    I’m amazed, terrified at the sight of these lines,
    real phased as I clarify the plight of this mind,
    he’s crazed, and I verify the spite of this guy,
    such a tyrant I mistakenly thought he was nice.
    I aspire to life, love, all the things that are right,
    a blessing that we can smile, sing with our eyes,
    with wedding bells and girls who twinkle in white,
    taking time to build bonds we believe in our dreams,
    trusting people, we belong; we embrace what we see.

    My thoughts seem blurred; I hear the creep sneak up the stairs,
    my screams quickly occurred, down deep in despair,
    I hear him speak, breathing almost teaching his prayers,
    I’m motionless as he leaps towards me with the coldest of stares,
    He lacerates me to pieces, leaves me in the oldest of chairs,
    He prepares the fleshy meat, wipes his machete clean and it gleams,
    He devours my intestines and spleen, dives in and crunches my eyes,
    The flies buzz around him and they take a munch on the prize,
    Blood splattered banisters, the dim light glows red
    The cannibal ravishes the grim corpse’s head
    He spits guts as he says:

    “I’ve swallowed his leg but I haven’t swallowed my pride
    My servant “loved” life, so he had no sorrow to die”


    [​IMG]
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  5. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    839
    Back in the medevil times of knights, dragons, goblins, and Evil Warlocks,
    play the evilest character imaginable and describe your quest to rule the land with an evil purpose.


    The Legend of Osyrus
    [​IMG]

    He was evil personified, the spawn of grime
    Demonic mind, his spirit born at the dawn of time
    His body wasn't, born with a slit pupil and no iris
    A dark day for mankind, and his name, Osyrus
    As a kid, wut he did to his baby brother left his mother disgraced
    when he covered his head with a pillow and smothered his face
    They said This couldnt be done by the hand of a child
    and as they beheaded his mother, he actually smiled

    As the years passed, he gained power thru lies n deceit
    The rise of a beast that was disguised as a sheep
    His people were famined and he owned the land n cattle
    If they wanted to eat, they had to join his hand in battle
    He hailed dread, robbed the poor n left the frail dead
    He lived on hill, atop the valley of impaled heads
    Never worked for anything, his throne, robbed it
    he sits atop it drinkin blood from a stone goblet

    Either worship my name or take a plunge into flames
    and dine with the goblins in my dungeon of pain
    He spent most of his days goin from village to village
    Terrorizen the town folk , he would kill em n pillage
    on his climb to power, he'd do anything to reach the summit
    He burned kids, stabbed pregnant women thru the stomach
    His army can cover the earth in hours as this curse devours
    the dirt n flowers but nothin can quench his thirst for power

    A disturbed man, his evil deeper then the liquid sea
    his motives are a mystery, the enigma of iniquity
    But he had one obvious goal, it was World domination
    and to conquer any man who didnt share his common hatred
    He was obsessed with his conquest, he plotted death
    His path reaked from the strong stench of rotted flesh
    Even by a savages standards his tactics were radical
    The sorcerer mastered trolls into pushin giant catapults

    He atacked wit a massive mace-n laughed as he smashed a face in
    It was like masterbation laced wit open gashes and lacerations

    He loved it, the peoples dread n pain only fed his flames
    He’d meditate over top of their graves and levitate
    Everything thats in his wake jus crumbles n dies
    and in just 10 months his empire doubled in size
    The whole world was at the mercy of this surpant's mind
    They couldnt stop him with every army on earth combined

    But even the best plans can blow up in an instant
    ironic, his own people finally rose up against him
    They stormed his fortress on hoards of roarin horses
    wit swords n torches, they're force enormous
    They dragged him out into the snow, it was december then
    Tied him up to four horses and then they dismembered him
    The spirit left his body and once again begins runnin his search
    As a pregnant mother in the croud rubs her stomach n smirks

    And the legend continues as he invades her placenta
    He does it for centuries on any weak mind he can enter
    youve seen him, Ghengis kaun, neopleon, hitler and sadom
    and the spirit lives on only to hold the world in his palm
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  6. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    Holy fuck! First off I'm super happy to see our battle between two people using both of my topics. Let me break this down

    Guttso - your verse was killer, I love how you used the idea of having this master and how your trip to the attic, was made to seem so forbidden. The story develops so nicely. I found things happened quite quickly but man did ever take a gruesome turn. Very well done I enjoyed your verse very much awesome work!

    Some very nice lines in here!

    "think I’ve betrayed his trust in this wooden booth.
    Feels like I’m doing things that I shouldn’t do"

    Very nice! Incredible work good job!

    WordZPerfecT - Jesus Christ! This verse was incredible, the cool twist on my previous verse last week very cool to see somebody mentioned it in the voting how it would be cool to switching roles, and you execute it perfectly! There are so many quotable in this it's ridiculous.

    "His people were famined and he owned the land n cattle
    If they wanted to eat, they had to join his hand in battle"


    But what really got me, was close to the end when you had it come together with Osiris' death. The kicker was this line right here:

    "The spirit left his body and once again begins runnin his search
    As a pregnant mother in the croud rubs her stomach n smirks"

    Well done, flawless!

    I Gotta give this up to both of you for both incredible verses, however wordzperfect, I feel your verse had just a little bit more to it. The mechanics were there and the flow was perfect as well as the story in my opinion was just a little bit more captivating. No insult to guttso because his verse was also crazy. I just feel that wordzperfect topped this one. Good work

    Vote - wordzperfect
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  7. -Fac3-

    -Fac3- Will punch the shit out u

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    1,343
    Damn....One of the best battles I have read in a good while. This could easily be battle of the week and it's the first battle actually ready to be voted on...Excellent job to the both of you...For sure...

    Guttso - Excellent job here!! Story flowed smoothly and the idea was creative. Flowed along well and your use of vocab and imagery remains top notch. The fear that would grip a righteous soul when coming across something like that would be great which you portrayed very well. The story was well thought out and well written. Not much I can really say as far as criticisms go. Very dope piece here..

    Wordz - Wow! I don't use exclamations very much when critiquing verses, but this match definately calls for it. As I told Guttso, This battle was filled with dope lines and very vivid imagery. Your story blew me away man. It started out crazy and i was like no way he can keep this same content up through out his verse...and you actually surpassed it...
    As the years passed, he gained power thru lies n deceit
    The rise of a beast that was disguised as a sheep
    ^^I really liked this couplet. Not much I can say other than the verse was extremely well written and just amazing to me. Very good showing...

    With two verses so well written it is very very hard to decide this. I looked at mechanics, imagery, etc and you both are neck and neck...which is why I can honestly see this as BOTW...It came down to the endings to me, which were both really strong as well, lol. I feel that Guttso's ending was extremely dope, but I think Wordz had the edge on the ending. Both were very impressive, and I hated voting on this TBH, but vote goes to Wordz.....Props to both here...
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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,692
    MC Guttso - nice piece..this was a very calm and mellow read...i enjoy this piece which had a very steady flow and a good use of imagery...nicely done


    Fave Line -

    "such a tyrant I mistakenly thought he was nice.
    I aspire to life, love, all the things that are right,
    a blessing that we can smile, sing with our eyes,
    with wedding bells and girls who twinkle in white"
    ^^loved the rhyme scheme here


    Wordz - impressive....you had very nice rhymes and a great story...i loved the darkness you portrayed the child as and how it grew into something much bigger...nicely done

    Fave Line -

    "
    He atacked wit a massive mace-n laughed as he smashed a face in
    It was like masterbation laced wit open gashes and lacerations"
    ^^nicely done

    Overall a very good battle...nicely done by both competitors...My vote goes to Wordz...his story was just insane...i loved that concept he used...Both had good imagery and good rhymes but it came down to which story i enjoyed more and Wordz slightly beat him out....nicely done guys....battle of the week
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  9. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    My vote goes to WordZ..

    Guts - this was a good steady verse and I can see a definite improvement in your writing from when last I read your work .. flow was fine and the story telling attribute was carried off well .. creating an easy to read verse that was also enjoyable .. good work ..

    WordZ - much the same as I've said about Guts' tbh .. all aspects came together well and I enjoyed the read .. I think you tipped the scale in your favour with maybe more consistency throughout the verse ..

    A good battle in general .. good stuff by both of you ..
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  10. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    mc g--overall i think you expressed your topic in a meaningful way. however, as i read i thought it could have been made a little clearer. i only say this because the character in the story was a servant tending to his masters attic as i understood it; i think you needed to hash out a few more details of that to build the concept just a little more. your second stanza opens up with a menacing passage about the thoughts of the master and his not-so-good intentions/true feelings. i felt that this was the pride of place of the whole verse, and in believing so , i felt that a stronger ''set up'' in the first stanza could have added more texture...or concern on the readers part. in return you would of had more bang for your buck with the reaming text.

    to further illustrate my critique i want to add that the 3rd and 4th stanzas would have been cast in in a darker dramatic light if you could have expressed the relationship between the master and servant, meaning why should we, the readers, be shocked that the master is not what the servant expects...to build this would have solidified your concept.

    i am not the least bit disappointed in your work however, i think you write naturally, making the flow of your verse and idea expression seem effortless. it read very well. you present complex relationships that appear to be simplistic. that is like using art to conceal art. ive noticed your ability to do such by reading a few weeks of your works. i just felt like i could give you something to chew on, as your critiques of my work are most helpful.

    wordprefect--again, you showed up this week meeting everybody's expectations of you; powerful multis that are prefect in position, sleek and efficient rhyme schemes and a deep setting hook. the hook sold your story. i love two things about this work; the concept of evil being born every so often, as seen in Bonaparte, Hitler, Sodom etc...and at the end when the woman smurks as to signify that the next evil heir is in the ''oven''. like a vicious cycle that never stops...you brought this idea of evil in one last full measure. outstanding.

    to give you some criticism i would say that i felt this story to be rushed a bit. from rise to fall and thats about it. you explained his ways well but you seemed to just highlight this without anything i could pin point in the here and now...it wasn't the most 'on the edge of my seat' drama out there but your hook was powerful enough to cast a vote your way. i really can not suggest a remedy to my complaint about 'skimming' through Osyrus's careerer other than that i would have like to see a real time narrative rather than an outward looking in concept. but, the way you did it is fine, my crit is very subjective.
    v wp.
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  11. dee-black

    dee-black New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Messages:
    20
    gutso: I liked your verse, was good in places but I think the flow fell of in places and at times I got lost with the title and its contents but overall a decent effort as it was only a short piece compared to your opponents.

    Word: Nice verse I didnt really like the topic and found the content boring at times but the actual verse itself flowed really well with some decent multies. Good mechanics I think you did enough to take it. Only thing I can say is your rhyme scheme can seem a little repetitive sometimes but good job
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  12. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,674
    guttso :
    ------------
    "Human beings are arranged to breed and deceive,
    thrown into these deranged streets and its disease,
    this feat so to speak is wildly evil,
    toxic campaigns for brainwashing mindless people.
    Timeless prequels of unrelenting emotional destruction.
    The cycle of genocidal torture.
    The promotional seductions,
    preached by spiteful scorchers with devotional constructions.
    Enough to make man turn perverse and demented,
    immersed in society and in our curse we accept it,
    natural improprieties lead to worsened genetics,
    I emphasise sobriety,
    It’s time for me to burn the pathetic."


    ha, enough said. if i had picked up a book with that shit in it, i woulda jacked off to it. lol, love the multis used, and the vocab - priceless. your story was enjoyable to read, and i don't think you could've done any better if you tried. well done mate.

    wordz :
    -----------
    ha, now i know why everybody was comparing your piece to mine. used the same quote, and had the same evil characteristics. loved this fuckin' piece man, i am a sucker for the dark subject matters. and i loved how you ended it too.

    He atacked wit a massive mace-n laughed as he smashed a face in
    It was like masterbation laced wit open gashes and lacerations


    rightfully underlined and bolded, this line was a fuckin' killa. i don't know why people were saying i would've drawn with you, you would've taken this just for this line alone. i would've loved to see a one on one battle with your character and mine. lol, that would've been the ultimate showdown.

    my vote :
    ------------
    i really didn't want to vote for this, because both battles were my favourite of the week. i know i will be casting my vote to guttso, but taking the vote away from wordz seems unfair at the same time. so it's a catch 22 for me right now, fuck. either way the votes go, just know that this is the best battle i've read in a long fuckin' while. my vote does go to guttso though ...

    [turn] ...
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  13. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    839
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  14. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    Most definitely battle of the week here:

    Guttso- Dope shit, man. You flowed very nicely, vocab was top notch, story was killer. You brought everything to life, it seemed, and it was a very good read. Good shit

    Wordz- Like I said in nu's battle, I'm not normally a fan of the medieval shit, but you did very well with this as well. There's a few lines I really loved, including this:

    They dragged him out into the snow, it was december then
    Tied him up to four horses and then they dismembered him

    ^Don't know how many people really noticed that line, but shit man. That and your closer were sick as hell

    Very, very close battle. Top notch verses from both. I'm siding with Wordz though. The four horses line and closer really kinda sealed the deal. If it weren't for those two lines I don't think I could've decided on this. Props to both

    Vote- Wordz
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