[Week 13] 5. Nu' MaaN(6-2) vs 6. -Fac3-(3-1) (Nu wins)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Jun 29, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 13



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
    test
  2. -Fac3-

    -Fac3- Will punch the shit out u

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    1,343
    ohhh shiiiiit, good luck my dude...

    Alternate just in case..
    test
  3. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,669
    you too, mate.

    checking in ...

    [turn] ...
    test
  4. -Fac3-

    -Fac3- Will punch the shit out u

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    1,343
    Demon Within..

    You're at school one day, and on the way home you get a text message on your cell phone. The message says..... “Do what I say, or your family dies.”



    I'm counting down minutes..
    Until the bell rings which means the school day's finished
    Watch me vacate these wall's limits
    Feet burnin' like a Piston as I jet with the quickness
    shit it's Friday evenin'
    And Ya' boy needs a change of pace come this weekend
    Plus I need to see when..
    The homie wanna go grab a stick to wrap these trees in
    *Bell Rings*
    "Ok kids, Remember the science project for science class"
    I hear him say as I dash..
    Mind fast on the events to come so it's in one, out the other
    Right now it's the route to Mother's
    To find out how much change I can scrape from the couch and under
    As I'm halfway down the block
    I hear a sound that knocks, damn He can't wait til' I'm home?
    I know he's an eager bastard..
    But I can't walk any faster, I'm not even out the school zone
    Pull out my cell phone..
    Oh, it's from a number unknown, open to see what it says inside
    and to my suprise...
    the message says, "Do What I say, Or your family dies"
    Panic mangages to strike
    while a bolt of shock rocks my frame in full stride
    Froze in place on the sidewalk
    My thoughts lost admist the sounds playin from my IPod
    The reality sets in place
    when a Picture message comes in of my family duct taped
    Two blocks from the crib..
    callin' the cops is not a option cuz Pop's got a glock to his ribs
    My shaky fingers grace the keys..
    "Whatever you do, don't hurt them, I am begging you please.."
    taking a seat at the corner..
    I can see my house quiet as a mouse with no signs of murder..
    The evil inside's unseen..
    I text back, "Who is this? what do you want from me?"
    Longest two minutes in history..
    Until he says, "I want you to solve a few mysteries."
    "Ok what do I do next?"..
    He say's "stand on one foot" then ,"Sike, that's just for comedic effect..
    Here's the game, I drop clues, you drop names of whoever you guess..
    If you fail to answer correct..
    I slash a neck and text the picture of it and one of who's next"..
    Tears swell my eyes red...
    as the image of my mother comes to mind, sliced up layin' dead
    I manage to text, "ok, begin"
    He says, "excellent, you get 3 questions right, i'll let them live..
    First clue for you to debate..
    I killed 15 women, died of cancer in nineteen-seventy eight."
    Frantic, scramblin' through memory..
    I text, "I need another clue, dude I'm having trouble remembering"
    Silence in the air...
    The only thing I hear is the quiet sound of the wind whispering...
    Finally I get a responce back..
    "Ok, one more clue but I promise you get none beyond that..
    One fact is, I was one to astound reporters..
    For using human body parts for decoration/jewelry in the house of horrors"
    Knowing the answer, "Hannibal Lector", I text back
    "Yes, his name was edward Gein, I can't believe you guessed that..
    here you go, clue Two..
    Here's a guy who appeared to have an "appetite" for human stew.."
    With his name on the tip...
    My tongue flips the syllables just a little to late as he texts back..
    "Sorry you're out of time, and so is your family's lifeline.."
    AND THEN BLACK

    Strugglin' to breathe, dry heaving...
    I wake up with my face flushed, Cold sweats greet me..
    Man, was I freaking...
    everything seemed to be so real
    so real...
    just thinking about it gives me cold chills

    everything was so real becasue I know of the evil that's possible
    The evil that that people shrug off as something that's not probable..
    Until you get the notification your son was placed in the hospital..
    after being found six months after he first went missing....

    I was kidnapped, shackled and trapped in...
    Authorities never found the guy, to sly for them to track him..
    My therapist says "Your sleep is disturbed by the Demons you have within you"
    And until they catch My demon, the nightmares will continue...​
    test
  5. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,669
    damn, a shame i had to face face.

    i will be posting my verse up either tmrw or the morning after, yep ...

    [turn] ...
    test
  6. -Fac3-

    -Fac3- Will punch the shit out u

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    1,343
    test
  7. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
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    lured into a game of poker with mates, long night.

    might need extension of a couple of hours, but i'll try getting up a little earlier.

    granted? ...

    [turn] ...
    test
  8. -Fac3-

    -Fac3- Will punch the shit out u

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    1,343
    I don't care, just post asap.
    test
  9. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,669
    some of you guys need to have a little bit of patience, or be more leniant.

    but anyway, i'll post the verse to the medieval scenario - asap.

    when the sword whispers.
    [​IMG]

    benevolent robes caress my steps, as i tread/
    through the depths of the dread, where pagans wed death/
    the dead bled, seas of red that i split in half/
    a dark wizard with a staff, my sword whispers wrath/
    the sound of silence, molesting the dark of the night/
    the creature i ride on, leaves hearts full of fright/
    my sight, shifts attention to my favourite disciple/
    the anger of the angel of the death, is just spiteful/
    he'll strangle you dead, then let you hang from your neck/
    limbs dangling from flesh, yes. i'm manically obsessed/
    i slice stomachs of the whores, and watch it fall from the womb/
    send the infants to the infinite, the smallest of tombs/
    the dark prophet, with dominion over evil sages/
    who leave the feeble slaid in, medieval ages/
    black magicians inflicting the vicious with sickness/
    i'll rip out your limbs, just to keep up my fitness/
    i witness the work, of my legion of dark/
    with one knee to the ground, i pledge allegiance to god/
    he revealed testaments, to try and test the men/
    but the devil lurks this hell on earth, and innocent fell into sin/
    adrenaline from massacring for god, is my medecine/
    a veteran in shedding sking, still dare to live in ignorance?/
    and then i send, back my forces - jump on the back of my horse 'coz/
    the smell of the fresh human flesh gets me nautious/
    i ride cautious, another mission successful/
    a pillaging of villages, drown the living in the death pool/
    the next fool, to preach lies, shaking in fear/
    i enter the mosques, and drag out sheikhs by their beards/

    i am here, so it's time for you blind sheep to leave/
    twisting the true words of god? all you heathens will bleed/
    i cast an unholy scourge upon the land of the wicked/
    trade war stories with satan, just to prove i am sicker/
    you mortals bicker, i smirk with the darkest smile/
    you humans fucked mother earth, i am the bastard child/
    i am righteous in my own right, left with no choice/
    my message travels the earth, with no breath nor voice/
    i just whisper with fork tongue, death and despair/
    fresh flesh in the air, it is i whom you fear/
    i own temples of torment, synagogues of sacrifice/
    use mosques as a morgue, and in the church i breed acolytes/
    the anti-christ .. kneels down to my wrath/
    .. the devil in the flesh steers clear from my path/
    alas, don't come in the way of the prey of the beast/
    i'll snatch angels from skies, rip their wings off and feast/
    the founder of plagues, decay, gory abortions/
    ommited from the scriptures, i trained the four horsemen/
    none may hurt my pride, i'm god's merciless side/
    when i stroll though hell, satan gets nervous and hides/
    i sit on the right, to the throne of my lord/
    as i sip on some blood, and watch you thrown into swords/
    while i rest, all my noblest of hordes hold fort/
    .. the pharaohs, the nazgul, the dark voldemort/
    and yes, i scould them all to make whores of your kings/
    so fuck j.r.r tolkien, i'm the lord of the rings ...


    done, may the votes be casted ...

    [turn] ...
    test
  10. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    numan--
    first observation is that I'm definitely seeing a rhyme scheme from you that is distinctively yours. second, is that i felt you had tuns of energy going on , spread all over with imagery. i felt that had this verse went up against wordzp. it could have spelled victory, down to the last vote of course.
    i am here, so it's time for you blind sheep to leave/
    twisting the true words of god? all you heathens will bleed/
    i cast an unholy scourge upon the land of the wicked/
    trade war stories with satan, just to prove i am sicker/
    you mortals bicker, i smirk with the darkest smile/
    you humans fucked mother earth, i am the bastard child/
    i felt that to be a good example of said above. it says a lot about the character. it is easily picked up by the reader because of its written clarity.
    what i also pick up about your work is that your speak from the inner consciousness. meaning that you seem to talk around the subject matter and just ramble. almost like a long thought process. this is a great style to have, you're a pretty good example of it. i would suggest trying to add in more diversity in the narration to counter the quickness of your thoughts. also, by incorporating different rhyme schemes throughout your verse would be a nice change of tempo. it could enhance your flow. but it was liquid through and through. in the end, no complaints about the rhymes, and minor concerns over the 'though process' narration. maybe try to push yourself to write with a different attitude. that is the only thing i can think of.

    your ending was hilarious.

    fac3--
    firs observation is that im also starting to recognize your style as well. and from reading, instinct tells my your are late teens/young twenties. i gather that from the voice your works produce. one could call it less refined, less mature and at the same time unique or animated. depends on the reader. but this piece was fairly juvenile, teen movie-esque. imo. not to say it was bad, but it was definitely something i felt.

    your topic was clear. the story was easy to follow and it was very linear. from start to finish. sunrise to sunset. i really thought that you could of had more creative doors open if you started the verse in the middle of the drama. IE when the text message was first received. instead of unnecessarily picking up the story in the final minutes of school. i thought you were trying to develop your character by doing that, but i think it just took too much attention from the real point of the story. you could have developed it more properly starting with tension right off the bat.

    your written voice stands out. unlike numanns stream of consciousness in his verse. two contrasting styles up against each other here. interestingly enough, i think that if you took numanns imagery and added to your setting and characters, you would have had a admirable piece. and if nu took your written prospective and direct voice over he would be contending much of the time for the c. next to his name.


    -------------------------------
    in a word, nu had great mechanics in his rhyme scheme, sometimes a little redundant and vivid imagery. all written as thoughts, imo. fa3 clearly illustrated a story with efficiency, but picked up the story too early on and could have used more imagery.

    of course, im just one of many readers amogst the crowd and my critique reflects what i enjoy only.

    v nu
    test
  11. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,245
    This was a very good battle! I feel that both writers here have such opposite styles that one could say that it makes this a very interesting matchup indeed. on with the breakdown of verses.

    -Fac3- very cool verse for starters. I really like how you developed the story, I think the intro did seem very teen movie-esque as coup so eloquently put it, but I feel it did the verse a great justice. As it really gave me a feel for the character and I was really getting into the story as I read. I also like the ending because you added a twist to it, which only enhanced the verse. Very direct, and my only gripe with this is that you could have had a little more imagery, descriptive wording in this. Great piece though all in all, I very much enjoyed reading this, so thank you. well done. I really liked these lines!

    nice!

    Nu'maaN - great storytelling! this really opened my eyes to your abilities to write a story effectively. I saw only your last weeks work, and this has really made me want to check your other works. as far as the story goes, I too think that this could have went against WordzPerfect, as the imagery was incredible. you have such a way with words that made this read like a movie in my head, and I had a very clear picture of what you were trying to convey. extremely well written.

    that painted a very vivid picture. outstanding!

    I have to give this battle to Nu'maaN, as his imagery, just put it over the top. good work to both though.

    vote - Nu'maaN
    test
  12. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    839
    this was a pretty good battle fellas lemme break it down

    Face- good verse.. u had a good flow as usuall in this one and to me the imagery wasnt that bad, i think wut hurt u the most this week was the topic itself... it wasnt bas, it was cool but ur opposition came with a much more sinister/gripping topic in my eyes... but as far as ur writing goes i thought it was on point and i liked the twist at the end... if i had to pick somethin to complain about id say id like to see a lil better vocab but thats splittin hairs. great showin

    Nu'mann - obviously i like the topic lol but aside from that i thought u wrote this really well and i think u really captured the essence of the main character in ur story... ur imagery really stood out to me... u painted a really gory image in my head and im always a sucker for that.. ur rhyme schemes are supurb.. if u dropped this piece againt me we might have had a new champ.. supurb piece imo.

    Vote - Nu
    test
  13. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Fac3 - Good verse....had a good flow, i want more imagery from you tho...everything else was solid and i enjoyed how you developed the story..nicely done

    fave line -

    ""I text back, "Who is this? what do you want from me?"
    Longest two minutes in history..
    Until he says, "I want you to solve a few mysteries.""

    Nu'maan - Wow..i loved this...simply impressive...i loved the rhyming, the story, the imagery, the vocab...a supremely solid piece....I want to battle you lol...nicely done

    fav line -

    "the sound of silence, molesting the dark of the night/
    ^^my favorite...wow insane
    the creature i ride on, leaves hearts full of fright/
    my sight, shifts attention to my favourite disciple/
    the anger of the angel of the death, is just spiteful/"

    Overall a pretty solid battle...both guys came hard and i loved both verse..Fac3 had a solid verse was i liked Nu'maan's story and concept better...jesus Nu'maan..nicely done guys...

    Vote Nu'maan
    test
  14. Yung Troy

    Yung Troy The Lyrical King

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,766
    Face-Pretty nice here..flow was well put together, the story itself could had a little deeper imagery to it but it was good nonetheless..the way you twisted the plot at the end was ok but I feel like you could have thought of something even more devious ya feel me, and I was diggin the lines where you were talking about your anger, you made it very vivid and sort of gave life to it...nice verse

    Nu-Pretty sick verse man...the flow was good, a little shaky at times but good.. and the vocab is what really stood out to me, of course along with the way you told the story..you gave some clear cut details in this one man, the lines I was feeling the most were...

    i am here, so it's time for you blind sheep to leave/
    twisting the true words of god? all you heathens will bleed/
    i cast an unholy scourge upon the land of the wicked/
    trade war stories with satan, just to prove i am sicker/
    you mortals bicker, i smirk with the darkest smile/
    you humans fucked mother earth, i am the bastard child/
    i am righteous in my own right, left with no choice/
    my message travels the earth, with no breath nor voice/

    you really started nailing the story with these lines..this was close imo

    but Imma have to give it to Nu'Mann for his story and flow being just a tad bit better...
    test
  15. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    test
  16. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
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    Good ass battle. Breakdown

    Fac3- Man, I really like this story. Your flow was pretty nice, story came along nicely, and the ending was cool. I wouldn't have texted the dude back though, lol. Woulda called that motherfucker right up! But yeah, good shit here

    Nu- Normally I'm not a fan of medieval shit. But as I read your verse I got hooked into it. You did a really good job on your flow, rhymes, and story telling. Your second verse nailed it. Loved the closer as well. Good shit

    This was a close battle, but I think Nu edged it out mechanically. Good shit from both writers

    Vote- Nu
    test
  17. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    Nu wins 6-0 in votes
    test
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