[Week 13] 5. DethStryque(1-2) vs 6. Patrown(0-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Apr 10, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,201

    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    check. good luck bro.
    test
  3. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    requesting extension.
    test
  4. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    [​IMG]
    I'm a guy made for museums, a shoreline walker,
    you still look at me as just a chore time stalker.
    that's no way to show love to your kind father.
    My only daughter, I've taught you better manners,
    every bit of wasted food sets a table's standard.

    Finish soon, we'll hop scotch on tiles of the roof.
    I'll get high and shuffle in my crocodile boots.
    Who thought I'd let it rain tears after she left,
    haven't washed the stains from my Sunday's best,
    wishing her face lay on my chest, not this silhouette.

    I'll win another over with my thrift store dress,
    now straighten out your vest, behave please.
    If I knew why you can't smile, id change things.
    Her name brings anger to dangerous peaks,
    can't say the hanger's a reason she's deceased,
    Mommy tried to kill you so she's resting in peace.

    I know Denise, one day you'll see how hard it is,
    but I still know how to show her you're marvelous.
    If you want to meet her, say "hi Mom," at day's end,
    her head's on a closet hanger, the rest's in the basement.
    test
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    I enjoyed the story here. It was smooth and had a lot of good descriptives in it. Now you wanted to know about character development. The key to that is a connection with the reader. You want to either, go into some detail about the character so the reader can see the character in their mind or use a character that is relatable. When the reader has a visual to who the character is, it become easier for the reader to follow and actually 'feel' for the character. Now with this piece, you did a nice job in showing us a little about why the father is the way he is. But i thought that you only scratched the surface. With a story like this that could be very dark, you want to provide more details here. You want to make it clear who this guy is which you did but vaguely. I'm still not sure how to feel about the father really but you get the point i guess and this is just my opinion :)


    Nicely done Pat
    test
  6. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    I really screwed myself by reading your little explanation in the lounge before reading this peace. DAMN.

    But i agree with shad. When you write shorter pieces, the strength is in the word choice (because you have to say alot more with alot less). The weakness there is that word choice can only go so far when exploring a character in comparison to just saying more. By the time I finished reading the piece, I knew what the man did, grasped that he was talking to his daughter, and that he killed the mother. But the fact that he went from a normal guy to someone insane was something I had to infer just by the fact that he killed his wife. If your purpose was to show us that more tangibly in the piece, then i'd say there needed to be something more to drive that home.

    this is another improvement though.. from last week even, so i gotta say i'm quite impressed. good job here, too bad you got no-showed =\
    test
  7. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    pat-

    this be the best I read from you hands down...it was structurally sound and at no wise was I lost in the narrative. there was really no character development, but that don't matter to me cos we read his thoughts and I like the fact that I had to infer as to why he was doing what he was. you gave bits of info that we could piece together about him and that added an element of intrigue to the whole concept.

    it was short and purposeful and driven. The last line was awesome...gave us something to wrap our minds around. Great job, impressive indeed.
    test
  8. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2011
    Messages:
    1,600
    you took this picture to the level it deserves.... fucking sweet dude, pretty much flawless 4/4 time, excellent rhymes...
    hop Scotch on tiles of the roof...
    crocodile boots.
    the way its a 3 expression rhyme turned into two... loved that shit
    and
    shoreline walker
    chore time stalker
    your kind father....
    couldn't have started any better
    one thing I did.'t get tho was how the kid was alive and the mom dead?
    you coulda had an epic sociopath moment of stopping the abortion and force keeping the mom alive until the baby was full term then killing her and cutting it out... or even stopping the woman, gaining g her trust and making her think its all good until she has the baby, then killing her
    test
  9. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,201
    Pat wins by no show
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)