[Week 12] [Championship] C. billy nomates(5-0) vs 2. Nu maaN(3-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Nov 8, 2010.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]VERSES
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    test
  2. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2009
    Messages:
    6,230
    We dragged our feet in the glass, laughed ran
    Wrote our last words as a tarred stand
    Bruised with a cask tan, touch my smile
    When the sun rises I feel like such a child

    We hopped on the train as the whistle blew
    I wanted to sit with you, I was miserable
    Addicted to the high wire act, invincible
    Singing out of tune to a vintage blues
    Song, you thought I was strong, wrong
    I wasn’t gone long, lost in the throng
    Lungs holding nothing but a tar tract
    Breathing out smoke until the stars snapped
    Thinking of how the cards act as tarot
    I lost out to a king, in a bar blacked and gallows
    Grin stuck to my teeth like a diseased heart
    I bleed hard, scream fast and dream last
    My teeth cast in pure gold, we locked fingers
    Under the table, thunderous fable, stock linger
    Ing glances, think past this, grin thin plaster
    Sinking faster.

    I measure my days by the width of my waist
    Stale bread on my tongue, sick of the taste
    A vision of faith, picture a sliver of hate
    Won’t give this vision a name, a pitiful frame
    Just so sick of living in shame, simple and plain
    Cuts on my lips trickling blame.

    I scratched your name in a block of coal
    It’ll light my pyre when things get impossible
    The end days are unstoppable, cover my path
    With my thoughts of you as a lover that laughed
    As the sun set, optimism that breeds
    Hope like the eyes of a pigeon that feeds
    Single minded hard won luck of the draw
    I still have all your letters stuffed in a drawer.

    We were split apart the day that the storm broke
    Now I wear my heart in my pocket as a shorn soul
    Wrapped in torn clothes, with my head high
    Hoping that the pages of history will shed light
    On the atrocities and sins of the hostages and kings
    Striking marks in the column of the losses it’ll bring
    These are choppy waters but I’ll swim
    Hard to the shore, climb a rock and then I’ll grin.

    We were destined for Auschwitz, you didn’t survive
    When wars are won, I pity the prize
    Picture the shy kid you knew, now a strong man
    Riveted to the spot by the effect that your tongue had
    If I think the songs sad, I picture your face
    Wait for your kiss to float back, so vivid a taste
    I love you for your primitive traits, guts and awe
    I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye when they shut the door.


    racism.
    test
  3. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,670
    i'll have it up in the next hour.

    votes will go here ...

    [turn] ...
    test
  4. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,670
    identity crisis.
    let me jog my memory, so i can run my mouth,
    carving writings on the walls, i am the hunted now.
    so all my golden years? yeah, i hold them dear,
    only frozen tears comfort me, it gets cold in here.
    grew old with fear, i didn't plan for this hell,
    i'm the boy who cried wolf, with the hands i've been dealt.
    in a world where respect's signified by what a man makes,
    .. i signed the dotted lines, with the coldest of handshakes.

    pull up the handbrakes.

    my memory lane, is now just one way traffic,
    where my gun played havoc, in this mundane madness.
    living young days lavish, now i write for the weak,
    here's my life on the streets, without a mic or a beat.
    should i fight for release, or strike a deal with fate,
    i got no meals on plates, dear lord - heal my hate.
    my main dish is anguish, while i'm looking at palms,
    reading my hands language, i'm shook but i'm calm.
    each finger has a story to tell, my hands yell,
    my speech lingers speaking goriest tales, in damned hell.
    all my plans fell through, like the sands of time,
    trapped, trying to escape, these cursed hands of mine.
    my damn mind can't fathom why the soul won't leave,
    tried many times to end it, was told - hold, don't breathe.
    i'd suffocate to death, if i tried to swallow my pride,
    thinking back on my life, makes me feel hollow inside.
    coz my elders who had sheltered me, and read books to heal?
    no longer here, since they stared at death .. looks can kill.
    shook hands with crooks in hell, it's no mystery bitch,
    time is money, so no shit my fucking history's rich.
    so listen to this, some of the rules of the ancient,
    along with your mind and voice, never lose your patience.

    i'm pacing yelling at skies, i've shed blood for kin,
    while my hands testifying, getting judged by sins.
    i question seventy wives, are they just heavenly lies?
    angels with devilish eyes? this must be hell in disguise.
    i've realized that these guys, are all part of the script,
    religious folk love to see you choke, and snarl when you slip.
    so they can feed you and lead you astray, from the way,
    who am i kidding, i stay hidden in the dark, fading away.
    old age, and bold rage, while i'm caged - i decay,
    it's where i'm headed, coz in youth i chose to slay for the pay.
    and i stayed just to lpay, but made savages my kin,
    hunt like animals, then walked the halls and passages of limbs.
    the evil scavenger within, wants to kill for sport,
    .. but his noble twin walks amongst the highest hills of lords.

    dear lord, i don't want to be more fuel for the fire,
    for the dirt my hands did, he's such a beautiful liar.
    if you knew when you hired him, he'd seduce the weak?
    why let him out of his cave, why let him choose to speak?
    wait .. who the fuck am i to dare question god?
    but when i was stressing hard, all my requests were barred.
    and in my quest for scars, i found my sister dead,
    while my dope fiend mamma enjoyed her fix instead.
    that shit hits my head, like the nails in my coffin,
    so most my memories before that, have been erased quite often.
    they travel off in, to the wind, above insane cells,
    to the grave of braincells, where my sound of pain yells.
    .. refrain from tales of my past, because my hands hold speech,
    went from tongue tied and fun lies, to handling beef.
    eating food for thought, on god's for-saken streets,
    i've held meetings with grim reaper, just to make ends meet.
    placing poison in my paragraphs, i'm now dependant on my pen,
    to give me might, coz i might just end up dead up in this pen.

    so, lord - let me in ...


    [​IMG]

    nom nom nom ...

    [turn] ...
    test
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Nom - This was a well written verse. The story had a lot of imagery. It read smoothly which was great for the your flow. The vocab and rhyming were stellar here and i enjoyed the word play. This was enjoyable and the topic you chose was refreshing and unique. If you don't pay attention while reading this, you can missed how this correlated to the topic but good work


    Fave Line -
    "We hopped on the train as the whistle blew
    I wanted to sit with you, I was miserable
    Addicted to the high wire act, invincible
    Singing out of tune to a vintage blues"


    Nu' - This was also well written. I enjoyed the metaphors and imagery in this piece. The flow was on point as well. The story was cool especially with the difficult topic choice. I admire your ability to take risks and do something creative and some what outside your comfort zone. Good job.


    Fave line -
    "my damn mind can't fathom why the soul won't leave,
    tried many times to end it, was told - hold, don't breathe.
    i'd suffocate to death, if i tried to swallow my pride,
    thinking back on my life, makes me feel hollow inside."


    Overall, a solid battle and definitely pretty close. The mechanics are solid for both writers and it proves why they are the best in the league. The imagery in this matchup was close but i enjoyed Nu's better, however i thought Nom's story was better and was more enjoyable imo...good matchup guys!


    V/ Nom
    test
  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    NomNom berryMon - this was pretty masterful. but you knew that already. Great engagement, very impressive mechanics...blah blah blah, you know it !

    this week for me was easy to follow, easy to imagine and easy to keep up pace with the drama. Last week that was my bitch about your verse-the fast pacing, fast development.

    though the tone is still rather shy and bashfully monotone. not much color in narration but it does not have to be any other way...just saying.



    NuNom- i want to say that your verse was a bit too long. only because you just make statements and assertions about the character and some of his pressing thoughts. thats about it...and boy did it go on and on.

    lucky you though. because with your talents you can at least make the rhyming visually flattering. Some areas, well most bars, were very skillfull. But the odds are all ways with the house on long verses like yours. Where the depth of story telling is kept to first person thoughts of short order and is dependent on flow as the back bone, making it a likely hood that some bars would be mediocre. A victim of length.

    id outsource your length some and focus on exactly what you want to say in your topic, what you want to deliver in the most compact ways possible, rhymes will win out then

    still a orgasm of a verse . your opening was brilliant. just damn was it filled with rhetoric and some what redundant.



    -----

    V nomnom
    test
  7. Murderous Keys

    Murderous Keys All's well that ends

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2010
    Messages:
    3,450
    Nom- Once again you managed to put together a great verse. The Story itself and how you told it was insane, best I've seen, along with the other elements, strong imagry, flow was constant which made an easy read, Vocab as usual was heavy. Overall on of the best verses you've dropped, which says alot.

    Nu- Like Nom you had Strong Imagry, Great flow, good use of Vocab and word placement. You had a well developed creativity with the imagry and story you told. Nothing of anything lacked, Well put together read as well.

    There wasn't a big difference between both verses. Both readers had a strong verse and equally and successfully wrote phenomonal verses. The only defining defference that I can actually point out a winner in this match would be the actual Story and Nom edged Nu out with the his story this week.

    Vote - Nom.

    Excellent Match guys, If it was a vote on just pure talent It'd been tie, Job well done fellows.


    .
    Posted via Mobile Device
    test
  8. Extreme Venom

    Extreme Venom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 1999
    Messages:
    10,444
    ^^^^Fav Lines

    This was tight for the flow of it.. I think you hit the topic majority of the time but sometimes the rhymes seemed a bit forced like the "stock linger" line.. overall it can be over looked cause the story just flowed during the second read. I was feeling the multis aswell, part of what made the peice easy to read.
    test
  9. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    BNom

    We hopped on the train as the whistle blew
    I wanted to sit with you, I was miserable
    Addicted to the high wire act, invincible
    Singing out of tune to a vintage blues
    Song, you thought I was strong, wrong
    I wasn’t gone long, lost in the throng
    Lungs holding nothing but a tar tract
    Breathing out smoke until the stars snapped
    Thinking of how the cards act as tarot
    I lost out to a king, in a bar blacked and gallows
    Grin stuck to my teeth like a diseased heart
    I bleed hard, scream fast and dream last
    My teeth cast in pure gold, we locked fingers
    Under the table, thunderous fable, stock linger
    Ing glances, think past this, grin thin plaster
    Sinking faster.


    The craftsmanship is mature. The writing is shining makes up for the absence of relevance. It reminds me of the Family Guy cartoons, where they would toss in random funny bits that didn't have anything to do with the episode but they did make you laugh so in the end it felt like a good show, but was hollow. This is sorta like that.

    Most of the verses are like this in their composition of elements.
    Soft spoken, swaying, pulling the reader forward, operating on a deeper level with imagery intricate language usage, but also is semi self indulgent as far as the author showcasing talent rather than developing the story. Very few actual elements linking to the topic, amongst a beautiful sublime background.

    I scratched your name in a block of coal
    It’ll light my pyre when things get impossible
    The end days are unstoppable, cover my path
    With my thoughts of you as a lover that laughed
    As the sun set, optimism that breeds
    Hope like the eyes of a pigeon that feeds
    Single minded hard won luck of the draw
    I still have all your letters stuffed in a drawer.


    This passage comes from the void. Here it all relates, this is pure, every word. Very skilled use of language imagery word cadence... the words and story are one, there is no writer.

    NUMAA

    let me jog my memory, so i can run my mouth,
    carving writings on the walls, i am the hunted now.


    From line to line you deliver rapidly displaying a combination of
    wordplay, wit, flip, flow, imagery
    You accomplish solid footholds into each but it's done without warmth

    so all my golden years? yeah, i hold them dear,
    only frozen tears comfort me, it gets cold in here.


    Empty lines. Standing in place playing with yourself.

    should i fight for release, or strike a deal with fate,
    i got no meals on plates, dear lord - heal my hate.
    my main dish is anguish, while i'm looking at palms,
    reading my hands language, i'm shook but i'm calm.
    each finger has a story to tell, my hands yell


    That's it! Now here comes the flow the rhythm, also the wordplay and imagery pick up

    coz my elders who had sheltered me, and read books to heal?
    no longer here, since they stared at death .. looks can kill.


    There's the wit and wordplay again, flow is mediocre

    shook hands with crooks in hell, it's no mystery bitch,
    time is money, so no shit my fucking history's rich.
    so listen to this, some of the rules of the ancient,
    along with your mind and voice, never lose your patience.


    Injection of rhetoric. It's not smart or witty, or interesting rhyme scheme. In those other lines you would hit in many areas at once, but here you miss everything.

    dear lord, i don't want to be more fuel for the fire,
    for the dirt my hands did, he's such a beautiful liar.

    Damn good. Imagery and wordplay in force.

    Where Nom's writing was elegant and consistent, well crafted and poignant, poetic, muted and vivid...

    Nu was rough, smart, sarcastic, in face with wordplay, with some portions that made eye raising impact, it was mis-paced, lacked harmony or sustained connection but had some striking lines in correlation to the picture/topics. Wasted more than a few lines, lines used to instead take away from the story and quality.


    Vote... BNom
    test
  10. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    Nom- Your opening was distant to me, i found it hard to interpret. A strong flow was evident, i could see you showing off your verbal mastery!

    then:


    We hopped on the train as the whistle blew
    I wanted to sit with you, I was miserable
    Addicted to the high wire act, invincible
    Singing out of tune to a vintage blues
    Song, you thought I was strong, wrong
    I wasn’t gone long

    i liked this very strong here, but the next few bars fell off for me and then at the end...

    lost in the throng
    Lungs holding nothing but a tar tract
    Breathing out smoke until the stars snapped
    Thinking of how the cards act as tarot
    I lost out to a king, in a bar blacked and gallows
    Grin stuck to my teeth like a diseased heart
    I bleed hard, scream fast and dream last
    My teeth cast in pure gold, we locked fingers
    Under the table, thunderous fable, stock linger
    Ing glances, think past this, grin thin plaster
    Sinking faster.

    i definitely see you flexing your lyrical muscle right here but the stanza was off a little bit to me.

    A lot of rhyming, but no solid premise and inconsistent stanza. i felt it rambled on at some points..

    you ended your verse off well tho and it adapted to the theme of racism on more of an undertone, and subliminal level if any thing..

    Nu'Maan-Strong Opening, Rhyme patterns were safe and consistent.. you said a lot without saying a lot, really opened up the narration here without rambling and wasted wordage.

    "my memory lane, is now just one way traffic,
    where my gun played havoc, in this mundane madness.
    living young days lavish, now i write for the weak,
    here's my life on the streets, without a mic or a beat.
    should i fight for release, or strike a deal with fate,
    i got no meals on plates, dear lord - heal my hate.
    my main dish is anguish, while i'm looking at palms,
    reading my hands language, i'm shook but i'm calm.

    each finger has a story to tell, my hands yell,
    my speech lingers speaking goriest tales, in damned hell.
    all my plans fell through, like the sands of time,
    trapped, trying to escape, these cursed hands of mine.
    my damn mind can't fathom why the soul won't leave,
    tried many times to end it, was told - hold, don't breathe.
    i'd suffocate to death, if i tried to swallow my pride,
    thinking back on my life, makes me feel hollow inside.
    coz my elders who had sheltered me, and read books to heal?
    no longer here, since they stared at death .. looks can kill.
    shook hands with crooks in hell, it's no mystery bitch,
    time is money, so no shit my fucking history's rich.
    so listen to this, some of the rules of the ancient,
    along with your mind and voice, never lose your patience."



    i mean wow the momentum through out was very consistent very personal first person narrative.. A remarkable argument of redemption and acceptance into "heaven"

    VOTE- Nu'Maan..

    Verse was manufactured at a more creative level, story line was intriguing easily grasped and compelling.

    thumbs up to both writers!
    test
  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Nom up 0 to -3
    test
  12. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,203
    nom wins 0 to -3
    test
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