[Week 12][Championship]2.WordZPerfecT(4-1)vs 3. Link Gash(3-1)vs 4. Soull(4-3)(VOTE)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Jun 21, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 12



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. xX_NASTY_Xx

    xX_NASTY_Xx Guest

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  3. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    506
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  4. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    839
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  5. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
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    Sarah

    She had vibrant blue eyes, her presence made flowers grow
    The perfect home, it smelled of roses and baked sourdough
    This child glowed, Her smile was worth a thousand pictures
    She always smild So, I'd need a million words to depict her
    But this picture soon-split in half, their hearts, wounded n stabbed
    Signs were there, when she gotta cut the wound didnt scab
    Always fatigued, it was like she couldnt get enough rest
    Then the day came, the results were in from the blood test

    They blocked their conscience and walked into the doctor's office
    after a couple awkward pauses they were left shocked n nauseous
    See life is funny, without any warnin it shifts modes
    She has Lukemia, it was found in her lymph nodes
    As Sarah cries, mom's Paralyzed, her mascara smears
    Cuz her pair of eyes, terrorized now only bare the tears
    Even tho her heart was weakened, they had to start the treatment
    A future once so bright, is now dark and bleakened
    About this disease, littles known, she dreams about her little home
    That she cant visit due to her immune system n brittle bones
    From daily doses of toxins, shes just watches the clock spin
    Death approaches, she knows-this but her emotions are boxed in
    To weak to speak, she wished that some person can fix this
    Now wishes for death cuz the cure is worse then the sickness
    It hurt to watch but u shoulda seen her strained mother's face lift
    At people wearin 'keep fighting Sarah' on plain rubber bracelets
    But the joy is short lived, as the poison stored-in
    Sarah's own blood slowly destroys her organs
    her molecules too weak to repair, Follicles to weak to grip hair
    A full recovery is Improbable, mom Weeps in dispair

    "I am the harbinger of death, mankinds own uncureable cancer
    I do not negotiate, my sickle is stained with prayers unanswered."


    Death, she accepted it and her body was reflectin it
    Injected wit bone marrow but her body was rejectin it
    And her broken mom, Knows that the hope is gone
    Hysterical, she buries her face into her open palms
    A doctor approached, 'Im sorry, I think this is her last night'
    A priest entered the room and began readin her last rights
    It was like someone pulled a rug, she wanted to hold n hug
    her daughter, as one of the doctors sadly pulled the plug

    "I am the harbinger of light, thru me all things are possible
    And I intervene, this one time, this day at this hospital."


    At that moment doctors seen somethin few people believe
    Sarah took a breath when her lungs were too feeble to breathe

    With an able sigh, Life returned to those fabled eyes
    They double check her chart as her heart rate stabilized
    Nothin added up, she shouldnt be alive, It fooled Physicians
    And within a week the cancer was in full remission
    See life is funny, without any warnin it shifts fast
    Just when she thought her fate was fixed, it switched paths

    They never went to church, now they felt they had to
    Sarah's eyes were glued on the virgin mother's statue
    Then without explaination, she stood up bravely
    Pointed n said, 'Thats her, thats the women that saved me.'


    [​IMG]

    Its hard to ignore these blankets or the pain that their draped wit
    A common fate, Theres only a chosen few who escape it
    ~Either way... they're vacant~
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  6. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    506
    Im gonna need an extension... ill have it up a few hours after the deadline
    hopefully, sorry about that.
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  7. xX_NASTY_Xx

    xX_NASTY_Xx Guest

    THE PRICE OF FREEDOM

    [​IMG]

    World War II.... Japan

    It was a time of hate and confusion for our tiny little world
    a time in which historic events would unfold
    and prepared with my rifle i sat, rather stood in a foxhole

    i stared out into the morning sky as the water splashed our site
    it felt strange, even if it was for a good cause who really wants to fight
    who wants to be part of this force? who wants to possibly die tonight?

    with my rifle in my hands, shoulders strapped with ammunition
    and my serial number stuck in my mind i had just one bloody mission
    the entire object of my existence to destroy the Japanese resistance

    by killing them with rifle, knife, grenade, or bayonet
    I'll ensure the world's safety or so i'm told by my superior leautinent
    I'll fight for this until i die or until they're gone and the man tells me to quit

    the order comes as expected and we move out across the land
    armed with cold stares, the wills to kill, and rifles loaded and ready to fire in every hand
    this must be god's plan, we've been sent here to Japan to kill our fellow man

    the doubt came over me, i shook my head and tried to clear my mind
    as i heard the whispers in my head "go win for me! you might come home alive!"
    how could i deny the urge to kill? when survival was the prize

    shots rang out to my surprise the battle had started before expected
    so i charged forward digging out the enemy, no fear for the thought of death had been accepted
    i picked them off one by one, as my brothers fell i kept wondering who the next is

    my brother from the island took a shot right below his heart
    i stop shooting kneeled next to him and ripped his shirt apart
    i applied the pressure and tried to calm him down, step by step like i was taught

    reality set in and the fear engulfed my body for the first time i was scared
    not for me but for my brother, really if he died for this country would this country really care?
    sending a folded flag and medal to his mother won't help, this just isn't fair

    he stared up at me i could see the life leaving his body just through his eyes
    only 19 years old how can this possibly be justified?
    who do i blame the japs? my country? how can our president sleep at night?

    we won that war there was never a doubt and i came home in one piece
    we dropped two bombs on our enemies we wiped out the japanese
    so why are we celebrating? why won't the cheering cease?

    we won the fight but lost our friends.... is another man's freedom worth your life?


    [​IMG]
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  8. Soull

    Soull New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Messages:
    506
    Imperfections


    Private by nature, scars that are emotional and physical
    Mannerisms, a tapestry of emotions and ways of living too
    Its something we give in to, they control your day by day
    Dont let it stay that way, information is there to invade
    Now lets have a look through your little masquerade....

    Ted waits in the street for another girl to emerge
    Theres now way to purge this or control these urges
    He spots his prey, picks up the pace and gives chase
    Pulls her away, and gets sprayed with mace in his face
    Gone without a trace, one bitch his whole life is bust
    He committed acts that disgust too graphic to discuss
    He preyed and fed upon trust and gave in to his lust

    Jane was a food whore for sure, made her feel secure
    But she couldnt even fit out the front door no more
    She didnt even search for a cure, wasnt unsure
    Till breathing became a chore,It clogged her veins
    and her heart was in chains, victim to cardiac arrest
    Twitching like possesed, gluttony is more than a pest

    You could find Kim with a bottle of some Pimms
    patience wearing thin at slots hopin she could win
    she wont give in, intoxicated got that "one more spin"
    so she gives the car keys in, to feed this addiction
    all eyes transfixed on, small cylinders to read
    You can plead, but you wont get the better of greed

    Reggie was a fireman, popular guy on the block
    He had lost the plot, had one too many a scotch
    He was haunted, really should watch the clock
    Cos he slept like a rock and hells gettin hot
    "Wake the fuck up Reggie, this is an emergency!"
    Stupid sloth was sleepin in his own burnin tree

    Paulie was the local drunk startin fights at the bar
    Come home reekin like a skunk every night so far
    Alcohol erased insecurities giving a burst of power
    Never seem fazed by the thirst and remnants of happy hour
    Punch drunk swung on his own son young enough to thumb suck
    Sentenced with no luck, you do the math for delusional wrath

    Jonny was only six years old, too small to break the mold
    too determined to fold and felt left in the cold
    Overshadowed constantly standing in the dark shadows
    Of siblings, drifting and underplayed, he wasnt bad though
    Till the kitchen knife offered him a way out of this life
    Who was the prey, who was the enemy, both got fucked by envy

    Tony runs the streets tends to hangs with gangs
    Deceptive types, deceit runs deep, teeth to fangs
    Cocky attitude by day, thinking nothin can harm me
    Stupid kid runnin astray, him and his one man army
    Doesnt stand tall, snap his back and make him crawl
    Dignity on the wall, pride always comes before the fall

    This was a small insight to everyday lives
    People you just walk by and say "hi"
    But just wait till you see someones inner
    Have a reality check, everyones a sinner

    [​IMG]
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  9. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    14,243
    WordZPerfecT - god damn, this verse was fuckin impeccable. the flow, multies, structure, topic, imagery, all of it was there. I cannot see anything wrong with this verse. very nice topic, and the execution was brilliant.

    Nasty - nice topic!!! Im always a fan of anything military, being a soldier currently serving, this is definitely a sweet spot for me. In your verse though I would suggest shortening your lines. as many others I have read your story has sacrificed the flow, because your lines are super long, thus making it hard to flow smoothly. but still a really good story, which I love the topic. pretty good drop here.

    Soull - This was very creative! I loved how you had each person in your story depicting a different sin. it made me think of a movie almost, where it changes from one character to the next. excellent topic, but I found it laid out rather simple, as in "bat, hat" type rhymes. so it was kind of predictable to me what rhyming word was going to come next. still a very creative piece here.


    This battle for me unfortunately was a little bit easy for me to decide. just because I found two of you, with some minor shortfalls in your verse. and WordZPerfecT had a flawless drop on this. no diss to nasty, or soull, as you both brought forward a very good effort, I just feel he took this, due to having a superior drop this week.

    nicely done!

    vote - WordZPerfecT
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  10. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    4,096
    wordzperfect--wow. you executed that in a flawless manner. i literally have no complaints. no imperfections or further inquiring inspections. the rhymes were on point and essentially word perfect...take one out and the piece falls as a whole. it read so beautiful, no straining no rereading no nothing. very great job. fantastic flow. you should be proud.


    link gash-- i felt that your flow was good, i did notice the clever multis laden all over, a bombardment of them. but compared to Mr. wordz or soull, the flow wasn't as fluid. imo.
    lastly, i felt that you skimmed over the story, not giving any one concept that you wrote about any detail over the next. that hurt you.

    soull--haha, what a idea bro. i wish i thought of that. i loved how you did that, using the pic in such a original way. i was pleased with it. you flowed like you've been around the block...and back again. nice job brother.



    v- wp
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  11. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,249
    Did I fall asleep for a week? Where did Main go?

    Wordz - Shit was hot as a fire*******, rhyme schemes were crack, story was emotional an I liked the crazy 180 turn at the end made it real light hearted an inspirational. Great drop this week.

    Link - Sick concept, good story, I liked the voice you chose in this piece. Topic moved along well, you could have tightened up your mechanics to make it move even smoother. Good shit though

    Soull - Not bad. I was feelin the concept, but the stories were all a little underdeveloped, just kind of came an went touchin on shit slightly. Good rhyme schemes, I like your wording, I think you could have done a lot more damage if youd flexed your story teller more.

    This was a pretty hot match, I think Links was the most emotional for me, but Wordz was a close second an Wordz had crazy rhyme patterns, which gave him the edge in my eyes

    Vote - Wordz
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  12. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    25,669
    wordz :
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    gotdamn man. another week, another vote casted your way. well done with this. i shouldn't have to explain my liking for this verse, just take a look at the multis.

    They blocked their conscience and walked into the doctor's office
    after a couple awkward pauses they were left shocked n nauseous
    See life is funny, without any warnin it shifts modes
    She has Lukemia, it was found in her lymph nodes
    As Sarah cries, mom's Paralyzed, her mascara smears
    Cuz her pair of eyes, terrorized now only bare the tears
    Even tho her heart was weakened, they had to start the treatment
    A future once so bright, is now dark and bleakened


    and you were up against nasty, who is pretty good with his multis. overall, story was very well written too, perfect picture, picture perfect.

    link :
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    touching story, one of the better war stories i've read. but, there were times where your verses became too long. this i think has been your only weakness, and it comes out only sometimes. but this week, it was prevalent throughout. love the choice of vocab, the structure of the story. everything was nice, except that sometimes the verses become too long and they ruin the flow of things.

    soul :
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    damn son, you had the best concept of this week. too bad you didn't develop any of the characters. what i would've loved to see in this piece was if you had linked up all the characters at the end, where they meet in one situation. all seven of them. that would've been sick. that was your only flaw in this piece, the under development of the characters. but i guess you had 7 of them to talk about, so it would've been hard for you.

    my vote :
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    link had the most touching, soul had the dopest concept, but wordz had the perfect words. so it's fuckin' difficult to cast a vote anyone's way this week. but, since you have to cast, i will say in order of : wordz, soul, link ...

    [turn] ...
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  13. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    Wordz- You have a dope piece man. The story was definitely original. The ending caught me off guard but it tied everything together. Flow was pretty nice. I think in some parts it might have been stretched, but for the most part it was on point. You're always pretty legit with your flow so it's nothing to worry about. Dope shit overall though. Keep it up

    Nasty- I really like your story man. Good concept, everything tied together nicely and the story was sick. What I don't like is the 3 bar structure. Just a personal taste. I don't really think it works out well when used for a whole piece, although after a bit into your piece I didn't mind it as much. Still, good piece overall, man

    Soull- You most definitely have the most creative piece of the 3. I thought you flow was spot on, and I'm just really diggin the 7 sins insight on this. I like how they're seperated and it makes it seem like a shorter read. I really dig this, man. It was creative and you executed it very nicely.

    To me, this battle comes down to Wordz and Soull, though Nasty showed up nicely as well. However, I think I'm siding with Soull on this one. After reading them twice his just is sticking out to me more. Both came very nicely and I can't really knock either. Soull's piece is just jumping out at me more so I have to side with him. Good battle you 3

    Vote- Soull
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  14. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    6,284
    Wordz-Nice job.the ending of your piece really bought it all together. Your writing and flow was very good. I do think you put a lot of time in this and it showed.

    LG-A won derful craftsmanship from the war perspective of things.Very emotional and technically done well.I think the rhyme scheme couldve been a bit more tighter though.

    Soull-You have soullllll.And t showed in this piece!I am a fan of creative writing and this is the pinnacle of it.The idea and concept was executed beautifully. The flow was very nice and the mechanics were decent aas well.This is what storyteling is about.

    Vote-Soull
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  15. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    WordZ -Really enjoyed this verse. I'm starting to become a fan of your work, because you have progressed in leaps and bounds from when I first started reading your stuff. The first stanza was great, the flow read real smooth and the imagery was great, e.g.:
    "She had vibrant blue eyes, her presence made flowers grow
    The perfect home, it smelled of roses and baked sourdough"
    Was very emotional the way you described the mother's grief. I think it may have had a more powerful effect if you touched upon Sarah's feelings too. It seemed like you focused on the mother's emotional pain and Sarah's physical pain. The ending was a bit underdeveloped too. But loved the ending quote and the picture and how that hospital beds always end up vacant whether it be through recovery or death. All in all a great piece.

    Nasty - This was an interesting topic to choose and you had the opportunity to take in different directions. You chose the conflict between looking at the big picture and "fighting for your country" against actually losing individuals that mean a lot to you through war and whether it is actually worth it? I think you did the verse justice, although it was somewhat short and the rhyme schemes were really weak. It wasn't a bland story at all, just a little under-developed for a championship match.

    Soull - definitely one of your better pieces. Real good showing. Now this was a great idea. And you DEFINITELY had the best mechanics in this battle, awesome and creative. The writer's voice was top notch, and your rhyme schemes were a joy to read. The only bug bear I had was although the heart of the idea was in the right place, the development was basic because you had seven different sins to write on, so everything was really brief. You had some really stand out lines and the best mechanics, but I think you took on too much which was one of your drawbacks. Still a nice job.

    1) WordZPerfect 2) Soull 3) Link Gash
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  16. -Fac3-

    -Fac3- Will punch the shit out u

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    1,343
    Wordz - Damn homie, You're writer's voice is something else man. I should know since I faced you two weeks in a row, but this piece blew me away man. Mechanics were on point and you wrote this like a champ man, props to you.

    Soull- Awesome. Story line was dope and I reallyliked this topic and how you approached it. Imagery was real good. I did feel like you weren't as descriptive or as clever in the writing as Wordz though. Other than that it was a great showing man. Good shit.

    Nasty - Really liked the idea and direction of this. Imagery was ok and the flow was good. Ryhme schemes were cool and as a whole the piece was nicely done. My only problem with this is the storyline seemed to give vague descriptions and didn't really engross my attention throughout. I guess what I am saying is that Ithink you could of made your lines hit the reader like DAMN, that's powerful and only a few times did they. Good showing nonetheless.

    Wordz - vote
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