[Week 12][Champ] C. ShadowWarriorfs(8-3) vs 2. TheInkwell(2-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Apr 3, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,203

    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    test
  3. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    test
  4. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    test
  5. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    Topic: You awake on a plane during a hijacking


    Cue the hysterics, panic, closure texts, passengers wide eyed
    Unassuming businessmen with tactical pens and polymer knives
    Standing at the front of the aisle, barking at us for control
    My heart’s like a balloon and at this elevation, ‘bout to explode
    One of them pound at the cockpit, ordering the pilot to come out
    Of the protective shell, but turtles seldom venture into fiends mouths

    One man bull rushes, hands like horns with digits splayed
    His target sidesteps and sticks him in the back of the neck – olé
    The hero crumpled to the ground, a bloody gurgle to his death
    When a couple more people stand up to follow his attempts
    The plane’s a stadium, a ripple causes a wave of civilians
    Rising to the occasion, soon a riot to overcome the terrorists
    I sit nervously watching the chaos, a child next to me joins in
    He couldn’t be more than six, who the Hell left him unattended?
    As he haphazardly makes his way up, I hear a scream distinguished
    From the rest, a woman cupping her face, blood oozing down her chest
    She folds over like a Slinky and lays still with her rear raised
    Her hands dropped and her lifeless eyes gave me a clear gaze
    Accusing… knowing… piercing, like wounds that spears make
    My mouth filled with a beer taste, I get up, but avoid her face
    Steady steps and deep breaths support my balance like crutches
    As I approach the shouting, wrestling, bewildered masses
    With each hand on a passenger's shoulder, I shove and shout along
    “Take them down! We’re not dying!” in rhythm like a protest song
    Eventually, we got them pinned down, snarling like rabid dogs
    Making my way towards the cockpit, looking at them, our eyes lock
    One of them grins at me, I shift my gaze to the door and knock

    “It’s okay now, we took the hijackers down”

    I hear a click, door slides open to reveal a cautious co-pilot
    Surveying the scene, he steps out, trembling at the violence
    He went out to grab the zip-ties to bind the suppressed men
    I slipped inside the cockpit and locked the door behind him
    The pilot turned around, realized I wasn’t his partner
    Eyes knowing, like that woman’s, I lash out with my polymer - knife
    Missed, punctured his eye, he screams like a salted slug
    Cries like a drain unplugged, mouth gaping like a bear rug
    A blade to his skull and he dies like a phone cord yanked out
    Dragged him out of his chair and dialed in the proper route
    Breathe a sigh, it’s finally over, we’re going where we deserve
    Me and my crew, we did well, destined for life after Earth
    As soon as this craft kisses the dirt and blows sky high
    Somewhere in Oregon… … where The Shadows lie
    test
  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    You're a cowboy in the old west who travels from the 1900s to the year 2012. You end




    Brown Prison


    John was a sheriff protecting people from gangs and looters
    Riding through the town with fangs and his six shooters
    An icon amongst the villagers, praised for his cunning and speed
    Developing an arrogance that left women running to breed
    He believed that he had transcended everyone of his time
    Desiring a challenge and waiting for a villain to fall out of line
    But things remained calm in the village as they enjoyed peace
    John patrolled the town, his boots clacking stroking the fleece-
    Of his hat, chewing on a blade of straw, heels dug into the ground
    Suddenly a flash of light appeared a few miles from town
    John excited, jumping on his horse he rode in its direction
    The closer he became, the more he could feel his erection
    The light blinded John as he vanished without a trace
    Appearing in a desert surrounded by men with masks on their face

    John was confused as the militants pointed their rifles at him
    John smiled and grabbed his gun hoping to stifle them
    Shots were fired as John fell to the scorching hot sand
    His vision was blurry as he tried desperately to stand
    John passes out later awakening in a cold damp room
    He was chained to a wall, no sun light, air full of gloom
    He noticed another man being placed on a wooden wheel
    His limbs tied to the spokes while the guards grabbed their steal-
    Rods and hammers, the wheel slowly began to revolve
    He begs them to stop as his voice starts to evolve
    Into screams, they began smashing his limbs
    As they prayed that Allah forgive them of their sins
    John could only watch as they shattered his bones
    They turned to John, smiling then left them alone
    The man was still breathing but begging to die
    John now regretting his arrogance as he begins to cry

    Hours have passed as the man stares into John’s eyes
    He was too dehydrated to speak as his body tries-
    To recover, John could hear footstep drawing near
    The guards entered the room as he released a tear
    They grabbed John and chained his legs to the ceiling
    Two feet apart, he hung there upside down feeling-
    Sick as more guards entered the room carrying a giant saw
    Blood rushing to his brain as John hopes to fall
    The saw placed between his legs with a guard on each side
    Blade on his testicles as they began the homicide
    John’s screams echoed down the hallways
    Testicles drop to the floor as they all stay-
    Calm during the cutting, stopping at his stomach
    His legs pulled further apart as his intestines plummet
    Blood flowing down his body, John seizing from the shock
    As the guards leave the saw in him and stop
    John now drowning in his own blood and feces
    Dangling there motionless, pride in pieces…
    test
  7. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    Ink - If you would have added the phrase "Let's Roll" and tossed in the state of Pennsylvania, this would have been you know....that day. I won't say it. But you get it...cough*

    Rhymes were bumpy in some areas and that hurt the flow a bit...example:

    One man bull rushes, hands like horns with digits splayed
    His target sidesteps and sticks him in the back of the neck – olé


    As he haphazardly makes his way up, I hear a scream distinguished
    From the rest, a woman cupping her face, blood oozing down her chest


    there were other areas too.

    The opening was ill man. Nice flow and description. I like how you described the heart like a balloon at that altitude. Good image.

    Story was over done, and not too original, think about it: 911, snakes on a plane, documentaries...and I wasn't sure if the character was the terrorist or just a hero passenger at times.

    Overall, this was a decent drop. By far not the best I seen from you.


    Shady me laddie-

    Developing an arrogance that left women running to breed

    lol good opening until this^... I was like man, shad is really dehumanizing women. WOW. Breed ? They just like animals, eh ?

    The flow was really good through out...the story was cool and I liked how you moved along. But the ending stanza was just to loathing in Johns death. Did you really need that many lines to detail his brutal death ? Give us room to think about it, and instead of giving us every piece, fill in other aspects of what could have been explored in the story.

    IMO when people have lines like these:

    He begs them to stop as his voice starts to evolve
    Into screams, they began smashing his limbs

    and

    Testicles drop to the floor as they all stay-
    Calm during the cutting, stopping at his stomach



    where it picks up in a new bar completely unrelated to the rhyme scheme, it really comes off as a hindrance and the flow stops abruptly. Start and finish ideas in one line. Sometimes it works, others it don't. K

    Know what I mean ?





    V- Shad
    test
  8. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    Inkwell- with a bit more development near the end, I would not hesitate while voting if this line was excluded. since plot development is linked to every line.....
    "He couldn’t be more than six, who the Hell left him unattended?"
    I'm not sure the pilot, on a mission to take out Shadow while on vacation, would be worried about that child's lack of supervision. It contradicted the twist. also, the break for comparison in this line + the end pause was just, too much, pausing.
    "Eyes knowing, like that woman’s, I lash out with my polymer - knife"
    without the spaces I wouldn't have stopped and it wouldn't sound off. small, but still.
    Other then that, I enjoyed it and was into the story enough on the first pass to miss the terrorist worrying about the tinder-child. I was going to reply to your comment in the lounge but I'm on time out for the lounge. but that part was funny to me before the general reaction of

    Shadow- This is strange to say to you. If you hadn't have let us know you were experiencing.. technical difficulties, I would think I had missed something after this many times through.

    you really stepped out of your own personal box on this one, and I commend you for that, but you spent too much time on his actual death to not have it at least include one bar that added to the final result of the entire piece. maybe I'm spoiled, but I really was waiting for an interesting twist to change things up after the relatively pleasant death scene. pleasant cuz uh.. well im a morbid fuck an it was, for lack of a better phrase, my kinda shit.
    i'm all about that sick twisted shit. but this my friend, was a champ match. and I'm not speaking subjectively when I say that your plot was not as good as Inkwells on this day.
    Also, this piece's flow threw me off, even on my first read, before I really thought about ever bar. The last stanza was way too spread out, while imagery was top notch!!! seriously, fucking high five, but bro...
    you really fucked yourself over with the hyphenated continuations of thought.
    if you hadn't capitalized that next bar and gotten rid of the hyphen I might have kept reading through to the next. but nobody here votes on what may happen when a piece is read aloud. So, I don't think I should over look the final presentation you've made to us.
    If i can say anything else, any piece of advice for you.. hm. Well, really shad, you need to give thought to having an introductory, body, and concluding rhyme scheme. had the meat of the piece been catchier I may have considered his feces asphyxiation enough to think yours was more entertaining. throw in some multi's, at least near the middle of a piece. they can't hurt and aren't seen as forced when occasional.

    /v - after both pieces irked me, I had to give it to Inkwell. It's all down to brass tacks here, and inkwells flow was not interrupted as many times, and the entire plot not only was more developed, but coincided with the flow to have it's finish indeed feel like, a finish.
    Congrats Ink. your plot entertained me more than Shadow's. possibly the last time I may ever say that to anyone.
    test
  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    tie match
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)