[Week 12] 7. Kuja(0-1) vs 8. Coup d'etat(0-0) vs 9. Patrown(0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Apr 2, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    sup kuja, sup coup.

    drop fire.
    test
  3. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    ChI ' EcK .
    test
  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    test
  5. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    [​IMG]

    A clearing makes room for ancient tombs over Jebus,
    before Jesus, this square acrage's sacred to Abreham kids.
    They say that this plot's new name's Jerusalem.
    Fifty two battle's bruises prove to some useless.
    Over time, eight of the attacks become fruitless.

    King David's invasion's the first major one in line,
    the last of it's kind case of Jew on Jew crime.
    For Hebrews these new times were prosperous,
    a father passes on his son Solomon the dynasty,
    before dying he brought the first temple period.

    Kicking the bucket listed the kingdom as Judah,
    who must move to the new rule-a hot potato dreidel.
    Before Plato's born, the roost has worn three flags,
    with two torn rags they formed plans in foreign lands,
    they now noah person giving grace to faith's hand.
    The Persian in power even paid to pep up the place,
    pardoned, they went home at an impossible pace.

    Fears were erased by the peaks of mountain scenes.
    Hearts warming at last, forming a path in almond trees,
    kissing olive leafs, five million eyes cried all in peace.
    Finally free, falling to knees at their doorsteps,
    none forget the fallen in their war with death.
    The morbid threat of forces forming arose slowly.
    Hopes growing in strength as time passed longer,
    hit the flip side of emotion when time pressed onward.

    Gripped by stronger powers, a plateau's history changed.
    It's consistently claimed by relatively distantly ranged,
    army's that lit fires of persistently raging desire.
    Setting aflame the kindle box, stoking flames higher,
    in the window watching the owners burn with rage,
    they turned the page with knowledge from Aristotle.

    In a brothel inseminated by soldiers it smoldered still,
    soon incinerated entirely in reaction to bolder will,
    over killed ten thousand, leaving mounds of death,
    vengeance will have yet to be paid in pounds of flesh.
    Now found respected threats to the new occupants,
    the scripts been flipped in the story of dominance.

    A new prominent prophet had been born ,
    he'd worn tears to wash the sins from his peers.
    Christos was killed after a clear message of warning,
    soon heard by those that took his life one morning.
    He'd die to save us from murder, greed, and theft,
    also taught mistakes in life get buried on chests.
    Just don't forget they'll haunt your loved ones next.
    test
  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    4,096
    need exten...I forgot at even it's passover
    test
  7. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
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    Extension(s) granted.

    Explaining any facts out of the realm of common knowledge here by bar number. Votes too.

    1)Jebus is the ancient name of Jerusalem.
    2)Abraham kids, the 3 Abrahamic religions followers all consider Jerusalem sacred.
    10) The building of Solomon's temple started the practice of placing holy buildings on the Temple Mount within the Old City.
    11)After the death of Solomon the northern tribes split from Judah to form the independent Kingdom of Israel.
    12) "hot potato dreidel," refers to the removal of the Jews by the Assyrians, the Babylonians taking control relocating them, and the Egyptian's allowing them to return.
    19) Forrests around Jerusalem are populated by almond and olive trees.
    20)2.5 million estimated Hebrews departed from Egypt at the beginning of the exodus.
    31) Alexander the Great was a student of Aristotle until the age of 16.
    test
  8. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Yea i need ext too lol , will edit this with verse .
    test
  9. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    I lay down deep, under the sea im submerged
    hey yo pat, I read your shit, very good verse
    Im too short of time, im sorry, too many beers
    But i do hope you get views, many peers !


    =D nah sorry dint have time tbh
    test
  10. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    [​IMG]

    My Life

    Match stick memories
    Hot dog sulfur-wick in assemblies
    Cincinnati dollars hit, suffer shit generally
    Burn sixty chincy patties, mixed in gentile seats
    Smell swine ? Why isn't that Porky Pig's melody ?
    Well, it's limes in lies, poorly fixed monopoly
    I count it all in honesty, put forty six on sloppily

    It's like

    Funnel cake boss with Johnny apple sauce
    Running late costs money with tad pole frogs
    Staple my chin to the carpet and vacuum
    A dental floss victim, in apartments to make room
    What is it that I'm saying ?...double click my life
    Down load my processor and glitch about its price

    You see, I'm that hard brick butter slice
    YAH my Father, he cut me naught like knifes
    I defeat my enemies, til ALL His Kingdom come
    I beat em' endlessly. He IS RAW FREEDOM, son

    HALLELUYAH
    test
  11. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    patrown: i don't know if i remember your previous verses wrong, but this feels like a big improvement.
    first of all:
    they now noah person giving grace to faith's hand.

    not sure if that Noah pun was intentional or not, but i thought it was pretty funny.

    I know you were fretting about not being able to develop stories well this week, but i think you did a solid job. the story reads pretty well. one issue i see here is the way you chose to rhyme the lines.. nearly every stanza seems to have had a line that stands on it's own and doesn't rhyme with anything. you can get away with that and it's not wrong, but the way you executed it made me have to go back and look for what rhymed with what in some instances. i'm not saying you need to use a cookie cutter AABB rhyme scheme, but some thought needs to be put into how your reader is going to process your piece.

    overall though, i see some good storytelling and some great rhymes. good job

    on a side note: i like that you're humble enough to message people for advice, not everyone can do that. ALSO, i'm personally not a fan of needing footnotes for your pieces.. i'm more of the "if you don't get it, then that's your loss" school of thought, but i recommend not taking my advice on that one..

    coup:
    good to see you back. i also skimmed one of your pieces in Poetic Thoughts a while back, and i gotta say i see alot of growth in your writing.

    your opening was pretty amazing, i have to say. the following two stanzas were not on the same level as your opening one, but they were still good. i appreciate that you opted for a shorter piece with more focus on your word choice than a longer piece that simply spells everything out.

    i couldn't help but feel that the third stanza was a little detached from the first two. i'm going to attribute this mostly to a change in tone. it wasn't something huge that kept me from enjoying the piece, it just raised an eyebrow at the first read

    lastly (mostly just to drive you nuts)
    YAH my Father, he cut me naught like knifes
    should be "knives" not "knifes" shame on you.

    kuja: i have nothing to critique you on, which must mean your entry was flawless. sadly, it wont be enough to get you a win =[

    this was actually alot closer than i expected, but still.. i'm going to have to hand it to coup this week. patrown, you gave a seriously good effort though, so props for that. i think had your verse been a bit more tightened up and polished, you could have taken this one.

    vote: coup
    test
  12. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,692
    Patrown - I enjoyed this from the aspect that it was a huge improvement from last week as far as story development is concerned. The vocab was good but i agree with Ink that i couldn't tell if certain things were intentional or not. For example, the noah line. That wasn't really need if it was intentional to show off word play. This type of story doesn't really need clever wording. Still a huge improvement from last week. nicely done


    Kuja - lol


    Coup - I actually enjoyed the subtle ties to the pictures here. I was actually thinking this would not make any sense and it took a second read to really get your point. The flow was on point and the piece was pretty cool. You also had mechanical errors as well that Ink mentioned. There wasn't much to it but i did think it was entertaining. Nicely done


    This match was interesting and i did enjoy it. Both could tightening up their story like Ink said, and I just didn't find Pat's story that exciting or too interesting. Nothing bad on Pat, it just didn't really thrill me. I'm still impressed with the improvement you have done tho. Im not really sure how to vote here. Coup's verse was cool and all but it just seemed to be missing something.....whatever i guess.


    V/ Coup for it holding my interest a bit more. Pat, just gotta bring more creativity to the table my man...great job to both
    test
  13. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,692
    Coup wins
    test
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