[Week 11] [Championship] C. L. Kross(7-1) vs 2. Main Stream(3-1) (VOTE!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Jun 14, 2009.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]



    WEEK 11



    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 5 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.​
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  2. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,169
    A usual day that started off a beautiful way
    The troops get appraised before they shoo'ed em away
    Told em all your trainings a prelude to the day
    When they strap you with a ammo belt fulla grenades
    "Wont ruin my day. He might as well stop the stressin
    When Im pullin away went an got my best chick
    All I need is you for a day that I dont stop confessin
    Roses for my boo in a vase an Ima pop the question"
    He been practicin the scene an he actually believed
    He could make her happy like it happened in a dream
    Happened to his knees "Hes unwrappin me a ring."
    Tears spackling her feet as she happily agreed
    Last that she had seen, hes shipped over seas
    "No matter how far apart we are, youre close to me"
    An she hopes that he never has to know defeat
    For two.... He left a soldiers seed in her ovaries
    Hopefully, Godll bring the father of her first kid back
    But not like this,
    He's bein rushed into the hospital she's nursin at
    His dead Cap. is in the morgue from a morter blast
    Boarders crashed, then their bunker quarters flashed
    The war has passed, but soldiers are left with no heart
    In shock, she aint left her post, she wept in both arms
    Doctor echos codes "Nurse, get him prepped for O.R."
    His words feel like it cut into her flesh with no scar
    The stress was so hard, an when he managed to speak
    She could detect a different tone an manner of speech
    Manicly screams, hes not the same man as he seems
    Stand to her feet, grab her finger, hand him his ring..
    Put her hands to his teeth 'fore he could split or purse em
    Youre a different person, Im finished, this just isnt workin
    Neglected to mention shes sittin with his kid on purpose
    Cause he's flipped all circuits an she'll just deter it.....
    ....... Cut scene, skip to where his blood heat
    Grab a scapel off the table then he to cut deep
    Feeling nothing gathering some bottles and some cut sheets
    Soaked in gasoline he huffed deep and barely got enough steam
    "The whole hospital got burnt up and nobody survived
    Or escaped. Mother, Father, Child with our bodies inside
    .... The time and love invested, and its all for naught
    You wouldnt wanna hear the horror story if these walls could talk"
    [​IMG]
    ^This pic looked like a ghost nurse walkin up a old burned building staircase

    Edit: I thought deadlines were still thursday thats why I edited this 40 minutes later, askin for extension, but mostly just so mainstream wouldntve had to no show
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  3. Main Stream

    Main Stream The Conversensationalist

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2003
    Messages:
    184
    Checking in. Good luck man...



    Extension granted.
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  4. Main Stream

    Main Stream The Conversensationalist

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2003
    Messages:
    184
    "Elvis and The Beanstalk?!"



    Once upon a time...
    A boy called Purity had jointly grew to be the voice of unity within our bouyed community,
    We enjoyed the beautifully poignant tunes that he'd coined exclusively at the point of puberty
    With him devoid of scrutiny we made amendments to greatly help this boy remain unselfish,
    In return he gamely belted out arrays of plentiful motif, as some locals nicknamed him Elvis!
    It was the way he gelled his hair and shaked his pelvis while unleashing that rapturous roar,
    Which captured us all and had us enthralled as we stood watching with our backs to the wall.
    We gasped within awe at the vastly ignored talent which poured from every sap in his pores,
    The second he sang us a chord, he would have us transformed to some enchanted sojourn.
    So with gathered support, our ravaged & raw hands in applause, and at his mothers behest,
    Our beloved had left to look for a record deal armed with only the aptitude he justly posessed
    He sung as he went before the trusting teenager was stopped on his heels and offered a deal
    This imposter would steal his signature while Elvis was still lost in his reels of innocous spiel.
    But all the charlatan's pockets revealed were banality, the fealty of false hope and disparity...
    As happily "Mom, he handed me these magic beans! " the euphoric Elvis had began his plea
    Standing slavishly his mother grabbed the three pilular pods before she threw them with force
    As she fumed at the thought he'd been stupidly bought by what she'd deduced was a fraud.
    The beans flew to the floor. After the rage she lead, Elvis flew straight to bed to lay his head,
    And with a face of dread he made a pledge to himself never to make the same mistake again...
    ...But he'd awake instead to face a stem which had soared the plains above his tawdry frame,
    It's enormous shape stood staunch but swayed as Elvis then studied the beanstalk of Fame!
    Thoughts remained on whether it would support his weight but these were soon put to the test
    As with industrious zest he'd mustered the strength & had begun an attempt at upward ascent
    ...Just as he ventured safely over its flailing clovers, while gaining closer to attain his goal,
    Amazement broke through his face of stone as his eyes lay claim upon a castle made of gold
    The place was known as Graceland both owned and constructed by a wholly destructive,
    Ogre who stood sixty feet tall, and was known to the public as Over Indulgence!
    Those who disrupt him are thrown in a dungeon & eaten by himself despite the belted cries for help
    As the eyes of Elvis pried & delved around the giants realm, which was bigger than life itself!
    A sharp silence swelled inside the belfry as Elvis stopped in secret and watched him eating,
    The obnoxious cretin barely even stopped to breath in as those sustenance stocks depleted.
    But Elvis would not be beaten & so he loomed as the ferocious brute dozed into his token snooze
    He'd hoped to swoop the golden goose labelled Salvation, & reap the rewards his trove produced.
    When an explosive BOOM! split the skies, the wistful tyrant would lift his eyes up quick to find,
    Himself mystified that someone had risked their life just to strip him wryly of his richest prize.
    Elvis quickly dived and hit a stride, making his way straight to the face beating a hasty escape,
    As the giants tables and plates simultaneously quaked in his wake while he raced to give chase...
    ...Elvis evaded his raging tactless pursuit after the Goose, advancing astutely as he panted and fumed
    With Salvation captured he knew grasping with two hands, he could slide down back to his roots.
    Only the Giant snatched at it too, before a frightful creak and a groan would screech from below,
    His feet as the whole cliff face seemingly broke from its immediate slope, claiming his devious soul.
    ...Later that evening at home, Elvis eagerly told us how he'd beaten the Ogre while recanting another round,
    On how he'd struck him down amongst the shrouds of covered cloud,
    And returned with a gift to make his Mother proud.
    A sudden bout of high laudation was rightly laden upon him despite the brazen bluster which tried our patience!
    See while some climb the beanstalk of Fame and meet Over Indulgence, not all of them find Salvation.
    But there's no time for waiting, and take it from me second place is achieved only by the complacent and weak.
    There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream...
    The End!



    [​IMG]
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  5. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    L.Kross - your rhyme schemes were smooth as always, I think that is always going to be one of your strongest points that your opponents have to keep in mind. The flow read nice in some parts, but was stuttery in others, but then that can always be a subjective opinion as it is not audio, so you can't capture the flow's essence. Additionally there were places where your rhyme scheme was quite awkward. An example would be: "Wont ruin my day. He might as well stop the stressin
    When Im pullin away went an got my best chick
    All I need is you for a day that I dont stop confessin"
    and
    ".... The time and love invested, and its all for naught
    You wouldnt wanna hear the horror story if these walls could talk"
    .
    The ending was quite powerful, which I could appreicate. The mechanics were good. Vocab was a little underdeveloped and I feel needs expanding a whole lot more to make the aura of your verses a lot more descriptive.

    Main Stream - well as for mechanics you have an interesting style. There were a lot of nice multies in this verse which were a joy to read. And your vocabulary is interesting and varied which makes your reads that much more appealing in terms of intricate descriptiveness. However you are NOT Twista. Those lines are unbelievably stretched which made it extremely difficult for me to follow in terms of how it flowed. Potentially I'm sure it could sound good on audio but this wasn't set out in the best of ways, I'd suggest shorter bars to make it easier for readers to flow it. In terms of the story it was an original idea which you successfully conveyed. Excellent in the fact you subtly described Elvis's life in terms of a children's tale...good stuff.

    v - Mainstream.
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  6. Atreyu

    Atreyu New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2003
    Messages:
    6,284
    Lc-the story was in itself a good story. It had a lot of potential hd yiu written it better. It seemed rushed to me... Yall gotta come much harder, this is a championship match dammit! The flow was on and off and some lines didnt make much sense due to grammatical errors. The concept is what outshun your writing.

    Mf- dope dope dope concept. Concept of the week here. But you went for quantity over quality. The story wasnt that enrertaining because the buildup wasnt really there. It was just a lot of words,stretched lines and no flow at all.it was written ok though.

    Vote-mf
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  7. hYpOconDriAdIcT

    hYpOconDriAdIcT New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    839
    Kross- good verse, great flow and mechanics, I liked the story a lot, very believable.. at the beggining of the story I was expecting it to unfold differently and i wasnt expecting the angle u took but it worked nicely, and u were right.. that pic deff does look like a nurse. good shit as usuall

    Main Stream-dude im gonna be honest with u, them lines were entirely too long and it was real hard for me to find a flow to ur piece by reading it.. the story was OK but I just dont think I can get past the length of those line.. I could tell u have talent juss shorten those bars up a lil bit and make it easier on the reader.


    Vote-Kross
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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    L.Kross - Your verse was good...had a great story to it....I thought the flow was good and you used good rhymes to protray your point...I liked this piece

    Fav Lines -

    "His dead Cap. is in the morgue from a morter blast
    Boarders crashed, then their bunker quarters flashed"


    Main -Wow at your verse...i didn't know how u would use this picture and you pulled it off..your Vocab was insane and the flow was nice and smooth....i thought that although the lines were long it didn't take away from your story. nicely done

    Fav Lines -

    "A boy called Purity had jointly grew to be the voice of unity within our bouyed community,
    We enjoyed the beautifully poignant tunes that he'd coined exclusively at the point of puberty"
    ^^loved the internal rhyming here.

    Overall a good battle by both....I loved the story by both of you guys and this came down to the wire....I loved Kross's flow and his rhymes and i loved Mains Vocab and internal rhymes....My vote will go to Main...simply because the imagery he used came out stronger then L.Kross....good battle by both

    Vote - Main
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  9. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,169
    This votes kinda rediculous to me, can we get this stricken? He says that my story is great, but my writin wasnt? But also complained about Mains long bars an flow, sayin he didn like his story but somehow Main ends up with the vote?

    Honestly, great verse, Stream. I feel like this was a very strong match, nothin against you, but Atreyu sayin neither of us came hard, he didnt like your story or flow, he liked my story. This is a serious match. We need serious votes.
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  10. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    Breakdown-

    Kross: First thing I like about your verse- It's much, much, much easier to read that Main Stream's. It's much easier to pick up on your flow and this piece flowed really nicely. I liked your story. A little generic but I like how you tied in the picture with it at the end, saying she looked like a nurse and all. Overall I really liked your verse. Great job man

    Main Stream: Same thing everyone else is saying. Shorten your bars, bro. You can write a story extremely well, as I think this story was really nice. However, it's fuckin tough to read with how stretched your bars are. And even if it does flow perfectly to a beat when you're spittin it, with all the vocab and words you gotta say I think it'd be tough as fuck even to listen to it. If you can condense your verses and have them keep their impact shit will be much hotter. Outside of that though I really liked it. Story had me hooked, great concept and all, good rhyme, all that good shit

    I have to give my vote to Kross though. It was a much easier read due to his shorter bars and smoother flow. That's all this really comes down to. If Main Stream condenses his line it's his, but they're way too stretched for my liking.

    Vote- Kross
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  11. L. Kross

    L. Kross His Highness

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,169
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