[Week 10] 7. lyricalpriest(3-2) vs 8. Nu MaaN(1-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Oct 25, 2010.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]
    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
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    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
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    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

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    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
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    AIM NAMES
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    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs[/FONT]​
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  2. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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  3. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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  4. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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    death of a loved one.
    [​IMG]

    our days are numbered like the calendar, i've heard them say,
    where words don't play the pivot role, in the world today.
    is it all too late? to water our cut tree of life?
    our seasons vanish, seeking lavish ways to hunt freedom, right?
    it's not right to ask for rights, with your left hand,
    so what i write will cause riots, there's nothing left man.
    seen self proclaimed kings, getting thrown off their throne,
    replaced by their own kin, fucking clone after clone.
    no recluse to escape to, they're barcoding our flesh,
    .. i miss the sight of nature, leaves, hovered in mess.
    the calm breeze by the palm trees, soaking the sun,
    now darkest days in this last phase, left hoping for some.
    it's all buildings with million civillians, within,
    while the villains, are chilling, and drilling our skin.
    with numbers, in the hundreds, they're lining up,
    just signing dots, not knowing that their time is up.
    i hide alot with paranaoia, and walk the slums of the city,
    where the bums show no pity, and the humble are pretty.
    but it's shitty, i really do miss the days of the old,
    turn grey hairs to gold, while i stare at my soul.
    must not stray from my goal, so be rest assured,
    i'll surely be arrested, atleast i did the best i could.
    media wrestles the good plight, with might of evil,
    as they prey upon the weak, until no fight is equal.
    i'm from where the night is evil, your fright is see through,
    and the sights i've seen are no sites you've been to.
    twin towers' sequel, was two thousand and twelve,
    only a few years on, left with loose scoundrels in hell.
    damned skies so polluted, the darkest clouds stay away,
    and the sun dare not peak into our fucked up world today.
    never had parents, was mother earth's only child,
    .. now fuming at humans who fucked the world with no style.
    it's been a while since i've seen a peaceful smile on my face,
    2012 was not the end, but it sure fucked up our race.
    our days are numbered like the calendar, you heard me say,
    rest in peace my mother earth, it's the serpent's day.


    edit ; wa-shalom, priest ...

    [turn] ...
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  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    24,097
    -biography of a prince-

    march prelude:
    Lord
    can we get a break?
    we aint really happy
    here..
    take a look in our eyes.
    & see pain w/o FEAR!


    Chronicles of a diety. venni vetti vecci~
    translation; he came & he saw and he conquered.
    'Showed us how to "holler holler" and stack dollars
    told us he was gone "murda 4 life" and he tought us.
    about the one, the only begotton son. "RULE 3:36"
    '[he who beleiveth in the one]'
    now we know the rule wont die because if "I cry"
    you cry we gone keep it between "you and I"

    but before all that lets take it back.
    way back to Februray 29th 1976 it was a leap year in fact.
    a man raised a 'witness' of the heat a product of 'if you
    starve i eat', a mere thug amidst the kids in the streets.
    he grew up in the tough, drug-riddled Hollis neighborhood of
    Queens,
    dropped out of high school and began building the music empire
    of his dreams
    by the age of 23 he marked the year it turned into reality
    with his ability to transcend rap's gangsta imagery
    to embrace pop rhythms and universal themes
    at the same time "turn[ed] it up" appeared on the movie scene
    accomplishing so many achievements no wonder his peers was hating
    in 2001 he won 8 awards and nominations
    including best rap/sung collaboration for, "living it up" he was free
    beyond emancipation. but before the 'last temptation.'
    he was running the industry,
    but every thing took a turn for the worsed
    when he clashed with 50 cent in the streets.
    turning murder i.n.c. into the 'inc.' due to beef and legal indictments
    with the police for drug trafficking.
    everything that once seemed so serene turned 'blood in my eye'
    dealing with his biggest obstacles he ever seen.
    the world.
    he had to 'clap back' & Tell the world the "inc is back" and take his
    'crown' back.
    "racing against time" he had to prove the 'R.U.L.E' would even
    "ride... even when the sun dont shine, and its cold out side, 'rule' never
    runs in or hides, but some of yawl hate it,
    but can't fade it,
    mad because rule made it
    finding a way out these ghetto streets of crime"
    never thought we'd get "caught up"
    in the things media inlflicts us with
    shit get twisted up quick with these snitched 'run' lips so fuck it
    its about time for the exedous-
    "say goodnight to the legend,
    Cause lord knows the world gon' miss him,
    Universal the system is similar to institutionalism,
    And rule just did 7 years in prison.
    Now he free parolee and time spent, its money they owe thee -
    Give him space don’t crowd him homie
    he's a motherfuckin’ huuuusstlerrr.
    Pushin' rhymes like weight, but sometimes its slow,
    It’s up and down like the Dow Jones, shit fluctuates -
    But the real niggaz still keep their stock in rule,
    Feds investigate, the monopoly,
    Preme team, Murder fuckin’ I-N-C, there's no stopping G'z"
    Now things have gotten clearer as we stare into "the mirror."
    we all live in the place, sky over cast hip hop over slept
    the pain is life and the pleasure is death...​

    [​IMG]
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  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Nu-Maan - Nicely written verse here. I enjoyed everything in this. The rhyming was smooth and the flow was spot on. The imagery was really good and although there were some minor spelling errors, things still moved along at a nice pace. Good work here.


    Fave Line -
    "it's all buildings with million civillians, within,
    while the villains, are chilling, and drilling our skin.
    with numbers, in the hundreds, they're lining up,
    just signing dots, not knowing that their time is up."



    LP - You verse first line confused me because i didn't know what 'diety' was. Now i assumed it to be Deity, which mean a God or Goddess, but i still wasn't exactly sure. This is where spelling is key because people will lose the point of your story. 'Worsed' isn't a word btw. Now, i think this was some of your best work. The story was written a lot better than you have been writing. The flow was good and the rhymes were decent but inconsistent. Still the story was good. I didn't like the ending when you through in "huuuusstlerrr" because it kind of ruined the pace of your story. Now, i hate Ja-Rule and all but i didn't hold that against you in this lol. Good work


    fave line -
    "a man raised a 'witness' of the heat a product of 'if you
    starve i eat', a mere thug amidst the kids in the streets.
    he grew up in the tough, drug-riddled Hollis neighborhood of
    Queens,
    dropped out of high school and began building the music empire
    of his dreams"


    Overall a cool match up....LP continues to improve and i enjoy seeing that. However, the important spelling errors hurt his verse because the words misspelled can and will change the concept and meaning of your verse. I found Nu's verse more consistent with a cleaner read. Nicely done guys


    V/ Nu'
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  7. ikon211

    ikon211 Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2010
    Messages:
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    Ima agree wit shadow this was a great match!

    Ok anyway... 1st Nu'maan: I liked the end rhymes man lol good verse, the structure was on fire!! But i dident get the story until i seen the topic you chose... But other then that GREAT!! ((P.S. If that was really about ur mom i feel srry for you hommie))

    LP: I find your verse good too, but what's hard for me is you told a really good story but Nu'maan had really good structure & end rhymes! And since this is a story telling league and you had the best story (in my opinion)...

    my vote/ LP cuz story was true, and easy to understand.

    (But also LP try using a little better end rhymes, I think you could've really took this match wit that!!)
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  8. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    Nu' - I can tell that this verse was rushed as it didn't have your usual fluidity an attention to details. i.e. the million civilians line...would have flowed better as millions of civilians, etc. There was just a lot of touch up work that this piece could have used to flow smoother. The topic has been done, but I guess when you take it in context with that picture it's a clever flip. Overall, not a bad verse, but could have used a read through to touch it up and improve the flow of the piece.

    Priest - Your lines were stretched and your rhymes, when present were on the most elementary basis possible. Side note: Did I really just read the cat in the hat rhyme version of ja rule's wikipedia page? Seriously, this is the kind of writing I would expect from someone that's 13-14. You need to desperately expand your vocabulary. You need to look into how to formulate multies which are multiple syllable rhymes. You need to expand your approach to the topics as you couldn't have picked a more straight line topic and approached it in a more boring to read manner.

    vote = Nu by a mile.
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  9. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Nu - NumotherfuckinmaaN. this shit was fire, dude. loved the topic choice. the route you took that picture/the concept of your verse was unique. the story itself was short, sweet, and to the point. held my interest all the way through. your rhyme schemes were tight, internal, end rhymes, the whole bit. the flow was smooth. overall a sick drop.

    lp - honestly, and this really has nothing to do with your verse, but from the moment i saw it, i instantly hated the "your favorite rappers bio" topic. i didnt think anyone would be able to pull a good story off with this topic because none of us know any rapper, at least as far as i know. hard to write a biography off of what wikipedia says, which ive tried to do before. that being said, this wasnt bad. wasnt one of the best ive seen from you. had occasions where nothing rhymed, and the lines were stretched. but its all part of the improvement process. props for trying something new.

    vote- Nu
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  10. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    This was the most annoying battle tbh.

    Nu'maaN - your verses are well structured, which easily enchants the reader. your flow is usually near perfection, however I do feel the million civilians line could have been worded differently. overall I really enjoyed your spin on this topic. multies were good and I enjoyed your extensive vocab. other than a few minor details with word placement, I found your verse near flawless. very enjoyable read.

    Lyricalpriest - tbh, I wasn't a fan of this topic. I found this too cliche-ish and your rhymes were too simple and lines way too stretched, that together made this verse an utter chore to read. I honestly wish you'd have taken a topic of a more elaborate story and really dove into it. that I think will be your turning point in the league. Capture the reader in a story rather that a rap song type verse. not bad, however I feel you had your work cut out for you from the match up and lounge this week. nice try.


    V/ Nu'maaN
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  11. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    Nu-

    i hide alot with paranaoia, and walk the slums of the city,
    where the bums show no pity, and the humble are pretty.

    Easy breezy beautiful. That's rapping in write form. Wordplay, vocabulary, probing lines, wet flows. Great use of the pic for the topic. I enjoy these topical presentations as well as story formatted verses.

    Lp-

    This was actually reminiscent of that piece you wrote about bboying. I used to listen to Ja. Can I get a woop woop!

    Uhh... So I thought it was nifty how you incorporated his work into your verse and still maintain your narrative and relay sufficient amount of excitement.

    The concept and format you used might not have been the most creative, but you executed the Topic extremely well while making it an interesting read. The problem is that the writing was not at a level where people who are not familiar with Ja would have enjoyed it as much.

    I think this is your forte, taking bboying, or ja, and then bringing em out in a live way.

    Winner Nu

    Nu's versemanship was of a higher degree in a fluid impacting way.

    Lp's Ode to Ja was successful and entertaining.
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  12. Murderous Keys

    Murderous Keys All's well that ends

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    Nu - Good verse. It was an easy read, Flow for the majority of the verse was excellent, the story itself was creative, but it was missing details..so it seemed some-what rushed, but other than that very nice verse.

    LP - Honestly you have improved a lot over the weeks, but it seems every time
    you improve something, something else seems to either get worse or you just don't put in the effort on that certain "something". What you did with the story was good, but how you did it was not. The structure was okay but forced and lines were stretched at times, your vocab and spelling was Elementary along with the word placement. Your flow was okay at times and then at other times not good at all...It was just very Inconsistent verse. Again you have show a lot of growth, you just need to put all the pieces together now...Expand your vocab, learn better word placement as well as identify when some words are not needed...Along with being more creative on your topic choice. Overall verse was basic.

    Vote - Nu.
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  13. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

    Joined:
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    nu - the opening line caught me off guard tbh, 'our days are numbered like the calendar' was a really really awful line. other than that it was a really smooth verse and the rhythm felt very natural. very good verse though, very creative and well written as usual.

    lp - still a little too basic but you're making some ground in your writing, so that's good. still a very basic read though and didn't greatly hold my attention. the flow was ok which somewhat held the piece together. i'd still say try reading a book on the basic mechanics of poetry and work from there.

    vote - nu
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  14. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Nu is up 7-1
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  15. ShogunCrosse

    ShogunCrosse The Fuckin' Good Guy...

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    Numaan- You are another top contendor for championship...Youve proven it it in a short time here...I cant wait to face you. cause you're success motivates me to care more lol...Love the mechanics...love the topical choice...I think you pulled it off great

    LP-Topic was ok...still think you shouyld just take the giant leap out and go for somethin you wouldnt even think to normally go for lol...Go for an alien landed on earth topic, or a cop solving a crime topic lol...I think the Hip-Hop related are boring...But....if you did that and used these mechanics (these are a big leap better than any youve wrote so far) and then use your structure...and you are headed to be major contendor here...

    vote- Nu..I loved the rhymes and mechanics...but even you know LP that his shit was dope...smoke a blunt, pass it, then tell me it wasnt? lol
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  16. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Nu up 8-1
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  17. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Nu wins 8-1
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