[Week 10] 5. Brown Jesus(0-0) vs 6. DethStryque(0-0) vs 7. Patrown(0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Mar 20, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
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    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
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    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
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    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Brown Jesus

    Brown Jesus Menso is for Dummies

    Joined:
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    test
  3. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    fuuuck yah. been waiting for this one bro. tbh.
    deth, sup homie.
    test
  4. Brown Jesus

    Brown Jesus Menso is for Dummies

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    Extra until early am?
    test
  5. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

    Joined:
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    2,093
    Edit: came back to show the threads I voted on...

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...der-3-breathless-5-4-vs-4-animatix-1-1-a.html






    Are you asking for an extension? If so, I thought that there were no extensions...

    ...quick key as I didn't see this joint until an hour ago...

    TOPICS:

    MARTIAL ARTS

    END OF TIME or whatever the actual topic is called, lol

    HELL ON EARTH






    I got home n sang:"DADDY BROUGHT DINNER!!"...
    ...then shoulder rolled under blows that would've splintered my spine. MY FAMILY!! Was the first thought that entered my mind
    Right then I transformed into a defender primed to murder anything that threatened or injured mine
    Smelled blood and hate from shadows trying to trap me in a closing ring
    Started snapping faces bones n things with TRAPPING MACE AND BROKEN WING ATACX GYM KENPO: TRAPPING MACE AND UDE GARAME RADIUS R.D.L. - YouTube
    Flashed upstairs to the the kids' rooms using slick moves like a flowing stream
    Their closed doors started opening, vomiting out roaring things
    But I smashed them with flashing kicks and lashing fists goring spleens!
    WHERE'S MY FAMILY?! PLEASE GOD, LET THIS BE A HORRID DREAM...
    ...the hallway shadows suddenly fled from celestial azure glowing beams...
    The light gave me a fright as I saw my assailants bodies bathed in blue n
    Thought: No way they're human with those fangs,claws n faces scathed n ruined

    HASTEN! a new voice rang in my brain; it was ancient, powerful,boomin
    YOUR FAMILY HAVE BEEN SAVED N MOVED N THAT FACT AVAILS US NAUGHT
    IF WE FAIL TO OUTPACE THIS RACING DOOM N
    WE MUST SPEAK NOW!! FOLLOW THE AZURE LIGHT TO THE ADJACENT ROOM N
    BEHOLD ME FACE TO FACE; MY POWER FADES AS HATRED ZOOMS IN!!

    Guardedly, I followed the commands and tracked the light to my son's room
    But first I stopped and got loaded n locked in my sword and gun room.
    I entered my son's room.There an old Black man said: "YOU'RE THE ONE WHOM
    I'VE AWAITED SINCE BEFORE THE DARKNESS WAS BRIGHTENED BY A SUN'S BLOOM
    DO YOU KNOW ME, CHILD? I AM THAT WHICH THE UNWISE IN THE DARK AND THE LIGHT FEARED.
    "Yes," I said."You're Father Time. But I thought you were a old White dude with a white beard."
    CHILD, I APPEAR IN THE GUISE EACH OF YOUR KIND BEST GRASPS AND
    SINCE ALL HUMANS FIRST APPEARED IN THE BLACK LAND...
    "...you're here with me as a Black Man." I raised my gat hand and demanded: "Where's my family?!"
    Father Time answered...SAFELY REMOVED FROM THIS INSANITY
    BUT MY POWER WANES AS HATRED RABIDLY COMMITS MORE CALAMITIES
    YOU LIVE AMID THEE WRATH OF THEE ANGELS AND DEMONS WHO WAR SAVAGELY
    THEY HAVE TO BE COMMITTED TO THE OTHER'S DESTRUCTION; NO MATTER THE LOSS OR TRAGEDY.
    BUT THEY'VE DESTROYED SO MUCH OF WHAT HAS TO BE THAT THE CONSEQUENCES RAVAGE ME
    "What exactly are you trying to ask of me?" "LISTEN SCION, YOUR TIME IS SHORTENED
    THEY WERE TOO BUSY KILLING EACH OTHER TO THINK YOUR LIFE'S IMPORTANT
    BUT YOU FELLED A TEAM OF DEMON ASSASSINS. EACH CUNNING, MERCILESS. NONE OBTUSE
    NOW THEY'RE AWARE OF YOU, FOR THE LAST MORTAL TO SLAY AN IMMORTAL WAS...

    "...Perseus, Son of Zues."

    WHICH MAKES YOU AN ENEMY MORE DEADLY THAN ALL ANGEL AND DEMON SKIRMISHES
    UNITING BOTH FACTIONS AS ONE; FOR EACH WISHES TIME BENT FOR THEIR PURPOSES
    FOR IF MORTALS LEARNED THEIR HIGHER BEING IMPACTS THE HEREAFTER BEFORE EXPIRING...

    "We could reach Heaven and Hell while still flesh and blood..." A GIFT BOTH TERRIBLE AND INSPIRING.
    ANGELS AND DEMONS THINK YOU'RE NOT WORTHY OF THESE GIFTS THAT GOD BEQUEATHED YOU
    ANGELS WOULD TEACH MEN THAT YOU'RE BENEATH THEM; DEMONS WOULD EAT BEAT AND MISTREAT YOU
    BUT EVENTUALLY...IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME...YOU WOULD LEARN TO LET NOTHING DEFEAT YOU
    THEREFORE THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP YOU IN SUBMISSION...
    "...is if Time Itself ceased too..."

    THUS HEAVEN AND HELL ARE GRIPPED IN MADNESS; HEAR THE FELL SONG'S BIRTH
    AS THEIR RAPTURE SHATTERS TIME ITSELF...
    "...it's worse than Hell On Earth..."
    I COME ASKING YOU TO ENTER A WAR THAT WILL LEAVE YOUR SOUL EXPUNGED WHEN
    YOU BATTLE EVERYTHING FROM HEAVEN'S HIGHEST SPIRES TO HELL'S LOWEST DUNGEONS
    NEVER AGAIN KNOW PEACE OR SURCEASE FROM THINGS MOST ABUNDANT IN REPUGNANCE
    NEVER AGAIN KNOW YOUR WIFE'S EMBRACE; KISS YOUR CHILDREN OR BE LOVED HENCE
    BUT IF YOU RESTORE TIME TO TIME, BEFORE ANGELS AND DEMONS ROUT YOU
    YOUR SACRIFICE ENSURES YOUR FAMILY LONG HAPPY LIFE WITHOUT YOU...


    "You knew my heart before you asked to task me, O Father of Time
    For my family? I'd battle Satan's Might and The Power Divine
    I'd never cower behind...my fear,no matter how terrified I may be
    For there are no boundaries to my love for my lady and our babies
    So embrace me as the Warrior I am; I'll see to what's needing doin
    Til Heaven's Spires and Hell's Citadels are crushed in seething ruin!
    Empower my weapons so they reap the harvest of immortal souls
    I may be fleeting as a mortal's rose but you're fleeing when this mortal rolls
    Enacting thrice the vengeance your horror tolls every time my sword arose
    War tuh foes! I am the Harbinger of Endless Strife
    DethStryque strikes Death in Defense of Life like the very incarnation of
    Vengeance might!!

    But my family will look for me, and I won't have them grieving
    I would have them live in peace...so let me come while they're sleeping
    And speak to each while they're dreaming. Let them know I never left them
    My wife's husband, my childrens' father, and his love has never bereft them
    Every sunrise is me smiling at you, every moonbeam is me touching you
    That breeze in the trees is me saying that I'll always be loving you
    Every grassblade is me caressing you, holding you close, hugging you
    Don't be locked in the past; there's so much future you should be running to!
    And on those nights nothing consoles you, and your tears seem never near dry?
    Look at each other's faces and see me there; I'm literally with all of you and near n nigh
    Ensconced and imprinted in your very souls as all of you are here in mine...
    test
  6. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Messages:
    2,093

    whaddup patrown how ya livin mayne?
    test
  7. Brown Jesus

    Brown Jesus Menso is for Dummies

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2004
    Messages:
    4,254
    If there are no extension, then we all lost smart guy.

    Someone just pushed the play button on your heart, what happens now?

    There's a torrent of emotion,
    And you opened the gate holding my spirit back,
    Words unspoken,
    I never noticed the moment to get em back,
    Now you're opening a can,
    And the flow explodes cus I told him that he can,
    Told him he's the man,
    But always worried might lies would exposed, understand,
    Work hard, did shows,
    Did anything that would make his shit blow,
    Designed an image,
    Decided to live a lie and tried to get live with his image,
    Wasn't my business,
    Couldn't give him wisdom, an arrogant child doesn't listen,
    Plus the vibe wasn't kicking,
    Who am I to criticize how a man makes a living,
    Money had his wife addicted,
    Who am I to criticize how they provide a life for their children,
    With a sigh I was finished,
    My pride despised submission,
    So I'm always wishing, that after all the this and that,
    We could somehow get it back,
    That though the tension our friendship would always be intact,
    But i was wrong... so wrong in fact...
    The distance between us means that we would never be starting back,
    So we sleep on each other, our bonds' not insomniac,
    So that bond is never gon' be coming back,
    test
  8. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Messages:
    2,093

    Not really. I saw that the limit was Friday 11:59pm PST. I keyed a verse and posted before that time...Mods can check.

    I really hoped to see patrown rip it down too, but...guess he was too busy. Well, despite our differences, you did a good job with this verse here BJ. Good luck with the votes.
    test
  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Deth - So i really enjoyed the story concept here. I was actually surprised on how you did the story with the topic you chose. You developed the story nicely. I thought the lines were stretched though so it felt like a drag to read at times. I think you could have cut things down and still kept the same zest your story had. But for returning to the league, it wasn't bad...just terribly long lol


    Brown - Impressive little story. The flow was on point and the rhymes were solid. I was hoping you would have gone into more detail with this. It was pretty poetic but i wanted you to increase the amount of imagery in here. I thought the story would have been so much better with more detail. It still was impressive tho. nicely done.


    THis was difficult to vote on. THe story of Deth's was solid but the stretched bars and format made things difficult to read in places. I think it would have been better if they were a consistent length or close to it. where as in Brown's was written well but i was left wanting more. IN the end, i thought Brown's story was easier to get through only because The lines in Deth were extremely long. Nicely done guys!


    V/ Brown
    test
  10. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    HOOOKAY. here we go.

    Deth- first initial impressions as i gave it a skim through. ALL CAPS and stretched out lines. after giving it a thorough read.. your lines are really stretched out and it made it hard for me to stay in the story. my initial impression was that your use of all caps was completely unnecessary, but when i read it through, that wasn't so. i get that you were using it to communicate a panicked state and (I'm assuming) a booming voice when you introduce Father Time. if you specifically wanted to use all caps to achieve this effect, then i don't see anything particularly wrong with it, but i also want to point out there's other options.. (italics, etc.) it's clear that you know how to tell a story well. but i couldn't help but get a feeling of "quantity over quality" with this one.. if the story wasn't as long, in terms of actual lines, would you have been able to produce more refined ones? that's the thought going through my head.. then again, you did mention you keyed this..

    brown- props on choosing a very cheesy topic that i wouldn't touch with a stick of any length. on an initial skim through, rhymes weren't anything i'd get particularly excited about. rhyming the same words twice can be effective in certain situations, but you have to be really careful and purposeful when doing so. but, in your first two bars for example, i wasn't getting that impression. the entire piece flowed well and it was easy to follow along, but i wish you spent some more time really developing your story more. i felt like i was reading the sparknotes version of a book.

    both of you had some great moments as well as some not so great moments..
    Deth- The stretched out lines really hurt your piece, but i appreciate you trying to go out there, taking a risk, and trying something different.
    Brown- The piece read well and the foundation of a great story was there, but i felt like there was more you could have done, particularly with the rhymes..

    This one's really tough.. but i'm gonna vote for Deth. Even though his lines were really stretched out and made it harder to read, the rhymes were better and the story was richer.

    Vote: Deth
    test
  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    really not sure why you thought that Deth, considering the rules are posted in this thread and it says right there that there are extensions.


    regardless, Deth wins
    test
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