[Week 1] the omega man vs xX_Nasty_Xx

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 16, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
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    VOTING


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  2. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    Checking in,
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  3. N A S T Y

    N A S T Y Well-Known Member

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    all that shit
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  4. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    test
  5. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
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    *note the character named Keviyon is pronounced Kevy-yaw. It's French*





    The True Story of Guacamahla

    Since a chap I’ve been fond of ghost tales in front the camp fire
    Keviyon in damp attire would tell us of a werewolf and a vampire
    And a crumb of spirits and psychos mixed in with our jambalaya
    But we’d gnaw our index finger raw when he’d talk of grumpy pirates
    And as the fading flame bisected his crusty guise
    And as children we’d polish the lethargy out of our rusty eyes
    And we’d fight and strive to stay alive under the dusky skies
    He’d begin to tell a local truth of a man, or was he…..lies
    The aroma of Jack and Soma waltzed his tongue
    And he’d begin to hum, the scariest interlude, to that song he sung:

    “♫ ♪Guacamahla, was once a young boy just like you
    Except his foot could fit in twice your shoes
    His head grew like a pear where inside it bruised
    Seven feet tall in the 4th grade, kids did not like this dude
    And, for him, no matter the path it was always: ‘which plight to choose?’
    He didn’t like the news, he didn’t like TV like I and Yous
    He longed to be alone, to seclude as his height accrues
    The children found him once, at church, behind the pews
    What they did find amused, but only after the consternation bid its fine adieus
    Grasping in each hand snakes dangled and writhed as he’d bite the twos
    Their rattlers fought but had no more fight to use
    And his handsome audience….shined….enthused
    Their rifle finger tips fired shots at his eyes confused
    And what they did not know then is that they’d light the fuse
    That would spark him to hide for the rest of his days behind the schools
    And sleep at night with shrews at the old snake farm down 3192
    I met him once, fed him snakes and a dead baby likely 2
    He promised that if I needed his help he’d come rightly through
    But I should keep him informed of any children, with my snakebite kazoo ♪♫”

    Then he’d play his frightful tune…..♩♩♪♫♪ ♩♩♪♫♪

    The 3rd time I heard this story I jostled to my feet
    Pointed my finger at Keviyon and said, “Kevin! Why do you lie to me?!”
    “I can see that you’re drunk. I’ve heard this story too much.
    Scaring my younger cousins makes you happy…you…you…stupid fuck!”

    Just then, his eyeballs protruded and I felt a certain danger
    As he appeared to leer with a mass of loathsome anger
    The embers of the dying fire left a soft orange stain on his left side and darkness on his right
    So when he clenched tight around my scrawny wrist, I could hardly risk flight
    His dirty hand was a prisoner’s shackles that I could not escape
    And when I realized my fate he dragged me to the edge of our fence near the gate
    We trekked for no more than a minute or so through the dried swamp
    Each limb in our path, Keviyon would break down and in the ground he would stomp
    He sat me down near a dead thicket on a bed of fallen leaves
    And began to play on his kazoo that song bereaved...
    ♩♩♪♫♪ ♩♩♪♫♪

    His melody lulled by a crepitating in the near distance
    And he stood meditating for a sheer instance
    then abruptly touched me, gravitating persistence
    I shot up, abashed myself…bewilderment…a mere hindrance

    Who would’ve thunked the crackling of leaves could knock like subwoofer?
    I was trembling in my shoes, but Keviyon was calm in his drunk stupor

    He said, “C’mon Guacamahla! I done got you a kid!”
    And out from behind a silhouette of leafless twigs
    Ruptured a monstrosity…an animal…head could touch the rim
    It’s powerful limbs showed a remembrance of the gym
    And its odor was of stunted brim
    Slowly it approached me but Keviyon stood in front of him

    Conscience had diluted his inebriety
    and Keviyon was set to fight alongside of me

    “Don’t worry Garry! I won’t let him hurt you!”

    The overgrown humanoid animality took heed
    A lion was trapped in its vocal chords, and so was a sheep
    Especially when Keviyon jerked his blade out of its sheath
    And pounced on the creature with no fear of its sharp teeth

    I turned away…I ran…I sprinted…I got the fuck out of sight
    Went to my room and over my head pulled the blanket so tight
    The war continued in the background, but I knew nothing of the fight
    And, all I remember is at dawn I witnessed Keviyon leaving on his bike

    ♩♩♪♫♪ ♩♩♪♫♪

    [​IMG]
    test
  6. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
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    first off... i really like your vocab.... and you are a talented writer.... id like to see you incorporate more rhyme to your work, as most of your rhymes comes at the end of your prose, however, you do use multis... maybe a little bit more inner bar rhyming

    as far as the story itself... honestly i wasnt too interested in it.... written well, but i didnt really get pulled in till i got to your climax(which did its job for this piece) but honestly i didnt care about the character too much... i was hoping for a little bit more at the end as it felt open ended....

    but your opponent no showed...

    you have to watch out for stretched bars like this

    The embers of the dying fire left a soft orange stain on his left side and darkness on his right

    24 syllables would be hard to spit on one bar

    :p

    im looking forward to seeing more of your work
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  7. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    shame this got slept on...

    Keviyon ? Yeah, let's just say I called him Kevin in the story. Could not remember to prounce that. Why use such weird name?

    Anyhow this had it's points. A camp fire story full of, violence, folklore and song...but this did not feel campy. It felt like you were telling not showing. The song in the middle detracted, because it was pointless what the lyrics were...it developed Kevin in the wrong way that did not add to anything hhaaa, to me Kevin and other dude where fighting the narrator for the main spotlight

    rhymes were good in some areas, hot in others. A good drop. I see this as a potential vocal track.
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  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Omega wins via No show
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  9. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Omega man wins by no show
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