[Week 1] Patrown vs Scrolls

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 16, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
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    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Scrolls-Oracle of Omen

    Scrolls-Oracle of Omen *DBS*--*A.B.C*

    Joined:
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    checkin in. good luck
    test
  3. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
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    check. right back at you.

    no show. well, if you guy's would like to post a lil feedback on my wall I'd appreciate it.


    yah man i appreciate the feedback guys. I honestly expected a no show so just tried to put a sixteen together and.. paint a picture of the way it would feel.
    I'll be signing up for round three and starting on mine the day I get the topics next time.
    A didn't get down to really putting effort into it until wednesday..
    am glad to have the opportunity to improve my writing here.

    btw, i tried to end it with the person dying from an injection overdose..
    one last crimson flower ride ... was a reference to the blood as it goes up into the syringe. and now that i think about it, existereo was the one that described that as a flower. not sure if he said crimson or called it a ride, tbh.had to call myself out on that. after i thought about it, i tacked that on in the end to try and end my .. "story.":funny:

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...-1-shadowwarriorfs-vs-t-c.html#post1069294816

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...1311894-week-1-insanevillian-vs-j-keeper.html

    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-.../1311895-week-1-breathless-vs-coup-detat.html
    test
  4. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    You're an innocent kid that becomes a drug addict. How does this change your life?

    I doubt you'd recognize me from a picture in my yearbook
    few meet my eyes, some act surprised
    while old friends give me weird looks.
    Once I shook teachers hands, played lead in band,
    swept tracks in first with my speed.
    I'd die to go back but I'm on the right path,
    you'd laugh if you knew how I need.
    Normal deeds recede from memory,
    just my body proceeding while bleeding internally.
    Concerned to see the truth,
    my every chance, abused.
    Figments of a past never experienced,
    life is brush strokes in my mind's eye,
    fragile tokens of sentiment.
    Never send for a priest.
    Wipe the sheets of my excrement,
    choke on the smell of disease.
    Just any icy patch of self exists in memory's proximity,
    one last crimson flower ride,
    outside that life inside infinity.
    test
  5. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2003
    Messages:
    614
    This is a nice poem, but it is not RSTL genre

    RSTL is storytelling, and you barely told a story if at all

    However there are moments of poetic excellence I find in this peice.... I like "life is brush strokes in my mind's eye,"

    Decent poem, but not really a verse or story...next week try to write a story in rhyme
    test
  6. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
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    16,814
    like omega said its a nice poem... however in writing for the rstl he would like to think that you could spit rhymes to whatever is written in this league,,,

    if u need help hit me up .... i got your back

    keep elevating... i think that you have the ability to write in rhyme and all it takes is spending time here and following the constructive criticism you get here
    test
  7. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    24,093
    Patrown luckily this week your opponent no showed b/c if scrolls did, he would murdered he is a RSTL lil' Icon.. the thing about this verse is it was a good poetic narration it described some one that faces lifes struggles naive and blind to the snares set before him he becomes enslaved to the struggle .. but here are the main thing's i suggest you focus on : Character development, plot, setting, climax twist antetdote *finisher*.. don't worry about trying too come off over technical or too sophisticated remember your telling a story try to keep the movement as natural as possible..
    test
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    I did enjoy it but it was lacking substance to really make me interested in this as a RSTL reader. Like it's been mentioned before, this was more of a poem but that doesn't mean stories can't be poetic. Nom and cigma are really good at writing poetic stories. Still, next week i'd take my time and develop something. step outside your comfort zone. Good work tho
    test
  9. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
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    sup pat ?


    If you were to write outside your immediate thoughts and make this more about some made up situation and then add some of your experience in it....it would have great potential

    I loved the second half

    life is brush strokes in my mind's eye,
    fragile tokens of sentiment.
    Never send for a priest.
    Wipe the sheets of my excrement,
    choke on the smell of disease.
    Just any icy patch of self exists in memory's proximity,
    one last crimson flower ride,
    outside that life inside infinity.


    I thought I read the priest line in the realm before though, but I'm not sweating it.

    Take this a just put yourself away and hash out a topical or story....keep the elements that make the second half good.

    Good rstl debut, too bad this was slept on.
    test
  10. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,245
    this is pretty decent as most said for a poem. keep it up dude, you show a tonne of potential. write more rhymes and keep it on topic and your golden.
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    60,689
    Patrown wins via no show
    test
  12. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
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    76,201
    Patrown wins by no show
    test
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