[Week 1] lyricalpriest vs Menso

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 16, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
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    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

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    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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  3. Brown Jesus

    Brown Jesus Menso is for Dummies

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    In..

    gl homie
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  4. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    "EMPTINESS RETURNED VACANT"

    There's a single mother trapped in a place called reality
    casually-a-casualty-of-vanity-candidly-granted she-actually
    has to be-participating actively-she got mouth's to feed
    or else ...it'll all end up turning out real drastically
    ...she has to house their needs...
    she's been convinced with the fallacy's
    ..of other men so she depends..
    on social progams to save her from her poverty
    she got two lil boy's one twelve the others thirteen
    She sends them to school every morning hidin' her hurt dreams
    as she get's ready to do her thing to support them, their father's a cursed fiend
    she rushes them to school tells them "mama ain't raise no fool"
    they would bring back A'z every day they obeyed the rules
    played it cool her son's names are "big" Jon and "lil" Don
    papa'z in prison for murder... he ain't around... he's been gone
    mom's all alone tryna take care of them on her own
    so she post's internet ad's on every site you can imagine
    tryna find that "dark tall and handsome man to bring him home..
    she hit's craigslist .....&...... backpage,...................Still searching...for passion
    reply after reply..coffee date..after cocktail date this ain't workin god damn it
    she's so desperate to find a man ...to be her savior it isn't funny
    then one day she gets a call from Mr. Markoff aka Phill the "cunning"
    ..never seen him coming this guy was really something..
    he related to her like poetry and wine or deer and hunting
    he empowered her within day's to where she was fearing nothing
    ...told her about her beauty and intelligence and elegance...
    she woulda never sensed what would happen next it was an unexpected twist
    one week later... 3 dates made her.. trust him enough to bring him back
    she planned a dinner w/ him and the kids, this is when he planned his attack
    he had no motive other then; he found amenity in others torture and misery
    eventually he'd end as many lifes as he could.......... before he tempts police
    ..............to officially put an amber alert out for his audacity and extremity
    murder was his melody it was life he viewed unpleasantly
    in death there was serendipity awaiting his fortuity he hastened his actions steadily
    he had everything in life a wife and a successful career
    but that wasn't enough to drown out the whispers from the devil in his ear
    and since there isn't a god that's gonna stop him he sits n stares
    every thing he say's is insincere he doesn't have business here
    at this table, on a hot liquid evening with this innocent family
    exchanging small talk and misleading them manipulating them casually
    before he executes his plan's he sits back and laugh's it seems
    like this last dinner would perhaps redeem his thirst for such tragic dreams
    but he's a masochist master fiend he deserved death w/out justice for his travesty's
    after dinner he waited for the kids to brush their teeth then hop in bed
    No one suspected the thought's in his head he would be caught with next
    He would get the mom intoxicated before he offered death
    he slipped her GHB so she couldn't resist or try to stop him then
    lured each son out and tied them up and made them watch him stretch
    there moms body acrossed the carpet he then stopped and pressed
    something into momy's abdomen her shirt got sloppy wet
    crimson puddles formed around her body he told them "yawl be next"
    he made them watch as he violated her and annihilated her until he stopped her breath
    the two boys sat hypnotized by the wickedness paralyzed mute paused but they wanna cry
    the last words one of them said wit tears in his eyes sobbing was "mama, are we all gonna die?....."

    [​IMG]

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  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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  6. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
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    Your last line makes me think of this: [youtube]5gXGRCI4tBY[/youtube]


    This Verse has some great rhyming in it. Very well written verse, and it flows very nicely with the internal rhymes. Good mechanics and good word choices. It was a basic predictable story except for the last line matching the topic pic which was cool. Good tie-in. I'm sure this would be really nice over a beat.

    I like this line: "then one day she gets a call from Mr. Markoff aka Phill the 'cunning'" Didn't seem like it was forced at all to rhyme....it went nice...made me crack a smile

    I like when a writer can affect my emotions/mood. You did a nice job on this.
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  7. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
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    aww... you live close to me... im in olympia, which is why i got hit by the snow storm and finally got my computer back today

    anyways... i like your writing... you pulled me in... you have some stretched lines... i try to keep my lines lower than 17 syllables at least...

    your vocab was good and it pulled me in... kin da predictsble near the end... but it is what it is... im looking forward to evaluating your work up against an opponent...

    keep elevating
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  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    predictable but I liked it. Because you gave us a little bit of her world, her reasons and gestures then you give us a little bit of his. I liked that contrast, normally when this topic is done it is only from one prospective.

    Rhymes were good, even though lines were long. I would limit drastically the sy. count like IV said. other than that, I think this was the best verse I've read from ya, I enjoyed it from beginning to end. It was well planned, and that shows.

    Great job
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  9. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    this was one of your better pieces. some words seem added for the sake of it. the first multi couplet was too much. Hurt dreams? what is that? some of the rhyming multies felt forced. which to me is the opposite of what should happen. you want them to roll off the tongue with no effort. over all this wasn't bad. I liked the deer/hunting line. this was good man. much better than past writings. I"m seeing more structure from you which indicates youre growing as a writer. good job
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    LP wins via no show
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  11. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    LP wins by no show
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