[Week 1] J O O K vs Kuja

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Jan 16, 2012.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
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    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

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    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

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    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

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    T.a.C- thedude8125
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    test
  2. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Goodluck .
    test
  3. J o o k

    J o o k Win your battles before they’ve even been fought.

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 1999
    Messages:
    71,506
    Thanks Kuja. I'm not familiar with your writing but look forward to reading you :).
    test
  4. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
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    Week 1






    I was Proud of my purity, basking in the light of innocence
    Virginity intact holding back my inner demons with resilience
    But this is no story of victory, nor war nor love nor valour
    For in the present my life slips away daily & by the hour
    From birth to my teens was the quiet before the storm..
    Now im tired & worn, pleading with god to let me be reborn
    Broken & depressed but this is my time to confess
    Too late to impress, my eyes half open, need rest
    It all started with the day I met her, she was so divine
    Ensnaring my heart, my existance, my whole being in time
    That first night of passion the whole world subsided
    Looking back misguided, she lacked the feelings that I did
    Her sweet golden eyes consumed as her stare glided through
    & all the blood rushed to my head as my heart went boom
    But sure enough soon after weeks she became an obsession
    I hated been without her to the point I suffered depression
    The honeymoon period was soon over the good times ending
    Cause all that bitch did nowadays was have me spending..
    Trying to impress, my money soon ran short, it wasnt enough
    To keep a girl like this I turned to crime to toughen up
    Petty robbery at first, jacking car radios, the odd purse
    I was in over my head, my whole existance submerged
    Crying out inside, desprating needing someone to save me
    But all seemed perfect at night in the arms of my baby
    As months passed I saw her less & less that bitch was cheating
    She ran me into the ground leaving me broke & seething
    The love I once embraced turned to anger,anger turned to hate
    All these sleepless nights I suffered had me losing weight
    A shadow of my former self most say, a rabbit lost to the hunt
    Looking back & wishing, I would never of embraced that cunt
    Rage took control,wishing to sever her flesh & paint her scarlet
    TO rid her forever & reclaim my soul from this evil harlot
    It drove me insane, wanting to kill her but embrace her again
    & forget all our problems, helping eachother shut off this pain
    I set out to find her, the bitter streets lashing my face
    Walking past people staring, turning away with disgrace
    There she was across the street, my ticket to bliss
    So I slowly stalked her,hands in pocket, quenched fists
    With lightning speed I downed her, knelt down on her back
    Twisting her head until I heard that bitchs neck snap
    My mind went blank, Barely remember what happened next
    No matter how much trying theres no retracing my steps
    Just me and her now, my babys here in my palm
    Her tender words have worked wonders, calming me down
    My eyes slowly shut as I feel my body starting to twitch
    I used to be so rich, but Heroin you was such a bitch..
    test
  5. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2000
    Messages:
    16,814
    decent story... i felt the drug love story, but i would have appreciated to have a few more clues, or foreshadowing to what you were talking about.... you wirte with a sense of emotion and your story felt kind of the basic i hate my girlfriend prose that ivwe read alot... the twist at the end made me gooo back and read it again.... to try to catch a sense of foreshadowing.. the only thing i really found was you were a theif in the night for your drug....

    i liked it.. your opponernt didnt show but i felt that you needed a critique besides... i hate writing for thuis league, even if i write four lines... i want a god damn critique damn it

    good drop... looking forward to evaluating your work against someone else
    test
  6. Kuja

    Kuja Jack Skellington

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    404
    Thx man, yea to be honest I think i was trying hard to mask the lilttle twist at the end, but on the whole it all fits but yes it prob makes more sense the second time you read it. Anyways thx for the feedback, ill be sure to read through all the other matchs later on tonight, im acually looking forward to it.
    test
  7. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,689
    Kuja wins via no show
    test
  8. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,201
    Kuja wins by no show
    test
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