warm summer rain

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by billy nomates., Sep 1, 2012.

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  1. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    i keep my mouth open when I walk

    I feel the years trickle through my teeth
    Mixing with old words
    The rainsalt lichen on enamel
    I plunge in up to my knees to sieve the grit

    panning for gold
    to sell on our stall

    You can sell your trinkets too
    We'll put flowers in the canopy
    So people will think we're in a forest
    When they see us

    we're just hiding from the rain we'll tell them
    collecting the storm in buckets to sell to tourists
    who can't understand why we make paper boats
    test
  2. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    enjoyed the tone, nom.
    test
  3. Look im Gangsta

    Look im Gangsta New Member

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    I liked this. The emotion was deep and i liked the narrative about your mum
    test
  4. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    First segment is fresh. Good stuff.
    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    test
  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    some great imagery here...but the lines don't all fit in a cohesive way that would make this written a picture seen from a distance. Up close it looks good, line by line.

    Now give some feed back you pretentious noob.
    test
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