~*War*...The Intro~

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Mind~$oul, Aug 2, 2006.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    He claimed that he once held the world in his hands. I knew he was lying, but his eyes held secrets. He made his home in abandon complexes and on filthy park benches. Teased white women with his burnt finger tips. To be so old, he dared to be so oblivious to his religon he lost faith in. But he purposely chose to remember his first love, whom gave him his first kiss. The beginning was so marvelous. And for years he held his tears till the end. Remembering when he first told him she couldn't bear his children. And this is when his war began. No longer could he bear to love a barren. Slowly, the things that were once whole between the two were becoming separate. At nights he covered his ears to her cries to god for the saving of their marriage. His only pleasures came from nightly beverages. That left him in a state of hopelessness. Drunken beyond measures, he conversed with inner demons.

    Slowly falling in love with a darker side of life​

    He claimed that his once held the world in his hands. I knew he was lying, but I could tell that he has been to hell and back. For his eyes are windows to those firey pits...continued

    test
  2. theonlyghost

    theonlyghost New Member

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    I'll be lookin for some more from this one. Got me waiting..... Still waiting.....
    test
  3. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    I love the first half of this man....great concept...I love how all your work seems to continue on where you last left off....and yeah your right this is a different style/concept that your pulling off here....I like it man....inspirational

    keep on man
    test
  4. Deaf Def

    Deaf Def Tha WordSmith

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    bout time i got a chance to read some of your sh*t for once haha... this was mad iLL DogG! i liked it anyway!

    that was my favorite part i believe... the begining was iLL too though no doubt. i like how it was structured in a paragraph format to give it more of a story telling feel to it. very nice. a lot of thought put into it as far as how you wanted to put it together... and maybe not, but it seamed like it. UPPIN THIS ISHH!
    Pz. OnE!
    test
  5. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    And for years he held his tears till the end. Remembering when he first told him she couldn't bear his children. And this is when his war began. No longer could he bear to love a barren. Slowly, the things that were once whole between the two were becoming separate. At nights he covered his ears to her cries to god for the saving of their marriage. His only pleasures came from nightly beverages. That left him in a state of hopelessness. Drunken beyond measures, he conversed with inner demons.


    WOW!!! Very well written... your story telling right here from what i quoted is awesome man.. the imagery in it I can mos def relate with

    mad props man... can't wait for the next one
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  6. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    WHAT THE FUCK???

    I AINT EVEN GOT SHIT TO SAY..

    FUCKING GROWTH..FUCKING GROWTH...

    i dont even wanna post the bullshit i just keyed now!!!

    FUCKING GROWTH..

    IMPRESSIVE
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  7. Nebulaz

    Nebulaz fear God, not man

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    I'd say something productive but then it would just be the sayin the same stuff everyone before L said. L what are you saying anyways?
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  8. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    Man it takes some stuff to really write about this.

    You better not skip a verse!

    -Much Love
    test
  9. Predator INC

    Predator INC New Member

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    I am a man of faith but i can relate to the feeling of believing in something blindly like love or money for both of these gods amongst men....
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  10. Deaf Def

    Deaf Def Tha WordSmith

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    Poet was trying to say that this shit was dope man... good... impressive... nice... in an unbelievable way. was it hard to read? lol.... he felt this peice was off the hook. and that's why i'm uppin it again!!!! read this shit people dayam... for one he's been here for awhile and has hella posts respect the man!
    test
  11. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    There is a lot of ways to view this piece, there is a lot of struggle and hurt going on here. A lot of the wrong decisions seem to have been made, but if they weren't made would there be happiness. Kind of a struggle in terms of what is wanted and what is recieved. Then between what is received and what use to be. Hope to see where this piece leads cause right now I have no idea what's going to happen next. This is some good story telling...


    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  12. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    This is dopeness. I like the approach you're taking.....a short story-series. Seems like you're the only one left in the realm pulling down big numbers. Probably because it's so damn smooth. Anyways; feeling this.


    Bless.
    test
  13. I really liked the first half of this, piece. I think you captured the world turning someone really well, and the imagery of the surrounding area eemed to fit with the piece very well. I really liked how you subtly got into the mind of the guy too, It was well written. Can't wait for the second half..

    Stay up my friend
    test
  14. HILARIONSOUL

    HILARIONSOUL "one of the roughs,"

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    He claimed that he once held the world in his hands.
    I knew he was lying, but his eyes held secrets.
    He made his home in abandon complexes and on filthy park benches.
    Teased white women with his burnt finger tips.
    To be so old, he dared to be so oblivious to his religon he lost faith in.

    the story poem comes out and it is a ray of sun...
    you opened this piece with good vision.
    It had me in the park and had me seeing the finger tips blackened...


    But he purposely chose to remember his first love, whom gave him his first kiss.
    The beginning was so marvelous.
    And for years he held his tears till the end.
    Remembering when he first told him she couldn't bear his children.

    This stanza helped me see the first downfall in the characters life.
    It also showed me this charter did love and it kinda showed me a peek into why
    this character forgot about faith..


    And this is when his war began.
    No longer could he bear to love a barren.
    Slowly, the things that were once whole between the two were becoming separate. At nights he covered his ears to her cries to god for the saving of their marriage.
    His only pleasures came from nightly beverages.
    That left him in a state of hopelessness.
    Drunken beyond measures, he conversed with inner demons.
    Slowly falling in love with a darker side of life
    He claimed that his once held the world in his hands.
    I knew he was lying, but I could tell that he has been to hell and back.
    For his eyes are windows to those fiery pits...continued

    Man deeeeep!
    I like this, can’t wait to see what will be the end to a new beginning..yeah!
    test
  15. DaJackle

    DaJackle ThoughtS ProcessinG

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    you've got a way with telling a story mind, the detailed imagery made it easy to see this guy; all battered and shaken. looking forward to the next one
    test
  16. eatemup

    eatemup New Member

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    this piece was tight, defeintly feeling it
    test
  17. YesikaStarr

    YesikaStarr WordsMadeMeTheirBitch

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    and now i know...

    why you are lord of this realm.
    test
  18. Philly_215

    Philly_215 The Silent Poet

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    I'm a slacker my bad fam im just getting around to this

    now on to it,

    the topic was just crazy both the fact your speaking on the emotions of homeless man that many never rap with and then on the emotions of women that can't have children both powerful topics, Nice drop

    Peace1
    test
  19. Predator INC

    Predator INC New Member

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    test
  20. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    You continue to amaze me. Weather it be, Positively or Negatively, You always leave me amazed. :burst: ...
    test
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