[Vote][Week 52] [Champ] C. ShadowWarriorfs(32-16) vs 2. oNeiRic 2-1

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Shadow, Mar 31, 2010.

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  1. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
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    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
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    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST

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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    NASTY- LyRiKaLxLoRd
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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  3. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Still Standing


    I still hear their screams deafening my eardrum
    Synchronized demonic chants, quiet yet fearsome
    Shadows follow closely, each reflection was different
    The first looked about 14, face mangled and bent
    His head was crushed by the impact of my windshield
    I placed him in my trunk then buried him in an air field
    The next was 12, torso flatten by the weight of my tire
    I carried her into the forest for the wood to set her on fire
    The third was 16 whose neck and spine were broken
    This one I just left there twitching, lying in the open
    The last was 7, she looked the worse of them all
    Car decapitated her as she tried to retrieve her ball
    It felt like I was dreaming during those four incidents
    Vision blurry as I hid the evidence to prove my innocence
    I really don’t have an excuse but mentally I was in a funk
    I was really half asleep…ok, I was actually pretty drunk

    After the first three murders, life continued like normal
    However after the last killing, things weren’t so formal
    This is when the shadows started to appear
    Randomly from a distance, standing there in fear
    I tried to ignore them as slowly they moved forward
    With each emergence, their souls looked more horrid
    One day they materialized inches from my skin
    Staring into my eyes just like they did back then
    I begged for them to leave but they stood in silence
    They opened their mouths, screaming for violence
    I shouted in horror as the police came rushing over
    I told them that those kids were torturing me
    “Where are they?” He asked as I pointed hesitantly
    The cop turned in their direction and paused, confused
    “Sir, I don’t see anything but four pairs of shoes”
    I screamed “they want revenge” but the cop just strolled pass
    He walked away saying not to "waste his time" then laughed
    I grabbed his gun and started firing, blindly into the air
    Each bullet pierced their image but they still stood there
    The cop tackled me and struck my several times
    Putting me in handcuffs he yelled that I was “out of line”
    I was thrown in jail for an attempted murder charge
    While working in the yard, I found a box that was large
    It had my name on it so I opened it like a Christmas gift
    Chills crippled my spine as the 4 pairs of shoes lift
    From the box and stand in the mud, I screamed
    For peace as their images formed like I had dreamed
    I ran to the fence and began to climb, bullets shatter my chest
    “My children have finally gotten their revenge.” I said with my last breath


    [​IMG]
    test
  4. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    383
    thanks shadow u too
    test
  5. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
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    Luscious apples so ripe, and appealing in a variety of colors
    You grab hold of one so, bright that your senses smother your
    Taste buds run together and your spirit soars like cockatoo’s do
    Your body has struggled, yet life, has led you to this solitude it’s
    Amazing…

    Almost as if my patience is waiting.. But for what?
    On a branch of a tree I see my best friend Edward drinking..
    Blood from a cup.. on a bridge with a crow that is… speaking.
    And when a wild look came over the crow, it began to change shape
    I ran to catch and help my friend, but it was just too late
    He walked with the creature onto the forbidden path!!
    With a smile on his face, but only for a second did it last
    For when he crossed the bridge all our fears collided
    As the prophecy stated: simply no tears would hide it..
    But despite this fact I couldn’t help but try
    Yet I knew it was the end, of our perfect lives

    “Edward!!!......... No!!.......

    Edward!!!!!!!...... You’ll KILL US!!!!!!!!!!”

    To be continued in next post...
    test
  6. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]

    My best friend never even turned around… and that fast
    The flood gates opened with squeals of glee and blasts
    Hundreds of thousands of decrepit warriors
    Thundered through woods past a prisoning fortress
    Those of us who escaped were outcast in a burning desert
    Hiding for our lives with no water fending off weather
    Dirt storms and cactus farming our skin began to dry
    We began to look like the warriors that we wished to die
    Our king became frustrated and set out on a journey
    He became thirsty and battled the strength of sun beams
    Crawling with no hope in site the hooves of a horse approached
    Bringing forth a woman grey with the smell of a peeling corpse
    Not worse could I be, thought the desperate king in need
    Yet this decrepit creature gave him water and sympathy
    Going against everything in the prophecy!
    He made it back home and told his band of fifty
    That these creatures weren’t evil, and they must find entry
    Into the city that perhaps imprisoned those with purpose
    Those that wanted more to life than robbing rotten persons
    And so the king spoke to his men and women warriors

    “Now is the time that we must gather our torches
    But first I must first seek the princess that I’ll marry
    You all know her as decrepit and I know it is scary
    I will bring her in to our camp and romance her
    I will help her love me and overlook her cancer”

    Many of the warriors shook their fist at their king that night
    But he had a vision in his heart, and he believed in his insight
    The king wandered alone, yet in truth his sister followed
    He walked to the gates, and In chains he was hobbled
    But eventually he saw his princess..
    I smiled and told her where my heart rests…
    She fought me and had me whipped instead
    But she held the king off from my death
    1 year later, she asked me why
    And I kissed her looking in her eyes
    She helped me escape, though I still carried the scars..
    And could barely walk, she ran with me hard
    The kings people couldn’t believe who he brought
    Some were happy, but the power had changed and wrought
    Havoc upon the cousins, and many were dead
    But the king believed in his heart and his tread
    The woman woke up, “why is my skin so ugly!?”
    And he romanced her again, till she believed in recovery
    The princess wanted to help, for what if others were like her?​
    But the rescue failed as they were surrounded in the center​
    Yet it happened to be, that they died in the holy lakes​

    Every last one of them, but beauty rose in their wake
    Others joined in, and all were reborn of pure skin
    For those who lay down their life, shall be free of sin
    The last to escape, I was bogged down by a regiment
    Yet my purpose I believed in as a matter of sentiment
    And the lion roared, and I was once again protected.
    To live not in a perfect fortress, but to roam with affection
    test
  7. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    Shadow: Your piece this week was pretty straightforward, really detailed and developed nicely. It wasn’t overly theatrical or crazy, just the right amount of otherworldliness to carry the haunting theme throughout. As I said, this simplicity made it a great read. The mechanics were there and you really held a strong narrative through the entire thing. I believed in the speaker and believed what he was saying. These things are important. Overall, a really strong piece to be leading up to the tourney with this week.

    One: I’m just not feeling the flow and smoothness in this. The story is okay, though generic and not having some of the specifics that would make it a good piece: who is the king, naming specific people, etc. Those sorts of things go a long way toward bringing readers into the work and you just lacked that here. I was really hopefully that the beginning would develop in a creepy, mystical way to do something wonderful, but it just wasn’t as catchy and didn’t use the technical aspects I look for quite as well.

    VOTE: Shadow
    test
  8. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
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    I can't read One's verse .. White text = fail, on mob device view ..
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,689
    Shadow Wins 1-0
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