[VOTE!!!!!][Finals] 20. Got Life? vs. 21 Nu'MaaN

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Shadow, May 11, 2010.

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  1. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    [​IMG]

    VERSES

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  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Who will show up this week...the story or the rhymes...

    *drum roll like a mo'fucker*
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  3. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    pain already did this, but gl ... gL.

    the topics/pictures are twisted lol, should be good ...

    [return it] ...
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  4. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    i'm going to need an hours worth extension, just woke up ...

    [return it] ...
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  5. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    lets extend it a full 24.

    i'm headed over to my chicks house and don't feel like writing something real quick to compensate.
    test
  6. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    i've replied with my verse, in my next post just to avoid any confusion ...

    [return it] ...
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  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Hunger pains and dust combust in my veins,
    As younger campaigns of lust are pulled by the chains,
    My pace slowed from a stomach full of remains,
    As I drag mangled sheep by wool, not by reins,
    Brushing past vicious thorns and the strains-
    Of unbearable darkness, it warns and maintains,
    A dreadful calm that tends to hold me over,
    Oh fickle fate…behold this four leaf clover,
    Seeking relief, as insomnia's clutch makes me rover.

    At the age of eighteen I surrendered to it first,
    That fucking thirst… what it rendered felt coerced,
    I felt cold and cursed, and so I dove headfirst,
    Into that warm sheep until finally submersed…
    Heart racing, pacing about this woeful terrain,
    Insane from mundane thoughts and champagne,
    Oh my bubbly jitters at the end of adolescence,
    Guide me ‘cross a field by the moon’s luminescence,
    Gone were cartoons and afternoons in the essence,
    I was left to the fate of my platoon’s indiscretions,
    Outcast in the army because of my dark desires,
    As they'd spark the fires burning her flesh, I perspire...
    It's dire...I want to bury myself in the sheep,
    Satisfying my thunderous lust so that I can sleep.

    I finally reached peace upon a barren terrain,
    Though that was until word of Mary hit Maine,
    She was my sister, the only family I had left,
    Tears streaked my face, losing my sanity; bereft-
    I longed to return, I had to see Mary before-
    The casket closed and the reaper was given his chore,
    To bring her soul across the dead river to Hades,
    Because God never did forgive little ladies-
    For aborting dead babies even if they didn’t choose,
    So as I flew, I painted in forbidden hues,
    Hoping to keep the devil’s clutch from my sister,
    My vigor undying, though each touch did blister-
    My hands, as I kept at a manic decree,
    Until we landed just past that satanic sea,
    Though I now stood still, feeling forever stranded,
    Lungs clasping, indeed they never fully expanded-
    On this desolate island where as a boy, I grew,
    Where I first gave into a ploy so taboo,
    That it hurled me into the deep, dark blue.

    My thoughts wandered as I stood at her burial,
    As the preacher’s words drifted off into the ethereal,
    For we were the only two there to embrace her end,
    Looking at her face I couldn’t pretend to comprehend,
    How this somber angel was left alone in this place,
    And like a vicious cyclone I tore leaving trace-
    All over the land, wherever I went, forever hell bent,
    Fixated upon one sole endeavor; repent!

    I was once again drunken and lusting in this hell,
    The taste of stale beer so disgusting I repel-
    Even the most loose and fickle women abroad,
    There remains no hope of clean linen, no bawd-
    Will even take money from me, for a night of mistakes,
    But tonight, the devil takes flight of my aches,
    And leads me to a Pasteur of ivory promises,
    My conscience gone, yet it would’ve admonished this,
    The lack of a consciousness and astonished bliss,
    As I roamed through the fields to find and kiss-
    Upon little girls just like Mary was...
    And amidst my hunger and drunken buzz,
    I realized what kind of animal I truly was.

    [​IMG]
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  8. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    free fall.
    [​IMG]

    why must we cut down a tree, to build a house for you, god?
    when we could worship you underneath, no mosque, nor minar.
    no sound of the horn from any jewish synagogues.
    .. no female prophets? males wishing they were god.
    i'm appauled at this fraud, i found hell without searching.
    within the thin hostel walls, and the bells from the churches.
    my shell was the curtains, so nobody saw.
    the crucifix on his dick, while i'm holding his balls.
    was on my knees, worshipping hours on end, 'til i bled.
    and the same knees i knelt on, when it was time to give him head.
    where were you then, god? no parent, no guardian.
    was told to call him daddy, 'coz apparently he's fathering.
    a young ripe rape victim, who he found on the street.
    gave her shelter, but then felt her as she was sound asleep.
    astounded me. aroused, i peeped he left a bible on my bed.
    i read .. chapter to chapter .. recited 'til i slept.
    i wept, for salvation, but saliva is what i got.
    in return, my soul burns like the lava 'bout to rot.
    i want his mouth to stop, tasting my soft skin.
    not even a hair down there yet, yet he used to squash it in.
    no cure from the sin, that occurred since i was ten.

    but that was then, ever since, i've grown to know sinister men.
    kissed my skin, minister ben, the father. the law.
    why must i go through your vice? just to talk to the lord.
    can't afford my own residence, so i struggle up the hill.
    no need for knees, let them bleed for a hundred dollar bills.
    what i feel right now, confused. lost and hurt.
    decieved so i believe, my joy will cost my earth.
    the hostels worse .. i keep reminding myself.
    refined as i find, that my time in this hell.
    is running out, my mind shouts the hands of clocks are now legs.
    but my tortured souls' only goal, is what it sees up ahead.
    this is freedom, the cost of it is the cousin of sleep.
    i've humbled, i see. my lord running to me.
    a dozen and three. questions, i've got for you god.
    where were you for the four years, my soul rot in the yard.
    why do i eat food for thought, with a pitchfork and knives?
    why when i sleep, you ignore me? and let iblees in my mind?
    what causes me to eat .. the fruit of patience with greed?
    and why must i only feel alive, during times that i bleed?
    as i stand my position, from which i will embrace.
    my mighty lord, finally god, i can baske in your grace.
    i could've lived a life, so much more different to this.
    should've lived a life, distributing gifts to my kids.
    so if you exist, please catch me as i take a free fall.
    no need for houses of worship, so why cut the tree for? ...


    just realized, you've used the same pic. fuck ...

    [return it] ...
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  9. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    GL - This piece was really good. The rhymes were solid. I loved the flow as well. This was a nice story as well that had a great delivery. The vocab was nice as well...This was an enjoyable read

    Fave line -
    "Oh my bubbly jitters at the end of adolescence,
    Guide me ‘cross a field by the moon’s luminescence,
    Gone were cartoons and afternoons in the essence,
    I was left to the fate of my platoon’s indiscretions,"

    Nu'MaaN - This, also was a good read. I liked the flow and rhymes in this piece as well. The imagery was nice as well. I thought the story was good but i didn't quite like the delivery. I thought that you could've went with a different approach but it still was a good read.

    Fave Line -
    "i'm appauled at this fraud, i found hell without searching.
    within the thin hostel walls, and the bells from the churches.
    my shell was the curtains, so nobody saw.
    the crucifix on his dick, while i'm holding his balls."

    Overall a good read...Both were mechanically sound but i think that GL had the more enjoyable story.

    V/ GL?

    Sorry i'm a bit tied up at the moment so i couldn't do 2 much depth
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  10. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    keep this open and I'll vote tonight .. gotta use laptop cos I cant see Nu's verse on phone ..
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  11. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    finally got use of the laptop ..

    right .. having you both use the same topic/image is kind of helpful with voting considering it's a case of who did best with it really .. so ..

    GL - the usual kind of verse the regulars would expect from you .. including the overdone forced vocab .. no hate but after reading so many verses from the self-proclaimed ironman the old flouresent/essence/adolescence etc. is nothing new at all and kinda boring to see (again) .. the flow wasn't the best/smoothest around and I doubt it would go to a beat with how the syllables jumped around so much .. negatives out the way .. the story itself (although not original in concept) was readable and to that extent enjoyable .. the way it was told was straight forward storytelling but with obvious experience shown .. you stayed within your comfort zone but I don't feel you delivered a good a verse as you are capable of .. there was no hidden meaning or any twist to the content .. that lack of something extra kinda disappointed me but as I said .. the verse showed experienced writing and the story had entertainment value .. I liked a few lines throughout and the closer was pretty cool .. overall - short of what I expected but a solid drop ..

    Nu - I feel this verse also had a stodgy flow to it .. not that the read was hampered in any way but I just couldn't really find any rhythm to the read .. continuous rhythm that is .. cos in certain parts there were some nice segments where you had inner rhymes that dragged me in .. but then on that front I was ejected again before drawn in and then released again .. that was on the flow front .. but the content side kept me engaged from start to finish .. again, as with GL's verse, this was a pretty straight forward story and not very original .. but I think your delivery of the story was a tad more original with a few conceptual lines that withdrew from the narrative and threw up some more thought 'provoking' lines (main example would be the opener), all whilst keeping it linked to the story itself .. the vocab is arguably not as strong as Eugene's but at the same time, the stronger vocab you had didn't feel as forced or as overly used .. I did find that some lines didn't seem to rhyme as I viewed the verse but for some reason it wasn't so noticable as I read it (weird but yeah) .. overall - a good drop that lacked in areas but kept me entertained throughout ..

    so .. not a lot really splitting these 2 imo (as a title/champ/final match should be I guess) .. Got Life delivered a bit more in terms of bulk text that didn't come off as filler either whilst I personally think Nu' gave a bit more flair to his piece .. hmmm ..

    Vote = Nu'maan .. very difficult to choose iah .. both warrant reasons to gain my vote but I think I'm going with Nu' on this one for just engaging me that bit more .. neither delivered a top notch verse imo but it was a decent match-up and deserves as much of a breakdown as possible .. hopefully I've given enough for this not to be considered some hate vote by GL? cos I actually typed your name next to "Vote =" until I got to "this one for" and then thought about it a bit longer and decided the delivery of Nu's verse gave me more than your "this one for .." well .. that's where I struggled to give the reason tbh .. so yeah .. Nu' gets the nod from me ..
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  12. Souled In

    Souled In New Member

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    booked for tomorrow, just saw this, 4:17 am goin to bed
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  13. Souled In

    Souled In New Member

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    GL, i really liked how you closed this verse, it led me to think the character is a sheep, being led by his desires, and the metaphor was played throughout, sometimes literal through lust, etc... but that was just part of the story, and i like how you traveled from place to place.. it wasn't exactly tied in perfectly, but pretty good, flow a little choppy

    Numaan this raises some interesting questions, the metaphor turning literal made sense, it is ironic that GL did the same thing in a way. flow was pretty choppy and off, but the emotion made up for it.. id say the whole theme of cut the tree down wasn't thoroughly related to "why we must struggle to grow," and all the pain that goes along with it, but you did show the irony well

    i know when i struggle with this kind of stuff, the only way i can beat it is with something more appealing, but unless that newfound interest keeps growing, the stagnation eventually leads me right back to where i started, well that is my thoughts on growth and battling lust.. anyway, you two pretty much had the same kind of thinking, same off flow, some emotion, same type of metaphor, same type of deadly sin, just, numaan related it a bit more directly, and GL a bit more subtly for me to figure out, and also liked that GL took me on a trip with a bit more of a story, although not completely tied together

    For those two reasons
    Vote GL
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  14. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    GL- This was a nice post. The lyrics we're cool. It read very poetic. The flow was choppy in places. The story was dope. I liked the beginning, how you lead into what the character did, the animal-like urges, then wrapping it up by bringing the story full circle, back to the animal part. Seemed well thought out. Overall, dope verse.

    Nu- mechanically this was similar to GL. nice lyrics, poetic read, with an 'eh' flow. I also liked this story, and thought it was a nice take on the picture. i like the way you closed it out. the whole "where were you" and the accusations against god, followed by how things should have been, and like GL, you brought your verse full circle with the why cut down the tree part.

    overall this was a really tight battle. really hard to pick a winner. i found Nu's story to be more entertaining. the way it was told, from the persons early life to the end kept me entertained. so my vote is for Nu
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  15. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

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    i wasnt really impressed by this battle. not that the battle was wack just didnt meet expectations...

    GL.. typical verse from u. so typical that i wouldnt be surprised if its recycled( especially with ur history) the sheep aspect seemed like something done by u before but i wont kill u for it since i have no proof. just a gut feeling. the verse itself was solid. nice vocab as always with ur standard flow. story was a lil drawn out. i think the story would have been better if the self discovery was done earlier and then mention the consequences. u still put in some effort in the concept. overall not much i can hate on even if it is u

    nu...
    not bad. it didnt seem as professional a write as GLs. u have a more real and emotional feel to your writing. i can really relate to that. the curses i dont mind and your concept was decent. i didnt get blown away by it cuz im atheist but cuz ive read to many " y god" verses in my time. your flow wasnt stable enough 4 me.. i read a couple lines a couple of times just to make sure. even though i like your "gutta" style...

    my vote goes to GL for a better overall product..
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  16. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

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    Vote - Nu'maan

    GL - I liked this verse, same as I did with all your others. The whole flow
    and wordplay seemed coo but it didnt bring anything new to the table
    it wasnt a bad piece but it wasnt a real killer so it was aight

    Nu' M - This was a aight piece as well, I liked the wordplay and the
    whole concept behind it Im just a not a big fan of focusing your story
    on religion and then not do anything solid with it. Or anything new with it
    but it was a good piece

    So this was an aight battle, nothing to spectacular but a good read nonetheless
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  17. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    ^ Should that vote even count? Not for nothing, but this shouldn't take 3 weeks to decide.
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  18. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    most votes came within the last few days man, so you can't not count it.

    plus, this makes it 3-3 lol.

    lol @ most saying this wasn't spectacular, like they could write better.

    fuck outta here ...

    [return it] ...
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  19. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    voting is open now until the tie is broken, then will be closed. but i said in the ranking thread i'll allow votes today
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  20. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    need one more vote
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