Vomit

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Chavvah, Jan 9, 2013.

  1. Chavvah

    Chavvah New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    Vomit

    Nostalgic fantasies
    Devastated by the fumes of real time
    Somebody turn the lights on
    And hand me some goggles
    And a gas mask...
    Feeling through the fog
    For this smoke screens off button
    I should've wished for a chance
    to win a trip to paradise!
    Where can I trade in my silent request
    for an expedited discovery of adulthood?

    I can't feel my face
    For its swelled up from my allergic reaction to lies
    Im trying to rush home
    The street lights came on
    But nobody is calling my name

    I must deficate before I run any further
    The meal I had didn't agree with me
    Someone should've told me that bs biscuits
    and the mystery meat gravy were a bad food combination

    Why did I eat that?
    test
  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    test
  3. Chavvah

    Chavvah New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    The blue face is cute but real feedback is greatly appreciated Shadow!!!
    test
  4. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,940
    To me there is just a presence of emptiness in this piece no sense of belonging. Very off beat ending there, kind of summed up the piece. I guess what i got out of it, is there is a lot of bullshit around us, it's hard to swallow.
    test
  5. jesuit223

    jesuit223 Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2013
    Messages:
    40
    you had me until the last verse... then I vomited lol just kidding really hardcore mental here and I don't think i got the half of it yet, i think i'll re-read it later.
    test
  6. Prov3rb

    Prov3rb Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2013
    Messages:
    90
    I loved the ending. Almost felt like a humerus contradiction to the feeling you had built up until that point (unless I totally missed what was intended there) overall I really liked it though, solid depth and descriptives in there for sure.
    test
  7. Chavvah

    Chavvah New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    Thanks for the feedback yo, really appreciate it!!
    test

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)