Valentines Day On Christmas Eve

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by quotive, Dec 11, 2004.

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  1. quotive

    quotive 3

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    I'm waiting for the past, and
    she thinks happiness doesn't exist.

    She swept it under her doormat,
    dying alone, why won't she realize?

    Frozen tears, I guess drowning snowflakes?
    Flying arrows, I guess the world fell into her palms.

    Walking to her house, wiping my feet,
    on what seemed to be my life.

    Maybe these dreams are thoughts,
    because I thought her dreams were crumbled beliefs?

    We've talked scars, we've seen depression.
    We've sat on the moon, and swam to the sun.
    We've kissed on the clouds, and slept on the stars.

    I want to love you tonight,
    because yesterday I thought about your heart.
    Tomorrow I'll think about opening you up.

    Snow fell in your hair, as I wiped your tears away.

    And I was wondering, about how beautiful your soul is.

    And I was...
    test
  2. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2004
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    635
    "and I was...."

    werd up on this. (does it signify an end to the persuit?)

    "I am waiting for the past" -very intresting way to open up

    "We've talked scars, we've seen depression.
    We've sat on the moon, and swam to the sun.
    We've kissed on the clouds, and slept on the stars"

    ^gives me the feeling I get when I sit in my bean bag, puffing the pipe and thinking about life. What is, was, and what someday might be. just gave me a feeling of reflection.

    sounds like a hard situation. Unfortuntely (for me) I am feeling this all the way
    as for you I will give you my props and be gone. always look forward to your next peice.

    Ashes
    test
  3. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2004
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    11,770
    i love those endings.......where it's like you stop mid sentence........and the first line was crazy....the whole piece was great, just another good piece from you....

    "Frozen tears, I guess drowning snowflakes? "

    killed it.

    God Bless
    test
  4. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    "walking to her house, wiping my feet
    on what seemed to be my life."
    Damn. That was an ill pair of lines if i ever saw one. Man that's taken me back 2 a lover dat wanted me 2 change 4 her... very very nice bro another hot piece... damn man u's always smokin'
    test
  5. reincarnation

    reincarnation New Member

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    oh my gosh! I like it! It relates to me at this moment! HAHAHAH GOOD JOB
    test
  6. mr nitty

    mr nitty A registered user

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    damn this was dope. I can so totally relate to this right now
    test
  7. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    I printed this one out last night and read it later on. You actually gave me a headstart to write something. Man, love just hurts at times. I hate how things can be so perfect but life has endless turns-and we all gotta work on that. I feel your whole situation more now because I'm gonna be going thru that soon when college comes around, but everytime I think about it I get all shaken up over it lol, but its cool. Love doesn't fail, it perseveres.

    Anyway-
    I want to love you tonight,
    because yesterday I thought about your heart.
    Tomorrow I'll think about opening you up.

    ^Was it too late to do this? It had me thinking different things. Like the present tense, right now, and then it had me thinking of the future tense. I know its not written in future tense, but placing yourself in that time you know. Geez I can't say what I wanna say! Like when you see her again, in other words, you're not giving up on this. The title as well I really like, because those two days in particular have a lot to do with my own relationship. But anyway, it just makes me think of the worst case scenario, what if everything reunites and one just doesn't feel how you feel? That's kind of my biggest fear, because I don't know, who will be that one to feel that way and who won't? But then again, there's the thought, love never fails. It's another test of time though. Anyway,
    -Much Love
    test
  8. quotive

    quotive 3

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    ^ You're the best : )

    Thanks a lot girl.. for real.
    test
  9. -RC-

    -RC- Wordsman

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
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    'm waiting for the past, and
    she thinks happiness doesn't exist.

    I love how you open poems up and automatically it makes you think..."I am waiting on the past" I was like hmmm then kept reading, the first 2 lines really pull you in I like that.

    Maybe these dreams are thoughts,
    because I thought her dreams were crumbled beliefs?

    great wordplay there, I really liked this poem, you write about love very well keep it up bro.
    test
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
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    17,331
    "I want to love you tonight,
    because yesterday I thought about your heart.
    Tomorrow I'll think about opening you up."

    Fucking beautiful man. What more can I say?


    One luv
    test
  11. Catch TWENTY 2

    Catch TWENTY 2 Poet Extrodinaire

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2003
    Messages:
    569
    As I said before, quickly becoming a favorite of mine. Got some quotes for you:

    Walking to her house, wiping my feet,
    on what seemed to be my life.

    We've talked scars, we've seen depression.
    We've sat on the moon, and swam to the sun.
    We've kissed on the clouds, and slept on the stars.

    I want to love you tonight,
    because yesterday I thought about your heart.
    Tomorrow I'll think about opening you up.

    Damn man, just a great piece. Ja bless!
    test
  12. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
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    2,940
    Man i guess I'll be the only one to be a little different here... yes there were some awsomely beautiful lines in here, but your imagery and your tones haven't changed much from piece to piece... seems like you still are repeating a lot of the same things over and over again... It's not really a bad thing.... just ya know it does get repeative after awhile.

    "And I was wondering, about how beautiful your soul is."


    Lovely line man


    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  13. mr nitty

    mr nitty A registered user

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    Messages:
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    I had to re-read this wow this really made me want to keep reading it. I really liked this a lot.
    test
  14. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,986
    woooord up

    man Quo really diggin you stuff....you like writing the never ending love poems...all twisted and all different but seem to talk about the same girl?...very interesting piece right here

    this one grabbed me for real yo...the title alone is original enough...and the way you flipped it was amazing....the sun/moon/stars/clouds was a lil cliche but oh well I still dugg it

    great poem...

    the ending left it open

    ...........


    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  15. What grabs me most in quotives work is his detatchment from the world as we know it, often, and his engagement with making the unrealistic, I.e, sleeping on stars, to be not arkward, but beautifully unworldly.

    take care
    test
  16. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2004
    Messages:
    5,268
    where do i start? Im in one of those moods, where poetry like this, jus grabs you, and takes you away, and makes you think about your own situations, and when you do, it either hurts, or brings you smiles...

    *ok sorry for goin off course*

    but yea, i Lv ur work, you are very talented, and you are able to capture people with your words...

    "I want to love you tonight,
    because yesterday I thought about your heart.
    Tomorrow I'll think about opening you up.

    Snow fell in your hair, as I wiped your tears away.

    And I was wondering, about how beautiful your soul is.

    And I was... "


    amazing, truly was something...

    Much Much Lv

    *S*
    test
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