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Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by I bE dOpE, Dec 9, 2003.

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  1. I bE dOpE

    I bE dOpE New Member

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    untitled

    this is why i'm alone tonight
    because i've lied and taken and broken and stolen
    because i've learned love's true nature too late for redemption
    because i can never, know the sweetness of this love
    i must forgo
    this is why i'm alone tonight

    this is why i'm alone tonight
    why i smile in the sunlight and cry in the night
    why i carry on living and hoping and giving
    why i keep on, though shaken , to stupid for breaking
    yet i want what i'll never know
    this is why i'm alone tonight

    this is why i'm alone tonight
    alone in my blindness, how loving you made me
    alone in my faithfulness, twisted vigil and constancy
    alone in my putting you up on this pedestal
    and i smile when i open the door as you go
    this is why i'm alone tonight

    this is why i'm alone tonight
    knowing , without hope , there's no reason for living
    knowing my pride keeps me from tearing this pain out
    knowing this ignorance is all that i still have
    that's keeping this sinners heart beating below
    this is why i'm alone tonight

    because i love you
    why i'm wasting these tears and these fears and this blood on you
    alone in the cold dark i'm dreaming these dreams of you
    knowing i'll never be loved like i'm loving you
    this is why i'm alone tonight
    and why though the pain and defeat may still kill me
    why i'll stay, in the darkness, alone, without light
    till you come with your own heart and shut out the night

    this is why i'm alone tonight
    because i love you

    ----------------------------------------------------

    I like romance...what of it.
    test
  2. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

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    May 10, 2003
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    alone in the cold dark i'm dreaming these dreams of you
    knowing i'll never be loved like i'm loving you


    ^^hella ill lines....i liked ur poems overall theme..and the wordplay was nice....i have never seen u before ..so welcome...lol.....glad u dropped and ty for sharing...u got sk ills....~one luv~
    test
  3. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    "this is why i'm alone tonight
    because i love you"

    Like that little ending it was real nice, Actaully i really liked how you repeated that one line "this is why i'm alone tonight ", throught the beggining of every stanza. Really made the point stick out even more. You got your message out very clearily and i liked how you wrote this. Nice and simple and easy to relate to. Hope to see more from you.



    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  4. eatemup

    eatemup New Member

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    I have to agree with you on this piece very nice piece
    test
  5. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Read this earlier. Pretty good piece here. I'm not really feelin the repetitivness(sp) in the piece, but you still did good.

    One Luv
    test
  6. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    because i've learned love's true nature too late for redemption

    sweet line right there

    liked the whole piece...flow had me...very smooth drop

    Upin for ya
    test
  7. 49th Prophet

    49th Prophet Dark Magic Inferno

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2003
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    I really liked this, the feeling was strong and the ending was dope...


    much love

    peace
    test
  8. FukkedUPKidR

    FukkedUPKidR Guest

    The ending of this piece was really strong. I see what you were trying to do with the repetition of the lines "This is why I'm alone tonight" but I think it would have been more effective if instead you put that line either at the beginning or the end of each stanza, not at both the beginning and end because then you have the same line said two times in a row. Ya get me?

    Overall it was good though.

    Stay up, pz.
    test
  9. quruxley

    quruxley SHHHHHET MAN!

    Joined:
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    I agree with the repetitiveness..felt like there was too many "this is why i'm alone at night"..other than that it was nice..

    "why i'm wasting these tears and these fears and this blood on you
    alone in the cold dark i'm dreaming these dreams of you
    knowing i'll never be loved like i'm loving you
    this is why i'm alone tonight "

    ^ liked that lil bit there =)
    test
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