untitled...

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Silent Ed, Jun 4, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Silent Ed

    Silent Ed New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2002
    Messages:
    72
    Lately I've felt like shit and for the first time in over a year I wrote something... it's not actually finished, nothing I do is ever finished.
    It's not much but its something.



    With every passing day,
    I dig myself into a deeper hole.
    No one can find me,
    Not even myself.
    I'm tired,
    I am lost.
    Maybe if I keep digging-
    I can free myself on the other side.
    test
  2. MissChevious

    MissChevious New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2003
    Messages:
    15
    This Peice im serious its simple and str8 to the point...


    I felt this way i dont know how many times in my life and i dont know how many holes I have dug...this peice hits home

    Thanks For sharing...

    ---Luv---
    test
  3. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Messages:
    14,487
    i like the idea of that =o) and maybe the pen/pencil/keyboard you write with is your shovel

    i really love those last two lines
    test
  4. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    i agree with sagacious, those last two lines too me is what made he poem. Good work, hope to see more from you soon.

    one luv
    test
  5. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    "Maybe if I keep digging-
    I can free myself on the other side."


    Word@people who commented on the last lines. This was the climax of the piece and I found it emotional, simply wonderful. I also believe that it was a bit short, although you basically got what you needed to say OUT, so it was well written for whatever it's worth. Nice meaning, nice word usages of what was there, overall a nice piece, no doubt. My blessings..
    test
  6. vinous

    vinous New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2003
    Messages:
    405
    depressing poems are the best to read, the whole piece was great in that sense, the end got me thinkn tho....did it end on a hopeful note?? the "other side" being coming thru & gettn past lifes hard times, or was the "other side"....death? diggin ur own grave and being free in death type thing, just wonderin............
    or am i readin 2 much in2 that?
    test
  7. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    i love short stuff like this that can make such an impact..its awesome when people don't have to say much to make their point and it still hits you full force. that last line did that. you did a good job.
    test
  8. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    i agree with everyone this was dope...bit of advice though...i used to never be able to finish my pieces 2....try lookin threw your notebook....i often find that something i wrote one day goes with something else....works great for me...matter of fact..my latest piece was done like that.....keep it up
    test
  9. Silent Ed

    Silent Ed New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2002
    Messages:
    72
    Most of the poems that I've ever written have been depressing. And about "the otherside", could be either but I may have been leaning more towards getting past through hard times.

    And thanks to everyone for posting your thoughts. Thank you.
    test
  10. Silent Ed

    Silent Ed New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2002
    Messages:
    72
    The first and last "up".
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)