Until I Can Find Something Constructive...*napkin freestyle*

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by augee.ali, May 26, 2003.

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  1. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    The words don't come fast enough
    For me to write
    Let alone recite
    At an open mic.
    I'm short on ideas
    But my thoughts are long and drawn out
    In vivid colors
    Like graffiti murals
    On derailed subway cars...
    I'm shooting for the moon
    But keep hitting the stars
    With random shots--
    Random thoughts
    About random shit
    That doesn't matter to anybody else.--
    To be perfectly honest,
    They don't even mean anything to myself!
    I'm bad for my own health
    like second-hand smoke
    That I just blew out
    With the windows closed
    And the air off...
    The words can't reach my lips fast enough
    Because they got stuck in traffic
    Somewhere between my head and my heart--
    Not to mention it's rainy AND dark,
    Plus no spaces to park,
    So I'm just hushed until
    I can find something constructive to say.
    test
  2. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

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    869
    "But my thoughts are long and drawn out
    In vivid colors
    Like graffiti murals
    On derailed subway cars...
    I'm shooting for the moon
    But keep hitting the stars
    With random shots--"


    Now, this is a Poem. You have the similes and metaphorical sense to obtain an image of what type of meaning you're trying to set out for with this piece. I believe that you may be trying to say a whole lot more, although your head can't process enough or process fast enough, as your heart can. Another meaning could be that you don't want to murder all your ideas in one piece. One other meaning that was dwelling in my mind while reading this is that you have something you want to say, just stuck in your head. Although, you don't know how to construct the words in saying it. I have too many meanings for this, when it could be so simple, feel me? Overall, a slick piece, sonnie. My blessings..
    test
  3. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    That's exactly right...no need to dig any deeper than that. With this particular piece, there's really no "hidden" meanings behind it. This is something I wrote on a napkin in about 5 minutes while I was at Karaoke one night waiting for my beer and hotwings to get to my table. (lol) It's pretty much to the point...There's so much shit I want to say but the words just won't come to my lips because the ideas are still trying to register in my head.
    test
  4. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

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    i like the same lines quoted above - how'd you fit all that on a napkin? lol^
    test
  5. varentao

    varentao New Member

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    ...i felt the notes being composed so true...true in the sense of rawness...yet they came out in purer and finer form than most others could....

    ...yes, indeed...i 'know' what you are saying...i know oh too well sometimes...though i have grown to accept it, and appreciate it...for maybe some things are meant ot remain within...or maybe it's just a matter of patience being the key to virtue...i.e. just go with the flow...(but of course, at time it still can be maddening!!)...

    ...resp...
    test
  6. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    Dayum I liked this!!

    I can't tell you how many times I've been there! You let this flow expertly!

    "I'm short on ideas
    But my thoughts are long and drawn out"

    I read that and was like..."yessssss"...lol..I like this piece.!!
    test
  7. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    WOW

    say word this was nice

    I like the part where you talk about your words getting stuck in traffic...lol

    Man I can relate to that right there...remind me of times I catch writers block...so much on my mind but dont know how to elt it all out

    I enjoyed this poem alot

    thank you

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  8. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    "I'm short on ideas
    But my thoughts are long and drawn out"

    damn i can really relate to them lines right there. Loving ya style

    one luv
    test
  9. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    I appreciate yall checking me out and showin' love.
    test
  10. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    damn....i feel bad cause i've seen this on the first page a couple of times and didnt peep it....thought it was one of the first 2 you posted that i replied 2

    this was as dope piece...actually enjoyed it more than your first 2 pieces.......flow was real nice...relateable piece..i've written lots of shit on napkins and what not over the years....but i'd never posts them joints...lol

    The words don't come fast enough
    For me to write
    Let alone recite


    dope....can def feel that....been there lots of times
    test
  11. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

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    May 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,740
    wow...i like this alot..

    it was just written perfectly and composed awsome, u feel me?..you have so much talent...it hurt when u ended it cause i wanted to keep on reading!..lol....im sorry i slept on this for this long, this was soooooo good.....i can picture u reading this on stage at a poetry club...(yea, for real)....keep writing and thank u for posting this...

    ~one love from this direction~
    test
  12. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

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    ahh... nothing like poetry on a crumpled napkin... to me, those pieces are the best... great piece, i love how it has such great relativity to the readers so far, including myself... we all have had that feeling where the random things of no value fill our lives with nothingness... great job. ~.^
    test
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