Turn Away

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by the Guy with a Pen, Jun 3, 2003.

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  1. the Guy with a Pen

    the Guy with a Pen a Svan Production

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2000
    Messages:
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    I'm a man of many faces..
    many phases..
    found in many places

    accustomed to many females by my side
    yet there's only one..
    that somehow manages to hurt me.. many times

    though she does it
    not with purpose
    that helps not,
    these frustrations that surface

    however I do hide them
    behind closed curtains
    there's none but myself to bind them
    and push them back down below the surface

    truly I don't
    want to add complex thoughts
    I'd rather keep it simple
    alas- I cannot

    I've been tied in knots
    and placed dockside by the riverbanks
    I wanted to keep these emotions 'private'
    but they've made their way through the ranks

    I need to get away from you
    for I fear deeper feelings will be dug
    I need to throw down the shovel
    that is your hug...

    I wish this all wasn't so
    I wish I had a happier emotion to relay
    I wish I could go back to the time I met you..
    ... so I could just..... turn away
    test
  2. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    i think theres a typo in the next to the last stanza......(im not being picky but it actually takes away from the piece)........
    having said that, i love the last two stanzas.....this flowed well.....good piece
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    this flowed well, and the concept was nice. Keep doing ya thing man, glad to see you

    one luv
    test
  4. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Rhyme scheme had a strong flow to it and I think I was reading it the way you wanted the reader to have read it, too. I thought of it being a strong piece, although in some of the poetic devices a bit weak, such as metaphors < work on those. I had a favorite stanza that jumped at me and I had read it over about five times to really feel the words, because I was impressed..

    "I've been tied in knots
    and placed dockside by the riverbanks
    I wanted to keep these emotions 'private'
    but they've made their way through the ranks"


    Nice drop.. My blessings..
    test
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