Trifektah & Phantom Kirby Present..."The Ocean"

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Trifektah, Jun 6, 2003.

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  1. Trifektah

    Trifektah fiZZee wATer

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2000
    Messages:
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    Aight y'all me and Kirby were just chattin and I came up with an idea and we just ran with it....we keyed this up...Hope ya like it...


    Trifektah = Blue
    Phantom Kirby = Gold

    Sitting on the edge of a pierre//
    The calls of seagulls fill my ear//
    Staring out into the expansive ocean, where sailors spend years//
    Water from all over, rivers puddles and tears//
    All brought together to give life when pure//
    Dropped from below heaven in the atmosphere//
    The water congregates and gives life to aquatic creatures that God holds dear....


    Reminiscing of fear//
    With a tear I feel weary//
    I stare at the ocean's depth and understand how life is fucked up clearly//
    If I could I would, throw the past life into the ocean's depth//
    Deposit the pain into it from all the tears that’s been wept...


    I ball up my problems and with a back step//
    I throw my sins, the wind carries them to the left//
    Into the ocean they plunge//
    The pain off my shoulders, what's done is done//
    I often wonder what happens//
    When the problems break the surface//
    Would the creatures absorb my problems since I lacked the courage?//
    Would they feel my pain and wish they could be dealt away?//
    Are my problems evaporated by the warm sun?//
    So they can rain down again upon God's Kingdom//
    If this was true, all problems might've originated from one son//
    Which were then broken down and rained onto another one...


    I'll put my problems and shortcomings into the ocean for a sensation//
    And hope it will be destroyed with essential evaporation//
    The ratio of it coming back is a 5 to 1 ration//
    Which strikes the fear of death into a plain contemplation//
    I'm inhuman like an alien spaceship into an ocean//
    I'm downtrodden wit emotion looking for wizards with magic potions//
    To destroy the shortcomings, hoping to be tranquil like the ocean//
    Me and premium got words to say that’re richer then Bill Gate's quotients...



    Our problems dealt with, our sins melt away//
    We got an ocean in front of us and a whole day//
    Set sail, deep into the sea//
    The distant birds and waves crashing relax me//
    I'm reaching deep into myself to reflect this poetry//
    Me and Kirby letting y'all know how it be//
    The ocean is calm and collective//
    So we collect our thoughts here and reflect them//
    We can see our thoughts on the surface//
    Three light sources means our thoughts are tripled//
    A distant thought causes our concentration to ripple//
    We can't fall in, our problems are still dissolving//
    We're trying to hold on but the ocean keeps on calling.....


    ohhhhhhhhhh noooooooo!!!!!!
    The boats rocking and I'm feeling queasy and I need relevance//
    I'm starting to get uncalm losing my thoughts from off the map grid//
    I'm feeling the oceans wrath and I’m feeling like its taking it out on me//
    What could it be?//
    Is it because I spit verses in apathy?//
    I need some one to answer my questions//
    Cuz what’s happening isn’t relevant//
    Why me? Why must I die?//
    The winds picking up at speeds that’s steady swift//
    I wish we could just get away and drift.....




    The waves are hitting harder//
    We know we gonna die perhaps live on as martyrs//
    We tried to steer the boat back but we gettin farther//
    From land, my knees buckling it's gettin harder to stand//
    I hear Kirby yell somethin, exactly what I can't say//
    But he was pointing in the direction of....A BIG WAVE!//
    We look into each other's eyes//
    Our time's up, we know we gonna die//
    The wave hits//
    The boats splits//
    And into the sea we dive//
    The current pulling us under//
    Noises so loud they squelch the thunder//
    The ocean wants us to take our problems back//
    We were foolish enough to tread on them so it's giving them back//
    A flash of light and I cannot see//
    But after a few seconds my vision returns to me//
    I'm all wet, but somehow I'm on the beach//
    I scan the shorline frantically//
    For any sign of my boy Kirby//
    He ain't around, the ocean didn't give him back//
    My only guess is the ocean felt he didn't deserve a second chance//
    My body in pain, every muscle contorted to cramps//
    I struggle to stand//
    I feel different some how, I glance at my hand//
    The same one from which I threw my problems off land//
    Clutched inside is a message:
    "You need to realize that problems are a blessing//
    Without them, the good in your life wouldn't be worth addressing//
    Pleasant and unpleasant would be one in the same//
    They keep emotions distinct like Human's names//
    So take heed, your friend wasn't so lucky..."
    And with that the message was done//
    All this time, I was quick to throw away troubles with loved ones//
    I will take this knowledge and wisdom//
    And become the man, I know I can become//
    I'm sorry Kirby didn't make it, to me his memory is sacred//
    But without that lesson, my life would be forever tainted//
    And I will take this to my grave, and beyond when I'm dead//
    I almost throw my life away, but it was given back by a friend....

    ....THE OCEAN
    test
  2. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Interesting collabo piece, found this being a influencial drop, as well as Feme Sole's collabo, because I want to do one with another individual here in the Realm, just gets you in the mood once you read a very amazing piece, such as this. Nice word usages, I thought this could be a bit better with a different rhyme scheme, then a real rhyme after rhyme type deal, because at times both of you did that, and it turns more into an Open Mic then anything else. Overall, nice joint, mos def. My blessings..
    test
  3. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    to be honest i wasnt feeling this at first but then it really started to pick up......some parts were much stronger than others....

    When the problems break the surface//
    Would the creatures absorb my problems since I lacked the courage?//
    ^^^
    liked that

    The ocean is calm and collective//
    So we collect our thoughts here and reflect them//
    ^^^
    liked

    almost throw my life away, but it was given back by a friend....

    ....THE OCEAN
    ^^^
    liked that too........good ending
    test
  4. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
    May 19, 2001
    Messages:
    11,131
    people, you shouldnt be afraid of a poem because of its length!!!!



    i think it was a cool collabo... been seeing alot of those recently. the rhyme scheme was cool as well as the flow, and you two work great together. great job!
    test
  5. Trifektah

    Trifektah fiZZee wATer

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2000
    Messages:
    5,165
    Thank you everyone for the kind replies. You make me so happy and fill me with great amounts of love and happy joy joy feelings.
    test
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