Top 10 Secrets to Avoiding "Marital Money Chaos©"

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by sagacious infant, Apr 26, 2005.

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  1. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

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    Money can wreck a relationship. In fact, how they spend, save, and account for money is one of the leading sources of disagreements between couples. In almost every study, money ranks as the first or second most argued-about topic for couples and partners.

    If you currently suffer from "Marital Money Chaos©" you can follow these secrets and achieve more financial success together than you ever could have dreamed. If the two of you can improve your relationship with money, you will also improve your marriage. Money can be romantic!

    Secret #1: Know your spending style and your partners'

    How many of you are married to your "Financial Soul Mate"?

    The most common are spending styles are Spenders and Savers but there are also the Procrastinators/Avoiders/Deal with it Tomorrow types and the Money Meek/Humble/ personalities.

    What are the benefits/good things about each style? What are the things you call your partner when you fight about money?

    Find ways in which you can take advantage of your personality strengths and minimize the weaknesses of that style. In the best possible scenario, you will both acknowledge your differences and move to the middle.

    Secret #2: Values Driven Spending

    Values are different than goals
    Values: Creativity, Freedom, Friendship, Financial Security
    Goals: Be debt free, get a new car, and give more to charity

    Take some time to choose your top 5 values and define each of them in your own words. Share the definitions and use them to understand your partner and what is important to them. If your partner's money behavior confuses you, ask which value they are satisfying. They may be doing their best, but their definition is different than yours. If you both use the same value word but have different meanings, you'll have conflict.

    Secret #3: Have regular Money Meetings or Money Dates!

    How many of you think that money is romantic? Actually, since couples fight more about money than anything else (it is estimated that 80% of divorces are the result of money disagreements), having an honest talk about household finances might be better for your relationship than anything else you can do! Financial well-being and peace of mind are certainly romantic!

    It doesn't matter how much money people have, money is a daily event. That increases the chance of it triggering arguments and tension. Use regular meetings as a way to avoid conflict

    Secret #4: Enjoy the present and save for the future

    Everyone needs to have their own play money. Ideally 5-10% of your family's income should be set aside for play. What's the use of working every day if you don't get to spend some money on play?

    Secret #5: Have a needs/wish list for each person and for the family

    We all have things we wish we had and those we need to purchase. Check your list on a regular basis so your subconscious can focus on other things. It's also great fun to check off the things you take care of. Great place to go to find out how to spend bonuses or other windfalls.

    Secret #6: Divide financial responsibilities between partners

    Focus on each person's skills, interests and availability rather than relying on out-dated gender stereotypes or how much money one partner makes. Share what's going on with your partner during your monthly meetings and make big decisions together.

    Secret #7: Each person has some money they do not have to account for/

    This is probably one of the MOST important things you can do for your relationship. No grown up likes to have to ask for an allowance or justify every little expenditure they make. Determine in advance how much money each person can "do with what they will" and no questions asked. Savers can save, spenders can spend, procrastinators can leave it in a jar and the money meek can feel free to give it all away.

    Secret #8: Take action, one step at a time

    I can guarantee that you will save $1000 1 year from today if you put away just $2.74 per day. Where can you find $2.74 each and every day? Do the same with larger goals. If you want to go on a $2000 vacation next year, save $6 per day.

    Secret #9: Learn something about money and finances every day

    There are lots of good resources out there – websites, books, magazines, classes. You can start at my website: www.cindymorus.com where I have articles, calculators, book reviews and teleclass schedules.

    Secret #10: Plan your spending and spend your plan

    I know, no one likes the "B" word (I call them spending plans) because they feel restrictive. Instead, plan your spending ahead of time and give yourself permission to spend money in certain areas and get creative about the areas where you choose to spend less. When we feel like "going out" at our house, we have "no silverware dinner" of ribs, french-fries and artichokes. We spend the time enjoying ourselves and creating memories without spending a lot of money. I bet you can do the same!

    (c) Phelps Creek Financial Coaching - All Rights Reserved
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  2. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    This is really good stuff, saggy... I'm not married but its definitely something to consider. whoever I marry needs to be good managing money or our asses are going to end up in a shelter somewhere... lol.
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  3. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    Dope post, so true too (though im no where near married)
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  4. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    Good post!

    Money issues can certain cause roughness in relationships so its good to know these things.

    I definitely agree about having some "play" money or unaccounted money. You don't want somebody wanting to know where three dollars and fifty cents went all the time [funny]
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  5. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

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    I saw this and I had to post it - I know some folks who've gotten married but for all the lovey dovey reasons and they never considered what their finances would be like...so...here ya go!

    Plus I've been horribly procrastinated with getting my own shit together - so this is here as a reminder to myself.
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  6. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    Being an accountant, naturally, I'm the money-manager in my household.

    The way my wife and I do it is that we have our own separate checking accounts for our personal expenditures... because she's a spend-freak, (money burns her hands seriously) and I'm a frugal nut... but we also have a joint savings account, a joint CD and money market accounts. We contribute monthly and only utilize the savings for emergencies. Although, we decided to take out a G every so often to trade stocks. The CD and money market accounts are for retirement, or a boat. We're trying to utilize that 'ole "let your money work for you, instead of you working for the money" mentality.

    She's good at saving her receipts so handling the books isn't much of a problem. In order to control her spending, I tell her to take out a few dollars for the week and hide her ATM card and checkbook so she wouldn't be compelled to spend more.
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  7. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    It all has to do with capitalist ideas being reproduced in relationships. It is the economic structure you must focus on, not so much the individuals engaged in it.
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  8. datniccab

    datniccab d33z nu7z productions

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    i'm single and just starting to save $$. i opened an internet savings account, and set it up to automatically withdraw $50 from checking everytime i get paid. that way it's like another bill and i have to pay it instead of spending it on something else i don't need. i also been trying to deposit a little more here and there when i have a few bucks left over. i only have a few hundred bucks in there so far, but it seems to add up quick when you cut out wasting money on stupid small shit.
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  9. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    Sometimes you really sound like my dad... that's creepy... especially the part about being a frugal nut. He's an MBA... hes got that money management thing down, too... saved up and bought his boat - cash.

    Me... as long as I pay my rent, utilities, and cell phone bill, I'm good... it's time to spend... I get that impulsive spending from my mom. I remember when I used to live at home (and even once I moved out) my father would sit me down at his computer with all of my bills and create budgets (Quicken) to help me save money... I never followed them, but now I wish I would have!

    I've dedicated the next two years to cleaning up my credit... its mostly a bunch of old debts I accumulated when I was younger and didn't understand or appreciate the value of good credit... but I want to be all good by the time I graduate so I gotta put in that work.

    Anyway, good for you... I like to hear stuff like that.
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  10. Short2003

    Short2003 AbsoluteHotness

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    I'm a hoarder.. I hate when he spends money and I always give him shit.. We are trying to save to get our car paid off ASAP and he always wants to buy stuff that we don't need, like a plasma.. WTF @ a plamsa, that's retarded..Their isnt a THING wrong with the TV we have now but boys and their toys... *shakes head*... I told him over my dead body you're getting a plasma scren TV....... GAAAAAWD
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  11. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    You know, you've said I reminded you of your pops before... hmmm, is that why you want me, baby?? You know what they say? Girls are looking for their fathers... and boys are looking for their mothers... and my wife does remind me of my mother, especially with the naggin'.

    As for money management, it's all about discipline... I know cats who make $70K a year, yet are always broke and on the verge of bankruptcy... and I know cats who make $30K, have excellent credit and live well.

    I try to get wifey to do the same thing, but she won't listen... she gets her compulsive spending from her mother. This woman (her mother) buys at least 2-3 DVDs per week.

    That's a great start... but whatever you do, don't waste your money on those credit counseling/repair places... they're rip-offs!!

    Here's a secret: analyze your credit reports and write letters to the companies of the really old debts to see if they can be forgiven... then it will be removed from your report... however, you would have to report the forgiven debt as INCOME on your next tax return. Uncle Sam is a sadist, I know. Most companies only go back 2 years, though, when evaluating credit for loans and stuff.
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  12. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    Stick to your guns!


    I have a friend and her and her man like...let's pay off something and get something bigger! They do the rent to own thing which is a huge fucking rip off anyways..but the recently got some furniture paid off so they decide to do a bigger tv and then she calls me and tells me their broke as hell..I don't say anything but can't help thinking wtf?
    Her man as well insists that they constantly upgrade but I don't see the point to constantly upgrade if it is something you don't NEED.
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  13. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    you know... that might just be it... the last guy i was seeing reminded me a lot of my father, too... traits good and bad... hmmmm.

    well, i don't work... i'm a student so i'm sacrificing $$$ right now to go to school full-time... it sucks because i left a $40,000/yr position to do it, but i think it'll pay off in the end. So, yeah, i definitely need to learn to manage the money i do have coming in... maybe i'll have my dad work n a new budget for me.


    eating out is my weakness... i love dining out at leat once or twice a week


    i don't have much recent stuff... it's mostly stuff about 5+ years and older, and about to fall off... i can wait that stuff out, i don't plan on making any new purchases any time soon. my mother is working on the newer stuff... she's the expert at contacting the companies and negotiating things... i guess time is what i need right now.
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  14. AllOrNothinEnt

    AllOrNothinEnt Retired from Rapmusic.com

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    Fuck all that, I'll buy what in the fuck ever I want with my money.
    This is why I aint settled down, I aint met a bitch yet didnt try and control my pockets.
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  15. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

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    It's actually advising you to control your own pockets. It's also advising your future spouse to do the same. When you get married though - some things are shared...it's not always money - could be toothpaste...I hope ya find that one bitch that's not trying to control your pockets.
    test
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