Thoughts on this statement

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by sagacious infant, Apr 20, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Messages:
    14,487
    What do you say to women who believe that women just can't be friends or trust each other?

    [Cree Summer: I think it's another brainwash, another hangover from history. Like men don't cry, or men make bad cooks, or women aren't good fighters or whatever. We've all got these notions that have been implanted into us by religion, race, class, and one of the fucked up pieces of propaganda is that women don't like each other. And I think that was a very wise poison to implant into us, because when women get together there's such a deep powerful support and self acceptance when you're loved by other women.]
    test
  2. In-Awe.

    In-Awe. .. Speak On It..

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2005
    Messages:
    114
    Thats Bullshit..

    Anyone Is Capable Of Hurting, Stealing, Cheating.. Backstabbing, Being Two Faced.. Or Whatever U Want To Call It...

    Ladies Say That Simply Beacuse They're Either Jealous.. Or When They Do Have Women Friends.. They Feel Like Its A Competition Rather Then A Friendship..

    Gone
    test
  3. I've pondered on this b4. I have met quite a few women who claim that they dont get along with other women and prefer to hang out with guys in general. (ofcourse this links back to the other thread about boys being easier than girls as children) sure there is a link here somewhere. You even get examples of this in music, for example that lady from city high said in one of her songs 'I dont hang around with ladies cus they talk to much'. Maybe though it simply comes down to competition, but there definetely seems to be a theme suggesting that women tend to be bitchy towards eachother and this is often used to get closer to men. This I believe empowers men at a womans expense, because these women make their enemies themselves and then let men save them from this enemy. Women need to break free from it I believe.
    test
  4. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 1999
    Messages:
    20,871
    My thoughts fall in line with Cree's... I think it's a self-perpetuating notion that we internalize without even realizing it... we hear that women don't get along so whenever we encounter a bad situation with another woman we ascribe it to women just not being able to get along... when, in fact, I'm sure most of us have met just as many, if not more, men that we couldn't trust or get along with... I see that competition factor, too... women don't necessarily view men as a threat because they aren't competing with them for mates or attention.
    test
  5. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    Another thing I noticed....is that women..although they'll say this in front of other women...they are usually saying it to men.

    Why?

    I think it's b/c they think it makes them look more attractive to men in some odd twisted way.

    If I was the guy I would be thinking, okay what is wrong with this chick that she can't get along with other females?

    Now, more than ever...maybe it has always been this way..but it just seems like at this point in time especially...that women are trained so easily that other females will hurt you...they're in competition with you, ect ect.

    It's a shame that women miss out on the love and support having a close deep network of other women can be.
    test
  6. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 1999
    Messages:
    20,871
    I agree wholeheartedly... I was thinking the exact same thing when I wrote my response above. I always think the same thing when I hear women calling other women out about different behaviors that men frown upon, especially when they do it in the presence of men... I think it has a lot to do with them vying for male attention/acceptance... they want to seem special or "different" from other girls... like "look at me... I'm not catty/a slut/(or whatever other trait it might be)... I'm one of the 'cool' ones"... anything to disassociate themselves from characteristics that men might look at as negative in women.
    test
  7. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Messages:
    14,487
    lol no lie I've done that...can't even lie...

    I've been making a solid effort to be more open to women (people in general, but most specifically the women at my job and others that I interact with more often than not) and it has been hard. I know everyone isn't meant to be best of friends, but it's just mindblowing to me how the women at my job will smile at one another and talk about giving each other wedding showers, baby showers and then be like "She's so cheap - I shouldn't buy her baby a damn thing" ...that switch - the two faces...it's crazy. There isn't anyone I don't get along with - I just try to seperate myself from all that personal stuff.

    I'm also in a women's organization - it's sort of different...we don't talk behind each other's backs - we put everything on front street for everyone to see...it just gets crazy because we're supposed to be building one another up and supporting one another, but whenever someone "falls short of the glory" everyone pounces on her for her mistakes and rubs it all in her face.

    It seems like a lot of the women I know have chips on their shoulders about something ...it's sort of like...misery loves company. We never want to believe that someone is better than us so we break each other down to make sure we're on the same level.

    The question and answer in the first post came from an article/interview with Cree Summer and Lisa Bonet (Liloquoi Moon). They were discussing their relationships as friends and the importance of their sisterhood. There was a discussion about the article and everyone's main concern was, "Are they lesbians???" and "Did they BOTH sleep with Lenny?" Regardless of whether they did or not - why do two women who are good friends have to be lesbians? Why can't they just be good friends? People gasp when they're affectionate with one another - is there really anything wrong with being affectionate with your best friend?

    I dunno...this article just had me thinking about a lot of things.
    test
  8. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    1,008
    personally...i thought after reading her answer that she was an extremist feminist...err feminist extremeist? a hardcore feminist...thats what i thought...

    but yea i know what yall sayin...ive seen that shit happen...like they smile and chit chat with whomever lady it is...lady leaves...and that smile goes away and shes like, fuckin trick ass slut...or some kind of disrespectful statement...that boggles the hell out of me... a prime example...that skit off in living color...the wayans sister...i forgot what her name was...but the one whered she smile and wave at everyone in the neighborhood...then right after they were gone...joke on em like she been beefin with them for years n shit? women are crazy man...i'll never understand
    one
    test
  9. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748

    God..I hate that.

    It's like what the hell is wrong with you?!

    That is why it is so hard to trust other women. Cuz they smile in your face and then call you something else behind your back.
    test
  10. Nicki

    Nicki ~Tease~

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2005
    Messages:
    186
    Meh.. if i like you i like you, man, women, whatever ive got male and female friends ive never thought about this thou, i cant say i get along with either more than the other i dunno and as for that two faced shit that really pisses me off and when u kinda know when ure talking to a chick its there u get that feeling everything u say is gonna be twisted up shit pisses me off!
    test
  11. I think you mean 'radical feminist' as their main emphasis is blaming the men and the system which they perpetuate: Patriarchy.
    test
  12. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Messages:
    14,487
    That's interesting...I didn't get feminist from that.

    Lesbians...feminists...hmm...
    test
  13. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2001
    Messages:
    9,400
    Really, I did. She implicitly ascribes the perception of an inherent conflict in women-women relations to male dominance.
    test
  14. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    1,008
    ty i stand corrected
    one
    test
  15. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Messages:
    14,487
    "We've all got these notions that have been implanted into us by religion, race, class, and one of the fucked up pieces of propaganda is that women don't like each other. "

    I still don't see it...
    test
  16. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 1999
    Messages:
    20,871
    me, too... still do sometimes... I'm human. but I've made a serious effort to stop... whenever I catch myself doing it, I try to correct myself... a sort of reprogramming.

    I remember watching this episode of ANTM (America's Next Top Model) where Tyra was talking to the girls about how things can get catty, especially where there is competition involved... she brought up a point about how even really confident women like herself can fall into it... how she sometimes catches herself hating on other women, but she stops herself and calls the behavior out for what it is, her own insecurities. I wish more women thought like that.

    I can identify with that... my best friend from high school and I are affectionate with eachother... my sister always used to say we were gay... lol.
    test
  17. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 1999
    Messages:
    20,871
    I didn't see this reply before just now... I agree with you completely.
    test
  18. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    I do see where you got that from.

    But what is wrong with that? She is completely right. It is a wise poison to plant into women. It causes us to tear each other apart and break each other down.

    You can have a group of women...who have been friends since they were 7 years old and have been through so much shit together..but then take a man, and put him between them in the right way..and you can see all that go downhill in a matter of days.

    Have one do something that makes the others jealous/disappointed/angry/ect/ect

    If the right combinations of emotions come into play..a lifetime friendship will self destruct.
    test
  19. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748

    Okay..well I wouldn't consider myself a really confident woman like Tyra lol

    But I have been learning over the past few years to do this myself.
    I have been guilty of many of the things discussed in this thread in the past..nobody is perfect...but I have really learned that tearing down others is only tearing down myself as well. I try to catch myself now...or try to put myself outside of those doing it.
    test
  20. MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN

    MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN Ray of Sunshine

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2000
    Messages:
    15,678
    I used to be one of those " I don't get along with girls" people... but thats because I had a low self esteem and felt intimidated by other women in general..and so I was a bitch to them as to defend myself from what kind of things they might be thinking about me.. (which... they probably weren't thinking anything about me. lol)

    Now, as some of the other ladies have said, I'm making an effort to not be that way. To support other girls/women that are around me. Its amazing what even the most simple compliment can do for a womans day.. I've started noticing when a lady looks nice or does something admirable and telling her.. I like the quote that Sagacious posted it brings up an interesting idea and regardless of if you think its true.. it needs to be something you think about and consider in your day to day.
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)